In The Dark
by the-shiny-girl
Summary: What is worth fighting for when you are lost in the darkness and at the mercy of a man who has lost everything? How to find a will to live?
1. Horrible End

**IN THE DARK**

chapter 1 **Horibble End**

The war was over and she couldn't believe it. Everything they fought for was destroyed.

Hermione Granger was laying on the wet ground, too hurt to move, but still not enough to die. Her eyes were wide open, but not moving. It seemed like she was observing the sky as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was completely dark and no stars were seen. A few minutes ago only the lightning of curses and the silvery moon illuminated the Battle field. Screams and yelling could be heard, but now there was almost a complete silence. She could hear conversations and laughing coming from _them_. From those who were supposed to die in the War.

And she knew it was over and that her life was about to end soon. It was just a matter of time when they would find her and dispose of her.

She would have done it herself if she had her wand. But it was probably laying somewhere, broken in half.

Since the moment one Death Eater took the wand from her, she knew she had no chance in winning or even surviving the battle. But what shocked her the most was how easily the wand was taken from her. He didn't even use magic. While she was sending curses, someone sneaked up behind her and grabbed her arm. She froze in shock and fear and was unable to do anything as her attacker snatched the wand from her and broke it in half in front of her.

Instead of running away, she stood completely still, looking at the man before her. He wore a mask, so she couldn't recognize him. Her pride was stronger than her fear and she waited for the man to kill her, looking straight into his eyes. When he pointed his wand at her, she reflexively closed her eyes and tensed. Then she felt burning pain on her skin. She opened her eyes to look at her body and saw deep scratches all over her arms with blood slowly leaking out of them. Just the sight of it made her sick. She felt the pain all over her body and instantly knew that not only her arms were infected by the spell. Then she heard the man mutter something and the next thing she knew was the _blackness_. Dark blackness all around her. The Death Eater's laughter sent shivers down her body, but then she heard his footsteps. She could tell he was walking away from her and that made no sense to her. Why didn't he end her life?

Disoriented, she made a step forward and tripped over something. She landed on something soft, warm and wet. She realized it was probably a corpse and she crawled away with a scream.

That was too much for her. Tears she had been holding back the whole time, finally spilled down her cheeks. She blinked a few times, but it was useless. She couldn't see a thing. Panic was slowly overtaking her and her whole body started to shake in fear. She could hear people screaming and fighting, the shouts of Unforgivables, but she couldn't see anything. She knew that the screams of the tortured, the noises of death will stay ringing in her ears until she dies.

She didn't dare to move from the ground and even if she decided to do something, to try to stand up, the wounds on her body made it impossible to. So she stayed where she was, with a small hope inside her that someone would find her and restore her sight.

Moments passed by and no one had came to her. The sounds of a war were slowly disappearing and something illogical inside Hermione told her that the wrong side was winning. She forced herself to lay down on the wet ground, holding back more tears as the realization hit her. She was laying on _blood_. The _body_ she fell on earlier was wet because of the blood. The _ground_ she was laying on was wet because of the blood. The blood of those who fought for the right thing. Good people.

Even though she could see nothing, the mutilated, burnt and beheaded bodies, hundreds of dead bodies were before her eyes. She could see them clearly in her mind. Their lifeless eyes staring back at her, mocking her, blaming her for not fighting, for just laying on the ground. Blaming her for not being smarter, for being stupid enough to let a Death Eater take her wand.

She could feel the dried blood sticking to her skin, she could feel the fresh warm blood dripping from her wounds, soaking her clothes and hair, she could feel the blood drenched earth beneath her trembling fingers.

Soon there was almost a complete silence.

Hermione could imagine the bodies of the people who are still breathing, but just barely, waiting for death to take them to a better place. Just like she.

The tears were dried on her cheeks, tears she cried over all the people she saw dying, tears she cried because of the fear of what'll happen with her. She felt guilty for still being alive, while others died. She felt guilty because a part of her still wanted to live.

But the other part of her would welcome Death if it came. She would finally be able to rest, without fear, without pain and she would see her friends again.

But what was taking so long then? Are they deciding on the most painful way to kill the survivors?

Then she heard the steps around her and she instantly knew whose steps those were. Forcing her eyes to the direction the footsteps were coming from, she only hoped they would make it quick. But somehow she knew they wouldn't. They were in a good mood, celebrating their victory and they probably wanted some award, some fun.

Hermione was telling herself that she probably looks too disgusting with all the dirt and the blood and that they wouldn't lose their time with her.

And then his cold voice cut through her like a knife: "My faithful followers, the day we all have been waiting has finally come, the day we'll all take the places in society that we deserve, the day we've destroyed those who've opposed us. The day has come that we will finally rule the Wizard World and destroy those who are not worthy to live in it."

The voice was so close to her and she knew he was probably standing only a few meters away.

Shouts of approval erupted from the masked men which caused Hermione to hold her breath and hope they wouldn't notice her.

"As the generous master that I am, I'll reward you for your loyalty, my friends."

Hermione held her breath until she couldn't stand it no longer. She hoped to suffocate herself, but she wasn't brave enough. She wanted to live, she finally admitted to herself.

She wasn't the only one who was still alive. There were other people too. She could hear their erratic breathing, hear their sobs, hear their whimpers and she realized that the same noises were coming from her mouth.

That disgusting voice cut through the silence again:"I'll grant my most loyal followers who have lost their family to my cause the honour to choose their awards first. You're free to do with this scum whatever you please."

Shivers ran down Hermione's spine as she realized what was happening. They were not going to _kill_ the survivors, at least not right away.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god..._

She tried to pretend that she was dead, but her eyes wouldn't listen to her. No matter how hard she tried, the fear wouldn't let her close them. And her body wouldn't stop shaking no matter how many times she mentally ordered it to stay still.

Then she could hear footsteps around her and laughing.

"No, please, not me..."she heard some girl cry out. She could tell that the girl was pulled up from the ground and was struggling, but only a moment later there was a small 'pop' heard and Hermione realized they've disapparated. Where was she taken? _Why_ was she taken? Was she taken to be a..a _slave?_

More panic was overtaking her body and then suddenly she felt something. She couldn't excatly tell what it was and how she knew it, but she was certain that someone was looking at her. She tried to calm down and still her breathing, but it was useless.

Only a moment later she felt someone grab her arm and pull her up from the ground soaked with blood.

She struggled to get away, even though she knew she couldn't run anywhere. No words came out of her mouth, which was a surprise. She always knew what to say, but in that moment all she could do was bite her tongue to stop herself from crying and screaming.

"_This_is a girl you choose? With all the blood-traitors you chose a mudblood? As you wish, you may do with her what you want. She is your property from now on,"Voldemort said to the man holding Hermione, a slight disgust in his voice.

Hermione completely froze with shock. She wanted for the person that was gripping her arm to speak, so she could recognize who it was, but he stayed completely quiet.

"Take her and enjoy your award."

When those words left Voldemort's mouth, Hermione struggled harder to get away from the stranger who was keeping her in place. Before she could stop herself, she brought her head down to his arm and bit hard. She could taste blood in her mouth as she heard him growl in rage at her:"_You filthy little_..."

The moment later she was slapped hard across her face which caused her to lose balance and fall down. She was kneeling on the blood soaked earth again, panting. His voice stayed in her head, she knew she'd heard it before but she couldn't place it anywhere.

She wanted her eyesight back, she was _nothing_ without it. She was completely useless and at the mercy of the Death Eater that chose her. A small hope formed inside of her, telling her that maybe he'd given up on her and maybe he decided to take someone else instead of her. Someone who would cause him less trouble. But her stupid hope was destroyed in a second. She closed her eyes, praying one last time for death and then she was pulled to her feet, the grip on her arm merciless and rougher than before.

Then the squeezing sensation of apparation overtook her and she couldn't hear the whimpers of the other survivors anymore, she didn't hear the shouting of the Death Eaters and the light rustling of the wind anymore.

She felt solid ground beneath her feet and there was absolute silence around her. At that moment Hermione knew she would better be off dead.

_**A/N:**__**I hope you like my new story! If you do, then please tell me what you think. If you want me to continue, tell me in a review and make my day. :)**_


	2. Confrontations

chapter 2 **CONFRONTATIONS**

The moment she realized she wasn't on the battle field anymore, Hermione pushed the man away from her and stumbled a few steps before falling on the floor. Her fingers touched the solid cold floors and that told her that she was in a house. That fact worried her the most. Why would a Death Eater bring her to his house? What was he planning on doing with her?

"Stand up, girl,"he ordered in a cold voice.

Hermione did not want to obey him, but being on the floor in front of him was not her wish either. So she took a deep breath and managed to get up without tripping over something. She still wasn't used to the darkness surrounding her and she was having trouble keeping her balance.

"Good girl. Now look at me,"he ordered again and Hermione found herself wondering where did she hear his voice before. It seemed so familiar, but she couldn't recognize it.

She blinked a few times, turning her head in the direction of his voice.

There was a complete silence for a few moments, before he snapped:"What is wrong with you? _Look_ at me."

Hermione felt the absolute terror flood her veins and breathing became an almost impossible task. She gritted her teeth in anger. She _couldn't_ look at him, she didn't even know where he was standing.

"Are you mute? Answer me or do I've to give you a taste of the Cruciatus Curse?"

She wanted to shout at him, tell him that she hates him, that he should be dead with the rest of the Death Eaters, that they are monsters and that she would kill him if she had the chance, but the words seemed to be stuck in her mouth. She could tell he was becoming impatient, so she licked her lips hesitantly and answered:"I-I can't..."

"You _can't_ what?"he asked, amusement clear in his cold voice.

Hermione could tell he was enjoying her fear, so she decided to keep her mouth shut and not answer his questions anymore.

She hugged herself tightly and moved her head down as if she was looking at the expensive marble floor. She could almost see small red blood stains on the black surface, her blood, blood that was still dripping from the wounds on her body. She found herself hoping to die from a bloodloss.

Then she felt a grip on her chin and her face was forced up. She didn't even try to struggle, it was pointless.

He was holding his breath, she could tell, because he was standing so close to her. Almost _too_ close.

His eyes were observing her face and then he let out the breath he'd been holding.

"You are blind,"he stated calmly and released her chin:"That makes things more difficult for you."

Hermione took a few steps back until her back hit the wall.

"Who was it? Who spoiled my fun and made a scared little girl out of you?"he asked and Hermione noticed how silky his voice was and the elegant way in which he spoke. Death Eaters were not supposed to talk like that, it didn't suit them. Their voice should be rough and rusty.

She almost whispered:"I don't know who was it."

"Pity,"he said with false sadness,"I could make him pay for taking the fun out of it."

"Who are you?"she asked when she finally gathered the courage.

He was quiet for a moment before laughing a dark, dangerous, joyless laugh:"I assumed you recognized me. I guess I overestimated your intelligence."

His words struck her like a slap across the face, but she kept her mouth shut.

Then she heard him approaching until his hand brushed across her cheek:"One would think you would recognize my voice. People say it's quite like my son's and you've known him for six years."

All air was pushed out of Hermione's lungs at his words. _Lucius Malfoy_. He was the Death Eater that took her. A cruel man who hated muggles, who despised everything that was different, a man who _loathed_ Harry and his friends.

"Are you afraid, girl?"he asked calmly, his mouth only one or two inches from her ear.

Hermione wanted to push him away, he was too close for her liking, but her whole body was paralysed with fear and shock.

All she could manage was a slight shake with her head, even though she knew it didn't look convincing.

"_No_? Well, I guess I will have to do something about that, won't I? Soon you'll fear me more than the devil,"he threatened and Hermione knew he meant everything he said. She was at the mercy of a merciless man, she was lost.

She took a deep breath before finally asking the question that was on her mind ever since she was chosen as an award:"What are you going to do with me?"

She was surprised at how strong her own voice sounded, even though it was all just a mask.

"That is for me to know and for you to wonder. All I can tell you is that you would be better off dead," he said, emotionless.

Hermione's heart seemed to burst out of her ribcage from the panic that filled her. Then she could breath again as Lucius backed away from her.

"You are disgusting. As much as it displeases me, I will have to heal your wounds, because you will be here for quite a while and I don't want you to bleed on the expensive blankets," he explained and grabed her by her arm, pulling Hermione away from the wall. He murmured an incantation and moved with his wand over her body, closing all the cuts and wound on her skin.

But Hermione couldn't feel any relief, the words that left his mouth only seconds ago, were stuck in her mind.

'_I don't want to you __bleed on the expensive blankets__.'_

_Blankets_? As in blankets on the _bed_? Why would she be laying on a bed? Unless he wanted..._no, no, no..._

Lucius suddenly grabbed her hands and moved them to her sides. Hermione struggled with all her strength, but his grip on her wrists only tightened: "Stop your struggling," he hissed, but Hermione wasn't capable of listening anymore. She was panicking, all she wanted was to get away from him. She needed him to leave her alone and she was prepared to do what it takes.

"I warned you,"he hissed before he backhanded her across the face. Hermione cried out at the sudden pain, but didn't calm dowm. It just made her more disobedient as she screamed and kicked, hoping to hit him. Suddenly he released her, but his cold laugh told her that she didn't win in this fight.

"_Crucio!"_

Her legs couldn't hold her anymore and she hit the cold floor hard. It was like her whole body was on fire and she knew nothing but pain and agony. It was as if a bolt of electricity shot through her. Her body shook, trying to escape from the pain, but it wouldn't stop.

And then as she thought she couldn't take it anymore, the curse was lifted off of her.

Hermione was still on the floor, pressing her head into the cold stone. She was shivering, everything was just too much to handle. She curled into a ball with a hope to protect herself. But she couldn't protect herself. Not from him.

"Why am I here? You don't want to kill me,"she stated quietly as soon as she caught her breath.

"Don't flatter yourself by thinking you know what I plan on doing with you," his voice was a bit angrier now,"True, I will not _kill_ you. But believe me, you will ask for death."

His words were so cold and evil, full of hate. Hermione couldn't understand how can a person hate someone just because of their blood status. What did she do to him to make him so angry at her?

"You despicable coward," she whispered and then realized her mistake. She didn't mean to say it, but as always her tongue was faster than her mind and she could feel her lips moving, mouthing the words silently. But he heard it.

Suddenly he grabbed her by her hair and pulled her up from the floor, causing Hermione to cry out. She was then thrown roughly against the wall. Hermione folded her arms over her chest and tried to stop her sobbing.

"_Never_ call me a coward again or speak to me without my permission or your life may end sooner than we would want," he threatened with a very low voice, but Hermione recognized the danger in it.

"You scum," he insulted her,"You will not get any food tonight. And I suggest you get used to it."

Hermione's eyes kept moving, searching his face, but all she could see was darkness.

Lucius continued:"I was going to allow you to clean yourself, but mudbloods like you don't deserve that."

His hand slowly glided over her arm and Hermione sucked in her breath.

"I am tired, so your lessons will have to wait until tomorrow. You will sleep on the floor tonight, next to my bed."

Hermione relaxed at that, it was good to know that he didn't expect her to share a bed with him. He was probably too disgusted with her to want anything to do with her in _that_ way.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she whispered quietly,"I've never done anything to you!"

Her voice was stronger as emotions took over her body.

"I suggest you shut your filthy mouth if you know what is good for you," he was controlling his temper. If Hermione kept asking, it would only be a matter of time when he'd explode.

She felt his erratic breathing and at that moment she was happy she was blind and couldn't see the rage on his face. Still, she wouldn't give up. What was the worst thing he could do to her? Kill her? He would only make her day with that.

"I demand you tell me what I did to you! Why did you choose _me_?"she forced her words out.

Suddenly he brought his wand to her neck, pushing the tip roughly into her pulse point.

Hermione stiffened and waited for him to continue, but then she found herself unable to breath. She opened her mouth to draw air in her lungs, but it was as if someone took all air from the room. Panicking, she pressed her hands to her throat, trying desperately to breathe but not the slightest bit of oxygen entered her body.

She coughed a few times and just when she was certain she would pass out, her throat was open again and air filled her lungs. She gasped for air, trying to bring as much oxygen as possible into her shaking body.

"Have you learned your place?" Lucius asked calmly.

Hermione quickly nodded, not feeling strong enough to disobey him again.

"Good," with that he grabbed her by her arm and dragged her to the other end of the room. He then released her:"This is where you will sleep. Next to my bed. You better not try anything while I sleep. If anything happens to me, I have arranged everything so you would fall into the arms of the cruelest Death Eaters. Am I understood?"

Hermione nodded and slowly moved to the floor.

"Lie down," he ordered impatiently.

Hermione bit her tongue and layed down on the floor, curling into a ball. She closed her eyes shut, but she was far from sleeping. Luicus walked away from her and started to undress.

Hermione tensed as she heard clothing movement, fabric rustling. Immediately she knew he was taking his clothes off and she tried really hard to not think about that. At least he didn't expect the same from her. _For now_. She held her breath when she heard the sounds of him undoing his belt.

A few moments later Lucius moved to his bed and rustling of the sheets could be heard, then complete silence.

When she was positive, he would not disturb her anymore, Hermione allowed herself to think about everything that happened. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized that she would probably never see again. But maybe that was for the best. That way she couldn't see the aristocratic face of Lucius Malfoy. Why was he keeping her at his house? Why had he chosen _her_? Did he really hate her that much because she was a muggle? Or was there a hidden reason behind his behaviour? She would found out tomorrow. There was no escape, she was his prisoner now. Completely at his mercy.

**Hey, guys. Thanks to everyone who reviewed or put this story on their alert. But when you don't tell me what you think of it, I have a feeling there is no interest for my story. And I don't want to abandon this story, because it will get much better. So, please review. It's not that hard, just press that little green button. :) **


	3. Humiliation

chapter 3 **HUMILIATION**

Even though she promised herself she wouldn't fall asleep, after a few minutes Hermione was lost in a dreamless sleep. Her body desperately needed to rest. Laying on the cold floor wasn't exactly the best choice, but there was no other option.

"Wake up, mudblood."

Hermione heard his voice, but she couldn't concentrate on it. It sounded as if it was coming from far away , but it was enough for her to come back into reality. Then there was creak in the corridor. Her eyes snapped open, expecting the first sun raysof the rising sun to warm her face, but there was nothing. Just cold _darkness_. Memories of the previous day came flooding back, but Hermione didn't have the time to think about it as she heard his voice again.

"Are you _deaf_ as well? I said wake up and that usually involves getting up too,"he said in a sarcastic voice.

Hermione shifted her body slightly and bit the inside of her cheek to prevent the cry of pain to leave her lips. The wounds on her body were closed, but they still hurt.

Finally she pulled herself to her feet and turned into the direction of his voice.

"Because you were a good girl and didn't try anything while I was sleeping, I will allow you to clean yourself," Lucius informed her and Hermione couldn't help but feel glad that she was finally going to rid herself of all the dirt and blood. She smelled like death, her hair, her skin, her clothes, simply everything seemed to smell like death.

But his next words caused Hermione's breathing to quicken, her heartbeat accelerating unbearably. It was beating so fast that it was almost hurtful.

"Care to join me in the bathroom?" he drawled coldly.

Hermione shook her head in panic:"No, I won't..."

"No what? You would _not _like to clean yourself?,"he smirked," I knew that your kind of people were lazy, but I had no idea that they liked to remain dirty."

She took a deep breath and slowly let the words out of her mouth:"I can clean myself. I'm not a child nor I am stupid. I don't need your help."

All of the sudden she felt a small shiver of pain run right through her. She gasped, but it was gone in a second.

"I don't recall giving you permission to disobey me or talk to me. Now, will you do as you are told?" he said angrily and Hermione knew she had no chance in convincing him otherwise.

So she crossed her arms protectively in front of her chest, shaking her head. "No."

"I thought so," with that he grabbed her arms. Hermione tried to struggle but he was much stronger than she was and pulled her effortlessly into the bathroom. He pushed her towards the bathtub, watching her expectantly. Hermione grabbed the bathtub for support, then turned around to face him even though she couldn't see him.

_It will be alright. Just breath. _Hermione repeated in her mind.

"Alright, I'll clean myself," she said, desperately trying to keep her voice steady. "Please-"

"Don't be ridiculous," he snapped as if he knew what she was about to ask, "You will do as I say. I will not compromise."

Hermione realized there was no way out of this situation. She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, feeling her nose sting with tears as her body curled in on itself with fright.

"What could you possibly be afraid of, Mudblood?" he asked with annoyance in his voice, "I will not touch you if that is what you are thinking."

She felt anger building inside of her:"Then why are you here? Why do you insist on helping me wash myself?" she then added with disgust,"Is that what you enjoy? Harassing seventeen-year-olds? You are disgusting!"

Knowing she made a fatal mistake, she stummbled a few steps back, expecting her punishment any moment. In few strides he was close to her and Hermione could almost feel rage radiating from his body.

"Don't you dare, you disgusting creature!" he hissed, before he whipped his hand across her face. A slap burned her cheek again, and again, and again. Hermione cried out and fell to the ground, her head ringing. She had never in her life been slapped so many times in a row and it wasn't a good feeling. She could hear his furious breathing and all she could do was hope he would calm down soon.

After a few moments, he took a deep breath and his voice was controled once again:"You will _not_ fight against me, you ridiculous girl. Stand up."

Hermione obeyed and pulled her shaking body up, holding back tears as she waited for his next order.

"Let me make something clear to you. You disgust me. Never again dare to make a mistake in thinking I would be interested in you or your body. You are _beneath_ me," his words were calm and filled with disgust. He was standing close to Hermione and she could feel his breath on her neck. It sent shivers down her body, but she didn't dare to move.

He then backed away from her and flicked his wand at the sunken bath, and all the taps attached to it turned themselves on.

"Now, are you stupid enough to think you can take a bath with your clothes _on_?"

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath, realizing what she had to do. She tried to comfort herself by pretending that he felt too disgusted to look at her. She was convincing herself she was alone and in her bathroom. But his voice cut through her and ended her fantasy.

"Hurry up, I have better things to do today than to stand in the bathroom all day long. Or do you maybe need my help?" he asked, amusement clear in his voice. It was obvious he was having fun and all Hermione wanted was that Earth would open and swallow her.

Her hands slowly traveled to the buttons of her shirt and she had to take a moment to calm down. Her fingers were shaking so much it was almost impossible for her to undo the buttons. Once it was done, she stopped again. There was a complete silence, apart from her breathing. Lucius made no sound and Hermione wasn't sure if he was still in the bathroom.

Then she heard him flick his wand at the taps again, which turned themselves off. That was the only evidence that he was still standing in the bathroom. Hermione couldn't help but picture how he must be looking at her, how he must be enjoying her discomfort.

Slowly, she pulled her shirt off and dropped it to the floor. When her hands reached for the jeans, someone knocked loudly against the door. Hermione tensed and wrapped her arms around her body. She didn't even realize that Lucius had closed the bathroom doors. Why did he do that?

She heard him open the doors and then ask, irritated:"What is it, Pippy?"

"Pippy is truly sorry for disturbing you, Master, but someone is here to see you."

Hermione knew immediately he was talking with a House elf. She relaxed, knowing she was not alone with Lucius anymore.

Lucius sighed in annoyance:"Alright, I'll come down."

Hermione let out a breath she had been holding and her body relaxed at his statement. He would leave her alone now, because he had a visitor.

"Pippy, clean her up. I don't want to see the tiniest bit of blood or mud on her skin when I see her the next time. You have twenty minutes," he explained threateningly to the house-elf before he turned to Hermione again,"I will deal with your disobedience later. Be prepared, girl."

With those words he left. Hermione listened to the sounds his boots were making and only when she was positive, he was nowhere in sight, she relaxed and let calmness overtake her.

"Miss, we have to hurry up. Master says we has twenty minutes," Pippy squeaked and Hermione noticed the fear in the voice of the small creature.

Hermione quickly undressed, wanting to be finished with her bath by the time Lucius comes back. She almost tripped over the small elf as she panickly tried to get out of her clothes. Then she carefully slipped into the tub, feeling warm water on her skin.

The bubbles on the water surface made her remember how she used to play with them when she was still a little girl but she knew that those were just memories, she knew that those happy times were over.

The House elf handed her a sponge and she started to rub her skin with it to get rid of all the blood and mud that covered her. She quickly started to wash her hair and gritted her teeth as she felt the cuts that still covered her body burn from the hot water.

"Pippy?" Hermione called out.

"Yes, Miss?"

"Who came to visit Malfoy?" she slowly asked, hoping the elf would answer her.

"Pippy must not tell. The Master ordered Pippy to say nothing to the girl."

Hermione turned her head to where she thought the elf was standing and asked calmly:"When did he tell you that?"

"Pippy must not tell. Pippy must not tell anything to the girl," the elf started repeating in a loud voice.

"Alright, calm down!" Hermione didn't want Lucius to know that she was asking a House elf about him.

"Miss cannot know a thing," the elf added.

Hermione tried a different approach:"Fine, I don't want you to tell me anything about why I'm here. But...where are Malfoy's wife and son?"

She heard Pippy gasp at her question:"Miss has to stop asking questions! Master will punish Pippy if he finds out..."

Hermione was starting to lose her patience:"He won't find out. I won't tell him. But, please, tell me, _why_ am I here? What do you know?"

"Me know nothing!"

"You _do_ know! Answer me!" Hermione insisted.

Then she heard the small elf let out a shriek of shock.

"Leave us, Pippy," drawled a cold voice and Hermione immediately recognized it.

How was it possible he came back so quickly? Hermione felt anger at herself for losing her time with questioning the elf rather than to dress herself. Now she was in the tub and alone with Lucius.

"You never cease to amaze me. Now you've decided to demand answers from my House elf?" he asked, not giving away his emotions.

Hermione stayed quiet, trying to prepare herself for what she was positive would come.

She heard him walk over to the bathtub and her body tensed. She hoped she was hidden beneath the foam, even though she was aware of the fact that she couldn't hide from him forever.

"Step out of the bathtub," he ordered and his silky voice cut through Hermione like a knife.

"Please-"she began shakily.

"No," he cut her off,"Mudbloods aren't allowed to have privacy or dignity. You should be thankful I even allowed you to clean yourself."

Hermione's head felt dizzy. It occurred to her that maybe she could drawn herself in the bathtub, but then she abandoned that idea. He wouldn't let her to that. He wouldn't let her take the easy way out. So pressed her lips together to stop any sound that would come out of her mouth and closed her eyes to hold back tears of humiliation. The last thing she wanted was to cry in front of him.

She slowly straightened up, covering her most private parts with her hands. At that moment she was glad she was blind. She wasn't sure she could stand the look in his eyes. The proud aristocratic look that was probably mocking her at this very moment.

But she could still hear his voice. His voice that would haunt her until the rest of her life. Without a warning he grabbed her arm and forced her to step out of the bathtub onto the cold floor. Hermione shrieked at the contact, but he quickly let go of her. The water was dripping from her body, building a small puddle around her feet.

Hermione tried to imagine a happy place in her mind. She was rejecting the cruel reality in which she stood naked in front of Lucius Malfoy. Her body wasn't listening to her and tears threatened to roll down her cheeks, but she held them back with tightly shut eyes. She could imagine the smirk on Lucius's pale face.

"I should punish you for questioning my House elf," he whispered dangerously,"Is not giving you clothes a proper punishment? What do you think?"

Hermione stiffened, shock filling her body, then he chuckled evilly:"As much as I would enjoy your discomfort, I do not wish to feel sick every time I see you."

More tears formed in Hermione's eyes at his cruel words. Not only he was humiliating her, but also insulting her and that caused hate to build inside of her.

No, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt her. She would stay untouched by his words and his actions.

"Open your eyes," he suddenly demanded and Hermione's decision to not let him see how affected she was by his words, turned against her.

If she opened her eyes, he would clearly see how broken she was. So she bit her tongue and ignored his demand.

"Open your eyes," he repeated dangerously,"If you know what is good for you, girl."

Hermione accepted what she had to do when she heard the warning in his voice. She prepared herself for his laugh, because she knew what would happen when she opened her eyes.

Gritting her teeth in humiliation, she opened her eyes and instantly felt hot tears running down her cheeks.

She made no move to brush them away, she couldn't, because she was covering her body with her hands. Tears were dropping from her chin onto her skin, then to the cold bathroom floor. Hermione could almost hear the sound they made when then touched the hard floor.

"You are crying, poor little Mudblood," he said with false pity, then his voice hardened;"I suggest you stop acting like a child. If this situation, when I didn't even _touch_ you, made you cry I don't know what will happen to you later. There will be a lot more tears, I assure you."

Hermione shuddered involuntary, a tremor taking over her body. Then next thing she knew was that she was dressed. Lucius probably used his wand to dress her and dry her hair. Her hands traveled down her body and she realized she was wearing a mid-thigh nightgown with spaghetti straps and rounded neckline. She was wearing knickers underneath it, for what she was thankful, but besides that, nothing else was on her body and that made her feel uncomfortable.

"Come to the room, Mudblood. It's time for your lessons to start,"he informed her coldly and then walked out of the bathroom, leaving Hermione alone.

She knew she wouldn't solve anything if she disobeyed him and stayed in the bathroom, so she decided to follow him. But that was harder than she thought. She walked slowly, careful not to trip over anything until her hands finally found the doors. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the bedroom, terrified of what Lucius had planned for her.

**I'm glad you liked the previous chapter and I'm really thankful to all of you who reviewed. Soon Lucius's reasons behind Hermione's kidnapping will become clear. Tell me what you think of this chapter and make my day! :)**


	4. Losing Her Pride

chapter 4 **LOSING HER PRIDE**

Hermione leaned against the wall, breathing as quetly as she could and waited. She didn't know what she was waiting for, but she knew she couldn't escape whatever Lucius has planned for her. If she had her eyesight, things would be much more easier. She wouldn't be so defenceless and completely at his mercy. The expression on a person's face could tell you a lot about their thoughts and emotions. She could read his face, the _look_ in his eyes and that would give her some power. But without being able to see that, she was completely clueless and confused by his actions.

All she had was his voice. It was easy to recognize if he was angry or calm, but that wasn't exactly helpful.

Her stomach rumbled painfully. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since when the War started. If she'd have known that was to be her last supper, as it were, she might have appreciated it a bit more.

How she hated the feeling of ignorance. Of not being able to tell if he was looking at her or if he was even in the same room. He was really good at standing completely still and making no noise. Not even his breathing could be heard. That made her feel uncomfortable. Just the thought of him looking at her, observing her like a predator sent shivers down Hermione's body.

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione couldn't take the pressure anymore:"I know you're here,"she stated calmly.

Soon she was rewarded by his answer:"So you're not as dumb as you look."

By the sound of his voice she could tell he was standing on the other end of the room. Hermione opened her mouth to reply to his insult, but she quickly closed them again, realizing it was probably not a good idea to anger him when she wanted answers.

Lucius noticed that:"I see you are slowly learning your place. I thought it would take a bit longer than just one day."

Knowing it was not wise to fight with him, Hermione ignored his insults and asked what she wanted to know:"Why am I here? You could have chosen some other survivor to be your award. There were a lot of purebloods. Why me?"

"I have my reasons,"he drawled coldly,"Soon you will learn some of them."

"Is it because I'm a muggle?"Hermione suddenly asked, her voice strong and proud.

She could hear him take a step towards her, then he stopped in his tracks. She gasped as she suddenly felt a stinging slap across her face, although he has not touched her. She swallowed sharply, but showed no pain as she raised her head proudly in his direction.

"You will restrain yourself from asking questions. You are to speak only when spoken to. Is that clear?"he asked, only warning in his voice.

Hermione felt like screaming. If she could see him, she would jump at him and show him just how submissive she was. He took the right to speak away from her. Who did he think he was?

But deciding to play his game to see where he was going with all of this, she took a deep breath and nodded.

"Now,"Lucius continued,"I would like to explain something to you. You are not a muggle. You are a mudblood."

"I'm not a mudblood,"Hermione shot back before she could stop herself.

Again she felt the a slap across her face, but this time she was expecting it, so she made no sound.

"You seem very slow to learn that I am not the slightest interested in your opinion," his voice was growing dangerously quiet.

Hermione realized she must be starting to annoy him. And that somehow made her feel good inside. Pleased with herself.

"I'm not a mudblood,"she repeated again, suddenly feeling the need to anger him. To show him that she has the power to annoy him, to awoke the rage in him. If not anything else, she can disobey him and prove him that she's not afraid. Even if underneath her strong appearance, there was a scared girl, who would do anything just to be left alone.

She heard him walk over to her and she tensed, expecting him to hit her again as he did before when she disobeyed him. But he stopped before her, she could feel warmth from his body and that didn't seem right to her. He was evil, he was a Death Eater, a murderer. He should be cold on the outside as he is on the inside.

"Maybe I heard you wrong,"he said smoothly, though there was so much hate and fury hidden in his tone. He was mocking her, playing with her, like a cat plays with its prey,"Repeat what you just said."

Hermione took a shaky breath and let out a whisper:"I'm not a mudblood."

She waited for his reaction and at first there was a compleete silence. Hermione didn't dare to breath, but she cried out in surprise when she felt a burning pain on her wrist. It was a feeling as if someone was cutting her skin with a razor. She used her other hand to touch it and found a deep cut on the inside of her left wrist. It didn't stop, it was just becoming deeper and deeper. At first it felt like a scratch, but with each passing moment it burned more and more.

"What..._Ow_!"Hermione let out and then gritted her teeth, not wanting to show weakness in front of Lucius.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"he asked calmly, not affected by her pain.

Hermione was starting to feel sick as the invisible force cut through her skin and she could feel warm blood slowly leaking through the cut. He was cutting her wrist and he wasn't stopping. Slowly she could feel her veins being cut and she pressed her right hand over it, hoping to stop the bleeding. Warm, hot blood running out of her wrists, over her skin and fingers. It was a disgusting and painful feeling. He slashed her wrist.

Hermione bit her lip, tears of pain and horror coming to her eyes before a sob of horror escaped her lips.

Legs couldn't hold her anymore and she fell down, her knees banged painfully on the ground. Tears pulled themselves up to her eyes as she started to sob. She cradleed her ruined hand to her chest, as if that way she could protect it from him.

"Please, stop! Why are you doing this to me?"Hermione screamed out, not being able to stand the pain.

She could hear him from above her. His voice was completely untouched by what he was doing to her.

"Because you are a mudblood,"he answered coldly.

"I'm a human being!"

"A mudblood," he repeated as if he were a broken record. He saw her as nothing more than a scum, a trash.

Pain and torture and agony tore through Hermione, ripping her to shreds and hurting her, making even breathing painful and difficult.

"A seventeen year old girl,"she whispered, hoping to make him realize just how wrong his actions were.

For a moment Hermione thought he isn't going to answer her, but then he finally spoke. And at his tone fear went surging through her like a wave of nausea.. His tone was dripping with hatred, rage and...a trace of _grief_?

"My son Draco was seventeen."

In all her distress, Hermione didn't notice at first what he had said. All her mind could concentrate on was the blood that was running out through her wrist like a huge, sticky river and the pain it was causing.

Then she realized it.

Not being sure if she had heard him right, she sceptically asked:"_W-Was_?"

"Admit what you are and I will heal that wrist for you,"Lucius demanded, completely ignoring her question.

Hermione insisted. She felt she was getting closer to something he did not want her to know.

"You said _'was'_? What happened to Draco?"she asked with a strong voice, but almost afraid to hear the answer.

When those words left her mouth, she felt something cut deeper into the cut on her wrist. Through the flesh and the veins, almost through the bones.

She let out a loud cry of pain:"Don't...Please!"

Begging was never Hermione's favourite thing, but at that moment she didn't care. All she could feel was the pain, the _excruciating_ pain. She couldn't think, her mind was revolving only around the pain.

"You know what you have to do to make it all stop,"he was now calm and relaxed with no trace of worry in his tone. It seemed as if he was certain in his victory over her. As if he knew he's going to win in this argument and it was only a matter of time when Hermione would do what he ordered her to do.

"Is refusing to say one word worth this agony? I could stop it right now. I have the power to make it all go away if you do what I told you to. Just tell me what I want to know."

"No,"was her only response, but it didn't sound convincing.

"Perhaps I should do something a bit more convincing," he drawled and at that moment Hermione felt the familiar burning feeling on her right wrist to.

"No! Stop!" she immediately cried out, panic taking over her. She couldn't stand the same pain on the other wrist too.

"You know what you have to do,"he stated calmly,"Do a smart thing for once in your pathetic life."

Hermione let the tears of hummiliation run down her cheeks as she accepted what she had to do. If she said that word, than everything would be alright. There would be no more pain...no more pain, no more pain... no more the disgusting feeling of blood running down her skin...

"A..a mudblood,"she said so quietly she almost couldn't hear herself.

"I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that,"he said cruelly and Hermione somehow knew there was an evil smile on his face. She could almost see it in front of her.

"I'm a mudblood,"she repeated, more loudly this time.

The moment she said that sentence she felt the cut on her wrist heal itself and all pain was gone in a second. Letting out a sigh, she heard Lucius' hard voice again.

"Oh, dear,"he sighed heavily, exaggeratedly,"I see your mind will can be broken quite easily. What would your friends say if they saw how quickly you've broken?"

Hermione stayed silent, not knowing what to say. She was ashamed of how easily she's given up. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her she should have been more stubborn, but everyone breaks under pain. No one can stay untouched by it.

"Now that we are on the same side, regarding what you are..."he started, but Hermione's anger took over her as she cut him off.

"I'll tell you what _you _are! An evil, pathetic _bastard!__"_she screamed, and as soon as she said that, she heard Lucius hiss in anger. The second later, she was lifted up into the air and then she flew backwards, slamming into the wall across the room. Pain shoot through her, crushing all of her back, and she fell to the floor, gasping in agony.

She stayed on the floor, not daring to even move her head up. Now she's really pissed him off. She could tell by the way he was breathing. Closing her eyes, she waited for another punishment. But nothing happened. She had expected pain, caused either by his wand or his hands.

"No food for you today. _Again_,"Lucius's voice was once again controlled,"Unlike _you_ I have things I have to do today. I will return in the evening and then we can continue with our session."

She heard him walk over to the doors and opening them, then he spoke again:"Oh, and mudblood? I will not be so merciful with you again. _Ever_."

With those words he walked out of the room, closing and locking the doors behind him.

Hermione curled up in a ball, pulling her knees up to her chest, wanting to sink into endless darkness, where there is no more pain.

She started to sob. The tears rolled down her cheeks and her nose burned. She cried and cried, with no-one to hear her. What did she do to deserve this kind of life? Why did Lucius hate her so much? Her blood status can't be the only thing. A person can't hate another person just because of their blood, right?

Somehow Hermione knew there was more to Lucius than he let her know. And she was slowly discovering what his reasons for taking her really are... She was determined to find out, it was just a matter of time. The thing that worried Hermione was- is she going to stay alive 'till then?


	5. Fear

chapter 5 **FEAR**

_Where is he? _

Hermione was still curled into a ball, laying on the floor. She didn't dare to move, afraid of the pain that would hit her. Her back was killing her, she was sure she had bruises all over it. She was never before in her life been thrown into a wall and somehow she knew it wasn't going to be a last time. The stabbing pain was so persistent that she almost prayed for the numbness of unconsciousness. But she shouldn't let herself be unconscious. She had to fight, even if she didn't see the reason to even stay alive.

Then she heard a small 'pop' and instantly her head moved up.

"What is Miss doing on the floor?"

Hermione recognized the voice of the House elf and immediately relaxed, thankful that it wasn't Lucius.

"Go ask your Master. He's responsible for it." Hermione answered bitterly and soon she regretted her cold attitude towards the elf.

The small creature was quiet for a few moments, then Hermione broke the silence:"Where is he?"

"Pippy must not tell."

Annoyance showed in Hermione's voice:"Then what _can_ you tell me? If you just plan on standing there, you shouldn't have came."

"M-Miss, do not be angry with me. Master sent me to see what you are doing."

"_He_ sent you here? That means he's still in the house?" Hermione concluded, her logical thinking kicking in.

The elf started pacing up and down the room nervously:"Miss should not know that!"

Hermione demanded answers:"What has happened with his wife and Draco?"

"It's not Pippy's place to tell you that, I'm sorry."the elf said apologetically.

Before Hermione could ask another question, the elf disappeared, leaving Hermione alone again. So he sent an elf to see what she was doing. Hermione almost wished he'd do what he has to do straight away, rather than just leaving her alone to wonder. It seemed like endless hours have passed since he left. It could have been only five minutes, but Hermione discovered that time goes so slowly while you're waiting in fear.

Why hasn't he come back? Why did he sent the House elf to check on her?

_Just be grateful he _hasn't _come back. _She told herself.

It's just that she hated sitting there, wondering. Waiting. Interminably waiting. She was sure he was doing it on purpose. Prolonging the agony by giving her time to think about what he may or may not be about to do to her.

_What __**is**__ he going to do to me?_

She shuddered at the coldness in the room. Well, maybe it wasn't cold, but she had only a nightgown on. That was the thing that had her confused. If he was disgusted with her body, as he said he was, shouldn't he want to see as little of her skin as possible? Why did he gave her only a nightgown to wear? Maybe it was all part of his plan to humiliate her and make her uncomfortable. If it was, it was working.

Hermione tried to move as little as possible, not wanting to cause her body more pain. She listened to the silence in the room and wondered how her life would be from now on.

Slapping, cutting wrists, being thrown across the room into a wall... was that how her days are going to look like? Hermione didn't want to die. No matter how hard she was convincing herself that if it becomes too much to handle, she would end it all. End her life, or make Lucius end it. She wanted to _live_. Ever since he left her alone in the room, she's been telling herself that's she not afraid of him, of what he might do to her.

What a stupid lie.

She was terrified. She had never in her life felt that much fear. Never. Even when she was at the Battle field. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into a dreamless sleep with a hope that she would wake up at Hogwarts and that everything that's happened was only a dream.

The first thing that came to Hermione's mind when she woke up was that she was feeling sick. She felt like throwing up, but how was that possible when she hasn't had anything to eat in two days?

She knew she should move. Her whole body was aching from lying on the hard floor for hours on end. Her throat was completely dry and it hurt when she swallowed. She really needed some water and food.

A small voice in her head was telling her that she was responsible for the fact that he had not given her food. If she obeyed him, things would be much easier. For the first time in her life, Hermione wanted her brain to shut down. She did not want to think about countless ways in which he could torture her. And the reasons which he had to torture her.

Then the doors opened and Hermione heard a sound of shoes, immediately recognizing it.

_He's back._

"I see you've been resting the whole day,"Lucius said to her, his voice very low, so low it made her heart catch in her throat.

"Well, now you are where you belong: on the ground at my feet,"he added and Hermione stopped herself before she shot an insult at him. The last thing she needed was to be thrown into the wall again.

"Stand up,"her ordered, impatient,"You will stand when I speak to you. Unless I say otherwise. Is that understood?"

This time Hermione couldn't stop herself:"Then you might try and not throw me across the room."

The horrible silence fell upon the room. Hermione thought she angered him again, but then she heard his laugh. He chuckled at her, but it was an evil tone in it. It actually sent shivers down Hermione's body.

"Do you expect me to believe that you are actually hurt because of that little punishment?"he asked, his voice full of doubt.

Hermione didn't know what to say. She couldn't believe he was serious. She would like to see how would he feel after being thrown across the room and into a wall.

"Answer me, mudblood,"he demanded.

"_Y-Yes_,"she managed to say.

"Well, I would like to see the proof. You don't expect me to just believe your words?"

Hermione tensed, wondering if this was just his sick game. Not knowing what to do, she stayed on the floor and waited for his instructions.

She didn't have to wait a long time as she heard him walk towards her. She knew what was going to happen and she prepared herself, but that didn't prevent her from letting out a loud cry as he roughly grabbed her by her arms and pulled her up.

"Oh, please, mudblood! Stop acting, it won't do you much good,"he snapped at her.

It was only then that Hermione noticed how much her whole body hurt. All she wanted was to lay down and not move until it would pass, but that wasn't an option. _He_ wouldn't let her.

He was still gripping her arms and Hermione quietly wished he wouldn't let go of her, because she wasn't sure if her legs could hold her.

"See, you are standing. That wasn't so hard, now was it?"he asked, emotionless.

Hermione tried to stand completely still, even small movements caused her back inormous torture.

"What if I do this?"he asked as he pulled her a few feet away from where they were standing, away from the wall. Hermione stumbled as she tried to keep up with him. Then he stopped and Hermione realized they were probably standing in the middle of the bedroom.

How she hated him. He knew well enough she was hurt and yet he made her walk. She gulped down her exclamation of rage, but he could read her expression well enough.

"Ah, that upsets you, doesn't it?"he asked with amusement.

Then his hands slowly traveled from her arms to her waist. He was still holding her, not letting her sink to the floor.

Hermione's heart was beating frantically, almost bursting out of her ribcage. A shudder ran down her spine, her body trembling more and more while his hands still stayed on her waist. She could feel warmth from his skin through the thin material of her nightgown.

"Useless, helpless, with such a delicious amount of fear in your eyes. Tell me- what are you afraid of?"he asked quietly, noticing how tense she was.

"What are you doing?" Hermione didn't know what else to say.

He smirked at that and stepped back, walking around her, behind her body. Hermione stayed still, keeping her head faced forward. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled up.

"That wasn't an answer to my question, was it?"

She felt his warm hands on her bare shoulders, his body pressed lightly against her back. Hermione's breath caught in her throat.

_What… what is he__...__?_

Lucius eased the straps of the nightgown off her shoulders and Hermione instantly hugged herself with her hands to stop the dress from falling down her body. She knew she should fight, take a step forwards, away from him or tell him to stop, but she just stood there frozen, almost afraid to breath.

Then she felt his hands on her back and she hissed in pain at the contact.

"You weren't lying. You have bruises,"he said calmly, lost in his thoughts for a moment, before his old cold voice returned:"But you deserved what happened to you. I do not tolerate disobedience from anyone, especially mudbloods."

Removing his hands from her, he stepped away and Hermione immediately pulled the straps back on her shoulders.

"You didn't answer my question,"he reminded her.

Hermione needed a few moments to calm down.

"W-What question?"she asked hesitantly as she took a few deep breaths and tried to still the trembling of her body.

"What are you afraid of?"

"You,"Hermione answered truthfully, not feeling the strength to resist him anymore. She was so tired.

Lucius was pleased by her answer. Hermione could tell by the tone in his voice that he was smirking at her:"My, but this is certainly an improvement," he drawled maliciously. "It's quite refreshing not to have to put up with need to prove yourself to me."

Hermione was biting her tongue, annoyance slowly rising inside of her.

"You finally admit you're afraid of me. That didn't take me too long to achieve. Maybe I overestimated you."

"Who wouldn't be afraid? I am trapped here, at your mercy, not being able to see, to defend myself. Not knowing why I am here or what you are planning on doing with me,"Hermione couldn't stop the words.

She paused and when Lucius said nothing, she continued:"Fear is a normal reaction. I'm not ashamed of it. There is no person who wouldn't feel afraid at not knowing why they're tortured and what will happen to them."

"I will give you another reason to fear me, girl. You want to know why you're here, is that correct?" his voice was dripping with malice.

Hermione nodded, though now she wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear the answer.

"You are here because you deserve to be here. You deserve everything that happened to you and what will in the future happen to you," he explained coldly and Hermione could actually _feel_ the hate from his voice.

"I am only sorry that I have to somehow satisfy my rage with _you_. I wanted _him_. But he is no longer alive, and that leaves you."

"Are you talking about Harry?" Hermione asked, confused.

She gasped out in pain as Lucius suddenly slapped her across the face. Her head turned with the force of it and tears already formed in Hermione's eyes.

"_Never_ again speak his name!" he snapped at her.

Hermione quickly nodded, resisting the need to touch her burning cheek and waited for him to continue.

"The Dark Lord killed him before _I_ got to him. It's a pity." Lucius spat the words out with disgust.

Hermione felt the pain mixed with grief in her chest at his words. She knew Harry didn't survive the battle, but she didn't know the details. And she did not _want _to know the details.

"Why did you want _him_?" she asked carefully after a few moments.

"I thought a bright witch as yourself could figure it out by now."

Hermione remained silent, not knowing what to say. She had a few theories, but didn't want to reveal them to him.

Lucius's voice was burning with rage once again:"He killed my son in front of me."

That sentence caused Hermione's head to feel dizzy. All air was pushed out of her lungs as the words slowly sunk in.

"Draco is _dead_?" her voice was shaking with horror. She never wished him death and it shocked her. She has known him ever since she was eleven and it wasn't easy to find out that everyone you knew were dead.

But what caused absolute fear to build inside her was the fact that now she knew why Lucius chose her. It wasn't just because of her blood status. It was much, _much_ deeper.

"B-But what does that has to do with me?" she asked quietly.

His voice was cruel and hard:"Do not play dumb with me. You are as guilty as Potter. You were friends with him, supporting his every decision. And since he is not here to pay for his actions...Well, I guess you'll have to do."

There was a complete silence for a few moments. Hermione wished she could see, so she could read the emotions on Lucius' face.

"How afraid are you now?"he asked, amusement clear in his tone.

Hermione felt like the whole world came crashing down onto her as realization hit her. She was at the hands of a sadist, a complete sadist, who blamed her for the death of his son. There was no way out of the situation she was in.

"Do not tire yourself with answering, the trembling of your body tells me everything, mudblood,"he said and Hermione could almost hear the sneer in his voice.

He continued:"It's time to go to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day. For _you_, anyway."

"Why?"Hermione asked quietly.

"I'm expecting some company tomorrow,"he explained, "I have my fellow Death Eaters coming in for a dinner. And guess what or better said- _who_ will be the main entertainment," excitement was evident in his tone.

"What will you do to me?"Hermione asked quietly, holding back her tears. She didn't exactly know what it means to be the _entertainment_, but she could imagine it.

He chucked cruelly:"_I_ will not do anything to you. But I cannot say the same for my friends. Some of them have an awful taste in their choice of fun. Not as sophisticated as mine."

She understood what he was trying to tell her and she felt sick.

"Now, let's get some rest, shall we?" with that he grabbed her arm again and almost dragged her towards the bed, dropping her onto the floor roughly.

"Rest. You will need it," his voice was silky and gentle, but Hermione knew it was all just an act. How can a person so cruel and evil have such a gentle and soft voice?

Lucius said nothing to her as he undressed and Hermione forced herself to lay down onto the floor. Her body needed rest. Besides, she wanted Lucius to fall asleep. That was the only time she felt safe, knowing that he won't hurt her.

When she closed her eyes, she heard him again.

This time his sounded murderous:"You're never going to speak about my wife or son again. If you ever voice their names again, I swear I'm going to make you pay, I'm going to torture you on and on until you begged for death. Is that understood?"

"Yes," she answered immediately.

Then she heard him walk over to the bed and mattress sinked behind her as he lies down. "_Nox."_

It didn't make any difference to Hermione, but only when she knew that the lights were off, she could relax. Calming down her breathing, she tried to convince herself that Lucius was only trying to scare her. There would be no Death Eaters coming in for dinner. He only said it to frighten her, he was just messing with her mind. He's sick, he's twisted. He'd do anything for a bit of sadistic enjoyment at her expense.

Or maybe he was telling her the truth?

* * *

**I hope you like where this story is going. Thanks for reviews and tell me what you think of this chapter! :) :)**


	6. Help Me

chapter 6 **HELP ME**

_He's lying. He has to be. He's just playing with my mind, trying to keep me under his control; it is just another move in his sick mind game._

That night Hermione didn't sleep well. Thousands of thoughts were traveling through her mind, keeping her from falling asleep. But Lucius didn't seem to be having the same problem. His calm and steady breathing told Hermione that he was sleeping peacefully. And that got her wondering how could he sleep so calmly after everything that he's done in his life? After all those horrible things, after all the lives he's taken only two nights ago? After all he's done to her?

She concluded that Death Eaters really don't have a conscience. Even _she_ had a horrible feeling of guilt about the War and she fought at the _right_ side.

There was also another reason why was she awake all night. She kept thinking about her future. Now that she knew Lucius's true motives for taking her, Hermione was even more frightened then she was when she had no idea about why had he chosen her as his award.

No matter how evil and cold Lucius was, Draco was his family. Now he's dead and it was completely understandable that Lucius wanted vengeance.

_His wish is to take his anger out on someone and he's got me._

Then something crossed Hermione's mind. She pictured Lucius asleep in his bed, completely unaware of what's happening around him. If she did something to him, then she would be..._free_?

Quickly she pushed that thought away. It was a stupid thought. She would never be free, not in the world where Death Eaters rule, where Voldemort holds all the power and where she is _blind_. Who was she kidding by even thinking that she had a chance in hurting Lucius? If she had her eyesight things would be different. Her blindness was something that was constantly on Hermione's mind. Was it permanent? It was probably dark magic and she didn't know anything about that. But _he_ does. If he wanted, Lucius could do something about it. He was a Death Eater, he was trained in dark magic. Hermione was positive he knew what spell it was used on her, but he simply didn't want to help her. Why would he? If he's smart he knows what would happen the moment Hermione would get her eyesight back. She would at least have a small possibility in defending herself from Lucius. But what would she achieve by escaping from him?

Hermione shuddered as she remembered Lucius's words about what would happen to her if she managed in escaping or hurting him in any way.

_'If anything happens to me, I have arranged everything so you would fall into the arms of the cruelest Death Eaters.'_

Just as she was about to close her eyes and try to get some sleep, she heard the rustling of the covers in the bed. Holding her breath, she hoped he's only moving and not waking up.

_What is the time? I have to get some rest, he can't be waking up already!_

Her hopes were shattered as Lucius got up from the bed. She quickly closed her eyes and pretended she was asleep. Maybe he would leave her alone that way.

Her heart was beating faster by each step that Lucius took. By the sound she could tell that he was walking towards her. And then there was a complete silence.

Hermione could feel his eyes on her, it felt like a burning feeling and all she wanted was that he would turn away from her leave her alone.

"I know that you're awake, girl. Even a blind person would see that," Lucius said mockingly.

Hermione's heart seemed to stop for a second but she recovered soon. Slowly she opened her eyes, even though it didn't make any difference. But she knew he would demand from her to open her eyes and she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of telling her what to do.

Hermione was starting to suspect she was developing some kind of sixth sense. Maybe it was all in her mind, she could _feel_ when he was looking at her and it sent shivers down her body.

"Today is an important day. Wouldn't want to miss it, would we? Now do get up,"he ordered, annoyed.

And his _voice_. His voice seemed to rob her of her ability to breathe, made her want to hide.

Hermione quickly tried to do as she was asked, but she was surprised by the sharp pain in her back. It was so intense that she had to grab something for support and the bad was the closest thing.

"Remove your hands from my bed. I do not wish your dirt on my sheets. It is bad enough I have to put up with you in my bedroom."

"I didn't ask to be here," Hermione shot back, but she quickly regretted it. She really didn't want to be thrown into a wall this early in the morning.

Not even a second later she felt a slap across her face, although he has not touched her. He has used magic to hit her and that meant that he was only annoyed and not actually angry at her. She has realized that he only used his hands to hurt her if she really angered him. He had slapped her a few times in the last two days, but only in rage. He wouldn't dirty himself by touching her. Magic was much easier and cleaner way to torture someone. And if Hermione had to choose, she would rather be tortured with magic. It was less personal. The feeling of his skin on her made everything much more difficult.

"If I were you, I would be careful with my words. This day will be a test for you. If you behave, then you will be rewarded with food," Lucius explained calmly, but his voice was dripping with authority.

Without another word he walked into the bathroom. Hermione stood frozen, not knowing what to do. He has not given her orders on what she should be doing. She almost laughed hysterically at that thought. Is that how her life is going to be like from now on? Waiting for Lucius's orders? Giving him the power to control her life? And what test was he talking about?

God, she wanted to disobey him, to anger him, but she was so tired. And _hungry_.

After few minutes Lucius came out of the bathroom and Hermione heard a rustling sound coming from him. She concluded he was probably putting his robes on and made her feel uncomfortable. Fighting the urge, to turn away from him, she realized that she was acting childish. She couldn't _see_ him, why should she turn away from him?

Still, the last thing she wanted or needed was to be in the room with Lucius Malfoy while he's putting his clothes on.

"I am going down for a delicious breakfast. You understand why I can't take you with me,"he said politely and with those words he walked to the doors.

Hermione's stomach rumbled painfully, but she showed nothing on her face.

"I will come for you in the evening. My friends don't want to miss the main entertainment," Lucius informed her,"You are allowed to use the bathroom. You have until the evening to make yourself presentable."

He left no room for agruing. It was evident that he was used to people obeying him without complaints. But Hermione was used to speak her mind and she had to literally bite her tongue to stop herself from making a remark.

Without giving her a chance to reply, he walked out of the room, closing and locking the doors behind him. Hermione stood there, unable to breath. The fear of what he'll do to her was almost choking her.

_He's going to hurt me, they are going to hurt me and there's nothing I can do against it. __No, I won't make it easy for them. If he expects me to wash myself and make myself presentable, he will get a big surprise when he returns._

Time was passing unbelievably slowly. It's strange how everything seems to move slower when you're waiting for something. And if you are without a clock and in a dark, it's _much_ harder.

The fact that she was alone in the room was driving Hermione crazy. Not that she would rather be with Lucius, but the horrible silence was making her even more nervous than she was. At least he gave her a permission to use the bathroom. After a few minutes of trying to get to the bathroom without tripping over something, Hermione was finally able to drink some water. At least she wouldn't die of dehydration. After her thirst was taken care of, Hermione stumbled back into the bedroom and leaned against the wall. She was trying to distract herself by thinking about spells and potions. That way she had a feeling of control and it made her feel a bit better. She brought back the memories of her time at Hogwarts, where her opinion counted. Where no one ordered her to keep her mouth shut. Well, no one except Professor Snape.

But those memories didn't last for long. Her anxiety took over.

Hermione was having an inner battle. Her mind felt like it would explode. Too many thoughts, too many emotions...

Than she heard him. It had to be him. The sound of his boots clicking on the hard ground was settled deep in her mind. She quickly got up from the floor before he walked in the room, not wanting to give him a chance to order her to do so.

Putting on a strong face, she waited. And she didn't have to wait long.

"My, my... The evening has came a lot faster than I expected. Are you excited, Mudblood?" he asked, anticipation in his tone.

"Excited about what?" Hermione asked, hoping she would get out of this situation if she acted ignorant.

She could actually _hear _him smirk:"Do not make a mistake by thinking you are smarter than me. I can see right through you. You know well enough what I mean."

Hermione stayed silent, biting the inside of her cheek nervously.

Lucius continued:"I see you haven't done anything to make yourself more presentable," then he added more quietly,"As if that's even possible."

He suddenly flicked his wand and Hermione felt the nightgown on her body change into _something_. Into a robe made of wool. It covered most of her body and she was grateful for that, but she was sick of the clothes _he_ picked for her.

"Where are my clothes? Why can't I wear them?"

She didn't know why she was asking. Those clothes she was wearing were filthy, covered in mud and blood. And besides clothes were the least of her problems.

"You should know by now that muggle clothing is not welcome here," he showed disgust in his voice,"You will wear something more appropriate for you from now on. Come here."

"Why?" Hermione asked, not moving from the spot she was standing on.

"Because we are expected downstairs. Have you forgotten already? Don't tell me you memory is as short as your intelligence."

Anger started to rise in Hermione, but she was wise enough to not show it. Fear was stronger and it was clearly written on her face.

"No. I-I'm not going," she said quickly.

"Yes you are. Do not waste my time. Come here," Lucius ordered again and this time his voice was stronger and harder.

"No!" Hermione shot back, panic taking over her.

"I do not have time for this!" Lucius hissed angrily.

_No, no, no, no... He can't make me go. I won't go... I won't..._

"Imperio!"

Hermione stood frozen. She could not move. Her thoughts were still there in her mind. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, but she simply could not even move. She tried to open her mouth to scream at him, but she could not even move her tongue.

"Now come here," she heard him say and she than her body moved as she obeyed, making her way towards his voice.

It was impossible not to.

Hermione's body wasn't hers anymore. Some other person took over it, Hermione was just stuck inside of it, fighting hopelessly for some kind of control. She had always thought she had a strong mind will, but now it was put to the test. A test she was failing miserably.

"Walk with me."

And she obeyed again, not caring where he was taking her, not caring what would happen if she followed him. His hand was on her arm, guiding her and she didn't mind it at all.

They walked slowly down the hall, the oak trees creating long shadows on the bare walls.

Hermione followed Lucius without questions, until they stopped and she heard a large door swung open. Then she was pushed inside and suddenly all the warmth seeped away from her, reality crushing her once more. She could hear _them_. Around her. Their laugh, their conversation... By the noise they were making there had to be at least four or five men, Hermione concluded.

_Oh god, oh god..._

She tried to stay calm, taking deep breaths, but finding herself unable to calm down.

"Here she is, my friends. Just as I promised," Lucius said from behind her.

"I hope she is worth all the wait, Lucius. We've been working all day long!" some man said, his voice was harsher than Lucius'.

"Indeed," Lucius replied.

_Antonin? Antonin Dolohov? _

Now shear panic threatened to take over Hermione.

"And now it's time for pleasure, right?" another man said. Hermione couldn't recognize his voice, but he sounded older. Much older that Lucius and Dolohov.

"Please, be my guest," Lucius said in his most silky voice, he then moved away from Hermione.

_Where did he go? What do they want from me?_

"She's Potter's little mudblood friend," one of the men recognized her.

"And we will enjoy it more because if that..."Dolohov muttered quietly.

"You…you stay away from me," Hermione cautioned, holding out a hand, warding them off. But her hand was shaking and it probably didn't look very convincing.

"Or what?" Antonin asked, daring her.

Hermione opened her mouth, then shut them again, realizing she has nothing to threaten them with. What _could_ she say? All of the sudden she felt someone's hand on her face, brushing it slightly. She quite literally felt her stomach turn. She stepped backwards, but he chuckled softly, enjoying the sport. Hermione walked backwards, hoping the find the comfort of a wall, but she bumped into someone.

"Lucius, why is she wearing that robe? This occasion demands something more..._open_, don't you agree?" Dolohov asked and Hermione's trembling became even worse.

"If you don't mind me saying, I think she's showing more than enough skin for my liking."

That was _his_ voice. That calm, silky voice. It was coming from another end of the room as Hermione could tell. But why? Why wasn't he participating? Maybe he enjoyed watching.

"Let's see if she's wearing any knickers?" the older man said.

Hermione's eyes widened and panic swept through her. She could hear two men closing the distance between themselves and her and before she had a chance to turn and run they had her by the arms. She struggled, grunting in her effort to get away from them.

There were no tears on her face, she was in too much shock for that.

Dolohov laughed evilly:"She's quite strong for a girl!" then he added, "But we're stronger."

Hermione gritted her teeth in rage, then kicked out as hard as she could, making contact with something on Dolohov's body, sending him to the floor.

She was not sure what she had hit, but it must have hurt, because he yelped in pain and let go of her.

It was enough of a disturbance to get them to release her and she made a step to run away. A hand clamped around her ankle and she fell, her chin crashing into the hard floor, the taste of blood bitter in her mouth as stars exploded behind her eyes. She screamed in a feeble attempt at calling for help, but she realized she doesn't have anyone to call for help. She didn't stop struggling and the laughter of the men echoing louder than ever.

She could feel her body being pulled across the marble floor, letting out a loud scream as she was drug backwards by her ankles.

_No, no, no... NO!_

Adrenaline exploded in Hermione's veins and she couldn't stop herself from kicking and biting whatever was in her reach. Some force took over her, the primeval instinct to survive.

She was turned over roughly and reaching out she scratched a man that was holding her down across his face, skin gathering under her nails. He slapped her hard, splitting her lip wide open, cheers echoing off the high walls as he gathered both her wrists in one of his own large hands.

_Where is he? Is he even in the room?_ Hermione wondered, as she felt her knees being forced apart.

"Oh, I am going to enjoy this," she heard a man on top of her say.

When she felt his hot breath on her face, Hermione gathered all her courage and spat in his face.

"You little bitch!" Dolohov roared, his tone filled with rage.

"Now now, Antonin, don't take it personally," Lucius said from across the room.

Hermione could hear the other men laugh, but the man on top of her just became more enraged. She struggled against him violently, trying to kick at him, at any of them, but it was useless. They had her pinned completely against the floor. So she did the only thing she could.

She screamed at the top of her lungs:"You bastards! You _bloody bastards_!"

Rodolphus was tugging at the material of her robe, fingers sliding against the skin of her thighs as they were exposed.

_..stop stop stop! Please stop!_

She would beg if she were able to speak. Her body was now racked by violent sobs_._

"You _coward,"_she only whispered and this time she meant only one person. The one who was standing across the room, away from all the violence, the person who allowed all this happening. _Lucius Malfoy_. And she knew he could hear her, somehow she just _knew_.

"Stop," Lucius said.

That single word stopped everything that was happening. Their hands on her body stopped moving and there was a complete silence, until she could hear the sound of his boots again. He was walking towards them.

_Why? What will he do? Does he...does he want to...participate?_

"What was that, Mudblood?" he asked from above her.

Hermione didn't even try to stop herself:"You coward. You bastard. You evil, sick, twisted bastard. You're pathetic. All of you."

She was about to be violated, hurt in the most horrible way, why would she be afraid of him? There was nothing worse he- _they_ could do to her.

"I am going to ignore your insults and blame them on the horrible situation you're in. People in danger tend to say things they actually don't mean," Lucius quietly said, not showing emotions,"I will give you a choice."

_What choice?_

"I can make it all stop. You just ask. Or better said- _beg_ and I will see what I can do about it."

Hermione shook her head. _He's playing with my mind! He's just trying to see how much further can he humiliate and destroy me._

"It all depends on you, Mudblood." he said, amused.

"Shut up. Just stop talking!" Hermione screamed with rage. She could not listen to him anymore, he was just making everything worse.

"I would say that she needs a few more lessons in respect, Lucius," Dolohov said, "It appears that she still has a lot of learning to do. How can you stand her insults? If you ask me-"

"Do shut up, Antonin," Lucius replied coldly, then turned his attention towards Hermione again, "You do realize that we can carry on like this, but I wouldn't advise you to take us down that route. I don't believe you'll be able to take it. Why do you always insist on making things harder for yourself?"

Silence.

"Well,_ Miss Granger_? I have given you a choice. Now decide."

Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. Why was he doing this to her? Was he trying to make her completely insane? She felt like she was standing on a cliff and he pushed her down, but now he was holding his hand out to her, offering help. _What is wrong with him?_

"_Please_," she started. She had to try, at least. She wouldn't be able to live with herself, knowing that she didn't do absolutely _everything_ to stop what was happening.

"Please _what_?" Lucius asked, he was clearly enjoying this.

"Please, stop them," the words were barely coming out through her gritted teeth," Help me...Don't let them hurt me," Hermione's voice was so small and quiet that she could hardly hear herself.

Lucius asked innocently:"And why would I do that? Convince me."

"Because...it's wrong. It's barbaric and inhuman. It's _sick_!" Hermione tried, not even knowing what she was saying.

"Not so convincing. Antonin, do continue with what you were-" Lucius replied.

"_Please_! Don't do this! I-I've never done.. this before! I can't...Please, I'll do anything. You can do anything to me, anything but this..." Hermione babbled, tears running down her cheeks, almost choking her. She was asking _him_ for help and he was the one responsible for all that was happening to her. It didn't make sense.

There was a compete silence, except for her sobs.

"I think that will be enough, gentlemen," Lucius said coldly.

"Oh, but we've just started with-" Dolohov began, but Lucius cut him short.

His voice was authoritative:"No, Antonin. You heard me. Do try to show some dignity if it's not too much to ask."

Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing. _He dares to talk about dignity? After what they almost did...he reminds them to show some dignity?_

But she couldn't lose her time with thinking about that. She felt like something heavy was lifted of her shoulders and she could breath again. She was shaking so hard she thought she would bite her tongue by accident.

She felt all the hands leave her body and the weight of the man that was holding her down, was lifted off of her.

"It was an interesting evening," Lucius said to them politely.

"It sure was," one of the men said.

They exchanged a few polite words, then Hermione heard them walking out of the room.

She was alone with him once again. Not fighting, she just gritted her teeth in pain as she was pulled up from the floor. And without another word they were walking again. Hermione felt numb. She didn't know what to say, what to feel. And he too was quiet.

A minute later they were in the bedroom again. Lucius released her arm and she stumbled a few steps away from him, hugging herself with her arms.

"I think some gratitude would be appropriate," he then said to her, sarcasm in his voice.

"W-_What_?"

"You haven't thanked me yet."

Rage was slowly building inside of her again. Lucius slowly walked over to her and stopped before her shaking body.

"I saved you. I knew Muggles were ungrateful and don't deserve anything, but I demand you show some respect towards me, Mudblood," Lucius hissed.

Hermione pulled the answer out of the depths of her rage and her pain:"You really are sick."

He laughed cruelly:"But I have you under my control. You are at _my_ mercy. You couldn't even imagine how I enjoyed seeing you scared, terrified like a small little girl..."

He was leaning towards her, Hermione could feel his face close to hers. Before she could realize what she was doing, she whiped her hand out and she slapped him hard across the face. The same hand covered her mouth in shock the second after.

She had to make him stop talking, she just couldn't stand listening to him anymore. And she suceeded. There was a horrible silence. Hermione couldn't even hear him breathing.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, what have I done?_

* * *

**Here's another chapter! I hope you like it. If you do, please tell me. Review! :)**


	7. A Mistake

chapter 7 ** A MISTAKE**

Only a moment after Hermione slapped him, there was a dead silence in the room. And that made Hermione even more terrified. She knew she had made a huge mistake by hitting him and she regretted it, but she would have done it again. If she kept her feeling bottled up inside her, she would surely explode.

She couldn't see Lucius' reaction, she couldn't even hear his breathing. Maybe he wasn't breathing? She knew he was standing in front of her, because she could still feel _something_ from his body. Some kind of warmth or energy, she wasn't sure.

All of the sudden he backhanded her across the face. Hermione almost lost her balance and fell to the floor, but she somehow managed to stay on her feet.

"You despicable creature! How dare you raise your hand upon _me_?" Lucius hissed at her, pure fury in his voice.

Hermione realized she had never before heard him talk with so much rage and hatred. She tried to back away from him, but couldn't when he slapped her again across the face only this time he used a lot more force. Hermione could already feel the bruise starting to form.

At that moment she wished he would use magic to punish her. She would much rather be tortured with Crucio or some other curse than having to endure his touch on her skin.

"Please..."she started, but didn't even know what to say. What could she say to make him stop?

Then he grabbed her arm and used his right hand to slap her again.

"I don't believe I asked you to speak!"

Pain ripped across her face as he slapped her hard, once, twice, again and again. Hermione's ears rang and she cried out with each hit. But she wouldn't allow herself to cry. No, she wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

The last slap caused Hermione's legs to give away and she landed on the floor.

"You will never again allow yourself to touch _me_!" Lucius continued to scream at her and all Hermione could do was to stay quiet and hope he would calm down. But luck wasn't on her side.

Lucius pulled her to her feet and threw her across the room. Hermione stumbled in the darkness and screamed in pain as her head hit the hard wall. He threw her with such force that Hermione almost cracked her skull when she hit the wall.

"Stop..." she managed to say as she slid down to the floor again, curling into a ball when she heard him approach her.

Her whole body was betraying her, shaking as never before. And it hurt. Everything hurt. A few days ago she never imagined that that kind of pain really existed, but now she was familiar with it. And it was all because of Lucius Malfoy.

_'And Harry.'_ a small voice in her head said. Suddenly Hermione felt shame at that thought. How could she blame Harry for what was happening to her? He wasn't the one to blame.

_'But if he hadn't killed Draco..'_

_'No, that does not matter! Lucius would have probably found another reason to torture me.'_

"Maybe you haven't learned your lesson. Should I call my friends back and leave you alone with them? It seemed to me that they left somehow..._unsatisfied_."

Hermione quickly shook her head:"N-no..."

All air was pushed out of her as he brutally kicked her in the ribs. Hermione froze in panic as she heard something crack when his boots connected with her body. Maybe she only imagined it. Biting her lip to stop her from crying out in pain, she tasted blood in her mouth. Her whole face hurt and her lower lip was burning. It was still split from when one of Lucius' friends pulled her by her ankle and caused her to fall on the floor, hitting her face into the hard ground.

"Do you think you're being strong, Mudblood? Stop wasting your time because I don't believe that you are. I know you're faking it. You cannot hide anything from me. You think I can't see the fear and the pain written all over you face?" Lucius said with arrogance.

Hermione could almost see him raise his eyebrows at her as his aristocratic eyes dug a hole in her.

She tried to roll to the side, but he grabbed her before she could move more, crouching down over her and pinning her down with his hands at her shoulders, his strong grip pushing her into the cold stone floor.

"I will not have you behave so disrespectfully ever again, Mudblood! Is that understood?" his voice was slightly calmer now.

Hermione felt like something was choking her, she could hardly breath and somehow words couldn't leave her mouth.

Lucius tightened his grip on her:"Is that understood? Answer me, you filth!"

"Y-Yes," Hermione said, her voice hardly above a whisper. Then she realized why. She was almost choking on her tears. But she had promised herself she wouldn't cry and that made her even more doubtful disappointed in herself.

Slowly his weight was lifted off her and his grip disappeared as he released her.

"I advise you to avoid provoking me into a rage," he said coldly, once again controlling himself.

Hermione could barely hear him. Her head was hurting like hell, her ears were ringing and every breath she took caused unimaginable pain to rip through her. Trying to hold back the tears and whimpers of pain, she concentrated on him and his voice.

She knew he was standing next to her, looking at her from above. He must be satisfied. Finally he had her where he thought she belonged. At his feet, trembling in pain.

Hermione hugged herself with her arms and prepared her body for another punch or kick. But nothing came and slowly seconds passed by. Hermione still couldn't hear him breathing. Thousands of thoughts were traveling through her mind. She couldn't understand why was he looking at her, why wasn't he saying anything? Was he thinking about new ways to punish her? She hoped not, because she couldn't take much more.

"No food for you today. And I had hoped you would show some cleverness and the right attitude. It seems that Mudbloods really do learn the hard way."

Hermione listened quietly, clinging to his voice. At that moment she couldn't care less about food. A small part of her wanted him to starve her to death. Maybe that would be her escape.

"You will be allowed to show your gratitude later," he said to her calmly.

Hermione couldn't stop herself from asking:"What _gratitude_?"

"My my, you really have a short memory," he drawled, amusement clear in his tone.

"Do-Do you think I should feel gratitude towards you because what happened with your...with Death Eaters?"

"Shouldn't I? I saved you if you don't remember. They were only moments away from taking what they wanted and I do not think you would like that."

Disgust and rage started to build inside Hermione. She could feel her heart beating faster and words flew out of her mouth:"You sick bastard! I would never feel gratitude towards you! How dare you even suggest that?"

"Shut your mouth..." he warned her, but Hermione cut him off.

Anger shot up from the pit of her stomach, sending electricity pounding through her veins.

"It was _you_ who put me into that position in the first place! You almost got me raped and you expect me to thank you? It's pathetic,_ you're_ pathetic! I hope you rot in hell!"

Hermione's throat was burning from screaming, but that didn't stop her. She was yelling at him through her sobs, she needed him to know that she hated him, that she wished him dead.

She couldn't explain to herself why that mattered, but she just needed him to realize that she would never feel anything but pure hate towards him.

"I hate you!"

A moment later she screamed in absolute pain as he slammed his boot into her ribs once again, harder than the first time. Hermione couldn't breath, every breath she took felt like a knife through her chest. Gasping, she let herself cry, not caring if he could see her. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her before. In the last three days he had made her cry more times than she did in all her life.

Without another word, Lucius walked away from her. Hermione could hear his footsteps. They were louder than they normally are. It was as if he was still furious and there was still rage in his body. But why did he walk away? Why not take his anger out on her?

Hermione concluded that if that were to happen, she would most likely not survive it and he needed her alive. He was very smart and he didn't want to kill her too soon. It would be too easy.

Lucius strode out of the room, slamming the door and locking it behind him.

Hermione was finally left alone, but that didn't make her feel better. For some unknown reason she wanted him to stay so that they could finish their fight, so that she could tell him her opinion about him. She needed to get that off her chest otherwise she would explode.

As she was laying on the floor, she found herself thinking about what almost happened to her not only half an hour ago.

When she first came to the Malfoy Manor, she was terrified. _Horrified_ of what would happen to her and what sick torture would Lucius come up with for her. She wasn't stupid. She knew well enough what Death Eaters were famous for.

But when she was forced to take a bath, Lucius made it clear that he would never touch her _that_ way. And at that moment Hermione never was more thankful to her blood status. But what happened with Lucius' friends changed everything. She realized that she wasn't safe as she thought she was and as safe as she could be in the given circumstances. If Lucius was too disgusted with her to try anything like that, his friends certainly weren't. And Lucius would allow them to do whatever they liked with her.

Shear panic shot through her as she realized what had almost happened to her. If it had happened and if Lucius hadn't stopped them.... Hermione didn't know what she would do. That was one of the things she would never recover from. Bruises could heal, insults could be ignored, slap across the face could hurt, but only for a moment. But it they had finished what they started, it would be much more horrible than anything else that she had to endure. It would humiliate her more than she could handle, Hermione was sure of it.

But why did Lucius stop them? Was it all just a game to him? A game to see how much can she handle before going completely mad or- or before seeing him as her..._owner_?

As someone who holds her life in his hands and does what he wants with it?

And what Hermione didn't expect from him was that he demanded _gratitude_. What in hell gave him the idea that she should be grateful for what he had done?

However, Hermione could lie to _him_, she could even try to convince _herself_, but the truth was that she did feel...grateful. A small part of her, the illogical and stupid part of her was thankful that he had stopped them. When she heard him order the other Death Eaters to stop, she couldn't help but to see him as her protector, even if only for a moment.

Tears were clinging to Hermione's eyelids as she thought about that. She reminded herself to stop being stupid, because he couldn't claim that title, not after everything he's done to her, not after _he_ _himself_ took her to his friends and let them do what they pleased with her.

Everything was complicated and Hermione didn't have the time or the energy to think about it.

Brains were the only part of her that didn't hurt. All she wanted was her friends and her parents. At least her mum and dad were safe in the Muggle world. For now.

Hermione wondered what had happened to Ron, Ginny, Luna, even Lavender. She knew the possibility of them being alive was very small, but it existed. When she was at the battle field, she heard Voldemort saying that there were survivors. She could still hear the pleading of some girl as she was chosen as a Death Eater's award and taken away with him.

Her last wish before unconciusnoss took over was that she would see at least one of her friends again. That way she wouldn't feel so alone, knowing she still had someone in this cruel world ruled by Death Eaters.

*

Slowly she drifted into consciousness.

Hermione had no idea how much time had passed since she fell asleep. All she knew was that she was still on the ground and in the same position that she was before. But the growing pain on her body and already formed bruises told her that at least a couple of hours had passed. She still had her eyes closed and it surprised her how quiet everything was. It was probably night or early morning. Slowly her senses awakened and it surprised her that she didn't hear Lucius. His breathing was usually very steady when he's asleep.

Was she alone in the room? Where is he?

Hermione held her breath and listened again, pressing her ears into the darkness, trying desperately to ignore the shiver that threatened to run through her. She listened for any kind of a movement, sign that he was in the room.

A small noise from above her answered her questions. She was not alone.

When she concentrated, she could hear light breathing coming from above her.

Was he standing beside her? _Why_?

Hermione kept her eyes closed, hoping he didn't notice she was awake. Somehow 'awake' wasn't the right word to describe the state she was in. She wasn't completely awake, it felt like she was floating. That kind of a feeling Hermione had only when she was dreaming, but she knew that it wasn't a dream. Trying to keep her breathing soft and steady, she tensed when she heard him move. And he didn't move away from her. From all she could tell, Lucius kneeled down next to her.

His breathing was closer now and Hermione could hear it clearly. She felt his gaze on her, burning her, leaving a mark and all she wanted was to be left alone.

Maybe he was thinking about what he would do to her once she's awake? Looking for new ways of sadistic torture.

_'At least he's not touching me.'_ Hermione thought and tried to calm down.

As if he was mocking her, at the same moment she said that in her mind, she felt something on her cheek. Someone's touch. _His_ touch. It was light and warm, but it was a _touch_.

Slowly he trailed his finger down her throat. Hermione could hear her heart was beating like crazy with blood pounding under her skin and she hoped Lucius couldn't feel that. But he was somehow ignorant to that fact as if he was concentrating hard on something or lost in his thoughts. If she could read his mind or at least see his face, see the expression on his face as he touched her. What was he trying to accomplish with that?

The trail his finger left on Hermione's skin felt like burning. It was all in her mind, but she was barely preventing herself from flinching away from him. His touch was pure torture, it sent shivers down her spine. She was in delusional state, but she was very aware of the way his finger moved. She couldn't be just her imagination. His touch was _gentle_ and _soft_ as if he was touching someone else, not a_ filthy mudblood_. But at the same time it was restrained like he was inspecting something.

His finger stopped for a moment on her throat before he pulled it back, as if he was burnt.

His breathing was now different- too fast, too heavy. It was as if someone had upset him, as if he was angry. But why?

_'I haven't done anything to him.'_ Hermione thought.

He moved away from her and stood up. Hermione was expecting him to hit her again, because by the sound of his breathing he was very angry. And he was completely calm when he was just observing her. His rage showed when he touched her and that meant he was angry with her.

But then he just walked away again, out of the room. He didn't hit her or said anything to her. And why didn't he go to bed?

Too many thoughts, too many questions for Hermione at that moment. She was half asleep and only a few moments later she lost herself in the darkness around her and sleep overpowered her once again.

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	8. Be Strong

chapter 8 **BE STRONG**

"Wake up."

Hermione just groaned and tried to ignore the voice, completely forgetting where she was and what was happening.

"I am not telling you again, Mudblood."

_Mudblood._ That word brought her back into reality and reminded her where she was. Her eyes flew open and she quickly tried to pull herself into a sitting position. She was still disoriented and she forgot about her injuries. When she moved, the pain caught her off guard, causing her to wince. She could scream, but her pride was stronger.

The memories of the previous day came back to her as she remembered being slapped, kicked and thrown into the wall.

Lucius only laughed at her discomfort and it just made Hermione hate him with more passion. She could tell he was kneeling down next to her, but he was not as close to her as he was when he was touching her face. Once she was in a sitting position with her back to the wall, Hermione remembered what happened at night and she wondered if she should tell him that she knew he was watching her. And _touching_ her. That was a fact that worried her the most. She couldn't understand what made him do that. But she decided that at that moment it probably wouldn't be such a good idea to let him know she had been awake.

"How are you feeling?"Lucius asked calmly.

Hermione couldn't prevent the sceptic look on her face. Should she tell him the truth or lie? She was hungry, starving and a part of her just wanted to obey him. Everything would be so much easier.

Hermione licked her dry lips and answered carefully:"Like someone beat me up."

"Good," he replied, "That was my intention."

Hermione had to grit her teeth to prevent herself from answering him.

Lucius was silent for a few moment as if he was waiting for her reply, but when he realized she wasn't going to say anything, he continued:"It is a surprise to see you're capable of willing obedience. I wouldn't have thought that three days ago."

He was mocking her and Hermione knew it. It took all her mental strength to not just spit at him and show him how obedient she could be. Beaten, starved and hurt, Hermione decided to act logically. She was hungry and she needed food. How to get the food? By acting obedient. At least for some time.

"Now give me your hand," Lucius ordered.

"Why?" she asked growing more suspicious.

"I will not repeat myself. Give me your hand," Lucius ordered, his voice stronger this time.

Hermione bit her lip and after a moment she did what she was asked. She felt something being put in her palm, a small bottle. When Lucius released her hand, she quickly pulled it back from him.

Lucius asked, amused:"Well? Aren't you going to ask me what it is?"

"It's a bottle. And I presume it's a potion," Hermione answered, wondering what was he planning.

"True. It's a Healing potion," he stated calmly.

That caught Hermione off guard. He had beat her until she nearly passed out and then he decided to give her a Healing potion?

"What do you want me to do with it?" The moment that question left her mouth, she realized how stupid it sounded. What else do people do with potions other than drink it?  
"I have some guests coming in and they requested your presence," Lucius explained without any kind of emotion.

Fear started to build inside Hermione. She shook her head, panicked, remembering what had happened the last time she had to entertain Lucius' guests. It had been only a day ago.

"No...You can't do that. Not again..." she babbled, panic making her even more confused.

"I can do what I please, Mudblood. Do try to remember that. And I don't see the reason for you behaviour. Do you not want to meet my guests?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Hermione took a deep breath and reminded herself to stay calm:"No. I don't want to."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but your wishes are irrelevant here," he drawled, "However, you can calm down. When I say _guests_, I don't mean my friends from yesterday."

A small part of Hermione relaxed, but she was still worried. She was nothing but a mudblood to him. Why would he want her to meet his guests?

"At the moment you are in no condition to walk or do anything else, so drink the potion."

Hermione tightened her grip around the bottle and whispered:"I don't want it. I don't want anything from you."

He was silent for a moment and Hermione waited for his reaction. What surprised her was that he didn't lose his temper as she expected him to.

"You _will_ drink it," he said again with absolute certainty and a warning in his voice.

Hermione knew it was better to just follow his orders. Her whole body hurt and why decline the option to feel better?

Without words, she drank the potion, and some kind of heat spread all over her body. It lessened the pain, but it didn't take it away. At least she was feeling a little better.

"Good girl," he said to her with a smirk, then Hermione felt him move away from her as he got up.

He continued:"They will arrive in half an hour. I have some work to do, but I will come for you in time. I would advise you to be smart, Mudblood. Talk only when spoken to and restrain yourself from making _smart _comments."

"The position of intellectual supremacy is not an easy thing for the male ego to compete with, is it?" Hermione said without thinking about what consequences her words might have. Only after a second she realized she should had kept her mouth shut. She had only drank a Healing potion. The last thing she needed was another beating.

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Mudblood," Lucius said in a low voice.

"I wasn't being sarcastic."

Hermione wanted to slap herself at that moment. What was her problem? Why couldn't she keep her mouth shut?

The next moment she winced as she felt that familiar stinging slap across her face. Magical slap. Hermione already knew what it meant. After three days with Lucius Malfoy she had learned to distinguish a warning slap from a rage slap.

"I believe I don't have to say anything else," Lucius hissed at her, "You will do what is expected from you. That means keeping your filthy mouth shut when ordered to. Is that understood?"

Hermione nodded calmly, but inside she was burning with rage. After a few seconds, she felt him move away from her as he stood up.

"You don't seem so well, Mudblood. Stop your irritating behaviour and maybe you will get some food today. But do not get your hopes up."

He then walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Hermione let the fear show on her face. How she hated being ignorant. How she hated being at Malfoy's mercy. But what she loathed the most was her weakness. Only a week ago she had been certain that she would never beg for mercy, that she would never cry in front of the Death Eaters. She realized with shame what she had became, what she allowed herself to do. Two days ago she had called herself a Mudblood. He made her call herself a Mudblood. He had the power over her and he could do anything to her.

Lucius Malfoy was stronger than Hermione. With a wand and without it. He proved her that a few times. At the beginning she was convincing herself that at least her mind was stronger than his. That he can't break her mind will, but soon she was proved otherwise. That made Hermione only more disappointed in herself. Everything she thought about herself had been a lie.

Shaking her head, Hermione tried to think about other things. Worry washed over her as she remembered what Lucius had told her. He had guests coming and that wasn't a good thing even if they weren't the same Death Eaters from a day ago.

She started to hyperventilate as he mind worked, trying to figure out why Lucius wanted her to meet his guests.

The lack of oxygen was making her feel dizzy. She would soon pass out and hopefully never awake again.

But there was still something inside of her. Something that didn't let her give up on everything, a small hope that somehow everything will solve itself. It was illogical, but Hermione was clinging onto it.

As minutes passed by, she realized that her brains were slowly becoming her enemy. There were constantly horrible scenarios and terrifying ideas in her mind regarding what will happen to her.

Hermione had a feeling she would go completely mad if she kept laying on the ground and not doing nothing. So she forced herself to stand up. It took her longer than she expected, but when she was finally on her legs, supporting herself on the wall, she realized that the potion Lucius had given her really worked. She could still feel pain in her ribs and on her face, but at least she could move.

Suddenly the doors opened and Hermione recognized the sound of Lucius' boots.

His smooths voice filled the room:"Well, I see you've finally decided to get up. Now come here. There's someone downstairs that wishes to see you."

"Who?" Hermione asked, afraid to know the answer.

"You will restrain yourself from asking question, Mudblood. You will keep your mouth shut and obey if you know what is good for you."

At first Hermione wanted to shout at him, but she stopped herself in time. If she wanted to survive, she had to play by his rules. At least for some time.

So she took a deep breath and slowly walked towards his voice. With each passing day she learned to accept the darkness around her and she was already capable of walking without the fear of tripping over something or falling down.

When he gripped her arm tightly, Hermione knew there was no escape. She would have to go with him and face whatever he had planned for her.

He led her out of the room and down the long corridor. Then there were stairs and that made everything more difficult. Hermione couldn't remember that she had walked down the stairs the last time he took her out of the room to meet his fellow Death Eaters. But she was under the Imperius curse at that time. It was possible that her mind let some things slip.

Hesitating, Hermione carefully stepped down on the first stair and then she felt Lucius' grip on her arm tighten and she realized that was walking slower as if to give her time. She didn't want to think about his reasons for not just pulling her down the stairs and she just concentrated on each step. When the stairs were finally over, Lucius's walk fastened again and this time he was almost dragging her behind him.

A minute later, Lucius suddenly stopped and Hermione bumped into him. She heard Lucius let out an annoyed sigh, but he said nothing. He opened the doors and then they walked in. Hermione's body was slowly starting to tremble with fear. She didn't know what to expect and when they walked in the room, she held her breath, wanting to listen for any kind of noise that would tell her how many people were in the room.

But everything was silent. All she could hear was Lucius' breathing next to her.

Then the silence was shattered by a shriek.

"Hermione!"

The voice was coming from another side of the room and Hermione recognized it immediately.

"G-Ginny?" she asked quietly, fearing that maybe she had heard wrong.

"Yes, Hermione, it's me," Ginny answered.

Hermione stood frozen in shock. She could hear Ginny take a step forward, but was stopped by something.

"Let go of me!" the younger witch hissed at someone and struggled and Hermione wondered who was holding her back.

"Calm down, Ginevra. There's no need to act like an animal," a man said calmly.

Hermione opened her mouth in complete shock. She knew that voice, she could recognize it anytime. She had listened to it for more than six years.

Ginny was still struggling:"Let go of me, Snape!"

"P-Professor?"

The moment she let that word out, Hermione wanted to slap herself. What was she thinking by calling that traitor 'Professor'?

"Five points to Gryffindor for stating the obvious, Miss Granger," Snape replied sarcastically.

Hermione didn't know what to say, her mind was completely blank and that had never happened to her before.

"What have you done to the girl, Lucius?" Snape asked with a hint of shock in his controlled voice.

"I have every right to do with her as I please."

"I don't doubt that. Am I right to assume you have found her inability to stay quiet extremely irritating?"

Lucius drawled coldly:"True. But no need to worry. Few more days and she will be disciplined."

"Or dead," Snape added without any kind of emotion.

Hermione felt like throwing up. How could they talk about taking a human's life?

Lucius smirked, then asked:"What do you think, Severus? Should we allow them a few minutes of privacy?" Lucius asked, still not letting go of Hermione's arm.

He was touching her skin and it didn't seem to bother him. If anything, it seemed as if he didn't want to let go of her.

"I promised, haven't I?" Snape answered.

Hermione had no idea what they were talking about, all she could think of was that Ginny was still alive.

"But are you sure they can be trusted?" Lucius asked, scepticism clear in his tone.

Snape was confident:"Trust me, my friend. Ginevra knows what is good for her. She will not cause problems."

"Pippy!" Lucius then raised his voice and the small elf was beside them in a second.

"Yes, M-Master?"

"Lead Ginevra and the Mudblood into the study. You have a few minutes," he then leaned to Hermione and whispered in her ear:"Do not try anything stupid."

Hermione nodded, and then he released her arm and backed away from her. Hermione hesitantly took a step forward, then felt someone embrace her tightly. She recognized the small body as Ginny and she responded, wrapping her arms around her.

Hermione felt useless tears stream down her face, while she buried her face in Ginny's shoulder.

"Please, do spare us the dramatics," Lucius hissed, annoyed,"Pippy, show them the room."

"Come, Hermione," Ginny whispered and they walked together, following the house elf.

The room was not far away, it was next to the room where Snape and Lucius stayed.

The moment the doors closed and the elf dissapeared, Ginny once again hugged Hermione and this time she let herself cry as well.

The two friends stayed that way for a long moment. Hermione was pressing Ginny against herself, as though that could make everything easier.

Ginny was the only reminder of her former life and it was painful, but all Hermione needed at that moment was a friend.

"Oh Ginny," she murmured between desperate sobs. She could feel Ginny's body shaking from her own sobs.

"Hermione, we have to talk. I don't know if we'll ever get the chance again," Ginny whispered, still hugging her friend.

Hermione took a deep breath and slowly pulled away from her. At that moment she was glad she couldn't see anything, because she wasn't sure she could stand the look in Ginny's eyes. She couldn't stand seeing her just as broken as she was.

"My god, Hermione, w-what happened to you? What has that bastard done to you?" Ginny asked between sobs.

"He...It doesn't matter. I'm alright..." Hermione started, but Ginny cut her off.

"_Alright_? You're covered in bruises and your _face_...What has happened to you? Why can't you see?"

Hermione shook her head, trying to sound strong:"Bruises heal, Ginny. It's..nothing. And I've been blind since that day at the battle field. I don't know who was it."

"Have you had anything to eat since then? You look thinner that I remember you and it had been only a few days ago!" Ginny realized with horror.

Hermione recognized the fear and desperation in Ginny's voice. Not wanting to worry her further, she smiled weakly:"I'm fine. What about you, Ginny? What happened to you? Are you alright?"

The younger witch took Hermione's hand in her own before she started:"I was at the battle field and I got hit by a spell. It knocked me down. That's all I remember. I woke up in a bed and Snape was there."

Hermione's eyes widened with shock:"What do you mean by that, Ginny? Has he..done anything to you? If he has, I swear..."

"No, wait! He was in the room with me, not in the bed. He was...taking care of me."Ginny admitted quietly.

"What?"

"I don't understand it either, Hermione. He said I was his award and that I'm his possession, but he's done nothing to me yet."

Hermione couldn't keep the scepticism from her voice:"Ginny, are you telling me the truth? You don't have to lie to not worry me..."

"I'm not lying. I don't know what to think. He's done nothing to me. Not even after I...well, I..."

"After you did what, Ginny?"

"The first night I was uncontrollable. I was terrified. And I-I stabbed him with a letter opener," Ginny explained with stronger voice.

"What did he do?" Hermione couldn't believe what Ginny had done and survived. She was sure that if she herself stabbed Lucius with something, she would be dead a minute later. He had beaten her almost unconscious when she had only slapped him.

Ginny continued:"He pushed me away and restrained me, then left. But when he returned, he did nothing."

Hermione was confused by her words. It didn't seem right why would Snape act that way.

"Ginny, don't push him. Listen to me. You don't know what they're capable of. The Death Eaters, I mean."

Ginny was silent for a moment, then Hermione asked:"Do you know anything about the other survivors? Have you heard anything?"

Ginny threw herself into Hermione's arms, sobbing again:"Hermione…It's terrible..they're all dead…Ron…Harry…all dead..."

One words stabbed Hermione like a knife:"Ron?"

"Yes...Snape told me," Ginny whispered, her voice shaking.

"How?" was all Hermione could say.

"He...that bastard killed him. Malfoy..."

"_Draco_?"

Ginny shook her head:"Lucius..." she trailed off, a new wave of sobs taking her over.

Hermione stood completely frozen. All her tears had stopped and she started blankly into the darkness.

"But...that's not possible, Ginny. He would have told me..."

"It's true. Snape has no reason to lie to me. I had to swear I wouldn't attack Malfoy before we came here. I've hardly been controlling myself, but I knew if I did anything than I wouldn't be allowed to see you."

"He..._he_ killed Ron? Ron's dead?" Hermione whispered, rage taking over her, "He will pay for that, I swear."

Angry tears were running down her face.

Hermione had always been strong, had always looked for a way out, for a solution. And now? She was cowering in front of Malfoy.

"And the others? Your family?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know. There's a chance that some of them survived, but I don't know...Snape doesn't know or doesn't want to tell me..."

"Ginny, how did you come here? Why did they left us alone?"

"I asked Snape if there are survivors and he said that he knows where you are. When he informed me that he's going to visit Malfoy I insisted go with him to see you."

Hermione nodded and smiled again. It was a sad smile.

"Hermione…what has he _done_ to you?" Ginny murmured almost inaudible.

Hermione was older that Ginny and she felt it was her duty be strong for her, so she tried to comfort her.

She put on a strong mask and smiled weakly:"He wants to break me, but he hasn't succeeded. Don't worry about me, Ginny."

"I _do_ worry. You don't know how you look. Even Snape was shocked when he saw you, I noticed it."

Hermione tried to change the subject:"Ginny, there must be some survivors left who have not been captured. Try to find out. And...run. I'm sure there's still a resistance anywhere that you could join."

"And you?" Ginny asked,"Please don't give up, Hermione," she pleaded, squeezing her hand.

"I'm not giving up, Ginny. But I have no chance in running away while I'm blind. All I can do is wait," Hermione explained, hoping she sounded convincing.

"I-" Ginny started, but was interrupted as the doors opened.

Hermione knew what it meant.

"Your time is up," Lucius informed them, "And I have returned the favour, Severus. Miss Weasley, I hope you made use of the time you had. You will not be seeing your Mudblood friend anytime soon."

Hermione felt Ginny tense beside her.

"Come here, Ginevra. It's time to leave." Snape ordered curtly.

Ginny gave Hermione a quick hug and whispered:"Be strong," with that she released her and Hermione heard her walk away from her. She felt tears in her eyes as she realized that this was possibly the last time she talked to Ginny.

Only a second later Hermione winced as she heard a noise and then Luicus's angry voice cut the silence:"You filthy blood-traitor! You can thank Merlin that you are not in _my_ possesion."

There was a sound of struggling heard and Hermione wondered what was happening.

"Calm yourself, Ginevra!" Snape ordered.

"Murderer! I would kill you if I could! But you will pay for everything you've done!" Ginny screamed.

From what Hermione could tell, Ginny was trying to attack Lucius and Snape was holding her back.

Lucius just chuckled evily:"Oh, but I think that I've been punished enough. That a dirty blood-traitor dares to _spit_ on me is truly a punishment horrible enough. I hope you will not let that pass, Severus."

Than Hermione understood everything. Ginny probably spat on Lucius. It made sense. The younger witch had told her that she had to act obedient so that she was allowed to visit her, but now that the visit was over...Ginny could do what she wanted.

"I can assure you, she will be punished for this, Lucius," Snape said coldly, still holding the struggling Ginny in his arms.

"Remove her from my sight and do enjoy punishing her," Lucius ordered.

"With pleasure."

Hermione could then hear Ginny being dragged out of the room and then she was once again left alone with Lucius.

"What did you talk about, Mudblood?" he asked, amused.

Hermione was bitting her tongue, trying to stay silent. She did not wish to provoke him, she wasn't strong enough.

"Cat got your tongue?" Lucius smirked, than made his way towards her.

Hermione stopped breathing when she felt him stand before her.

"Shall we return to my bedroom?"

Hermione still said nothing. But when he gripped her arm, she couldn't stop struggling against his grip, feeling nauseated at his touch. He had killed Ron with his hands. The _hands_ that were now touching her.

Without another words, Lucius forced her to start walking. With each step that she took, Hermione was feeling more and more sick. She was afraid she would throw up on Lucius. Even if he deserved it, she wouldn't be able to stand the punishment that would follow.

Once they were in the bedroom, Lucius let go of her.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked, irritated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hermione whispered.

"Tell you what, Mudblood?"

She stayed quiet, fearing that if she opened her mouth, only cries would come out.

"'My patience is not limitless, Mudblood. Why didn't I tell you what?" he demanded.

Hermione swallowed hard and forced the tears to stay in her eyes as she answered:"That you killed him."

Lucius smirked and Hermione could almost see the proud expression on his face:"You will have to be a bit more specific. I have killed a lot of people. You don't actually expect me to remember every one of them, do you?"

How could he be so cold? So _evil_? Is there really no feeling inside of him?

"Ron," Hermione forced out.

"Oh, _him_," he said, sounding bored,"I didn't think he was important enough to be spoken about. After all, he was only a pathetic blood-traitor."

That caused rage to explode inside Hermione:"Don't call him that!"

In a second he was beside her, his warm breath tickling her cheek.

"One more outburst from you and I'll punish you severely," he whispered in a low voice.

Hermione knew she was making a mistake, but at that moment she didn't care. Her heart was stronger that her mind. That's why she was sorted in Grffindor.

Before she even realized what she was doing, the words flew out of her mouth:"Why did you kill him? Why?! Because _he_ was _also_ responsible for Draco's death?"

"I'm warning you. Do not speak my son's name," Lucius spoke in a low, dangerous tone.

"Who else is also responsible for Draco's death? Ginny? Luna? The Weasleys? Hagrid? That's all a lie and you know it! If anyone's to blame, it should be you!"

"Shut your mouth!" Lucius shouted viciously, then slapped her across the face.

The force of it knocked Hermione down to the ground, but she could stop screaming at him:"You are the reason he became a Death Eater! You're the one to blame for everything! You know it, but you're not man enough to admit it!"

Lucius grabbed her by her hair, pulling her upright and pressing her forcefully against the wall. He then closed the distance between their bodies. Hermione tensed and gasped, trying to ignore that her body was pressed against his and the only thing that protected her from him was a thin robe.

He held her wrists above her head and Hermione struggled in an attempt to push him away, but it was useless.

"So you think I'm not man enough? Maybe I should show you how much of a man I am," he muttered quietly, something dangerous in his tone.

His thumb glided slowly over the soft skin of Hermione's wrist, while keeping her arms fixed above her head. That caught Hermione off guard. His touch was gentle as it was at night when he touched her face and neck, thinking she was asleep.

But before Hermione could respond, he became rough again. He pulled he away from the wall and threw her across the room. Hermione stumbled in the darkness and fell into something, something hard that bruised and battered her, and then there was a loud, ringing crash.

Hermione was positive it was a dressing table. And the mirror was broken. Hermione dropped with her knees and palms onto the fragments of the broken mirror. She shrieked from the pain that was jolting through her body.

"What have you done? What _have_ you _done_, you _despicable Mudblood_?" Lucius' voice was filled with rage, panic and _grief_?

Hermione was laying on the floor, feeling like everything was spinning around her. All pain disappeared and unconsciousness took over her.

"_That was Narcissa's dressing table, you filth. You will pay for it, I swear,_" Lucius's tone was full of hatred and disgust.

And that was the last thing Hermione heard before the darkness overtook her mind.

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**Thanks to all who like my story! Don't forget to review and tell me what you think! :)**


	9. Games

chapter 9 **GAMES**

Sleep drifted away from Hermione, and for long moments she just layed in between the worlds of sleep and consciousness. But when she realized that she wasn't laying on the cold ground, she quickly opened her eyes.

Darkness.

For a moment Hermione had forgotten about her inability to see. Then all her attention was turned to the softness beneath her. She realized that she was laying on a bed.

_What happened? Where am I?_

She tried to move, but she felt so exhausted. What she wanted the most was to go back to sleep, but she knew that wasn't an option. First she had to discover why was she on the bed and what had happened.

When she moved her head, she felt a slight pain on her cheeks. That caused the memories to came back to her and she remembered every slap and every punch she had recieved from Lucius the previous day.

_Or maybe it's still the same day?_

She took a deep breath and made a move to get up, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. It was completely unexpected and it caused Hermione to wince in shock. She had been certain she was alone in the room. Hermione didn't even need to hear his voice to know who it was. She recognized his _hand_. His strong grip forced her to lay back down and Hermione knew better than to struggle.

"Stay still," he ordered emotionless.

His voice made her heart beat fasten. It was ridiculous what kind of effect only his _voice_ had.

He released Hermione's shoulder, but his hand didn't go away. It travelled up to her neck and it stayed there, brushing slightly against her skin.

"You should try to calm down or your heart will jump out of your ribcage. We wouldn't want that, would we?" his silky voice cut through the silence.

Hermione froze under his touch. She almost forgot to breath as she felt his skin on hers, his hand on her neck. The hands that killed innocent people, hands that killed Ron. Hermione almost pushed him away at the memory of what Ginny had told her, but she stopped herself in time.

What bothered her the most was the way he was touching her. She would rather have him strangling her, than caressing her skin that way.

"You already caused me enough trouble," he added quietly.

"What trouble?" Hermione asked, hoping he wouldn't get angry at her because of it.

His hand disappeared from her neck instantly, allowing Hermione to breath again.

"You got stabbed with a mirror shard. The mirror which you broke and for which you _will _pay, I assure you."

Hermione couldn't believe his words. _He_ was the one who threw her across the room and if someone was responsible for the broken mirror it was him. He really had a problem with admitting guilt.

"_Stabbed_?" she asked sceptically, wondering why she didn't feel any pain.

"Your neck. I had to heal it," then his voice got a tone of arrogance, "I can't let you take the easy way out, can I? You will die when I say so. No sooner, no later."

Hermione stayed quiet at that, realizing that he was right. She was completely under his control. Her life was now his, no matter how much she tried to deny it.

Then she remembered that she was on a bed, but she stopped herself in time before she could ask the reason for it. She concentrated on a slight dip in the mattress by her hips, realizing he was sitting really close to her body.

"Now, as the generous Master that I am, I will allow you to chose punishment for your disobedience," he drawled calmly.

"Punishment for _what_?"

Lucius let out a short laugh, but it sent shivers down Hermione's body. There was nothing funny or warm in his laugh. Hermione could almost feel the coldness and evilness from it.

"Now I am seriously questioning your memory, Mudblood."

"I dont..." Hermione stopped to take a deep breath, then she continued with stronger voice:"I don't understand."

"I can't say that surprises me. I always knew your intelligence quotient isn't above your body temperature," he insulted her. But what bothered Hermione the most was the way he was speaking. His voice had a trace of sarcasm and it was obvious he was mocking her as if he was interested in seeing her reaction to his cruel remarks.

"Stop it," she said quietly, gritting her teeth together.

"Why would I do that? Maybe it escaped your notice, but I can do what I please. Especially with my possessions."

"I'm not your _possesion_!" Hermione shot back angrily, making a move to get up from the bed.

Not even a second later she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder, holding her back down. But this time she struggled, trying to push his hand away. Her hopeless struggles only caused Lucius to smirk at her:"Do stop entertaining me, Mudblood."

"Let go of me!"

"Where is that you wish to go?" he asked, amused.

"Anywhere is better than here with you!" she barked at him, not thinking about the consequences.

"Is that so?"

Without a warning he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the bed. Hermione shrieked and tried to get away from him, but then he roughly pushed her onto the floor. Before Hermione had a chance to escape, he felt him climb on top of her.

"Never, and I mean _never_, shout at me again, understood?" he growled fiercely, grabbing her hands and pinning them above her head.

Hermione felt tears build in her eyes at being humiliated again.

"I will not repeat myself, Mudblood."

Hermione pressed her lips together and nodded:"I understand," she forced the words through her teeth.

"Good, now that we've found an understanding," he paused to emphasize his point, "I will continue where I've stopped."

Hermione listened and wondered why was he still on top of her. Just his touch made her sick and she wanted to crawl away from him, to burn her skin where he touched her.

"I presume you are smart enough to realize you have to be punished for your actions," Lucius said to her, gripping her wrists more tightly.

Hermione ignored her reflex to spit at him, realizing it was not a smart thing to anger him while in that position. She stayed quiet and waited for him to continue.

"Breaking my wife's mirror and almost destroying her dressing table deserves a proper punishment. But as I said before, I will give you a choice."

"W-what choice?" Hermione asked shakily, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"You are allowed to choose between two punishments. Who would you rather to be tortured by? My fellow Death Eaters, who you know really well by now," he then leaned to whisper in her ear, "Or me?"

Hermione's world was spinning around her. She could actually feel floor moving underneath her shaking body.

_He's just playing a mind game with me. I won't chose...I won't.._

Shaking her head, she struggled with all her strength, trying to push him away, but he ignored her.

"Choose, Mudblood," Lucius ordered coldly.

"I won't."

"You will," he said without any doubt, "You will do as I say."

Hermione then did the only thing that she could. She smiled. It was a bitter smile and she knew she would pay for it, but she didn't care. He thought he had taken all the choices away from her. That all she was allowed to choose from were possibilities _he_ had chosen for her.

_If I choose his friends, Lucius would win. If I choose Lucius, again he would win._

But if she decided _not_ to choose, then he would lose. And that small feeling of power over him, caused a small smile to appear on her face. A victory smile.

"Care to enlighten me what do you find so funny?" he asked, amused at her reaction.

"I won't choose," Hermione repeated, stronger this time.

"You do realize that that was _not_ an option?"

"I don't care. _I_ choose what my options are. Not you, _Lucius_," she said his name on purpose, feeling that would give her a bit of control over him.

And it seemed to anger him, because he pressed his body onto hers harder, making Hermione feel even more uncomfortable. He knew his closeness was a pure torture for her and he enjoyed every second of it.

"I wonder," he said calmly, "how would you scream my name while being taken by me?"

That sentence pushed all air from Hermione's lungs. Never before had he shown the interest in taking her, hurting her in _that_ way and Hermione was glad she was at least safe from that kind of torture. Now she realized that she could never be completely certain about anything. Lucius' mind was a complicated thing and Hermione didn't know what sick things were hidden there.

"You wouldn't..." she started, panic over taking her.

Lucius cut her off:"You're a Mudblood, not even a human being, a mere possession. You have no rights whatsoever and I have every right to do with you whatever I please."

"But you said...my first night here...you said..." Hermione babbled, not knowing what to say to him.

"No need to remind me of my words. True, I said I would never touch you because you disgust me. But seeing how disobedient you are, I might sacrifice myself to teach you a lesson," he explained, his tone light with a trace of excitement, "I'll teach you submissiveness, even if it's the last thing I do."

When Hermione said nothing, he continued:"Now, will you choose? I'm loosing my patience."

Hermione knew the moment had came when she had to chose between what was right and what was easy. It would be easier if she just obeyed him and chose, but that would mean giving him the power to control her. He had taken everything from her already, she wouldn't give him the last thing she still had.

After a few moments, she just shook her head:"I won't choose. Do with me what you want."

Lucius didn't react the way Hermione expected him to. When the words left her mouth, she prepared herself for his slap and his anger. But nothing came. He was silent and that silence was even more horrible for Hermione. Lucius wasn't a predictable man and Hermione couldn't even imagine what was going on inside his head.

When he finally spoke, his voice was completely calm and controled:"You _will_ choose. But I think you just need a bit more persuasion."

Hermione tensed at that, noticing how convinced he was in his victory over her. His confidence almost made her doubt in herself. If his _voice_ was so confident, Hermione could only imagine what his _face _looked like. He was probably smirking at her, a cruel smile written on that arrogant pureblood face of his.

Lucius's false innocent voice filled the room:"How horrible it would be if someone else had to pay for you attitude, Mudblood. Don't you agree?"

"What do you mean by that?" Hermione asked, sensing something in his words.

"How would you feel if your friend had to pay for your unwillingness to do as you're told? Hm?"

_I have no friends left. What is he talking about? He's bluffing. It's just his trick, but I won't fall for it._

Lucius sighed:"Severus would be more than glad to help me."

In a second Hermione understood what Lucius' plan was and it made her blood run cold.

"Don't you _dare_ do something to her!" she screamed at him, fear taking over her.

Lucius just chuckled:"Do not worry. The Weasley girl in not in my possession. I will not do anything to her. But I can't say the same for Severus."

At that moment everything became clear to Hermione. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to pull herself together, trying to keep herself from breaking down completely. She never had a chance in winning in an argument with Lucius, it was just an illusion. At the end it would always be him who will win.

Hesitantly she opened her eyes again, whispering:"Alright."

Lucius spoke with arrogance:"Good girl. Now tell me - what do you choose?"

Hermione sensed the confidence in his voice. He was acting as if he knew exactly what would happen. And Hermione had to admit that he probably did. He knew what her decision will be. He knew what she'd choose the moment he had asked her.

She didn't even need the time to think about it. Being tortured by a group of his friends or by him himself? There was no doubt what she would choose. Hermione could hardly even call it a choice.

"I choose you," she whispered, barely hearing herself.

But Lucius heard her and in a fast movement he was kneeling between her legs, spreading them, leaning closely over her. Hermione gasped in shock, the full weight of her decision finally hitting her.

"Be careful what you wish for," he muttered quietly, "Is that your final answer?" he was mocking her, making her question in herself, playing with her.

"Y-yes."

"I feel the need to remind you of the severity of your decision."

To emphasize his statement he pressed one of his knees slightly between her legs.

Hermione wanted to scream from the sheer horror that filled her at his action but only a single sob escaped her lips.

"There will be no turning back, Mudblood."

At that moment Hermione was fighting tears, but she still managed to repeat:"I choose you."

For a moment there was a complete silence in the room. Hermione waited in fear for Lucius' next actions, but there was nothing. He was completely still and she knew he was observing her, his grey eyes piercing her. How she wanted to know his motives, his thoughts.

And the position they were in was making her more and more uncomfortable. She felt so exposed and hummilitated. Never in her life had she been so close to someone before. He was too close for her liking, invading her personal space. She resisted the urge to just push him away, to close her legs and crawl into a corner and die. But that wasn't an option.

Finally he spoke. His voice was low and threatening:"I should take you right here, on the floor, to show you your place, Mudblood."

At that statement Hermione felt sick to her stomach. If she had eaten anything in the last couple of days, she would without doubt throw up.

Her lower lip started to quiver from fear, but she said nothing. She would accept the punishment. It was the only way. Lucius had made it clear to her that Ginny would pay if she didn't do as he said. Maybe he was just saying that to make her afraid? Even if that was the case, Hermione didn't want to take chances.

Then suddenly he laughed and it caused Hermione to wince in surprise. Whenever he laughed, it wasn't a good thing.

"You are almost beautiful when you are afraid. _Almost_," he said cruelly, "Too bad I find dirty blood disgusting."

His words confused her. Where was he going with that?

In an instant his weight was lifted off of her and Hermione immediately hugged herself with her hands, once they were free. He had held her wrists so tightly, there would without doubt be bruises.

"Have you thought for a second that I would actually touch trash like you?" he asked, amused, "You still have a lot to learn about me. And I learned something about you today."

Hermione was relieved that all his previous words were just a lie, but that didn't make the humiliation go away. She had given everything to him, her soul, her freedom, her right to choose and she had just offered him her body. And he laughed in her face. Hermione didn't think there was a way for him to humiliate her even more.

"Well, Mudblood? Aren't you curious what I have learned?"

Hermione bit her tongue in all her unexpressed anger and just shook her head.

With false disappointment in his voice he continued:"And I was told you were thirsty for knowledge," he sighed, before speaking again:"I learned that I have not been strict enough with you. The fact that you would rather be tortured by me than my friends, really puts some things in perspective. I have a feeling you aren't afraid of me- _enough_."

Hermione just wanted to close her eyes and go to sleep. She was sick of hearing him talk, sick of all his mind games.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Mudblood?"

Hermione didn't know why, maybe because she simply didn't care anymore, but she just ignored his question.

"I will not be ignored by you. You are truly naive, if you think that's even an option, you silly child."

Silly child? So there was some part in him that still knew what she was. A young girl, a _child_ when compared to him. But why couldn't he realize the inhumanity of his actions? Why was he completely ignoring how wrong was everything he was doing to her?

There had to be some small part in him that knew she wasn't responsible for what happened to his son.

Hermione felt him watching her from above, but she still refused to answer his questions. At the end he would always win, Hermione accepted that. But the least she could do to feel some kind of control, was refusing to do as he asked at first. She knew she would eventually give in and obey him, but there was still a trace of pride in her, that wouldn't let her take the easy way out. The only thing she could do was to annoy him and show him that she wasn't his puppet-_ yet._

"I won't ask twice. Your last chance. Why did you choose me?" he asked, his tone darker now.

Hermione knew not to push him any further. She succeeded in annoying him and that was enough for her, at least for now.

She hesitantly licked her dry lips, before answering:"I _am_ afraid of you."

"More than my colleagues?"

_Colleagues_? What an interesting word for his partners in crime.

"I..." Hermione didn't know what to say. She was afraid of them as well, maybe even more than she was of Luicus, but there was still something inside of her that would rather choose Lucius over the other Death Eaters. Maybe it was the fact that she knew him now. She somehow knew what she could expect from him. They were _connected_ in a way. He had seen a side of her that no one had ever seen before. He had made her do all the things she never would have done before. He had robbed her of everything and that made her somehow dependent on him. Her whole life was depending on him.

Hermione couldn't believe her own thoughts. What had that man changed her into in just a couple of days?

When she finally found words, her voice was barely a whisper:"I _am_ afraid of you. But they would hurt me in a way you wouldn't. At least you said you wouldn't."

Lucius' silence surprised her, but then he sneered at her answer:"You really are foolish. Is that all you are worried about? Being used for someone's pleasure? You really have a lot to learn."

He paused for a moment, then continued in a low tone:"There are much worse things. Mental pain is more devestating. I intend to present all those things to you."

When Hermione opened her mouth to speak, she was stopped by a quiet hiss from Lucius. It sounded as if he was somehow in pain, but he was controlling it well.

"It appears that our conversation will have to wait until I get back," he informed her emotionless and without another word he left the room.

Hermione curled into a ball and let out a breath she'd been holding. Lucius didn't tell her where he was headed, but Hermione wasn't stupid. She recognized the signs. His Dark Mark was probably burning, which meant that Voldemort was calling him.

How pathetic. He acted tough with her, but the moment his Master called him, he ran to him like a puppy.

Hermione shook her head, realizing how wrong she was. Lucius was everything but a puppy. But it made her feel better to think of him that way. To know there was someone _above_ him, someone Lucius feared as much as she feared him.

She stayed on the floor and ignored the complains of her stomach as she let dark thoughts overtake her mind.

*

Hermione didn't fall asleep after Lucius left. Her mind was constantly working, thinking, remembering. At least she had calmed down. When she was talking to Lucius, she feared she might have a nervous breakdown. She felt like that every time she talked to him.

But when she heard the doors fly open, her heart beat accelerated again. She could actually _hear_ her heart beating in her head. She could only imagine how frightened she looked to Lucius.

He didn't waste any time with small talk. He just walked over to her, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her up from the floor. By his breathing, Hermione knew he was upset. How she wished to see his face, his eyes, to know what was happening. Without her sight she felt completely lost, helpless.

She didn't even try to struggle against him, but his attitude was scaring her. He seemed nervous, as if he was rushing.

"I am leaving for a few days," he informed her professionally.

Hermione couldn't prevent a weak smile to appear on her face at that statement. It meant that she would be alone for a few days, without him. That opened up a lot of new possibilities...

"Don't get your hopes up, Mudblood. You are very wrong if you think I am stupid enough to leave you alone in the house, without my supervision."

Again all her hopes were shattered. But then worry awakened in her. What was he trying to say? Would he take her with him?

"I have arranged everything so that one of my friends will take you to his house, watching over you until I return."

_No, no, no... This can't be happening. But maybe..._

"And do not think you will be sent to Severus. He has more than enough trouble with that Weasley girl."

Again her hopes were destroyed in a second.

"We should hurry. Antonin is expecting us."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock as she started panicking:"Dolohov? No, not him. I can stay here. I won't do anything, I promise...."

Lucius' grip on her arm only tightened:"Shut your mouth and stop wasting my time. I have already decided."

There was something in his tone that warned Hermione to stop arguing with him. She had never before heard him talk so serious. And was there _worry_ in his voice also?

She couldn't help but wonder what had happened. What had he found out at the Death Eater's meeting? Where was he going for a few days? _Why_?  
But she knew her questions will never be answered, so she stayed silent. Only quiet sobs escaped her closed mouth. Sobs of pure fear.

He said nothing to her, but she felt him hesitating for a second, before he wrapped one of his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She could tell by his body language that it disgusted him. Before she had a chance to struggle or say something, all air was pushed out of her lungs as the unpleasant feeling of apparition took over her.

The next moment she realized she was standing on the floor again, but she knew she was in a different place. It smelled different and it was a bit colder than it was in Lucius' bedroom.

Hermione was feeling dizzy and she had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself. When she was positive her legs would not betray her, she gathered all her strength and pushed Lucius away from her. He didn't fight her, he was glad to not having to have her so close to him anymore.

"Lucius, I didn't expect to see you so soon," a voice said.

It was Dolohov, Hermione just knew it. She could tell he was on the other end of the room, but then she heard his boots click underneath him as he approached them.

Hermione's heart was threatening to explode, but she tried to keep her face calm.

"Well, Antonin, you know I don't like to keep the Dark Lord waiting," Lucius answered politely, "Do you still wish to watch over my award?"

Antonin laughed:"It will be my _pleasure_."

The last word sent shivers down Hermione's body and it made her stomach sick. Suddenly she felt the need to just grab Lucius' arm and beg him to take her home. Home? Is that what she called the Malfoy Manor now?

Still, she would much rather be with Lucius until the rest of her life than a few days with Dolohov. She couldn't understand what was happening to her. Had she gone completely mad?

Then she felt Lucius' hand go around her waist possessively:"Hands off, Antonin. There will be no _pleasure_. At least not the pleasure you have in mind. You do remember what I told you?"

And the first time since she was captured, she did not wish to push Lucius away. With his hand around her waist, she felt safe. As safe as she could be.

"Of course, I remember. Don't take everything so serious, my friend. I was only joking," Antonin replied, laughing.

When Lucius' hand left Hermione's waist, she felt exposed again. With no protection, without a protector. She mentally slapped herself at the thought of it.

_Now I see him as my protector? Something is seriously wrong with me._

She had seen him in that role before. That night when his friends were having fun with her, her mind slipped for a moment and for a second she saw him as her protector. She knew it was stupid, but her mind couldn't be controlled.

"I want to find her alive when I return, is that understood, Antonin?" Lucius asked, a warning in his voice.

"Completely," he replied.

Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. She had a feeling like it was all a dream and she would wake up from it. She couldn't believe she was handed to Dolohov.

The next moment she heard the sound of Apparition and it caused her throat to close completely. She knew she should be screaming, crying, kicking, running away, but she just stood there, frozen. She couldn't see anything and what was point in running? She could only injure herself.

She snapped from her trans, when she heard Dolohov sneer:"Alive you will be, but... he said nothing regarding the state he wishes to find you in."

And Hermione knew that was the end. Everything that had happened to her when she was with Lucius was nothing compared to what Dolohov will make her go through. Death was a better option. But she didn't have the right to choose her option. She had nothing.

* * *

**I hope you are not disappointed with this chapter. Thanks to all of you who read and review. Please, tell me what you think of this chapter. :) :)**


	10. Alone

Chapter 10 **ALONE **

Hermione lost track of the time she spent in the cell after she was dragged down into the dungeons. She could still clearly hear Lucius' voice and feel his arm on her waist. But he wasn't with her anymore. She was alone.

She tried to ignore the feeling of betrayal. It was ridiculous. Why would she feel betrayed? Only a person you trust could betray you. And she never trusted Lucius. But then why did she feel so hurt, so _unprotected_ without him. It wasn't as if her life had been perfect when she was with him. He was a sadist, a murderer, a Death Eater.

Hermione took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. It was useless. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the shivering. Maybe it was because of the fear and anticipation or maybe because of the coldness in the cell. It was much colder than in Lucius' bedroom.

After Lucius left, Dolohov just dragged her into a cell, saying nothing to her. Hermione didn't struggle, she was too much in shock to put up a fight. A small part of her was hoping that it was all just another test, but with each passing second it became clear to her that it was real. Lucius really handed her to Dolohov. He had said it was only for a few days, but could she really believe him? What if he got tired of her and he decided to give her to someone else?

Shaking her head, she quickly pushed that thought aside. It was impossible that Lucius would grown tired of her. He hated her, he _loathed_ her and his mission in life was to make her suffer. He had said it himself.

Rubbing her stomach, she tried to ease the pain and the grumbling that was coming from it. It worried her how would she get water. At the Malfoy Manor she could drink water from bathroom, but there were no pipes in the cell she was currently in.

Still, Hermione knew that food and water were her last problem.

She was still in shock and was unable to form tears. Beside fear, she could feel no other emotion.

When she heard the door open, she quickly pulled herself up. It was a reflex by now. Lucius always demanded from her that she stood up when he was talking to her.

Using the wall behind her as a support, she tried to steady her breathing as she waited for something to happen.

"You seem to have more bruises than the last time I saw you," Dolohov's voice cut through the silence, "I never saw Lucius as the violent type."

Hermione barely prevented laughter to escape from her lips. All Lucius had ever done to her was violent.

"He always seemed to be above us. More _sophisticated_, more civil than the rest of us. Don't you agree?" Dolohov asked.

Hermione wondered if she should say something. With Lucius she knew when it was wise to stay silent, but she didn't know Dolohov. Did he expect her to answer to his questions?

Finally, she decided to take a risk. She was still a Gryffindor after all. She gathered her courage and answered:"He's nothing more than an evil Death Eater."

Dolohov laughed at that:"I like you opinion. It was about time someone noticed how he's no better than the rest of us."

Was that jealousy she noticed in Dolohov's voice? Hermione wondered if maybe Lucius and Dolohov weren't such good friends as she thought. Was there rivalry between them?

"I always despised the way he carried himself."

Question answered. But knowing that Lucius and Dolohov were somehow enemies, rather that friends didn't calm Hermione. If anything, it just gave her a strange feeling of nervousness.

She could hear Dolohov slowly approaching her and she tried to change the subject.

"Where did Lucius go? What was so important?" she asked quietly, not really expecting to hear the answer.

It surprised her when she heard Dolohov talk:"Troubles with some survivors. They formed a resistance and organized an attack," he explained, then sneered," Fools."

That news left Hermione speechless. She didn't know how she should feel about it. _Hope_, because there were still people who fought against Voldemort and Death Eaters? Or _sadness_, because there was no possibility they could change anything with their attacks? Especially now, when Lucius was sent to stop them. Hermione knew the survivors had no chance of winning or even surviving. And it shocked her how easily she accepted that news. Still, how could she be sure the survivors would lose ina fight? What had happened to her in the last few days that caused her to see Lucius as indestructible? He was a human as well. He could be easily killed with a curse. He wasn't indestructible. But when Hermione realized that Lucius could also be killed, fear started to build inside of her. Fear _for_ him. She didn't want him to die, because that would mean she's be left with Dolohov for the rest of her life. Suddenly she remembered her first day at the Malfoy Manor when Lucius told her what would happen if she tried to harm him in his sleep.

_'__If anything happens to me, I have arranged everything so you would fall into the arms of the cruelest Death Eaters.__'_

Hermione almost choked on her fear as images if her existence with Dolohov filled her mind.

"Cat got your tongue?" Dolohov asked, amused.

Hermione just shook her head, trying to get those horrible images out of her mind. She hated herself for not wanting Lucius to die. It was selfish and despicable, but Hermione couldn't force her mind to think otherwise.

"Are you _mute_ as well?"

Hermione kept her mouth shut. Maybe if she ignored him, he would go away? But that was only wishful thinking. Lucius never left her alone, why would Dolohov?

"You don't have to talk," he said calmly, "In fact, I would rather hear you screaming."

Something in his voice sent shivers down her body. It wasn't hate or rage in his tone, but something else. Whenever Lucius talked to her, Hermione could sense anger and hate from him. But with Dolohov was different. He had no real reason to hate her, so the only reason he had for torturing her was _boredom_ and _pleasure_.

In a second he was next to her, breathing into her face. Hermione tried to move away from him, but he pressed himself against her, forcing her into the wall.

"Lucius gave me strict instructions on how to handle you. But I don't think he would mind if we have a little fun."

Her blood literally ran cold at that sentence. Her eyes widened in horror and she immediately tried to sprint away, but Dolohov was already grabbing her wrist.

She knew in the back of her mind she shouldn't fight, she shouldn't struggle, but her instincts were too great.

She thrashed about, trying to free herself. Where was Lucius? Why did he leave her? This was wrong, all wrong. She was _wrong_.

"If you're a screamer- feel free," he drawled.

He grabbed her more firmly around the waist, pressing her back into him and Hermione almost threw up as she felt his disgusting excuse for manhood rapidly hardening against her.

She kicked her legs, twisted in his arms, anything to free herself. But she was quickly losing what strength she had left.

Dolohov was chuckling:"Calm down, pet. I'm not going to hurt you," then he added in a darker tone,"I'm not allowed to."

Hermione didn't have the time to think about his last sentence. She was too frightened for that. She used the last of her strength to kick one final time, and got no where. Finally she went limp and Dolohov giggled madly:"Lost your fight already? Good. We won't have as many problems then, will we?"

She was turned around and was now facing the wall. Her back was resting on Dolohov's chest and they were so close, she could feel his heart beating.

It was wrong to not fight and let him do what he wanted, but Hermione had no strength left.

She felt Dolohov's hand on her stomach and all she wanted was to take a hot bath to clean herself of his disgusting scent and touch. Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, his hand started to move upwards. Hermione recognized that time as the time to panic.

She started struggling against his grip, feeling nauseated with his breath on her bare neck. At that moment she realized that even Lucius would be preferable, at least he wasn't repulsive.

When his hand reached her breast, Hermione couldn't help but to cry out. She could feel all blood go straight into her head, making her blush.

"If only Lucius could see us now. What would he say if he saw me touching his possession?"

His fingers tightened on her breast. Hermione bit her lip hard and after a second she could taste blood in her mouth.

"I could only imagine his face," Dolohov continued, not removing his hand,"I wonder why is he so protective of you."

Hermione couldn't believe Dolohov's words. He couldn't be more wrong. Lucius _protecti__ve_?

"He made it clear to me that he wants you all for himself. Maybe I'm weak, but I can't resist things when they're under my nose. In my _care_."

His next action made Hermione cry out in shock. She felt slight pain in her neck and realized he was biting her. Never in her life had she been bitten before. Lucius would never bite her. He would rather die that lower himself enough to touch her skin that way. Hermione couldn't understand why she compared Dolohov's actions to Lucius'. She didn't want to think of Luicus, but he was always on her mind.

Dolohov's mouth moved to her ear as he whispered:"I see Lucius thought you discipline. Maybe even _too_ well."

His hand moved from her breast up to her mouth, but the moment his fingers touched her lips, Hermione didn't lose her time with thinking as she bit down hard, making him jerk his hand away from her.

"I do not tolerate disobedience, Mudblood, but I do love the sound of a woman screaming," he hissed.

Suddenly he turned her around so that she was facing him.

"I wonder what has Lucius done to you to make you so submissive," Dolohov wondered quietly,"Has he had you already?"

Hermione forced the words through her teeth:"Screw you."

She didn't get the reaction she was hoping for. She wished to annoy him at least, but all he did was let out a small laugh.

"You still have fire in you. I like that," he said, excitement clear in his voice.

The next thing she knew were his lips pressed tightly against hers. Hermione gasped in surprise, but before she had the chance to bite him again, he released her mouth and laughed:"Did Lucius do something like that to you? Has he kissed you?"

Hermione felt sickness slowly overtaking her body at the taste of Dolohov on her lips. She fought back the urge to throw up, knowing it probably wasn't a good idea. She didn't know why she even chose to answer, but her voice was strong and controlled:"No. Lucius is more sophisticated than that."

A small part of her believed that. Lucius would never touch her just because of his pleasure. How could he when she disgusted him? Hermione was positive he would never kiss her and she was grateful for that.

Dolohov's voice was colder now. All the playfulness disappeared from it as he spoke:"Perhaps it escaped your notice, but I am no Lucius. And he is not here."

"But...he-he doesn't like when others touch me," Hermione hoped he would believe her.

"As I said before- he is not here."

"He will find out."

Again Dolohov's hands were on her waist, slowly moving up as if he was teasing her:"How will he find out?"

Hermione's body stiffened, but she forced her voice to sound threatening:"If you touch me, I'll..." she spat the words at him, but then realized that she didn't know what to say. What could she possibly threaten him with to make him stop?

She remained silent and felt tears form in her eyes at her helplessness. It was the first time since they lost the war that she seriously considered killing herself.

"Why so quiet?" Dolohov asked with false disappointment,"Slap me, scratch me, scream, cry, beg me to stop; anything. Just fight me. I like it when they fight."

Before Dolohov's hands again touched the spot she didn't wish to be touched, Hermione screamed at him:"I'll tell Lucius!"

At her surprise that made him stop immediately, his hands not moving from stomach. This time he didn't laugh at her. His silence surprised Hermione, because she didn't think that her threat would have any serious effect.

When he finally spoke, it wasn't what Hermione expected to hear. She was fully prepared to hear Dolohov say that Lucius couldn't care less what happened to her or that Lucius had given him permission to do with her what he wanted.

She could sense slight fear in Dolohov's voice as he sneered:"Lucius will never find out."

"He will," Hermione repeated,"I'll tell him and he will make you pay."

She herself didn't believe her own words, but she hoped she would be able to convince him.

Her threat seemed to anger him, because he slapped her across the face and the force of it sent her to the floor. It hurt, but not as nearly as much as when Lucius hit her.

"You will not threaten me," he growled, then kicked her in the stomach, making it almost impossible to breath. Hermione gasped, trying to inhale as much air as possible, but every time her chest moved it felt like knives were ripping through her stomach.

"I will do with you as I please. You better remember that."

The next half an hour was excruciating. When he had first ripped off her robes, she had tried to struggle, which resulted in a bout of punches and kicks. But at least her threat seemed to have worked, because he didn't try anything with her anymore. In all her pain and distress Hermione still managed to think straight and she concluded that he had probably stripped her of her robes to humiliate her. She was never in her life humiliated like that. Not even her mother had seen her without her clothes since she was a little. And not even Lucius demanded from her to take her clothes off just so he could stare at her. He had seen her naked, though. When she was forced to take a bath she had to stand in front of him, but that lasted only for a few seconds.

But Dolohov was more perverted. Hermione knew he was staring at her body, because he was making comments and she was glad she couldn't see anything. The sight of Dolohov and the expression on his face would without doubt make her sick. She tried to ignore his comments about how shy she was as he noticed her shaking in discomfort and shame. At least he wasn't allowed to do anything more than that unless he wanted to Lucius' rage to fall upon him. That fact was still unclear to Hermione. Judging by Dolohov's behaviour, he and Lucius had a conversation about what he was allowed to do to her. It confused Hermione why would Lucius forbid Dolohov to have his way with her. That question was constantly in her mind as she recieved slaps and hits. The pain was _unbelievable_. The beating seemed to last for hours, but Hermione never screamed. She did cry out quietly, but never more than that. She was humiliated more than she could handle already and didn't want to give Dolohov the satisfaction of knowing he has broken her. She could hear his insults, but she decided to ignore them.

And that seemed to just annoy him even more as he pulled her up from the floor just to throw her across the cell. Hermione stumbled in the darkness and tripped over something, causing her to hit the floor again. Her head banged against the stone, sending shock-waves of pain through her body.

And just as she thought she would pass out, everything went silent. Dolohov's rapid breathing was all she could hear. It seemed strange to her why she couldn't hear her own breathing, but she didn't have the strength to think about it. Her eyes were closed shut and at least Dolohov didn't demand from her to keep them open all the time as Lucius did. Lucius probably enjoyed her pain, he wanted to see and _feel_ the suffering through her eyes. But Dolohov didn't care for that. All he wanted was to take his anger out on someone. His motives for hurting her weren't as deep as Lucius'. At first Hermione thought that that made him less dangerous than Lucius, but she couldn't be more wrong.

Lucius was smart. He knew how far could he go before she would pass out and with him Hermione at least was certain of one thing - he would never go to such extremes as to kill her and he would never let her die. But Dolohov seemed to be completely lost in his rage and he could kill her by accident.

Finally silence was shattered by Dolohov's voice:"I hope you liked your first day here. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some things I have to do. But don't worry. I will find some new ways to make you scream tomorrow. I have a feeling you won't be so stubborn."

Hermione could hear him walk out of the cell and close the door behind him. He didn't even bother locking him. Maybe he was so stupid that he forgot, or maybe he realized that she was unable to even move, let alone stand up and try to escape.

*

The pain, the smell, the ache, the dark, the revolting feeling of being at the mercy of another, the helplessness… that must be what Hell felt like.

Because Hermione knew she was no longer alive. She had to be dead. It must had happened sometime in the cell.

Dolohov came to her at his every opportunity, and rarely left her alone. He brought no food, no water; only himself. He gave her no rest, no healing; only suffering, upon suffering, pain and more pain.

The third day Hermione lost her will to live, her will to fight. In her free time she wondered where Lucius was. Had something happened to him? That worried her more that it should. A lot of things had changed. She no longer dreamed of the world where Voldemort would be defeated, because she knew that wasn't an option anymore. She had to face the reality and learn to live with it. Lucius was the one in her dreams now. She wished he would come for her, rescue her, even if that meant living with him for the rest of her life. But with each day that passed her wish for Lucius' return weakened. She was broken now, being rescued wouldn't helped anyways. It wasn't just physical pain, but mental as well.

She learned that Dolohov liked to talk a lot. In between punches he would insult her, insult Lucius, describe what he would do to her if she wasn't under Lucius _protection_. That was the word he used.

Even though she was completely exhausted and on the edge of passing out Hermione laughed when Dolohov said that to her. _Protection_? She was under Lucius' _protection_?

At first she thought she had heard it wrong. How was possible she was under anyone's protection? She was on the ground, naked, bleeding, shaking, dying. And how could she be under _Lucius'_ protection? He was the one who handed her to Dolohov without having second thoughts.

Her laugh only caused Dolohov to hit her harder, but she was already used to it. She never screamed though. No matter how hard he tried to get some kind of reaction from her. Uncontrollable crying was all he could get from her. And that happened on the second day, but it wasn't because of the pain he inflicted upon her.

It was because of his words that Hermione couldn't hold the tears back.

"Why won't you scream? You won't prove anything with your stubbornness," then he added with clear pleasure in his voice,"_He_ screamed. That Weasley boy."

Hermione almost choked on her tears as she was forced to listen to Dolohov.

"You should see what Lucius did to him. And he wasn't as brave as you are trying to be. He screamed. His bones were breaking under Lucius' curse and his skin was burning," he chuckled, before continuing:"And he screamed and cried. It was really pathetic to even watch."

"Shut up!" Hermione yelled, covering her ears in an attempt to block out the words that were coming from Dolohov.

But as if he didn't hear her, he continued:"And the-boy-who-lived was nothing better. Pathetic child. He begged for his life while the Dark Lord tortured him."

Hermione wished she could die at that moment. She wished she could simply stop breathing and die.

The third day she was like a corpse. When Dolohov came to her, she didn't even flinch. She was numb, but that didn't prevent Dolohov from enjoying his torture. This time he didn't use his hands, his wand did all the torturing. Hermione had forgotten how much pain a Cruciatus curse can cause. Dolohov reminded her. She once heard that a person can completely lose their mind if kept under the Cruciatus curse for longer that a few minutes. It seemed that Dolohov knew that as well, because he lifted the curse off of her just when she started to hallucinate.

She could hear his laughter, even through her tireless crying, and it became ingrained into her mind. His laughter. That was the only thing in her mind. That and Lucius. It was bizarre how she kept thinking about him, wondering where he was, comparing him to Dolohov...._wishing he would come for her._

Dolohov's visits were shorter with each passing day. He was probably bored with Hermione's reactions and his torture techniques. He had beaten her, insulted her, stripped her, tortured her with Cruciatus. He was slowly becoming bored.

The forth day Hermione knew something has changed. The moment she heard him walk into her cell, she knew he had came up with something new. She concluded that from his confident walk. His boots were clicking beneath him and Hermione realized he was walking slowly as if he was watching her, observing her. As a predator observes it's prey.

When he finally spoke it just convinced Hermione that something had changed.

"I know you will agree with me that all this torture has became a bit boring. And I came up with something new."

Hermione barely blinked at his statement, not showing worry.

But then she felt him crawl on top of her and her mind recognized the danger. She didn't struggle, she was too tired for that.

"I think I found a way for us to have fun without Lucius knowing."

"I will tell him," Hermione repeated emotionless. She felt like a robot, always repeating the same thing, always getting the same reaction from him.

But this time her threat didn't have the effect it should. Dolohov didn't get off of her as she expected him to. He just laughed in her face and Hermione's blood ran cold at that.

"You won't be able to tell him if you don't remember, pet."

Then she understood everything. But before she had a chance to say anything, he clamped his hand tight over her mouth.

"Shh, pet. It's me talking at the moment," he then let out a satisfied sigh:"If I Obliviate you, then you won't be able to tell Lucius anything about our times together."

Hermione shook her head and finally he removed his hand from her mouth.

"Do you have something to say?" he asked, interested.

"H-he _will_ know. He's not stupid. How do you think h-he won't be able to tell?" Hermione babbled, not able to stop the words from her mouth.

"Even if he does notice something, when he would ask you, you wouldn't be able to tell him anything, because you wouldn't remember," he drawled slowly, anticipation clear in his voice.

Absolute fear was rising inside Hermione and it made it impossible to talk. Even if she could talk, there was nothing she could say. What threat could she use against him now?

She gasped in surprise when she was pulled up from the ground and forced against the wall.

"This is my favourite position. I hope you don't mind," he whispered and then forced his mouth onto hers. It caught Hermione by surprise and she didn't even have the time to fight back.

After a second he pulled back to look at her:"You remember when we were at the Malfoy Manor and you spat into my face? Well, I dreamed of doing this with you ever since that."

His tall form seemed to crush her as he forced her onto the wall. Hermione felt like everything was spinning around her. Her legs couldn't hold her up anymore. She was exhausted, starved and dehydrated. Her body didn't feel like hers anymore. Unconsciousness was only a matter of time and Hermione would welcome it with open arms.

Then something happened that made Hermione think she had gone insane. She heard _his _voice. She couldn't hear it clearly. It was as if it was coming from far away, like she only heard it in her head, imagined it.

"Antonin, please _do_ explain to me what you're doing."

She wondered what was wrong with her. What had Lucius done to her to make her so dependant on him? It was completely bizarre that she would imagine his voice when she was in danger and almost on the edge of death.

The next thing she knew was the cold ground beneath her as Dolohov let go of her. Her knees hit the floor painfully, but she didn't have the time to think about the reason why Dolohov released her as she closed her eyes, allowing unconsciousness to take her into its hold.

* * *

**Thanks for reviews! They really mean a lot to me. I hope you didn't miss Lucius too much in this chapter, but it had to be done. He will be in the next chapter a lot more. Please, review! :)**


	11. Predator and Prey

chapter 11 **PREDATOR AND PREY**

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing, Antonin?"

"Bloody hell, Lucius, I was only messing around..."

"I remember well enough what I ordered you and I'm quite sure my orders didn't include you touching her. You spit on my generosity by seeking to harm...my _property_."

"No real harm has been done to her! Nothing a few healing charms can't fix-"

"You deliberately ignored my commands. You really should know better than to oppose me, Antonin."

Barely consciouses, Hermione could swear her heart stopped. For one moment; the world stopped. The pain numbed her until her body thrummed, unaware of anything else. The only part of her brain that was working was the part asking her, _'__Is__ that really him? __Is__ that really his voice?'_

But it was impossible. It was a dream. Maybe she'd finally lost it. Dolohov had really sent her over the edge, because it was impossible.

She held her breath, wanting to hear what they were talking. She recognized Dolohov's voice. It was impossible not to, because in the last days his voice was the only thing she was allowed to listen to. But the second voice was not Dolohovs voice, it was too smooth, too nostalgic to her. Familiar and _soothing__, _yet so foreign. But it was a hallucination, after all. It could have been anyone. Dolohov could have brought some friends with him to make it more entertaining.

She was positive that her mind was playing tricks with her and was making her think that _he _had returned. She felt like she was in the world between consciousness and unconsciousness. She was so exhausted that all she wanted was to give into the darkness, but at the same time she wanted to know if it was all really just her imagination.

"It seems to me that you doubt my authority. You disobeyed my orders, what I take as a direct offence against me. And I do not tolerate an offence against my authority."

Hermione concentrated on the voices. The first one was scared, somehow weak, and the other one angry and it seemed to have some kind of a control over the first voice. Soon their words became incomprehensible. Hermione could still hear them talking, but couldn't make anything out of it.

It was then that Hermione realized that she wasn't wearing any clothes as Dolohov took those away the first day. She tried to move her body and cover herself with her hands, but it only caused a whimper to escape her lips. Then deadly silence followed and for a moment Hermione thought that all had been a dream and that she was alone in the cell, waiting for Dolohov to return and hurt her once more.

But then an angry voice was heard again:"I will deal with you later. Do not think I will let your disobedience stay unpunished."

Her heart was racing as she heard someone approaching her. When that someone knelt down next to her, it hit her. The smell. It was _his_ smell. She couldn't describe or explain it, but that was definitely his smell.

_"Mudblood?"_

And that _voice_. Now that it was so close to her, there was no doubt. She had been called Mudblood a lot of times before, but the way it was spoken could have only been said by one person.

Her throat was not making any decipherable sounds other than pants and whimpers, so she could not speak.

It was then that she did the one thing she'd hoped she would never ever do in front of anyone, especially in front of him. She broke down into painful wracking sobs, her entire body shaking with the force of them.

She sobbed from pain, from memories of every horrible thing that has happened to her since _he_ left and the utter _relief _that enveloped her at hearing his voice again. Her sense of relief sickened her. But she couldn't deny that she was grateful for his protection of her and his complete domination of her attacker. Shame of that gratitude flooded her and only caused her to sob harder. How could she be grateful to the very man that was responsible for Voldemort's victory? How could she be thankful, after all he had done to _her_, to her friends, and to their cause?

Strong arms hooked under her knees and wrapped around her waist, the scent of firewhiskey and thyme invading her senses as he lifted her deftly. Hermione was fully aware of the fact that she was naked, but she couldn't find herself being bothered by that. All she cared about was that she was being taken away from Dolohov. The last thing she could remember before she drifted off to sleep was the squeezing feeling of Apparition.

*

When she finally came to, the first thing she realized was that she was no longer in a cell. She couldn't feel the hard ground underneath her body which made her wonder where she was. It was warmer that it had been in a cell and it smelled different. _Cleaner_. When she moved her arm slightly, she discovered that she was covered with a blanket for which Hermione was grateful, because she wasn't wearing anything. It took her a few moments to remember everything that had happened and immediately her eyes flew open. It was a reflex, even though she couldn't see anything. When she felt the softness beneath her, she realized she was laying on a bed.

But _whose_bed was it? She took a shaky breath, grabbing the blanket and holding it tightly for comfort. Then shock overtook her as she realized that maybe everything could have been a dream. Maybe she was slowly losing her mind and that caused her to imagine Lucius returning and saving her from Dolohov. She forced herself to keep breathing.

When she felt the bed dip slightly she squeezed her eyes shut, willing it all to just go away. She wished she was in her own bed, safe at home or at Hogwarts.

"Are you hurt?"

Relief shot through Hermione as she recognized Lucius' cold voice. She felt the familiar trembling of her body, the lump in her throat, the panic that seemed to choke her every time he was close to her.

He was asking if she was hurt. It was strange how he managed to ask that question with such emotionless and cold voice. If he didn't care, then why was he asking if she was hurt?

"Lucius," she stuttered, feeling tears starting to form in her eyes. But it wasn't because of the pain or sadness or humiliation, but relief. Pure relief at hearing his voice.

Lucius sighed in annoyance and Hermione realized it was probably because she called him by his name. He didn't like it when she said his name. Maybe because he thought she wasn't worthy of speaking it or because she made everything more personal with that. He never called her Hermione or Granger. It was always 'girl' or mudblood'.

"Answer my question," he demanded.

If she was hurt? What kind of a question was that? Was he blind? Hermione couldn't understand why was he asking her that. She was unable to see herself, but she could imagine what she looked like. Dirty, covered in bruises, weak.

"What did he do to you?" he asked, growing impatient.

She didn't want to anger him, but she didn't understand why did he want to hear it from her. Besides, he was the one who handed her to Dolohov without caring what would happen to her. Why did he insist on knowing what happened to her? Maybe he wanted to enjoy listening to her as she would talk about all the horrible things she had to endure.

"I-I think that's none of your concern," Hermione said quietly.

"As it so happens, you are mine. Your mind, soul and body," he said firmly, "So I'm making it my concern."

Hermione could argue with him, but deep inside she knew he was right. She was his. At first only her body belonged to him to with it what he pleased, but things had changed since then. When she was suffering under Cruciatus or receiving slaps from Dolohov, she wished for Lucius. Not Harry or Ron or anyone else. She wanted _Lucius_ to come and save her. Her mind and soul were his possession ever since she first thought of Lucius as her protector.

He sucked in his breath, ever so quietly as he repeated his question:"What did he do to you?" he asked, his voice perfectly still and controlled, "Tell me or I will be forced to see for myself. You wouldn't want that, trust me."

Hermione didn't understand what me meant by that, but there was a threat in his voice and she decided not to anger him:"He did what you ordered him to do," she whispered, hoping her voice wouldn't break.

Lucius sneered at her answer:"And how would _you _know what ordered him to do?"

Hermione took a shaky breath as she forced the words out:"He slapped me, kicked me, insulted me-"

Her mind flashed back to that day when Dolohov had her pinned against the wall and trailed his hand all over her body, stopping on her breast. But Lucius didn't need to know about that. Hermione wasn't sure if she could stand the feeling of humiliation if she had to tell him about it.

She wrapped her arms defensively around her chest as she pushed that memory away.

"Is that all?" he asked calmly, but he was somehow tensed as if he was expecting to hear something else as well.

"Y-yes," she lied.

"What I saw when I walked in on you two, didn't seem as a beating to me," he drawled and there was obvious disgust in his tone.

Hermione pressed her lips together, not wanting to tell him what Dolohov was trying to do. And Lucius was a lot of things, but he wasn't stupid. From what he saw, he could figure it out by himself. Why was he asking _her_ about it?

"He didn't do anything," Hermione said quietly, then added, "He would have done, if you hadn't..."

She didn't finish that sentence, but she knew that Lucius understood what she meant to say. A long pause followed and Hermione could only hear her own breathing.

Then without a warning something was put on her lap. Hermione startled slightly, anxious about the proximity with him. She moved her arms from under the blanket and her hands touched the thing on her lap. Se recognized it as a plate.

"What-"

"There are two sandwiches. A glass of water in on the bedside table," he said coldly, "Eat."

Hermione wanted to ask so many questions. She wanted to know where he had been, what had happened with the resistance. Did he do his duty? Something inside Hermione told her that all the survivors were probably dead, but that didn't shock her as it should. She was aware of the fact that only a day ago Lucius had probably killed a lot of people, good people and now he was offering her food. A Gryffindor in her was convincing her to throw the plate at him and spit at him, but she did nothing of those things. Instead she took the sandwich from the plate and without hesitation took a big bite.

Hermione closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation and the taste. It was delicious. The first food in days. But she couldn't enjoy it completely. Not with Lucius sitting so close to her and observing her.

She hated when he did that. She felt so vulnerable, not being able to see him, to see the expression on his face, while he could see every emotion that passed her face. She wasn't good in hiding her feelings.

As she started eating her second sandwich, Lucius finally decided to speak.

"I knew Antonin wouldn't hesitate to take his perverted biases out on you," he said, his voice quiet and there was a trace of anger in it.

Hermione gritted her teeth together to stop herself from shouting insults at him. He knew what would happen to her with Dolohov and still he gave her to him.

"But I didn't think he would be brave and stupid enough to ignore my orders," it seemed as if he was speaking to himself.

Hermione still said nothing. When she was done with eating, she felt a bit better and full. Then something accured to her as her mind replayed Lucius words. Antonin ignored his orders? That meant that Lucius ordered him not to touch her. That fact worried her more that it should.

"Why did you-" Hermione started, but then closed her mouth, realizing Lucius probably wouldn't like it if she asked questions, especially about his intentions and his motives for acting the way he was acting.

But he knew whet she meant to ask and he answered emotionless:"I don't like it when people touch my possessions without my permission. And that's what you are. A mere possession."

He had said it so many times before that it had no effect on Hermione anymore.

For a moment he was quiet, but then he took a deep breath before speaking again:"I wonder what is it about you that made him act so irresponsibly," he asked quietly, but Hermione noticed a threat in his words.

Lucius' hand moved to her shoulder, pushing her down until she was laying on her back. Hermione's hear beating fastened at not knowing what he was planning on doing. She knew she should fight, but she couldn't find the strength to do so. She was still exhausted and every move hurt.

"What is so special about you?" he murmured.

Hermione didn't know what to expect from him, but at least he wasn't violent. She didn't think she would be able to stand more violence after everything that happened with Dolohov.

She listened carefully to Lucius' breathing. He seemed calm, composed, even lost in his thoughts. But that didn't prevent the goose bumps from covering her skin because of the fear that was running through her veins.

He reached out his hand to cup her cheek and Hermione tensed at first, but then felt a calming influence. For a moment she thought it was some kind of spell but she soon realized that it wasn't magic that quelled the storm inside her, but his tenderness. Why was he tender? Was he playing with her mind again?

Before she even realized it, tears were slowly running down her cheeks. Hermione closed her eyes, trying to still her breathing, ignoring the few tears that were running down her cheeks, some stopping on her lips. Suddenly she felt Lucius' hand jerk away from her face with an angry sigh. Without even thinking, Hermione knew the reason behind his reaction. A tear had probably rolled down onto his fingers and he couldn't afford being dirtied by her filthy tears.

"Call me blind, but I see nothing special on your face," he said sarcasticly, then added with false innocence, "What could Antonin see so intruiging on you? Maybe it was your _body_?"

Hermione tensed, grabbing the blanket beneath her for comfort.

Then the blanket that was covering her body was slowly pulled down, revealing her naked chest. Immediately Hermione covered herself with her arms, but she somehow knew it was pointless. If Lucius wanted something from her, he would get it, no matter what she did.

He chuckled coldly before speaking:"Do not think you can prevent me from doing what I want, girl."

Hermione knew she should scream from the fear that filled her at his words but only a single sob escaped her lips.

"I will remove your hands and you will not fight me. Is that clear?" he demanded.

All Hermione could do was nod. His confident voice had such a control over her. And she decided that this time she won't fight him, as she realized that it would make everything worse. If she didn't struggle, if she simply let him do what he wanted to do, maybe he wouldn't hurt her too much.

With that thought in her mind, she squeezed her eyes tightly and waited for Lucius' next actions.

"I will have none of that, Mudblood. Open your eyes."

Hermione bit her tongue and obeyed. She hated how she was completely under his control, how she obeyed him without a fight. She couldn't even recognize herself anymore.

He sneered:"I want to see your eyes as I do this. I want to see what you're thinking."

Was she that obvious? Could he see her every thought and emotion through her eyes?

Slowly he grabbed her wrists and moved her arms away from her chest, pinning them beside her body. Hermione shuddered as it hit her that she was completely exposed to him. At least her upper body was.

She couldn't stop the horrible trembling and all she wanted was to cover herself, but she did not move. Not even when Lucius released her wrists. Her arms stayed the way he had put them.

It was a first time something like that happened. Lucius had seen her naked a few times already, but this time it was different, because he was actually _looking_ at her. He didn't try to deny it, he even admitted he wanted to see her body.

Suddenly Hermione realized how stupid she was acting. She didn't even try to stop him. When had she turned into such a helpless little girl?

She tried to move her arm, but Lucius was faster as her grabbed her wrist, gripping it tightly.

"I don't think so," he said firmly, "You will stay still, do you understand me?"

Again, Hermione nodded and stopped with her struggling. And then a horrible silence filled the room. Hermione tried not to move her chest up and down as she took her breaths. She tried to think about other things, about anything else but the fact that she was exposed to Lucius. But it was useless, because she could clearly see him in her mind. She could imagine the grin on his face as his eyes traveled up and down her chest. No one has ever seem her that exposed before, apart from Dolohov. Hermione could feel her face burning with shame as she blushed. At least he wasn't touching her. Because that would send her over the edge. Lucius wasn't Dolohov. To Lucius her discomfort was more important than his pleasure. With Dolohov was completely different. All he cared about was his pleasure, not paying much attention to her feelings.

After what seemed like hours, Hermione finally felt him move away from her as he got up from the bed.

She was breathing heavily and shaking, but she didn't dare to move.

"You can cover yourself. I think I've seen enough of you for my whole existence," he said cruelly.

Hermione wasted no time as she quickly pulled the blanket over her chest, feeling a bit safer with that thin material protecting her from Lucius' eyes.

"I still don't understand how Antonin could see past your filthy blood just to get a grip on your pathetic excuse for female attributes," he talked with confidence and clear disgust.

His words hit Hermione like a slap. She knew she shouldn't feel affected by his words, but she couldn't help but to feel humiliated and hurt.

She couldn't stop the words from her mouth:"If I disgust you, then why did you spend a few minutes looking at _my pathetic excuse for female attributes_?" she said coldly, tears clinging to her eyelids.

In a moment he was beside her again, putting his hand to her throat. He pinched at it cruelly, making her choke.

"For your sake, I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that to me," he said, his voice quiet and still with contained rage, "I don't think I need to remind you that _I_ was not the one who had you pinned against the wall with my hand on your hip and my tongue in your mouth."

Hermione cringed at the memory of that, but said nothing.

Lucius released her neck and walked away. Hermione could hear him open the door and then he stopped:"I have work. Clean yourself while I'm gone. You can use the bath tube. You will find your nightgown on a chair next to the bed."

With those words he left the room, leaving Hermione alone. For a few long minutes after he left, Hermione just stared into blackness, repleying the events in her mind.

It all seemed surreal to her. She couldn't accept what had just happened, because it was too humiliating. She once read that people tend to supress horrible things that happened to them deep into their subconsciousness. At that moment she wished to have that ability. A small voice in her head was telling her that everything that happened was her fault. She wished for Lucius to return, to save her, to take her away from Dolohov. And she got what she wanted. She had to admit that she would rather relieve what happened with Lucius a thousand times than to go back to Dolohov.

As she remembered Dolohov's hands on her, his mouth on hers, Lucius observing her body, she suddenly felt _dirty_. Slowly she got up from the bed, pulling the blanket tightly and trying to move as little as possible as she made her way to the bathroom, grabbing the nightgown from the chair in the process. She had trouble finding the way to it, but at least she didn't trip over something or hit the wall.

It took her a few minutes to discover how to fill the bathtub and then she slipped in the hot water, letting the feeling of calmness to wash over her. But she still remembered what happened the last time she had to take a bath and because she was taking too long, Lucius came for her. The last thing she wanted was to repeat that mistake. She rubbed her skin, hoping to get rid of all the dirt and blood. When she was finally done, she spent five minutes looking for a towel. She dried herself and then she grabbed the nightgown Lucius had left for her. Luckily he left her knickers also, but there was no bra. She knew it was stupid to wear a bra under a nightgown, but she would still feel better, _safer_ with something more on her body.

When she was dressed, she made a step to walk out of the bathroom, but she slipped on the cold floors. Her body hit the ground with a noise and she cried out as her head connected with it. Pain shot through her body and Hermione feared she might have cracked her skull. As her hand flew up to examine the damage, she calmed down as she realized it was only a deep scar. But what sickned her was the blood that she felt under her fingers as she pressed her hand over the injured forehead.

She didn't even lose her time with getting up, she just crawled out of the bathroom. When she was in the bedroom again, she leaned against the wall, hugging her legs.

She closed her eyes and didn't allow herself to think about anything.

She wasn't sure how much time it had passed when she heard the door open. Her head flew up and waited for Lucius' to speak. She knew it was him, who else could it be?

"What happened to your forehead?" he asked, curiosity showing in his voice.

"I fell," was her only answer.

"Don't tell me you don't know how to walk, Mudblood," he sneered.

Hermione didn't feel strong enough to fight with him, so she stayed quiet.

"Come here," he demanded, slightly annoyed.

Hermione got up from the floor and followed his voice. When she was finally standing in front of him, she heard him sigh with annoyance:"This is the first and the last time I will heal the injury you yourself caused. I will not lose my time with things caused by your own stupidity."

Not only a moment after Hermione felt the warmth on her wound, caused by his wand. The scar closed itself before disappearing completely.

"Thank y-" Hermione stopped mid sentence, closing her mouth in shock. What was wrong with her? Why was she thanking him?

She waited in fear for Lucius' response and she flinched when she heard him let out a cold laugh:"You're welcome, Mudblood," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "I didn't know you treat your enemies the same as your friends."

"I don't-"

He cut her off:"Speaking of friends, I have some rather sad news. For _you_, anyway."

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"I know that Dolohov probably told you where I went and what was my duty. Am I right?"

Hermione nodded, not quiete sure where he was going with it.

"The resistance was completely destroyed," Lucius said proudly, "Not one of the survivors has remained alive."

Hermione wasn't shocked by his words. She knew that the moment he had returned. But why was he saying that to her? Did he enjoy seeing her broken and crying without any hope?

"I know," she replied, hoping her voice wouldn't crack.

"I have to say I expected a bit more emotion from you. Maybe you simply do not care what happened to them."

"I do-"

Again, Lucius didn't let her finish her sentence:"There were a few of those blood-traitors Weasleys as well."

That caused pain to shot through Hermione and she could already feel her throat tighten:"W-who?"

"You don't expect me to know every one of them by their name, do you? What matters is that they are no more walking among us, humiliating the name of wizard," he sneered, satisfaction clear in his tone.

"You bastard," Hermione whispered.

She gasped in surprise as Lucius slapped he across the face. It had been so long since she had been hit by him, she almost forgot the feeling.

"Don't think you can get away with any further disrespectfulness, Mudblood," anger showed in his words, but then he continued, "They wanted to make me pay for killing that pathetic boy."

_Ron. Sweet and innocent Ron._

"You should see their faces when I described what I did to him and how he begged for mercy. Not only a few minutes later, they were begging as well," Lucius talked, enjoying Hermione's quiet cries.

"Stop it," she whispered, even though she knew he wouldn't stop.

"You loved that boy, didn't you? Too bad he will never know you as good as I do."

"You don't know me!" Hermione raised her voice as hurt took over her.

"No? Tell me, has he ever seen you crying, begging for mercy? Has he ever seen you calling yourself a Mudblood? Has he ever seen you naked like I have today?" Hermione could imagine the evil grin on his face at his last statement.

She didn't answer him, pressing her lips tightly together. Lucius was right. Everything he said was the truth. She wished she could argue with him, but she couldn't. And that was so dangerous about Lucius. He was the most manipulative person she had ever met. He had the ability to turn the truth against you and that way you couldn't fight back.

"My oh my, what a pathetic boy Weasley was. He probably died without having ever done more than holding hands with a girl. What a shame."

"Stop making fun of him! You don't have the right," Hermione almost shouted at Lucius.

"I do whatever I want and_ you'll_ do whatever I want," his voice was a low, dangerous growl with such confidence in it.

Hermione felt sick at the thought that Lucius knew her better than her friends. He had seen her worst side, he had seen her weakest moments and Hermione couldn't hide anything from him. She was like an open book to him, completely exposed. She couldn't do anything to protect herself from him, because he could anticipate her every next move. He was a predator and she was his prey.

* * *

**Hope you liked this chapter! Soon it will become clear what Lucius' true motives are and his reasons for treating Hermione the way he does. Don't forget to review! :)**


	12. Victory

chapter 12 **VICTORY**

After Lucius left, Hermione had a lot of time to think about everything that happened. And she needed that. Her mind was a complete mess and she had to put her thoughts in order. She realized that she lost count of the days that passed since they lost the War. It seemed as a lifetime ago, but in fact it was only a few weeks ago. Maybe two. Or three. It didn't matter really. What mattered to Hermione was how much she changed in that time. At first she never obeyed Lucius' orders without a fight. He had to torture her to get what he wanted. Hermione wasn't ashamed of that, because every human being would eventually break under pain. But she was ashamed of the person she'd became. What would her friends say if they saw how submissive she was and the power Lucius had over her?

A small voice in her head said _'they wouldn't say anything, because they're dead. Cold and dead and not moving. Their corpses probably still lay on the Battle field...'_

Hermione felt sick at just the thought of that. And now that she actually had food in her stomach it was possible for her to throw up. Not wanting to do that, she forced herself to think about other things.

_Dolohov_. That was the first thing that came to her mind. She wondered how many days did she spend with him. She could clearly remember the first two days, but after that it was all a blur.

_Beatings, insults, coldness, hard floor, Lucius._

When she should be thinking about her family, her friends, people she loved, all her thoughts revolved around Lucius.

In all her distress she saw him as her protector, as somehow lesser evil. But was he really less dangerous that Dolohov? Hermione couldn't answer that question. At least she would never die with Lucius. He had his own reasons to keep her alive. But was the life he was offering her really a better choice than death?

Again, Hermione had no answer.

Still, her rescue felt like a dream. It was incredulous to believe that in one minute she was pinned against the wall in Dolohov'scell, and the next minute she was in Lucius' arms. At that time she didn't know what was happening and if it was real, but she clearly remembered how it felt to be held by him. It should disgust her, but it didn't. At that moment she only wanted him to take her away and save her.

But now, when she looked back at it, she felt guilty and angry at herself for ever alowing those kind of emotions and thoughts.

She didn't want him to touch her, she wanted those hands that killed so many people she loved, to stay as far away from her as possible.

But there was something that bothered her. When she was in his arms, it didn't seem as if he was disgusted with her. She was naked, dirty and bleeding, but he picked her up from the floor so gracefully. It didn't seem as if he was bothered by her filthy blood dirtying him.

And when he was..._staring_ at her body. Hermione felt so small and hopeless under his gaze, all she wanted at that moment was to run into a corner and hide. But she wasn't allowed to do that. And so she stayed still and reminded herself to breath. It seemed to her as if it lasted forever, his eyes making a hole in her, burning her. Why did he do that? Why did he want to see her _pathetic excuse for female attributes?_ Was he even looking at her? Maybe he only told her he was, so that she would be humiliated. But what if he was really staring at her? What emotions passed his eyes?

She wasn't sure if she wanted to see that. What if she wouldn't be able to handle what she'd saw on his face, in his expression? There are some things that are better to not know.

*

_Dolohov's laugh. He was still laughing at her. At her vulnerability, her uselessness, helplessness. Hermione could hear him, feel him, smell him. Then there was darkness and pain._

Hermione darted awake, screaming and clutching her face. She didn't even realize when she had fallen asleep.

"Do shut your mouth, Mudblood."

The moment she felt someone's hands on her shoulders, shaking her roughly, she screamed even harder:"Let me go! No!"

She screamed, trying to cry yet being unable to, so she gave a pitiful sob, before realising that she was warm, and on a soft bed. It didn't feel like Dolohov's cell. At that moment she remembered everything, but that didn't help her to understand why was she on a bed and not on the floor. She fell asleep on the floor, that she was certain.

"I do not appreciate my sleep being interrupted by your screaming," his voice was hard and cold.

Hermione could tell he was angry and that was never a good thing. And he was _also_ in the bed, sitting close to her.

_What happened? What time is it? _

She knew Lucius could probably read all those questions in her mind, but she stayed silent. Then she scrambled away. Such shame. She was a Death Eater's toy. No dignity, no hope. She was unable to defend herself, at all.

Before she could run away from him, out of the bed, he stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" Lucius asked, _demanded_ to know.

His voice was slightly raspy and it told Hermione that he was asleep and she probably woke him up with her pointless screaming. But how could he sleep anyway? Didn't he have nightmares about everything that happened and about all those people he killed? No normal person could be so cold-hearted.

"I asked you a question, Mudblood."

"I-" Hermione started, not knowing what to say.

"Have you forgotten how to speak, girl?" Lucius asked, almost amused by her sudden loss of words.

"I-I have to go to the bathroom."

She hoped he would let go of her arm, but he didn't. His grip only tightened as he asked:"What were you dreaming about? You already robbed me of my sleep, I demand to know the reason for your high pitched screaming," his tone became colder as he continued,"You never screamed that way for _me_. I guess I will have to try harder, won't I?"

Did he expect her to answer that?

Hermione just pressed her lips together and struggled to get away from him. It just caused Lucius to grip her arm harder, already causing bruises to form.

He sneered at her:"Is it possible that in only four days Antonin frightened you more that I succeeded to in almost two weeks?"

Hermione knew it was a trick question. What could she say to win in that conversation? So she ignored that question and asked something that was torturing her ever since she was brought back to Malfoy Manor.

"Am I going back there?" she asked, fear shaking her voice.

There was a complete silence after her question. Hermione somehow knew that it caught him off guard, because he didn't say anything. But she _needed_ to hear his answer. She didn't want to live in fear for the rest of her life, wondering when Voldemort would call Lucius and when she would be sent to Dolohov again.

"Am I ever going back there again?" she repeated quietly, preparing herself for his laugh or insult.

"No."

That was his only answer. Just one word, but it meant so much to Hermione. He could be lying, but Hermione knew he wasn't. That one word was said so firmly and there was evident possessiveness in it. The way he said it actually sent shivers down her body.

"Now go to the bathroom and hurry or I will have to come get you," he was smirking again, Hermione could see it in her mind.

She quickly got up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She knew exactly where the doors were and luckily she didn't trip over something. Not knowing if Lucius would allow it and not actually caring, she closed the door behind her.

After she used the toilet, a horrible discovery swept through her. There was something wet on her nightgown and she had the strange feeling _down there_. But she couldn't be sure, because she couldn't see. Ever since she was captured, not once had she thought about that little problem. Mainly because she was positive she wouldn't be alive long enough to experience it. But she was a prisoner for almost three weeks now. A horrible shudder ran down her spine as she quickly did the Math in her head.

_Oh, God._

After that awful realization, Hermione hurriedly finished, washing her shaky hands, feeling tears in her eyes, knowing she was going to have to go change her clothes. But how to do that without talking to Lucius? She had no other clothes. Lucius was controlling her life completely.

She could feel her throat close up, and tears stinging her eyes. She couldn't imagine a lower place that she was at that moment. But that was a good thing in some way. When you hit the bottom, you can only go up. She was telling herself that, but didn't really believe it.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long, Mudblood."

His voice almost gave Hermione a heart attack. She didn't even realize that the doors were open and that he was standing in the doorway. How long was he there?

"What do you want?" Hermione asked weakly, her voice cracking audibly, tears in her eyes. She could feel her cheeks blush with embarrassment. She felt like she was naked and he was staring at her.

"Watch your mouth. I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour from you," he warned her, "Now answer me. What is taking you so long? Is something _wrong_?" he asked innocently.

Hermione sensed something in his voice. It seemed as if he was mocking her, pretending he didn't know something, playing with her. Pushing that thought aside, she took a deep breath, preparing herself for what had to be said.

"I, er..." she mumbled, unable to finish, feeling extremely embarrassed.

There was a moment of silence.

"You're . . . on your cycle," he finished for her.

Hermione could feel the horrible heat in her head and she hoped to pass out from it. She was grateful that she didn't have to say it to him, but what was odd was how he knew. There was no possibility she could hide anything from him, not even a thing so personal as her period, but she still didn't understand how he knew. He always seemed to be one step ahead of her.

"How do you..." she didn't finish her question.

"The sheets were dirty," he said firmly, not a trace of discomfort in his voice. But there was, however, disgust in his tone. It didn't surprise Hermione. He always thought her blood was impure, filthy and now he had it on his sheets.

"Oh," she managed weakly.

He took a deep breath as if he was thinking hard about something. It was obvious he was considering something, his grey eyes burning her. Hermione felt extremely uneasy, him staring at her like that. She couldn't know what he was thinking, but she had a feeling that it wasn't pleasant, whatever it was.

"So it's true. You should have warned me at least," he finally spoke, "I was hoping you had some wound on your body. But it's only your time of the month. Am I right, Mudblood?" he asked, as if he had any right to talk to her about her personal, private business. But he probably thought he did.

"Yes," Hermione answered, wanting to die.

"Ah, yes, I forgot that women _bleed._ To be able to have power over birth, over life..." He snarled slightly, as if it angered him.

That was something Hermione would have rather not discussed. She had never really talked about her period with anyone. It was something private to her. It wasn't something others needed to know, especially Lucius Malfoy.

"Tell me, Mudblood...Do you enjoy knowing that you have the ability to give birth? That it is your blood that enables life to continue?" his tone then got darker, "It's a shame, really. Scums like you should not be allowed to reproduce."

"You are sick," Hermione stated calmly, her face showing disgust as she suddenly felt more powerful than before. She could imagine how many pregnant women he had killed and how many babies he had disposed. Just because of his prejudices.

"It disgusts me, knowing that those less worthy, those whose blood is not pure, share this ability," then he added with a evil smirk, "I am not sick, _Miss Granger. _I am only taking care of the purity of this world. Some creature simply don't deserve to live."

Hermione bit her lower lip to stop herself from screaming at him. It wasn't a right time for a fight. But someday that day will come and then she will throw everything in his face. Just not now.

"Do you want children?" he suddenly asked, and there was something in his tone that bothered Hermione.

"That's none of your business," she barked at him.

He nodded slowly. "Yes, that's true. That is none of my business. In fact, it doesn't really matter if you wanted children or not. What matters is that you will never have them," a trace of anger was sensed in his voice.

Hermione was disturbed by how much he wanted to know about it. It disturbed her at how he seemed a little angry when he spoke about children, or bearing them for that matter.

Although she felt disgusted and embarrassed, Hermione couldn't stop the words:"You are completely out of your mind if you think you have the right to decide about those things instead of me. Do you actually expect me to answer your question if I do or do not want to have children?"

"You just did," he stated calmly.

Anger started to build inside Hermione as she realized that she had told him everything with just her reaction.

"You should learn to control your emotions, because you're making everything just _too_ easy for me. I can read your every thought on your face."

Before she could stop herself, Hermione forced an evil smile:"I guess you should know everything about hiding your feelings. Is that the reason why you never talk about Draco? Or maybe you're afraid of losing your emotionless mask?"

Not even a second later she was backhanded across the face. The force of it caused her to take a step back and Hermione could sense the anger behind his act. She was expecting him to hit her and his reaction only proved her point.

"Don't forget your place, Mudblood. Do not dare to speak my son's name."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I sensed a lot of rage and grief in that slap. You are not that cold and perfect as you think you are," Hermione continued as if nothing happened.

She could hear his erratic breathing and she was aware of the fact that it was only a matter of time when he would strike her again. She was walking on dangerous territory, but at that moment she didn't care.

"You can slap me or kick me, but you know it's true," she said with confidence.

Before she had a chance to move, he stopped towards her and pressed his mouth against her neck. Hermione froze as she realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt and that she was pressed against his bare chest. She was too close to him for her own liking, but she waited for him to continue. If she moved away from him, it would only show him how scared she was of him and she didn't want that. So she stayed still and when he spoke, she could feel lips moving against her skin and the warmth of his breath against her flesh.

"You are making a mistake by thinking you know me. And you better stop with your pathetic assumptions, if you value your life."

With that he grabbed her arm and dragged her in the bedroom, releasing her only to place a small battle in her palm.

"Drink it," he ordered impatiently.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, wrapping her hand around the small battle.

Lucius sighed before explaining:"It's a potion that will stop your cycle as I do not wish to be disturbed by your petty little problems ever again."

"Ever again? I-I've never heard of that kind of potion before."

Hermione knew it was probably something from Dark Magic, because in all her years reading Spell books she never came across such a potion.

Lucius only smirked at her:"Of course you haven't. Now drink it."

"How does it work?"

"I already explained it to you. It will stop your cycle. The potion needs to be taken once a month and-"

She cut him off:"Alright."

Without hesitation she opened the bottle and drank the liquid in it. It didn't taste as bad as she expected. Instantly she felt something change in her body, but she couldn't quite describe it.

"I have to say I didn't expect that, Mudblood. You drank the potion without fighting or arguing with me. Please, enlighten me," he said, amused and a bit surprised.

"Why make things harder for myself?" Hermione asked innocently, feeling some kind of power over him.

She did something he did not expect her to do. For the first time she was the one that was one step ahead. Lucius probably expected her to throw the potion at him, but she did exactly the opposite thing. She gave him no reason to hurt her and he couldn't show his power over her by forcing her into taking the potion, because she took it willingly.

"You're learning, but don't be too smart for your own good," he sneered at her and whispered a spell that cleaned her nightgown. Then he cleaned the sheets with a flick of his wand.

Hermione blushed, but she kept her head high and tried not to show how embarrassed she was.

"I would like to get some sleep tonight. Come here. You will sleep on the bed," he ordered, but Hermione didn't move from the spot where she was standing.

"_Bed_? But-"

"Don't tell me you're _still_ afraid of my intentions towards you? I made it clear that I would rather kill you than touch you intimately."

"That's a consolation," Hermione shot back, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"You are quite disobedient tonight. For your own good, don't try my patience. Now come here," there was a warning in his voice and Hermione knew it was dangerous to annoy him further.

So she slowly made her way to the bed and laid down on the mattress, hiding beneath the blankets. She tried to ignore the fact that Lucius Malfoy was sleeping next to her and that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She stared a few seconds into the darkness and listened to Lucius' breathing before she closed her eyes. She felt exhausted, as the nightmare had prevented her body from relaxing. Hermione knew it must be truly satisfying for him to make her so uncomfortable. It probably made him feel powerful. And that hummiliating even that happened with her monthly visitor just proved her how Lucius was right when he told her than he knew her more than anyone. He had seen her at her worst, he had forced her to have personal conversations with him. Conversations she would have trouble having even with her mother.

At least he wasn't mocking her like Hermione expected him to. He reacted quite...politely to the whole problem. If she ignored the part when he insulted her and told her that scum like her shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. He sounded so serious as he said it. There was no doubt he meant it completely. At least he didn't seem to be sickned by it like Ron or Harry would. Young boys had a tendency to cover their ears and run the other way when they're faced with girl problems. But Lucius was a grown man and Hermione couldn't ignore that. She was still a girl, not a woman, but she was thrown into the world of adults and had to survive.

She wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but soon she slipped into darkness.

*

When Hermione woke up the next morning, she was alone in the room. Lucius' side of the bed was empty and Hermione was grateful for that. She really didn't want to wake up next to him, it was bed enough that she had to fall asleep while so close to him.

After an hour of boredom and after almost losing her mind with thousands of thoughts and events replying themselves in her mind, Hermione approached the doors. She walked by the wall until she could feel the doorknob.

She couldn't even explain to herself why she felt the need to check if the doors were locked. Something inside her was forcing her to do so. When her hand connected with a doorknob, she waited for a few moments and listened for anyone. When she heard nothing, she turned the doorknob down and she couldn't believe when the doors opened.

Was it a trick? Why would Lucius not lock the doors? Maybe he forgot or maybe it was just another mind game for her.

Without really thinking, she stepped out of the room. She knew she was in the hallway and that the chances of escaping from the Manor were almost non-existent. But maybe she could eavesdrop and hear something useful without getting caught.

Her eyebrows were furrowed in determination and fear as she walked hesitantly. Every step she took only increased the panic she felt in her chest, but she didn't stop. But then she tripped over a stair and she stumbled, falling. She managed to break her fall with her hands, but she then sat down and struggled to calm down. Fear was coursing through her as she took a few deep breaths to prevent her heart to jump out of her chest.

After a moment she stood up and stretched her arms out before her, like a zombie. But before she had a chance to move, she heard something.

Recognizing the noise as doors opening and footsteps, she stumbled back, hoping to return to the bedroom before anyone would notice her.

"Well, what do we have here?" someone asked.

Hermione gasped in surprise and turned into the direction of the voice. It seemed to be standing in front of her.

"Lucius? I think you lost something," that voice said again.

Hermione was positive she had never heard him before, but she somehow knew he was a Death Eater.

Suddenly, Hermione was aware of a large amount of shuffling and breathing surrounding her. She trembled, before stumbling backwards.

"How many people are there in here?" she asked, hoping her voice wouldn't break.

"Quite a few. You've just interrupted our meeting."

Hermione backed away from the noise. It seemed as if they were all coming out of a room. Too many people. There were too many people, it was suffocating. She whimpered in fear and tried to find something to hold onto. She came across a hand, and jumped back from where she was, and crashed into a body. They were surrounding her.

"What is happening here?"

Hermione immediately recognized that voice. It was Lucius and a part of her calmed down, now that she knew he was also present.

"Look what I've found in the hallway, Lucius," a man said.

Hermione could hear someone walk towards her and then grab her arm roughly,"What are you doing here, Mudblood?"

"I-" she didn't know what to say.

"It doesn't seem to me that you take good care of your things," an unknown man said.

"I assure you I know how to deal with her," Lucius shot back angrily.

Hermione struggled against Lucius as she felt pain in her arm increase until it was almost unbearable:"Let go of me!"

A few men laughed, then one said:"You forgot to discipline her. How can you allow her to talk to you like that?"

"I like my women struggling," Lucius smirked, "Believe me, she's more entertaining than any other I've had before. Maybe I will lend her to you-_some day_."

"Go crucio yourself, Lucius," Hermione said with disgust. He didn't have a complete power over her and she couldn't stand the way he was making it look like he did.

"Well, gentlemen, I believe we're done. You can let yourself out," Lucius said politely, "This Mudblood still has a few things to learn about respect."

Hermione could hear them laughing as they left and only a second after Lucius dragged her back into the bedroom.

She tensed as he slammed the doors shut. He rarely did that, only when he was really furious.

He pushed her forcefully onto the floor, the hard impact on the ground almost breaking her right wrist. She whimpered in pain, tears stinging in her eyes. She then realized that she had never before heard him breath _that_ way. It seemed like he could hardly control himself, complete rage was taking over him.

"You dare to embarrass me in front of my colleagues?" he finally asked, but Hermione wished he'd stayed silent.

She could sense so much terrifying rage and fury in his voice. She tried to crawl away from him, hoping he would calm down.

"You're not going anywhere, girl."

He grabbed her wrist, sending waves of pain through her body. She shrieked from pain, tears slipping out of her eyes while he pulled her to her feet.

"Do you think that I will let that pass? You made a fool out of me in front of others!"

"Please..." Hermione whispered, her whole body shaking with fear. She couldn't remember the last time he yelled at her that way.

"Why did you disobey me by leaving the bedroom? Haven't I told you what would happen to your friend if you had the imprudence to disobey me?" his voice was smooth, softer than silk, but his words were like acid, his threat reaching it's goal.

"Leave Ginny alone!" she screamed back at him.

He grabbed her wrists forcefully, causing Hermione to shriek from the excruciating pain. She actually thought he would break her wrists if he didn't let go of them soon.

"I will do as I please. And _you_ will learn to never, _ever_ raise your voice at me."

Without a warning he slapped her across the face. The blow sent her flying to the ground. She held her cheek, feeling blood drop from her nose and taste the blood in her mouth. The taste of it was making her sick.

And by the sound of his breathing, he was still furious. Hermione could picture his pale face even paler with rage and his grey eyes completely dark, showing the anger in them.

At that moment she realized how serious the situation was. The other Death Eaters saw her and how she talked back to Lucius. They would waste no time in spreading the word about that to everyone.

Hermione knew that Death Eaters were like predators. They hated the weak ones and at a slight trace of weakness they spring at you and kill you.

And what did they think of Lucius now? They probably thought he'd gone soft and that wasn't a good thing in a world they were living in.

She could understand why Lucius was so angry at her, but she still wasn't prepared to take the beating without a fight.

When he knelt down next to her and slapped her again, something snapped inside Hermione and she broke the first rule he set for her.

"Did you do this in front of _Draco_?" she asked before he could hit he again.

"Shut your mouth!" he raised his voice.

She was yelling at him through her sobs:"No! Why should I? Are you ashamed of your actions? Tell me! What would Draco think if he saw you right now? Beating a girl his age?" she paused to take a breath, "He would be so proud of his father."

She then closed her eyes and tensed, expecting another slap, but nothing came. Those few moments of silence were pure torture for Hermione. She wished to see his face, to know what was going on inside his mind, but those were only wishes.

Her body was shaking in anticipation as he suddenly stood up and walked out of the room, slamming the doors behind him and locking them. By the way was walking, Hermione could tell he was still angry, but at least he wasn't taking his anger out on her.

She stayed frozen on the floor even a few minutes after he left. Then the realization hit her. She won. Her first victory. For the first time she was the one who had the last word in a fight. Somehow her words broke through his emotionless mask and even without being able to see his face, Hermione knew that he was affected in some way. He had to be. Why else would he leave the room?

But what surprised her the most was that she didn't feel as satisfied as she thought she would be. She was glad she didn't end up dead or badly beaten, but she wasn't glad that she had to mention Draco. It hurt her when she thought or talked about him. He was a part of her past life. She couldn't explain to herself why it felt wrong to use Draco to get to Lucius.

Why couldn't she be as evil and twisted as Lucius Malfoy? Why couldn't she taunt him with talking about his son's death? He had done that to her with Ron and Harry. He described her everything about how they died and showed no mercy. Why couldn't she be like that?

*

"I want to see Hermione again, Snape," Ginny Weasley demanded.

She stood in the middle of the living room with her hands on her hips, staring at her former Professor.

Snape shook his head:"That is not possible, Ginevra."

"Why not?" she asked, annoyed.

"You should ask yourself that. Or have you forgotten the way you acted when we were at Malfoy's?"

Ginny couldn't prevent the grin to appear on her face:"The bastard deserved it. And I would do it again, without thinking."

"Yes, I do realize you _never_ think," he insulted her, "You spat on him, which makes me doubt he will ever again accept you in his home. There is nothing I can do."

"Invite him here! And make him bring Hermione with him," Ginny suggested, angry at his lack of interest. He didn't hurt her in her time as his award, but he never showed interest to help other survivors. Ginny couldn't figure him out and it annoyed her. Not wanting to lose her time with thinking about that, she just concluded that he was a Death Eater, like the rest of them.

Snape just rolled his eyes:"I cannot _make_ Lucius do anything."

Ginny felt her throat close as she remembered what Hermione looked like the last time she saw her:" You saw what he did to her! How can you be so cold about it?"  
"Years of practice, Miss Weasley. And besides, since when is it my duty to watch over that Granger girl?"

Anger exploded inside Ginny as she grabbed the first thing that she could find and threw it at Snape.

It missed him, but that didn't make him any less annoyed:"I do not appreciate my books being thrown at me. I suggest you calm down."

"I always knew you were a bastard and you can't fool me. I don't know what kind of a game you're playing, but I'm not falling for it," Ginny shot at him, hate showing through her words.

"I've always known I'm a bastard. But you should be glad and thankful that you ended with me, Miss Weasley," Snape spoke in a low tone, his dark eyes hardening.

Ginny just raised her eyebrows:"Oh, really? I don't believe that."

Such arrogance was not to be tolerated. Snape felt his temper rise.

"Have I ever hit you?" he asked, looking straight into her eyes.

Ginny stayed silent, removing her gaze from him.

"Have I taken you to my bed and forced into actions against your will?" Snape asked and that question made Ginny's eyes widen with disgust.

"Like you could, Snape," she shot at him.

He smirked:"I could. Do not be so naive. If I really wanted to do something to you, do you think you would be able to stop me?"

Ginny just gritted her teeth together and hugged herself with her arms, not breaking eye-contact with him..

"Do you want to know what other survivors are going through? What my fellow Death Eaters are known for?" he then added quietly; "Believe me, your opinion would change and you'd be thanking Merlin that _I_ had chosen you as my award."

After that, Snape turned to leave, but Ginny's voice stopped him.

"I don't believe that," she whispered, "Tell me about the others."

Snape was watching her intensely and after a few long moments of silence he spoke. But his voice was completely cold and emotionless:"The survivors are kept in a cell. Every Death Eater has that kind of cell in his house," when he noticed the question in Ginny's eyes, he nodded:"Yes, I have it as well. There are no windows. The stench of blood and intercourse stays until a person..._prisoner_ dies. No chance of escaping. Mostly it is underground."

"You said.._intercourse_?" Ginny squeaked, disgust showing in her voice.

"What did you think the survivors were used for? Cleaning the house and cooking dinner?" Snape asked sarcastically.

Ginnly just looked away in shame and Snape sighed before continuing:"The girls, sometimes boys, then either die of dehydration, starvation, poison, barbarians, or by their own hands. Would you like any more of the details or have I convinced you already?"

Ginny felt sick to her stomach, but she didn't want to show weakness in front of Snape.

She took a shaky breath as she forced herself to ask:"Hermione had to endure all that?"

"Such bravery, Miss Weasley," Snape actually did not want to say, but he answered:"_Perhaps_, but something surprised me when I saw her. She should be more broken. Believe me, girls who endure torture and rape for a few days are more broken than Granger was. Some even lose their mind."

"How is that possible?" Ginny asked, still having trouble believing that a person could go completely crazy in just a few days or torture.

Snape's face hardened:"I remember one eleven-year-old Muggle-born girl. She learnt very quickly not to disobey. After she had one or two long doses of the Cruciatus, she stopped struggling. She did exactly as Antonin Dolohov told her, but died, a few days later. Most likely from blood loss. That is the mildest Death Eaters can do. Another example, much worse, was seventeen-year-old girl. Also a Muggle-born, and she had been very strong. Incredibly resilient. She refused to scream when Death Eaters raped or tortured her. So they didn't stop torturing her until she finally died of blood loss, and dehydration. Another example..."

"Did _you_..." Ginny was afraid of finishing her sentence, but she forced the words out:"Did _you_ participate?"

Snape was silent for a moment with his dark eyes boring into her.

"Yes," he finally said. His voice was hard and it made Ginny sick how could he act so cold and unaffected.

"There was another girl. Sixteen-year-old..." he started talking, but Ginny raised her hand to stop him.

"Don't. Please."

She stumbled to a chair and sat down, fearing her legs wouldn't hold her anymore.

"Has your opinion changed, Miss Weasley?" Snape asked without any kind of emotion, but when Ginny looked up at him she saw his eyes soften only for a moment, before they hardened again.

She didn't say anything, but her silence was an answer to him. Before he could turn and leave the room, Ginny asked:"What happened to Malfoy's wife?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"He killed _my_ family. I want to know what happened to his."

Snape nodded:"She was killed. So was Draco."

Ginny felt a bit of satisfaction at that. She forced a smile, even though she didn't really feel like smiling:"Good. Who killed them?"

"Draco was killed by your precious Potter. And Narcissa's life was ended by The Dark Lord himself."

Ginny's eyes widened in shock, but before she could ask a question, Snape turned and swept out of the room, his cloak flaring behind him.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for not updating in more than a week. I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter and that you like Ginny and Snape thrown in the story. The next chapter will finally reveal why Lucius is acting the way he's acting towards Hermione and why sometimes it seems he's attracted to her and the next moment he's disgusted. Make my day and review! :)**


	13. Intentions

chapter 13 **INTENTIONS**

He was gone for too long. Hermione was losing her mind as she waited, locked in the bedroom. At first she felt proud of herself for winning in a fight with him, for finding his weak spot and using it against him, but with each passing minute she was more and more nervous. Something was wrong. There was no way of her knowing what the time was, but she was positive that he was gone for a couple of hours. He never left her alone for that long. Hermione's intuition was growing stronger with passing each day. She could tell that it was night or evening at least without being able to see. Something inside her told her that the day was coming to an end and she couldn't explain it.

If only her intuition could tell her where Lucius was and what was he doing, what was going on in his head. Maybe he was in his study and was planning a painful punishment for her. Hermione shuddered at that thought and pushed it away. Why was she wondering where he was anyway? He could be laying dead somewhere and she wouldn't care. She was trying to convince herself that, but it wasn't working. She didn't want him dead. After all he had done to her, she wanted to see him suffer, but she didn't wish for him to die.

She bit her lip in frustration at being kept in the dark. She _needed_ to know where he was and why was he gone for so long.

And as if he heard her thoughts, the doors opened not even a second later. Hermione pulled herself to her feet immediately and raised her head proudly. She expected him to punish her, because there was no way he would let her dis-respectfulness pass. He never let anything pass. He just wasn't that kind of a man.

Hermione's legs were buckling as the uncertainty of what to expect became too much to bear.

Her breathing was the only sound in the room and just as the silence turned into a unbearable torture, he spoke.

"You never should have mentioned him," there was something almost soft in his tone, but it was gone before Hermione had a chance to analyze it, "I specifically prohibited you and you deliberately ignored my commends," his voice was low and dangerous.

Hermione sensed something foreign in it. Something was _wrong_.

"I-" she paused to find words, but then proudly raised her head:"I can say whatever I want. You are not my master."

"See now that's where you're wrong. I've told you that many times before, but it doesn't seem to have the effect," he drawled, "Maybe I should _show_ you."

"What do you mean?" Hermione found herself asking, a hysterical edge to her voice.

"Crucio!"

Pain. She completely forgot how much that curse could hurt. Her legs couldn't hold her anymore and she hit the floor hard. Her bones, her _skin_ were on fire and electricity was shooting through her body. She screamed at the pain, hoping her screams would do something, _anything_. Her body was trashing on the floor until suddenly the curse was lifted. But that didn't take the pain away. It was still present, burning her from the inside.

Hermione took a shaky breath and held the tears back. So was so sick of the tears. She wished to be stronger, mentally stronger so that she wouldn't break down crying every time Lucius tortured her. She felt so disappointed of herself and her strength.

"I never get tired of seeing you on the floor," he sneered and then walked over to her and pulled her to her feet.

Hermione struggled desperately against his grip, not caring what he would do to her. She didn't care about anything at that moment.

He pushed her violently back, until she hit the wall. His body was pressed against her, his hand holding both of her wrists above her head. Hermione whimpered from the pain he was causing in her wrist. It was still hurt from when he roughly pushed her to the floor a few hours ago. Hermione felt it burning and she suspected it was sprained, if not broken.

But that didn't stop her as she trashed around and tried to kick him with her leg. But he was faster, pressing his thigh against her legs, making it impossible to move.

His cold laugh filled the room:"When are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours, Mudblood? You can't hurt me nearly as bad as I can hurt you."

To emphasize his statement he tightened his grip on her right wrist as if he knew where it would hurt her the most and Hermione started to feel nauseous because of the intense pain that shot through her.

And at that moment she realized something. With his body pressed against hers, she could clearly smell the sickening smell of Firewhiskey on him. And it was _strong_. He always smelled of Firewhiskey, but this time it was different.

Intense fear started to build inside Hermione at that realization and she stopped with her fighting, waiting motionless for him to back away from her and release her as he always did when he won.

"Surrendering already, are we?"

But this time he didn't let go of her and Hermione could just feel that something was wrong. Lucius was acting very strange and it frightened her.

"Your skin," he whispered, "It reminds me of someone. So pale and soft."

His free hand glided over her arm and Hermione sucked in her breath, not daring to move.

His hand traveled down her body, slowly as a snake, until it stopped on her thigh. At that moment Hermione didn't know what to do or say. She was completely lost for words.

"I tried to cover it with bruises, but it didn't help," he murmured quietly, lost in his thoughts.

He then pushed the material of her nightgown up, until he could touch the soft skin of her thigh, making Hermione tremble with horror. He had never touched her that way before.

What was he doing?

"Let go of me," she said firmly, hoping to sound strong. But she knew that her every emotion was clearly evident on her face. She wasn't as good in hiding her feelings as he was.

"No," was his only answer.

"Why are you doing this?"

He tightened his grip on her wrists in anger:"Because you deserve it," then he almost whispered:"And because I can do with you what I please. You have no idea how tempting it is to have you in my room."

"T-_Tempting_?" at first she wasn't sure if she heard right. Lucius never seemed to be tempted by her.

"I've lost my family and you like to bring that up every chance you get. Wouldn't you agree that I deserve a compensation?" his voice was low and dark with so much anger hidden in it.

Hermione suddenly felt courage building up inside her and she forced the words out:"Compensation for what? You probably felt nothing when they died. You're not capable of feelings."

He slapped her with the back of his hand hard across the face, and Hermione could picture how pale his face probably was from fury. The vehemence of the blow could throw her to the ground, but he was still holding her wrist and not letting her move.

"I have discovered something quite interesting, Mudblood. Do you want to know what?" he asked, composed and slightly calmer now.

Hermione could feel her cheek burning and she kept her mouth closed, fearing that otherwise she wouldn't be able to control herself and tears would spill down her face.

Lucius only sneered:"It seems that your talkativeness has left you, but you will answer my questions. Is that understood?"

Hermione nodded and then screamed from the intense pain as he tightened his grip on her injured wrist.

"You will treat me with respect and that means speaking when you are required to," he demanded coldly, authoritative tone showing through his words.

"Yes, I understand!" Hermione answered quickly, not able to stand the pain in her wrist.

At her answer, he loosened his grip on her slightly, making the pain bearable.

"You're learning. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Do you want to know what I have learned about you?"

The only thing Hermione wanted at that moment was to kick him and scream at him, but she simply didn't have the strength to do that. She was still hurting from the Cruciatus Curse and she was using all her energy just to stay on her feet.

"Yes, I want to know," she answered through her teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his hand on her bare thigh. Hermione could feel something in the air, some kind of a tension. _Sensual_tension. He was acting almost like Dolohov, but there was still something very different about Lucius' actions. Hermione realized with horror that she would rather have Lucius torture her and even _take_ her if that were to happen. All logical thinking had left her as she couldn't explain to herself why did she see Lucius as lesser evil.

"Good girl," he purred in her ear, before moving completely away from her, releasing her wrists and removing his hand from her thigh, "It appears that usual methods of torture have not convinced you to be submissive. You deliberately go against my orders, speaking of things that are absolutely _forbidden_ for you, and I think it's time for me to do something about it."

Hermione tried to keep her breathing steady, but it was hard with all the fear she was feeling. There was something in Lucius' words that seemed to fill her with horror. He was planning something and that wasn't a good thing.

"I didn't want to do this, but you left me no other option, Mudblood," he said quietly, his voice filled with anger and.._hunger_?

Hermione tried to move away from him, but before she made a first step, he grabbed her at her waist and lifted her into her arms.

Hermione pushed against his chest, struggled with all her strength but he ignored her.

A scream escaped her lips as he threw me onto the bed and crawled on top of her.

"Maybe this will teach you a lesson," he growled and only a second later Hermione heard the unmistakable sound of his shirt being removed. Her left hand made contact with his bare chest as she tried to hit him, but it was pointless. He only let out a cold laugh at her pathetic attempts to push him away.

"You said..." Hermione said through her sobs, "You said I disgust you!"  
"You do," he barked back with disgust, "But I will make this sacrifice. You _have_ to be punished."

When she heard him start to unbuckle his belt, the seriousness of the situation finally hit her and she let out a shriek. She felt she would explode from all the anger, fear, pain and humiliation.

His tall form seemed to crush he as he leaned over her and whispered:"Shh, kitten. Having to do this disgusts me more that it will hurt you."

Before Hermione had a chance to say something, he pressed his lips against hers. It was completely unexpected and Hermione closed her eyes, wanting to ignore everything that was happening. The kiss was less rough than with Dolohov, but that didn't make her feel any better. And why was he kissing her? He should be disgusted with her, but his body showed no resistance as he trailed his hands all over her body. At that moment Hermione realized that he was under the influence of Firewhiskey and that she was in serious danger if she didn't do anything.

She felt his hands pushing the straps down from her shoulders. He stopped kissing her, pulling her nightgown completely from her body, leaving her in nothing but her knickers.

Hermione shivered when the cold air hit her exposed body, but she didn't dare to move. Maybe if she ignored him, he would go away?

He leaned over her again and Hermione tried to move, feeling extremely disgusted at the feeling of her bare breasts against his chest.

Why wasn't he disgusted?

"You are responsible for this," he murmured quietly, "You forced me to do this."

Hermione's eyes flew open at that and she wanted to scream at him how wrong he was, how _sick_ he was, but only a gasp of surprise came out of her mouth as she felt his hand on her breast. It made her sick. She blushed with embarrassment as she realized that this was the first time he touched her there. He had seen her naked before, but he always claimed to be repulsed by her body. And now there he was, touching her. She sucked in her breath as his hand closed around her breast, fingers skimming over her nipple. It sent shivers down her body and her trembling only worsened.

"You hate me," she whispered, "I disgust you! Why are you doing this?"

"I told you why, Mudblood. You need to be punished," he repeated emotionless.

Hermione felt something hard lightly pressed against her thigh, increasing her fear immensely.

"If you only knew how much pleasure I feel by seeing you so humiliated," Lucius hissed, pressing his hand firmly against her breast, "So helpless, so defenseless under my touch."

Her fear was choking her and she bit her tongue hard, feeling blood in her mouth. She hoped that it would stop him from kissing her. If her body didn't disgust him as he said it did, maybe her blood did.

She closed her eyes again, gritting her teeth together and convincing herself that she needed to be strong. Everything that Lucius did to her only made her stronger and maybe the same will happen after this event.

_'I will be stronger. I will survive.'_

She kept repeating it in her head, but didn't quite believe it.

His hand now left her breast and was moving over her stomach and further down, his fingers lightly gliding over the material of her knickers.

At that moment Hermione's eyes flew open and she almost chocked on her tears as she saw something _other_ than darkness she was used to see. Her vision was blurred and the image before her was unclear, but she could _see_ the form of a man leaning over her and his long blond hair falling into his face. Hermione blinked a few times and it was hard to see anything clear through her tears. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she was faced with darkness. It all happened in a second and Hermione didn't have the time to think about it or analyse it as she felt his hand start to slip beneath her knickers.

"Stop!" she screamed as her fear took over control.

She trashed underneath him and her mind was working quickly, trying to find anything that would make him stop what he was doing. It crossed her mind that she should again mention Draco, but that was very dangerous because of the state he was in.

So she let out the first thing that came to her mind:"I remind you of her! Is that it?" she screamed at him, her voice shaking.

He removed his hand immediately as if he was burnt and the next second it was wrapped around her throat, almost choking her.

"What are you talking about, Mudblood?"

"You said I-I remind you of someone. Is it your-your wife?"

Hermione knew how much she was risking her life by suggesting such a thing, but at that moment she would say anything just to make him stop.

The silence that filled the room after that seemed to last forever. Hermione was expecting him to slap her or kill her, but he did none of that.

When he finally spoke, his voice was low and filled with disgust:"You are _completely_ out of your mind, girl."

Then she felt his weight being lifted off of her as he got up from the bed. Hermione didn't waste any time as she quickly covered herself with a blanket.

He was silent for a few moments and then he sneered:"You think you know everything. If you only knew how stupid you really are."

His words stabbed her like a knife and she felt a strong urge to yell at him. She always felt that way when someone insulted her intelligence.

"Tell me- how could a filthy Mudblood such as yourself remind me of..my wife? Please, enlighten me," he demanded coldly.

"You said...my skin-"

He cut her off:"I said it reminded me of _someone_. I could have meant the corpse I dumped on Hogwarts ground yesterday."

She cringed at his words, disgust showing on her face. She almost forgot what kind of a man he really was. A Death Eater who does unspeakable horrors, tortures, kills.

It was a good thing he reminded her, it was only making her hate him more easily and the image of him as her protector was slowly drifting away.

"Maybe I should give you to another Death Eater for this punishment and then come back for you," he threatened evilly, "So you wouldn't suspect that you remind me of my wife. Antonin would be glad to see you again."

Hermione shuddered at that thought, but she said nothing. She wouldn't beg.

When he slowly made a step towards her, panic flooded her mind and body. She didn't want to be close to him. All she wanted was to take a bath and wash his scent off of her.

Gathering her courage, she sat up and tightened the blanket around her body.

"You're lying," she said quietly, as she suddenly realized something horrible. Everything connected in her mind. Lucius' words, his actions.... everything suddenly made sense to her. But she prayed that she was wrong.

"I'm lying about what, Mudblood?"

"When you said I disgust you. It was all a lie," her voice got stronger then, "You're just ashamed of the fact that-that..."

"Finish your sentence," he demanded dangerously.

Hermione took a shaky breath, then forced the words out:"That you want me. And you knew how wrong it was, so you tried to hide it."

"You filthy...."

She cut him off, suddenly more confident as she spoke with a strong voice:"Why else would you give me that nightgown? If you see me as filth, I should be dressed in a filthy robe. And that day when you pulled my straps down...I couldn't understand why were you touching me that way."

Anger showed in his words:"Shut your mouth or-"

Hermione continued talking as if she didn't hear his warning:"And when you wanted to make sure that I do a decent job of washing myself... Those were all excuses! You're hiding your true thoughts behind the mask of hate and disgust."

"You have lost your mind, Mudblood," he said it so convincingly that for a moment Hermione thought she was wrong. But even if she was completely off track, she continued talking, because at least he wasn't trying to rape her. She stopped him and not with her strength, but using her brains. Slowly she was learning Lucius' weak spots and how to use them for her own good.

"You want me," she repeated, "That's why you gave me a potion to stop my...period. You've been planning this night. You wanted to-to..." she couldn't finish that sentence, but she knew he understood.

He just sneered at her:"You are far too innocent and naive for your own good. Believe me, if I really was planning this night, your little problem wouldn't have stopped me."

Disgust showed on her face at his words:"You're sick."

She had said that so many times before that it didn't have the same effect on him. And the same happened to her. He had called her a Mudblood so many times already, that she didn't even notice it anymore. It became almost her second name. '_Hermione'_ sounded strange to her now, almost like it wasn't her name anymore.

"So you've come to a conclusion that I'm _attracted_ to you? That you remind me of my _wife_?" he asked calmly, but at the same time it was clear that he was mocking her.

When those words left his mouth, Hermione realized how stupid it sounded, but it all seemed believable in her head.

She nodded, pretending to completely believe in her theory:"Yes."

He let out an exaggerated sigh:"Well, that leaves no choice but the prove how wrong you are."

"You won't convince me. I've figured you out, _Lucius_," Hermione couldn't help but to feel satisfied at the power she had over him. They still weren't on the same level, but at least she didn't feel so helpless and useless anymore.

Without a warning he grabbed her arm and pulled her up from the bed. Hermione shrieked in panic, thinking that maybe he decided to continued with her 'punishment'.

But then he flicked his wand and she was again dressed in her nightgown.

"I will enjoy convincing you how wrong you are," he said smoothly and then dragged her out of the room. Hermione didn't know if she should struggle or not. But she was sure that wherever he was taking her was better than being in his bedroom with him. So she tried to keep up with him as he strode down the hallway.

A moment after she found herself almost breaking her ankle, because he didn't warn her about the stairs. But she knew she was safe from any kind of injury as long as he was holding her arm. She would be hurt only _he_ decided so.

After stairs there was again a long hallway and when they finally stopped, Hermione noticed how cold it was. Much colder than it was in the bedroom.

The doors slowly swinged open with a horrible grinding sound and then she was pushed through the doorway. Lucius let go of her and because the ground was uneven, Hermione tripped and her hands and knees connected with hard stone underneath her. Immediately she knew where she was. A cell.

"Why have you brought me here?" she asked as she pulled herself to her feet.

"I have explained it to you. You will stay here until you get that crazy idea out of your head," he drawled in a bored voice, as if he was disinterested.

"No..." Hermione felt panic rise in her body as horrible memories came back to her. The smell, the sound and the feeling in the cell reminded her of her time with Dolohov. She felt like she was once again in his dungeon, waiting for him to return, to hurt her more.

"Haven't you done enough to me?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Do you take back your previous words?"

"No," she said firmly.

Lucius smirked:"Well, evidently I have _not_ done enough. Enjoy your time here, Mudblood and don't expect me to come back soon."

With that he turned to leave, but Hermione's words stopped him:"You can't keep me cooped up here for the rest of my life," she whispered.

Interest showed in his voice:"And where would you like to go? In case you've forgotten, _we _won the War."

She heard him take a step towards her and she could feel the warmth from his body. It bothered her. Monsters like him should be cold on the outside as they were on the inside. As he stood so close to her, Hermione stiffened, but didn't move, not wanting to give him the pleasure of knowing she was terrified of his presence.

"Could you imagine?" he asked, "What do you think would happen to you if I gave you back your freedom? What would happen the moment you stepped out of the Malfoy Manor?"

"The resistance. Surely…" she paused, trying to gain composure. "Surely some of them are still…"

"Alive?" he finished for her, "Please, you don't actually believe that."

His hand moved to her neck and his fingers slightly brushed against her skin as he whispered:"I killed them one by one with these hands."

Instantly Hermione moved away from him:"Don't touch me."

She leaned against the wall panting, her heart threatening to break free from her ribcage. There was nothing he could say to make her more disgusted with him.

After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke:"Just say the words," he said, his voice no louder than a murmur.

There was a long pause, nothing but the sound of choking and her pounding heart in Hermione's ears.

Lucius sighed in annoyance as he noticed the determination on her face.

"I will never understand why do you insist on making things harder for yourself. Are all Mudbloods like this?" he asked, clearly irritated with her behaviour.

"You will never understand," she replied breathlessly.

His voice got that aristocratic tone as he spoke:"Of course I will never understand. My blood will never be as dirty as yours."

"I'm not talking about the blood!" Hermione snapped, "You will never understand why I make things harder for myself."

"Why don't you explain it?"

Hermione was surprised at his words. It wasn't typical for him to be interested in her thoughts or opinion.

"Would you betray your beliefs and say something you really don't mean just because it would be easier than to stand up for what you believe?" she asked, even though she knew the answer. They were somehow alike in that aspect. They would both rather suffer under torture than to betray their Cause. But Hermione was positive that Lucius wouldn't break under the pain as she did so many times.

And as if he heard her thoughts, Lucius laughed coldly:"But you've betrayed your beliefs so _many_ times before. I feel the need to remind you of your weak mind-will," he paused for a moment, "Or do you not remember how you broke and called yourself a Mudblood? Or how you _begged_ me to stop or how you chose me over my fellow Death Eaters. Do you remember that? You begged _me_ to take you-"

"You don't have to remind me of that," she said through her teeth, feeling ashamed at all her weak moments being brought up.

"Then why should this be any different? All you have to do is to apologize to me and take back all those words you said," he made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world, but Hermione knew different.

"No," was all she said.

Lucius sighed with false disappointment:"Pity."

Hermione heard him walk over to the doors and she felt her throat closing up with panic at being left alone in the cell.

"Your pathetic friends would probably say you lost a penchant for survival," his cool voice drawled from the doorway,"Well actually they wouldn't say anything because they're all dead."

With those words he left the cell and the doors behind him closed with a loud thud.

When she was completely positive that she was alone, she let out a shriek full of rage and pain. She had so much emotions bottled up inside her that she felt she would explode if she didn't do anything. It scared her how much she wanted to hurt someone, or even _herself_, only to somehow ease the pain she was feeling. Her fingers were ripping at her hair, ignoring the physical pain in her wrist because the emotional torment was so much worse.

When she calmed down, she took a steady breath and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

Then she remembered something and that brought hope back to her. Her thoughts wondered back to Lucius' attack on her and what happened in the middle of it. Her sight returned. It lasted only for a moment and it was pretty unclear and blurred, but it still happened. And that was a good thing. Hermione was already used to the darkness, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't want to see again.

And after happened with Lucius in his bedroom, she realized that she needed her sight back. Were her suspicions true? Was Lucius really attracted to her and was trying to hide that by torturing her every chance he got? She shuddered at that thought and pushed it away. Her life was difficult enough as it was and she didn't need more problems.

How she wished to be able to take a hot bath, to wash Lucius' scent and the memory of his touch off of her body. She could still feel him on her body, _smell_ him, feel his skin or hers.

She realized it was stupid to think that a bath would solve any of her problems. And she was sure she wouldn't be able to wash herself for a long time. He would keep her in a cell until she takes back her words about his wife and his intentions. Hermione didn't want to be weak in front of him again, but she knew she wouldn't last long in the cell.

And she couldn't decide what was a better option. Being alone in a cold cell without food and bathroom, or being in a warm bedroom with Lucius without being sure of his true intentions?

* * *

**Hey guys! I really appreciate your reviews and I want to thank to all of you who read my story and to those who take their time to review! :) I hope that this chapter made Lucius' motives more clear. Tell me what you think.**


	14. The Decision

chapter 14 **THE DECISION**

Hermione had never felt so alone. In all the time since the War ended, she never felt such loneliness. She was sitting on the cold ground with her back resting against the wall. A lot of time had passed since she was brought into that empty cell. Hermione couldn't be sure, but she was assuming it was a day ago. A day alone in a cell was a pure torture.

The darkness was overwhelming. But not the darkness she could see. It was the darkness that she could _feel _inside of her.

Dead silence all around. Hermione used to like silence, but those times were over. In the past she liked to read books in silence, allowing herself to be completely absorbed in, but things changed. Silence became something terrifying. She needed another human being, someone to talk to. She would even be grateful for a House Elf.

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, all Hermione could do was think. And that was the most difficult thing to handle. Memories of happier times came flooding back to her as she remembered being at Hogwarts with Ron and Harry and the others. They were so happy then, without worries and fear. At that time the thought of actually _loosing _the War never even crossed their minds. How naive they were.

The pain in Hermione's wrist was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her chest. It was so deep and burning, making a hole inside of her. She couldn't help but think about all the things they could have done differently to win. But they didn't. And she was caught, chosen as an award.

She was in the arms of a Death Eater. If someone had told her a month ago that she would be living with Lucius Malfoy and not trying to escape, she would send that person to Madam Pomfrey.

But how could she escape? And _where_? Lucius had told her that the resistence was completely destroyed, but there were surely still others survivors. They couldn't all be dead, right?

If they really were all dead, then Hermione had only one option. To spend the rest of her life with Lucius Malfoy. Well, at least until he grows tired of her. The idea of suicide had crossed her mind a few times in the past days, but she didn't take it seriously. Hermione still had a will to live, she didn't give up on everything. And she was scared. Scared of death. She just wasn't ready for that yet. Maybe in the future she will be. Maybe Lucius would push her over the edge and she would see death as her only solution.

Again she lost herself completely in her dark thoughts, thinking about her life in the future. An eternity in such a place. What she was going through at that moment was only the beginning. The beginning of a lifelong imprisonment. The beginning of the life sentence.

All she would be allowed to listen to was Lucius' cold voice. Day by Day, Week by Week, Year by year.

What could she do to make things easier for herself?

Acting up was ruled out immediately. She had a lot to lose, but nothing to gain by that, nothing except Lucius' fury. Though she wanted to annoy him, she never wanted to go too far. She didn't want to end up dead.

Her death meant nothing to Lucius, so she seriously doubted misbehaving would get her anywhere.

_'If I get my sight back..' _she thought hopefully, remembering the moment when finally the darkness before her eyes disappeared, even if only for a few seconds. That was something that gave Hermione new hope. She was certain that her sight will return, but the question was when?

But at that moment she was somehow glad that she couldn't see the cell she was currently in. She couldn't imagine the horrors that these walls had seen. Telling the terrible stories of their former occupants. Hermione's mind was filled with images of dried blood the walls.

Suddenly the door opened with a creak. Hermione didn't even tense at the sound, because she knew who was it and the reason for his visit. She didn't even bother with getting up from the floor.

"Stand up, Mudblood," he ordered coldly.

Hermione didn't move, but her lips silently formed a word:"Hermione."

"What was that?"

"I said _Hermione_. My name is _Hermione_," she repeated with stronger voice now.

Her own name sounded strange to her. She hadn't used it for quite a while and no one had called her by it, "Is it too hard for you to remember?"

"Don't get smart with me, girl," Lucius hissed, "I will call you for what you _are_, not who you may have been once, a long time ago."

"I'm still Hermione," she recognized the doubt in her voice.

"Stand up when I'm talking to you."

Hermione let out an exaggerated sigh of annoyance, but she pulled herself to her feet:"Satisfied now?"

"It's a start," he drawled smoothly.

Hermione heard him take a few steps towards her, but he stopped before he came too close to her.

"How was your night?" he asked as if he was really interested.

Hermione forced a smile:"I've never slept better."

If she hoped to get him annoyed by that, she was very disappointed when he just smirked at her:"I assume that means you want to sleep in _here _from now on?"

Hermione didn't want to sleep in the cell for the rest of her life, but she didn't want to beg Lucius to take her back either. She still had a little pride left.

"I-" she started, but couldn't finish the sentence.

"If you only knew how _predictable _you are," he sighed with satisfaction, "You are like an open book to me."

Hermione refrained herself from making a smart remark and then she heard him walking towards her. In a second he was close to her, but Hermione made no attempt to move away from him.

She, however, tensed when she felt his hand lifting her chin firmly, so he was able to look into her eyes.

What surprised her was that he was wearing gloves. What was he trying to tell her with that? After last night, Hermione doubted that he was really as disgusted with touching her as he had always claimed to be. He didn't seem to be repulsed when he ran his hands all over her body.

"Your eyes seem so lost," he said quietly, "It's unbelievable how you're able to portray all your feelings in just your look, even though it's a dead look."

He released her and only when he wasn't touching her anymore Hermione could breath again.

"What happened yesterday evening-" he started and Hermione's head shot up, waiting for him to continue.

"-will never happen again," he finished coldly.

That sentence calmed her down a bit, but didn't destroy all her fears. She didn't know what to think of Lucius anymore. He was the most complicated person she had the chance of knowing.

"Never?" she asked, her lower lip trembling with anticipation.

"What happened yesterday was supposed to be a punishment, but you took it the wrong way and you couldn't be more wrong, Mudblood," his voice got slightly angrier.

"If I hadn't... Would you really have done it?" Hermione asked quetly, even though she knew the answer deep inside of her.

"Yes."

"But...I'm just seventeen years old," she couldn't hide the disgust in her voice.

"That does not matter, Mudblood. I have taken younger than you. I'm a -"

"Death Eater," she finished for him, her mind filled with images of all those young girls and maybe even boys that were tortured by Death Eaters.

"I was going to say a _man_, but you're right as well. I _am _a Death Eater."

"A _man_? A man does not force himself on mere children-"

He cut her off:"You're not a child," his voice was cold and hard, "It's time for you to grow up and start acting as an adult."

"Is that what you were telling yourself last night to feel no guilt about what you were going to do?" Hermione shot back at him.

"You will not speak of last night ever again. _Ever_. You were wrong and that is all you need to know. Is that understood?" Lucius demanded from her.

Hermione's head was filled with thoughts and theories, but all she managed was a small nod.

"Not nearly as eager as you were before I see. Where's that Gryffindor courage?" Lucius mocked.

Hermione remained silent. She was tired, cold, hungry, thirsty and she _really _needed to use the bathroom. Not wanting to spend a day more in that dirty cell, she decided the smartest thing she could do was to keep her remarks to herself.

When she said that Lucius was attracted to her, she wasn't thinking. The only thing that was on her mind was how to get out of that horrible situation. She wanted Lucius to think that she completely believed in her theories, but the truth was far from it.

She had no idea what was going in in Lucius' head and if he really was comparing her to his wife.

After a moment Lucius spoke again:"So you take back your words from yesterday?"

Hermione gritted her teeth together. Once again she would have to forget about her beliefs. Suddenly Ron and Harry appeared in her mind. They would want her to be alive, right? They would want her to do anything in her power to stay alive.

Finally, she nodded:"Yes, I take my words back."

She could sense the satisfaction in Lucius' voice:"I'm afraid that is not enough, Mudblood. Do try to be more convincing."

"_What _do you want from me?" she raised her voice a bit.

She was humiliating herself again, but that wasn't enough for him.

"I want you to repeat what you said yesterday and then deny it," he hissed at her.

Hermione swallowed her pride and forced the words out:"I said that I remind you of your wife and that's not true. I was wrong."

After that sentence left her mouth, she realized that it wasn't as difficult as she had expected it.

"Continue," Lucius ordered.

Confusion showed on Hermione's face:"I've denied it. What else do you want me to do?"

"You haven't denied everything. I'm waiting."

Hermione brought back the memories of the night before and then she understood.

She took a deep breath, before she spoke again:"I said that you're attracted to me and that you're ashamed of it. That is not true. I-I take it back."

She could imagine how the smirk on Lucius face looked at that moment.

"Good girl," with those words he turned and started walking away from her.

Hermione took a step forward:"Wait! Are you going to leave me here?"

"I would love to, Mudblood, but I've promised to get you out of here as soon as you take your words back. And I am a man of word."

Hermione felt like she could laugh at that.

"Follow me," Lucius said, then the doors opened.

She at first didn't understand what he wanted from her, but then realized it was all a test. He wanted to see if she was able to follow him.

She heard Lucius walk out of the cell and she took a deep breath, feeling a wave of confidence washing over her. She could do this. She would prove to him that she wasn't helpless and incapable as he probably thought she was.

She stretched her arms out before her, like a zombie and slowly made a few steps forward, stepping out of the cell.

_What now?_

She didn't know where to turn and where to go.

"Faster, Mudblood,"

Her head shot towards Lucius' voice and put on a strong mask as she made a few steps towards him. It was difficult walking without being able to see what was in front of you. Hermione felt stupid as she walked, and she was even more nervous, because she knew Lucius was observing her. He was hoping she would do a mistake, so he could make fun out of her. She was determined to not allow that to happen.

But as soon as that thought formed in her mind, she tripped over something and fell forward. She landed on all fours and cried out at the pain that shot through her when her hurt wrist connected with the ground.

"I apologize, I forgot to warn you about that stair," Lucius' voice was silky and it sounded as if he was having fun.

Hermione bit hard on her tongue to prevent herself from crying out. She didn't want Lucius to know that she had a sprained wrist, because it would just make everything more entertaining for him. There was no way he would want to heal it, even though _he _was responsible for it.

Finally she pulled herself to her feet, raising her head proudly.

"Bastard," she muttered under her breath, not loud enough for Lucius to hear.

She paused for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for the pain in her wrist to pass, but oddly enough Lucius did not say a word to hurry her along.

When the pain subsided somewhat, Hermione made a step forward and heard Lucius sigh.

That told her where he was and she walked slowly towards him.

"Stairs," he said, sarcasm evident in his voice.

This time Hermione was ready and she slowly made her way up, one step at the time.

After a few moments, the stairs were behind her and Hermione knew she was standing in a long hallway.

Lucius was beside her, but didn't touch her:"Now, are you able to find the way to my bedroom or do you need my help?"

Hermione took a deep breath and brought back the memories of all the times she was taken out of his bedroom.

_His room, the stairs, the hallway..._

She drew a map in her mind, then confidently, but slowly walked down the hallway, her hands stretched in front of her.

She could hear Lucius following her quietly, but she didn't let that fact bother her.

After a few steps, she suddenly stopped and turned to the left. She used her hands to touch the wall and she realized that she was touching the door. Gripping the doorknob, she grinned proudly:"Here it is."

Lucius walked to her and sneered:"Are you sure? It could be any other room."

She didn't even need to think about her answer:"I'm sure."

A moment of silence followed.

"Congratulations, Mudblood. You are right."

Hermione couldn't prevent the grin that appeared on her face. Lucius had lost. He expected her to be useless, to be completely lost, but she proved him that she wasn't incapable just because she couldn't see.

He opened the doors and pushed her inside. Hermione hugged herself with her arms, feeling uncomfortable being in his bedroom again. Her mind was filled with memories of the last time she was there, but she pushed them away.

"Take a bath. You will find new nightgown and undergarments in the bathroom," he informed her before leaving the room.

Hermione stood still for a few minutes and only when she was sure he had really left, she headed towards the bathroom. After what happened last night, she felt so dirty. She could still feel Lucius' hand all over her and his mouth on hers. It was as if he had dirtied her somehow by touching her. She shuddered at that memory, but at the same time she reminded herself that what happened wasn't her fault. It was Lucius and his sick mind, therefore she shouldn't feel guilty or dirty. He was the one who was tainted and dirty. Not her.

***

The bath was over really quick. The last thing she wanted was Lucius coming back and finding her in the bathtub. It happened once and Hermione learned from that experience.

Feeling at least a bit cleaner, she walked back to the bedroom and leaned against the wall. She didn't know what to do or where to put herself. Clutching the sprained wrist to her chest, she allowed herself to think about her options.

Was she allowed to sit on the bed? Was she allowed to fall asleep on it? Or should she sit on the floor and wait for him?

Her thoughts were interrupted as the doors slowly opened and someone walked in.

"Glad to see you're already done," Lucius said to her coldly, but Hermione noticed that something was wrong.

She could sense he was annoyed and nervous about something.

Before she got the chance to ask, he moved closer to her.

"What is wrong with your wrist?" he asked, suspicious.

"Nothing," Hermione answered and tried to hide the hand behind her back, but he was faster, grabbing her wrist and causing her to whimper in pain.

"Don't lie to me," he said slowly, his tone dangerously low.

"I...It's nothing," she forced through her teeth, hoping he would just leave her alone.

"Nothing?" he asked softly, "Then you don't mind if I do this."

His grip on her wrist tightened and tears welled up heavy in Hermione' eyes. She grunted through the pain, biting her lip in an effort to remain silent. She did her best not to jerk away, because she knew it would just cause her more pain. Using her other hand, she quickly wiped the tears leaking out of her eyes before Lucius could see them and taunt her further.

"I will ask you again. What is wrong with your wrist?" he demanded.

Hermione didn't know why he insisted on knowing.

"It's hurt...sprained, I think," she answered, hoping he would let go of her.

"When did it happen?"

"Yesterday, when you pushed me to the floor."

He took a deep breath through his nose, without releasing his grip on her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Hermione shook her head:"I didn't. Why should I?"

Anger showed in his voice again:"Because you are not allowed to have any secrets from me."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, then suddenly felt a strange feeling in her wrist. It was a warm sensation and then nothing. No pain. Lucius released his grip on her and she moved her wrist cautiously. It surprised her that she felt no pain.

"You healed it."

"You really have the talent for stating the obvious," he said sarcastically.

"But- _why_?"

"I wouldn't want people to think that I don't take good care of my property."

Hermione was about to shot back that she was not his property, when she realized something.

"What people? Who would see me, if I'm locked in this room?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I'm leaving for a few days."

Hermione's heart started beating faster as his words made their way into her mind.

"W-What?" was all she managed to say.

"I am... _needed _somewhere. I'll be gone for a day, maybe two."

_Dolohov._ That was the first thing that came to her mind.

She felt the lump in her throat and the panic was almost choking her.

"No..."

"No what, Mudblood?" Lucius asked with interest.

Hermione whispered, as if she was talking to herself:"You can't leave..."

He moved nearer until he was directly beside her, his voice soft and silky:"What did you say?"

"You can't leave..me."

Room was filled with horrible silence. Hermione could slap herself at that moment. What was she thinking telling him that?

She tensed when she heard his cold, emotionless laugh.

"You really surprise me, Mudblood. Honestly, I didn't expect that from you," he mocked, "Don't tell me you've become attached to me?"

This time Hermione could laugh, but the situation she was in, wasn't funny at all.

When she finally formed a sentence, it came out as a whisper:"I want you to die."

It didn't sound as convincing as it did in her head, but she needed him to know how she felt about him.

Lucius didn't seem to be affected by her words:"That's understandable. But that doesn't change the fact that you don't want me to leave you."

"Please,"she started, hoping to awake some humanity in him, "Please, don't take me to Dolohov."

He sighed and remained silent as if he was considering something. Hermione would be willing to go on her knees, she would do _almost _anything to prevent going back to Dolohov.

"You said," she insisted, her voice shaking with panic, "You promised I wouldn't go back there again."

"No need to remind me of my promises, girl. My memory is not as bad as yours," he hissed back at her, slightly annoyed.

Hermione didn't know what else to say to make him change his mind.

"You are not going back to Antonin, so you can calm down," Lucius finally said.

That sentence opened her lungs again, but that didn't make the fear go away.

"Then where are you taking me?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"To another Death Eater," he informed her, completely emotionless.

What did she expect?

Her voice shook slightly:"Who?"

Lucius snorted:"You should be glad. I've decided that Severus would be the best choice for this."

Hermione's eyes widened and hope formed inside of her again.

_Ginny._

At least she wouldn't be alone and Snape wasn't as vile, at least Ginny had told her that. But he was a Death Eater. No different than Lucius or Dolohov.

"If that git touches me, I'll kill him,"she murmured threateningly.

It caused Lucius to just sneer at her:"I don't believe that will be necessary," then his voice got a trace of disgust, "I don't think Severus would lower himself enough to touch you. He is too sophisticated for that."

"Unlike _you_?"

That question angered him and he slapped her across the face. Hermione's head turned with the force of it, but it wasn't as painful as it was in the past. He had hit her harder before. It was a strange feeling, because she couldn't feel his skin, but the rough material of his gloves.

"This was just a warning, Mudblood. Never again talk about last night," he growled, then gripped her arm.

Without a warning, they apparated.

***

Hermione felt like she could throw up. He didn't even warn her and she couldn't prepare for the unpleasant feeling of Apparition. It was even more difficult, because she couldn't see a thing and it had problems with keeping her balance.

Thankfully, Lucius didn't release her arm.

"Ah, Lucius, you're here," someone said.

Hermione immediately recognized that voice. Snape. She let out a breath she's been holding at not knowing if Lucius was lying about Snape.

He wasn't lying. He really took her to her former Professor. Hermione was afraid of Snape, but not as nearly as much as she was of Dolohov. Snape never seemed as a violent person to her. But maybe that was all an act.

"Severus, my friend. I hope it's not too much of an inconvenience."

"As long as she keeps her mouth shut, I will not be bothered by her presence."

The two men were having a conversation as if she wasn't there and it bothered her.

She felt the strong need to remind them that she wasn't a thing, but a human being that could hear and talk.

Lucius tightened his grip on her arm:"Will you behave, Mudblood? I don't want you embarrassing me in front of my friends," he ordered, "No smart remarks or disrespectfulness. Understood?"

She nodded:"Yes."

"Good," with that Lucius released her arm.

Snape spoke lazily:"Would you care to join me for a glass of Firewhiskey?"  
"Unfortunately, I have work to do. The Lord expects the work to be done by tomorrow."

_The Lord._

Hermione snorted with disgust, unfortunately not taking care to make no noise.

"Is there something you would like to share with us, Miss Granger?" Snape asked, almost amused.

Quickly, she shook her head and remained silent. She was in a room with two Death Eaters and it wasn't a smart thing to anger them.

"Well, I better be going. Take care of her, Severus," Lucius said, then leaned to Hermione, "Don't try anything stupid or you _will _pay the price. I will come back for you, Mudblood."

Those words didn't scare her as they should. If anything, she felt somehow _safe_, knowing that he would come back for her. And that fact scared her more than his words ever could.

Not even a second later, she heard the sound of Apparition and she knew he was gone.

A familiar feeling came over her. She felt that way when he left her with Dolohov. Lonely. Unprotected. It was bizarre how she felt unprotected without him when he was the one who hurt her the most. But in a sick and twisted logic, it made sense.

Lucius took himself the right to hurt her and wouldn't allow anyone else to put their hands on her. In a world they were living in, that was enough for Hermione. It would be naive to hope for something more.

"Do you need a special invitation, girl? Come along," Snape drawled impartially from across the room.

Hermione licked her lip nervously:"I don't know where..."

The last thing she wanted was to ask a Death Eater for help, but she was never in Snape's Manor. How did he expect her to know the way?  
He exhaled deeply as a sign of annoyance, then walked over to her and gently gripped her arm.

It was strange to be touched so gently after all her days with Lucius. And why was Snape acting that way?

He led her out of the room and then down a long hallway.

"You are not covered in bruises as the last time I saw you," Snape said emotionless after a few moments of silence.

Hermione didn't know what to say, so she just gritted her teeth together. She didn't _want _to talk to him.

_That traitor. _

Finally they reached the room. He opened the doors and they stepped in, Hermione felt someone's arms around her.

"Hermione!" Ginny almost jumped at her, hugging her.

After the initial shock, Hermione returned the hug, embracing her friend. This time there were no tears, just happiness to be together again.

"I will leave you now, but do remember our conversation, Ginevra. Don't try anything," Snape warned her, then left the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Ginny pulled away and then led Hermione to a bed.

Once they were both seated, she spoke:"I can't believe you're really here. I never thought I'd see you again."

"It was a surprise for me as well. Lucius had to travel somewhere and I'm not allowed to stay at the Manor by myself."

Ginny's voice showed confusion:"You said _Lucius_. Do you call him by his name? Since when?"

Hermione pulled her hands away from Ginny's as she nervously bit her lower lip. At that moment she felt like a traitor. She didn't want Ginny to know how weak she was and how easily she had accepted Lucius.

But the most, she didn't want Ginny to know how attached she had become of him. With that she betrayed them all and it was horrible enough that she was disgusted with herself. She wouldn't be able to take that disgust and disappointment from Ginny as well.

"I-I'm sorry. I meant to say Malfoy," she quickly corrected herself, hoping Ginny wouldn't be too suspicious.

Thankfully, she let that issue pass.

"Hermione, how are you? What does he do to you? You're still too thin!"

"I'm fine. It's notas awful as it was at the beginning. I'm... learning," she said, forcing a weak smile, "And you? How's Snape treating you?"

"The same. He doesn't talk to me much and I'm thankful for that. It's just.." Ginny trailed off, losing herself in her thoughts.

"Just what, Ginny? What is it?" Hermione demanded, grabbing Ginny's hand again.

"It's hard when we have to act in front of the others. Just yesterday there were a few Death Eaters here to dinner."

"I still don't understand," Hermione was never expected to act in front of the other Death Eaters.

Ginny took a deep breath:"Well, I didn't understand either, but then Snape explained it to me. We are supposed to be...together," she forced the last word out, "Intimately."

Hermione grimaced at that, disgust showing on her face:"You mean...you are supposed to be a slave for-for...his needs?"  
"Not exactly. That's why _Mudbloods _are for. That's how Snape said it. Even though I fought on the opposite side and I'm captured now, I'm still a Pureblood and that gives me a privilege."

Hermione nodded:"I understand. Go on."

"Well, if Snape decides to-to...well, marry me, he is allowed to," Ginny explained, obviously disgusted.

"_What_?" Hermione couldn't believe her words.

"Yes. I will be forced to marry Snape if he decides that. It's a sanction by Voldemort. He's trying to fill the Wizard World with Purebloods. You're safe from that. Because of your blood status, you are not allowed to marry Malfoy, even if he wanted to."

Hermione almost laughed at that. Just the thought of Lucius wanting to marry her was ridiculus. He didn't even want to touch her let alone something more. So she was safe from marriage at least. But what about _other _things?

"And does he want to marry you?" Hermione asked, forcing the words out.

It seemed completely unreal that they were having a conversation about that. Ginny was just sixteen years old, what sick pervert would want to force her into marriage?  
"He said that I can sleep without fear. He doesn't want to get married," Ginny answered quietly.

Hermione let ot a breath:"Thank Merlin."

"But we still have to act in public. I'm not allowed to wince at every touch from him. He said that people think that he'd touched more than my arm," Ginny said quietly and Hermione had a feeling the younger witch was blushing.

It was understandable. Talking about those things was always uncomfortable, escpecially for a sixteen year old. Even though Hermione was older, she was no different.

"Hermione," Ginny started quietly, almost whispering, "Don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

Hermione nodded, worry building inside of her. Ginny sounded serious.

"I decided to take your advice from the last time we saw each other. You said I shouldn't lose hope. That I should try to escape and I've tried, but Snape has everything warded. I can't even leave this room without him knowing."

She stopped speaking and Hermione could feel her hands shaking in hers.

"I want revenge," Ginny finally said after a moment of silence, "Everytime I close my eyes, I see my family and...Ron. He killed him. Malfoy killed him."

Hermione felt pain in her chest at the mention of Ron. Everytime she thought of him, she felt like she couldn't breath.

Ginny continued:"Ron is dead and Malfoy is walking around like nothing happened. I can't allow him that. Not after everything he's done."

"What are you saying?" Hermione asked carefully.

"I took a knife from the kitchen."

It was a short sentence, but it sent shivers down Hermione's body. Ginny couldn't be thinking about...No, it was impossible.

"I know you would have done it yourself if you weren't blind, Hermione," Ginny said, squizing Hermione's hand.

Hermione bit her tongue, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to disappoint Ginny, but she had never thought of actually killing Lucius. She often even found herself hoping he wouldn't die, because his death would mean the end for Hermione. She would be handed to another Death Eater and she couldn't take that.

Ginny continued, anticipation in her voice:"He doesn't know what awaits him when he returns for you."

"Ginny, you don't know what you're saying-"

"Of course I do. I've never been so sure about anything before in my life," she said, determined.

"I-" Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. Just the thought of Lucius dying was..._painful_. What had she turned into? Would she mourn his death? Why?

Because she would then be alone and unprotected in a world full of predators, or was it something more? Something Hermione didn't understand and didn't have the time to think about.

"Hermione, can I count on you? I know you want to make him pay for everything he's done," and then she asked the question Hermione was afraid of, "Will you help me?"

A long moment of silence followed. Then, not saying a word, Hermione just slowly pulled her hands away from Ginny's.

* * *

**Hey, guys. I'm really sorry for not updating in two weeks. But here's chapter 14. I hope you're not disappointed. Tell me what you think! **


	15. To Belong

chapter 15** TO BELONG**

Hermione didn't need her sight to know that Ginny was confused. As she pulled her hands away from hers, she could sense the younger witch's body tensed up.

"You will help me, right?" Ginny asked again, suspicious this time.

"You don't know what you're saying, Ginny."

"I _do _know. Malfoy deserves to be punished."

Hermione whispered, feeling her throat close up:"You're not thinking clearly."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Ginny asked, getting slightly angry, "Is there something I should know?"

Hermione took a deep breath:"I just don't think it's such a good idea. Think about it, Ginny. What will happen to you if you succeed in hurting Luc- Malfoy?"

"I don't care about that! I don't care if they kill me, I have nothing to live for anyway," Ginny confessed, her voice becoming hysterical.

Hermione didn't know what to say. Shame overtook her as she realized that she was completely different than Ginny. After everything that had happened she still wanted to live. Did that make her stronger then Ginny, because her spirit wasn't completely destroyed? Or did it make her weaker than Ginny, because she was afraid of death?

Hermione didn't have the answer to that question, but she knew that there was no doubt that she was a traitor.

"Ginny," she started calmly, "You can't talk that way. What would your family think if they heard you? Do you think they would want you dead?"

"Most of them are dead. Thanks to Malfoy and his kind," she hissed, then added:"And besides, maybe Snape would protect me."

Hermione narrowed her eyes in surprise:"What do you mean? Why would he do that?"

"I..I don't know. I just have this strange feeling around him. He doesn't want me dead."

Sighing, Hermione nodded:"That may be true. And your blood status could save your from death, but what about..." then she forced the word out, "me?"

"I don't think you'd miss Malfoy that much, Hermione," Ginny replied sarcastically.

"You know what I mean," Hermione's voice grew stronger, "Even if you don't want to hear it, I am alive only because of him."

"Hermione, you know that's not true. He made you believe that just because-"

She cut her off:"It _is _true. I would be dead long time ago if Malfoy hadn't chosen me."

"I don't believe that."

It seemed as if Ginny was refusing to see the horrible truth and everything that was happening around her. Hermione could be blind, but she knew exactly what was happening outside and she didn't try to cover her eyes. She wasn't a coward in that aspect at least.

"We _lost _the War, Ginny. Death Eaters rule the world," Hermione spoke with strong voice, "They destroy, they kill, they torture and..." she stopped herself before went to far. Ginny was still a child and didn't need to know about all those horrible things that were happening in the world.

"People are dying, Ginny. Simple as that," Hermione said quietly.

"Don't you think I know that?"

By the sound of Ginny's voice, she was barely controlling her tears and Hermione felt guilty for making her feel that way.

"I'm sorry, Ginny. I didn't mean what I said," she smiled weakly.

"Please, say you'll help me," the younger witch insisted, "I'll do anything. I'll ask Snape to take you as his award after Malfoy dies. You won't be in danger."

Hermione could smile at Ginny's innocence. The red head witch had no idea what would happen to Hermione if Lucius really was out of the way. Dolohov, for instance. He would be more than glad to make her pay for everything she had done to him and finish what he had started. No one would save her from that. Not with Lucius around to protect her.

"_Please_, Hermione. You have to help me. Don't leave me alone in this," Ginny pleaded and Hermione knew she had no other option than to comply.

For Ginny's sake she had to promise to help her, even though that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"You can count on me, Ginny," Hermione said through her teeth, not believing what she was saying.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me!" Ginny thanked her with a hug and for the first time Hermione didn't feel like hugging her. Still, she wrapped her arms around the small witch and forced a smile.

"I already have a plan on how to-" Ginny started explaining, but Hermione stopped her with a false yawn.

"Ginny, I'm really tired. Can we talk about this later or tomorrow? Please?"

She wasn't really tired and she used that as an excuse to protect herself from Ginny and her plans. She was curious about what had happened to Ginny since they last saw each other and if she had heard of any of the other survivals, but now she was unable to ask about that. All Ginny wanted to talk about was how to stick that knife inside of Malfoy and just the thought of it made Hermione sick.

Ginny was ready to become a killer, but Hermione wasn't. And she didn't care if that made her weak. She had seen and experienced so many horrible things in her life that she felt dirty, tainted. The last thing she wanted was to dirty her hands with someone's blood. She wanted to remain clean at least in that matter.

Ginny took a deep breath:"I understand you're tired. I can imagine living with Malfoy isn't exactly..." she didn't finish that sentence, "You can rest here. Sleep and I'll wake you up when Snape comes for you."

"He will come for me?" Hermione asked confused, but then she understood, "We're not allowed to be together in the room for too long."

A couple of minutes later Hermione was laying in the bed, hugging the blanket tightly around herself. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of Ginny and her plan. _Their _plan, she corrected herself. Whatever Ginny was going to do, Hermione was a part of it now.

Without even realizing it, her thoughts flew off to Lucius. She couldn't help but wonder where he was and what was he doing. Was he killing people again?

She shuddered at the thought of him torturing a person at that very moment, without regrets or guilt. Was he really completely without emotions?

That wasn't true, she reminded herself. A lot of times he had shown anger towards her and that was an emotion, right? Maybe there were other kind of emotions hidden inside of him. Was it possible that such a cold monster was truly mourning after his son? Why else would he want to avenge his death?

But what bothered her the most was the reason why she didn't want Lucius dead. It wasn't just because of the fear of being alone and without his protection. Hermione had to confess that it was something deeper. Was Lucius right when he said that she had became attached to him? Could it be possible that she was starting to develop some kind of feelings for him?

Hermione closed her eyes tightly at the thought of that. No, it wasn't possible. The only thing she could feel for him was hate.

Pretending to sleep soon turned into something more as all thoughts left Hermione and she drifted off to dreamless sleep. Sleeping was something that Hermione always took for granted, but in her time with Lucius she learned to appreciate it more. One would think she'd have nightmares about the War because of all the horrible things she had seen, but luckily her sleep wasn't disturbed. The only nightmare Hermione remembered to have was the one about Dolohov, but at least it didn't last long.

"Hermione?" a soft voice called.

Hermione made a face as she woke up, feeling disoriented. It took her a few long moments to remember where she was and what had happened.

"Ginny..." she murmured, yawning, "What is it? Has Snape came for me?"

"No, not yet. We still have a few minutes. I just thought you'd be hungry."

Food. It's funny how one can forget about food when other important things are happening. Hermione couldn't remember when was the last time she ate, but it seemed that her body was already used to not getting food regularly.

"What would you like? A soup and-" Ginny started.

Hermione interrupted her, shaking her head:"A sandwich would be fine."

"A _sandwich_?" the younger witch asked with doubt, "Is that what Malfoy is feeding you with?"

"That's the only thing I can eat..by myself," Hermione explained quietly.

There were some things that she had learned to cope with without her sight. It took her longer than normally, but she had already learned how to take a bath. And walking wasn't as difficult as it was at the beginning. It just took practice. But because of her disobedience most of the days she wasn't allowed to eat, which explained the fact that she didn't know _how _to eat. Maybe she could do it properly if she tried, but the last thing she wanted was to seem helpless in front of Ginny. So she decided to eat the food she was capable of eating alone.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. But maybe I could help you-"

"No," Hermione replied, a bit harder than she intended, "I don't need help with eating."

Ginny nodded in understanding, not saying anything more. Hermione tensed when she heard the small 'pop'.

"It's alright. It was only the House Elf. He went to bring us food."

The next few minutes were spend in silence. Hermione didn't know what to talk about and it seemed that Ginny noticed that, because she kept her distance as well.

When the Elf returned with food, they started to eat and Hermione found herself wishing that Snape would come for her soon. The atmosphere in the room was not pleasant.

Hermione tried not to think about Ginny's plans, but couldn't keep the thoughts away. She tried to distract herself with food, but it didn't help either.

After they finished eating, Ginny broke the silence.

"Hermione, what is wrong?" she asked, sighing.

What could she say to her? Telling her the truth wasn't an option. Ginny wouldn't understand why Hermione didn't want Lucius dead. Even Hermione herself couldn't understand it.

So she decided to lie:"It's nothing. I'm just tired."

Ginny wasn't fooled that easily. Just by the sound of Hermione's voice she could tell that something was wrong.

"Hermione..." she started carefully, "What do you feel towards him?"

Breath caught in her throat as she thought about her answer.

After a long moment of uncomfortable silence, she forced the words out:"Ginny, it's not what you think. I'm not trying to save his life. I'm trying to save you."

Ginny seemed to believe it as her voice softened:"I have already decided, Hermione," she said slowly," Tomorrow when he returns for you, he will get more than he bargained for."

"Ginny..."

"A knife stuck in his gut."

A horrible image formed inside of Hermione's mind and she felt her throat close up with the thought of wounded Lucius. His pure blood, the blood he was so proud of, slowly running over his pale skin, covering his chest, his stomach...

Would Ginny really be able to do it? Was she ready to become a murderer?

"How are you planning on..doing it?" Hermione forced the question out of her mouth, "I doubt you'll be able to get close to him that easily."

"I know. And that's why I need you."

Hermione's eyes widened in horror, but she tried to hide it.

"What do you expect me to do?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Distract him. Say something to him. Two seconds are all I need," Ginny explained, emotionless, "Will you be able to distract him?"

It seemed to Hermione that Ginny still didn't know what she was getting herself into. Hate had completely taken over her and it was evident that she wasn't thinking clearly.

"I-" Hermione started, but was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. Ginny let out a frustrated sigh, but said nothing.

Not even a second later, the doors opened and Snape's voice could be heard.

"It's time," was all he said.

Hermione was thankful that he had came for her and somehow saved her from Ginny. She quickly stood up and turned towards Snape's voice.

"Come, Miss Granger," he took her arm to guide her.

"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow, Hermione."

Hermione only nodded and forced a smile, then let herself be led out of the room. She wondered where would Snape take her. Maybe to a dungeon? He wasn't like Dolohov, but he still thought that she was a Mudblood. And Mudbloods didn't deserve a clean room for themselves.

But to her surprise, he led her into a warm room, only a few steps away from Ginny's.

Once they were inside, he released her arm and spoke:"You will sleep here. There's a bathroom on your right," he explained, then smirked, "I advise you not to lose your time with searching for a weapon or anything like that, because you will not find it."

"Don't be so sure," she shoot back, causing silence to fill the room.

"I am not accustomed to having my orders disobeyed," he said at last, very slowly.

"And I am not accustomed to obeying orders," she retorted fiercely, though her lips were trembling.

"I thought Lucius already took care or your attitude," Snape replied, amused.

Hermione decided to ignore his statement as she asked:"Will he come for me tomorrow?"

Snape took a deep breath as if he was considering something, then answered:"I cannot be sure."

Hermione insisted:"But you _do _know something. Where did he have to go?"

"Why so impatient, Miss Granger?" Snape couldn't keep the grin out of his voice.

"I-I need to know. Will he come back?"

Hermione hoped she wasn't acting too suspicious. The last thing she needed was giving Snape a reason to suspect something was happening. She wouldn't want to do that to Ginny.

"Of course I think he's going to come back," Snape answered after a moment, "I doubt he's finished with you."

A thought accurred to Hermione. Maybe she could tell Snape what Ginny was planning? He would stop her and then nothing would happen to Lucius.

Hermione felt disgusted of herself at that thought. When had she started to protect him? What was wrong with her?

Finally, she decided to remain silent. Not being able to think of betraying Ginny and getting her in trouble, she kept her mouth closed.

"Get some rest," Snape said to her before leaving the room and locking it.

Even though she acted rebellious in front of him, Hermione decided to listen to Snape's advice and get some rest. But she couldn't get rid of the horrible thoughts in her head and the result of that was tossing and turning in bed, not being able to find sleep. There was nothing she could do to kill time, except thinking.

When the morning finally came, Hermione was a complete nervous wreck. She expected Ginny to burst through the doors and continue explaining her the plan, but she never came. Hermione concluded that she probably wasn't allowed to leave the room or accept visits in her room. She could image how angry Ginny was because of that. The younger witch probably wanted to talk with her about their plan again.

Hermione ate her breakfast alone in her room, thinking how it could be her last meal. With that thought in her head, she started to appriciate those two sandwiches more.

Before she even finished eating, the doors opened. Immediately the sandwich was dropped from her hands back onto the plate as she waited for that person to speak.

"Congratulations, Miss Granger. Your wish came true," Snape's voice drawled.

"What wish?"

"Lucius is back. He's waiting for you in the study."

Hermione couldn't hide the horror that passed her face at that information. She quickly tried to hide it, but it didn't escape Snape's attention.

"Why that face, Miss Granger? One might think you are not glad about the news."

Hermione could hear her heart beating in her head. It was so loud she was surprised that Snape couldn't hear it. She didn't expect Lucius to come back in just a day. She thought she had a few more days to think through what to do about Ginny and her plans.

"You look better with your mouth closed, Granger," Snape said, annoyed.

Without another word he took her arm and guided her out of the room. Once they were in the hallway, Hermione hesitantly asked:""Professor Snape, can I ask you a question?"

He sneered:"That was already a question."

"Where's Ginny?"

"I believe that is none of your concern."

Hermione let out a breath she'd been holding at his answer. Ginny was probably still in her room, locked and not allowed to step outside. Everything would be solved by that. If Ginny stayed in her room, she wouldn't be able to hurt Lucius.

When they entered what Hermione assumed was Snape's study, she held her breath and waited for any sign that Lucius was in the room. Those few moments of silence were pure torture.

"I hope you didn't miss me too much, Mudblood," Lucius' voice cut through the silence.

Relief flooded through her at the sound of him, but she didn't have the time to reply as she was interrupted by someone.

"Hermione, you're here!" Ginny exclaimed, entering the study.

"Ginevra, I don't recall giving you permission to come here," Snape hissed at her, releasing Hermione's arm.

"Did you really think I would let Hermione go back without saying goodbye first?"

"You crossed the line this time-" Snape started, but Lucius cut him off.

"Calm down, Severus. I don't see a problem if young Miss Weasley wants to say her goodbyes to the Mudblood," then he smirked, "After all, it is probably the last time they see each other."

Snape let out an annoyed sigh:"Alright. But do not think that your disobedience will be tolerated forever."

A moment later Hermione found herself in Ginny's arms. The younger witch hugged her with all her strength, but didn't say anything. Hermione expected her to whisper something to her, but not a word left Ginny's mouth. That made Hermione wonder if maybe Ginny abandoned the idea of stabbing Lucius. She prayed that she was right. But then something hard poked Hermione in her back at the place where Ginny's hand was. Immediately she knew what it was. A knife. Ginny probably hugged her like that because she wanted Hermione to know that she had it in her sleeve and that she planning to carry out her plan.

"How touching," Lucius replied sarcastickly, "Now come here, Mudblood. We should go."

"Don't forget my words, Hermione," Ginny said as she let go of her.

Hermione felt like everything was spinning around her as she slowly walked over to Lucius' voice. She took her time, counting steps in her head.

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5._

She stopped counting as her hands touched Lucius. Tension could be felt in the room, or maybe Hermione only imagined it. She knew Ginny was waiting for her to speak, to say _something _and distract Lucius.

But no words left her mouth. It was as if someone had put a Silencing spell on her. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would actually burst through her chest. Absolute terror flooded her veins and breathing became almost an impossible task.

"Hermione," Ginny called, impatience showing in her voice.

At that moment Hermione felt Ginny's stare burning her and she made a decision.

Slowly turning towards Lucius, she hesitantly asked:"Where were you? D-Did Voldemort send you to one of your missions again?"

She could tell that Lucius turned all her attention towards her as he spoke:"It is not your concern where I-"

Hermione could hear that he was talking to her, but his words made no sense to her. All she could concentrate on was listening for any kind of sound that would come from the other end of the room. As Lucius spoke, nothing happened. A small hope formed inside Hermione that maybe, just maybe Ginny had changed her mind the last moment.

And then she heard it.

The steps. The unmistakable sound of someone running towards her and Lucius.

Before she could stop herself, Hermione grabbed Lucius' arm and the words flew out of her mouth:"_Lucius_!"

After that everything happened in a second. She was pushed to the floor and the sound of struggling could be heard. Then more angry steps. Snape.

Hermione's body shook with adrenalin as she remained on the floor, trying to figure out what was happening by listening.

"Let go of me, Malfoy! Get your disgusting hands off of me!" Ginny screamed in rage, struggling to get free.

As Lucius' cold laugh filled the room, Hermione knew that he wasn't injured. It horrified her that she felt somehow relieved because of it.

"Did you really think you stood a chance against me, you silly girl?" Lucius mocked her, "Even if you'd succeeded in stabbing me, what real damage would that small knife do to me?"

"Let me show you that!" Ginny shoot back.

Snape hissed angrily at her:"Ginevra, that's enough!"

Hermione could tell by the noise that was coming from them that Ginny was being pulled away from Malfoy.

"Go to your room, Ginevra. I will deal with you later," Snape's voice had a murderous tone in it. He was really angry this time. Even though Ginny told her that Snape had never hurt her, Hermione didn't want to be in Ginny's place at that moment.

"That's not good enough, Severus," Lucius growled, "This is the second time your little slave had disrespected me. I think I deserve an apology at least."

Hermione knew there was no way that Ginny would apologize to him. As she sat on the floor, unnoticed, she realized it was only a matter of moments when Lucius would turn his attention to her and that terrified her.

"You're mental! I will never apologize to you!" Ginny screamed, fighting back tears of despair.

"Will you allow her to get away with that, Severus? Punish her for her actions," Lucius insisted, then added: "There are rumors about you. Some are saying you've gone soft."

Hermione jumped with shock as she heard the unmistakable sound of a slap. A _hard _slap.

Then Ginny's crying and it broke Hermione's heart. She knew that the younger witch wasn't crying because of the pain the slap had caused her, but because of the anger and humiliation.

"Did that convince you, Lucius?" Snape asked without any kind of emotion, "Or maybe I should do it again?"

Lucius smirked:"By all means-"

"Please, stop! Don't hurt her! She didn't know what she was doing!" Hermione screamed, her voice shaking.

"You should keep your mouth shut, Mudblood," Lucius hissed at her, "You will get your turn soon."

His cold voice caused her breathing to quicken, her heartbeat accelerating unbearably. She tried to gain control over it but the fear that was running through her veins, the terror that seemed to fill her blood was stronger.

"Leave her alone, Lucius. It's not her fault," Snape said calmly.

"I didn't know that you suddenly have a soft spot for Mudbloods."

"If you want to admit it or not, the _Mudblood _has just saved you."

Lucius said nothing to that and Hermione was dying to see his face at that moment. She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

But Ginny's quiet sobs interrupted her thoughts and the feeling of guilt settled in.

"Ginny? I'm sor-"

"If you apologize to me, I will kill you, Hermione," the younger witch forced through her teeth.

There was so much anger and hate in her voice, that it sent shivers down Hermione's body.

"I didn't want this to happen, Ginny," she said apologetically as she rose up from the floor.

"Don't even talk to me! Traitor!"

"I'm sorry..."

"How did he get you on his side? Is he that good in bed?" Ginny spoke with disgust.

Hermione blushed at that question and anger started to build inside of her:"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop saying that! Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that I don't understand how things work in this world!"

Lucius laughed coldly:"You really are entertaining, Miss Weasley."

"Ginny, it's not what you think! I would never-" Hermione insisted, raising her voice.

"I realized now what you are, Hermione. A slut. You call him _Lucius_, you save his life. What have you turned into? I've never expected it from you."

Snape stepped in, talking with an authoritative voice:"Ginevra, stop with the nonsense. Lucius, I think it would be for the best if you leave now."

"But it has just gotten interesting, Severus."

"Ginny..." Hermione didn't know what to say anymore.

"Get out! I don't ever want to see you again!"

At those words, tears spilled down Hermione's cheeks. Never before had she felt that alone. Not even that night when they lost the War and she was laying on the ground soaked with blood. She still had friends and people who loved her. Everything was different now. She was alone. Choosing Lucius over Ginny was the ultimate betrayal.

Not wanting to defend herself against Ginny's accusations anymore, she remained silent.

Not even tensing as Malfoy grabbed her arm, an unfamiliar feeling washed over her. A feeling of complete despair. At that moment she truly wanted to die.

"Get out! Leave!" Ginny screamed, shaking with rage.

As the feeling of Apparition took over Hermione, she could still hear Ginny's voice and her words in her mind.

She felt completely numb, not noticing anything that was happening around her. When she came to, she was already in Lucius' bedroom and he released her arm.

She waited for him to speak, to punish her, to do _something_. What she hated the most was when he only stared at her, observing her without saying anything.

"What are you playing at, Mudblood?" he finally asked and there was suspicion evident in his voice.

"I don't understand," Hermione replied, wiping the tears away.

"The first day or two you fought. You couldn't stand my touch. You flinched and jerkad away," he drawled, observing her as he spoke. Hermione could feel his stare on her and she just wanted to hide.

He trailed his incredibly warm hand up her arm, his fingers gliding over her skin, watching her with amusement as she shivered.

Hermione didn't know why she was shaking under his touch, all she knew was that she was unable to stop it.

"What has changed? Why don't you flinch anymore?" he asked, lost in his thoughts.

At that moment Hermione remembered something. Lucius was playing with her as cat plays with its prey. Instead of granting you a quick death, they're enjoying your fear before finally, they rip you into shreds.

"When you were done with fighting you begged. Do you remember? Our every fight ended with your begging me to stop."

Hermione clenched her teeth together at the memory of that. It was humiliating to even think about it. Why did he bring it up?

"Your physical attempts at stopping me were pathetic, and being a smart girl as you are, you finally realized that you could not fight me off physically. So you _begged_," he said smoothly, moving closer to her.

"Where are you going with this?" Hermione demanded to know.

He continued talking, completely ignoring her question:"Soon after the begging, you gave in. No longer did you fight against me and my orders."

There was a long pause, filled with tenson.

"Why did you warn me, Mudblood? You could have left that Weasley girl to _try _to stab me. Why didn't you?" he asked calmly, almost purring into her ear.

"I don't know," was her only answer.

"You _do _know," he insisted, "You are just too ashamed to admit it."

"No."

"_No_?" he asked mockingly, "It's incredible what a complete isolation can do to a person. You are the perfect example of how living for long periods of time in contact with only one human being can link you to that one person. You and me."

"You're wrong," Hermione said to him, but it sounded unconvincing. Deep inside her she knew that she was slowly losing her soul to him. He was all she had now, and she was slowly giving herself over to him in his possesion without even noticing it.

"You were mine the moment I saw you on the battle field, but that wasn't the same as truly _owning_ you. I could have your body, but it wasn't enough. I wanted you to _truly _belong to me. With your mind and soul, _Hermione_."

The use of her name confused her for a moment, but she pulled herself together as she spoke confidently:"Never. You will never own me and I will never belong to you."

"You already do and there is nothing you can do to change it," his voice was a low, dangerous growl, "You know what I'm talking about. The feeling that I'm all you have left now. You will never be able to escape from that feeling. And you will never be able to escape from me. Never."

Hermione wanted to object, to shout at him that he was wrong, but no words came out. He had said it all. Everything she would say, would be a lie.

"And what terrifies you the most is that you are not scared of that. You would like to belong to me, Mudblood."

Hermione fought back tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. It seemed as if Lucius knew all her thoughts and it terrified Hermione how good he knew her. But what literally sent shivers down her body was the fact that he was somehow right. Loneliness was the most horrible thing in the world. And Hermione didn't want to be alone. It was bad enough that she was lost in the darkness. Deep inside her she did want to belong to him.

* * *

**So sorry for not updating sooner. I just had a lot of work and not a lot time. I hope you like where this story is going. Thanks to all of you who read and review. :)**


	16. Discoveries

Chapter 16 **DISCOVERIES**

There were only few events in his life that made Severus lose his temper. And watching the young girl scream at him and insult him was slowly starting to piss him off.

"I hate you! And I hate her!" Ginny screamed through her tears.

"Calm down and listen to me," Snape ordered calmly, even though he was burning inside. The girl had put him in danger with her reckless behaviour. At that moment he realized that he would have to discipline her and put a stop to her attempts to escape and revenge her family.

"You don't tell me what to do, Snape. You..." she then send him a look full of hate, "You _hit _me."

She could swear she saw Snape's eyes soften for only a second, before his cold expression took over again.

"You left me no other choice, Ginevra."

Ginny approached him, her body shaking with pure rage. As she stopped before him, she looked straight into his eyes as if she was daring him.

"Hit me again," she demanded, earning herself an amused look from Snape.

"Do not play games with me," he warned her.

The moment the words left his mouth, Ginny's hand connected with his face. She slapped him hard, but he didn't even flinch. It made Ginny even more furious and she couldn't stop herself from hitting him again. And again. And again. Her hand hurt, but Snape didn't show he was in any kind of pain.

Ginny clenched her fists together in rage and stood completely still, sending Snape a murderous look.

He spoke after a few seconds:"Are you quite finished?"

All her emotions took over her as she lunged herself at him, trying desperately to hit him with her small fists, trying to get rid of all the anger and pain she was feeling.

"I've had enough of this!" Snape growled in anger and grabbed her wrists in an attempt to calm her down.

"Let go!" Ginny screamed at him, pulling away from him. The last thing she wanted was being that close to him and his touch disgusted her, "Let go of me!"

He released his hold at once, watching her inquiringly. She rubbed her aching wrists, taking a step back from him. His dark eyes skimmed over her skin, seeing his fingerprints from his bruising grip. His eyes rested there for a while as he lost himself in his thoughts. He hadn't noticed that he had held her so roughly, probably underrating his strength.

"Don't ever touch me again, Snape," Ginny said in a threatening voice, but she knew she had nothing to threaten him with.

Snape took a deep breath, then raised a small knife in his hand:"I want you to tell me where and how you got your hands on this," his voice was controlled as he spoke, but there was a warning in it.

"It doesn't matter," she hissed at him.

Snape studied her for a long moment, before sighing and nodding:"You are right. It does not matter, because from now on I will have you on my sight all the time. You will not be allowed to walk alone around the house anymore."

"You can't stop me."

"You will learn that I can," Snape smirked, then continued in a dark tone, "Your attitude almost got us both in serious trouble."

"Us? You _hit _me!" Ginny exploded with rage once again.

"You should be thankful that was the only thing I did."

That sentence caused Ginny to take a step away from him, the look in his eyes frightening her. His eyes had never been so dark as they were at that moment.

"Do you have any idea what you could have caused with your little _show_?" Snape asked, completely serious.

"Bring Malfoy here and I'll show you what I can do," Ginny shot back.

"I will not tolerate your attitude from now on. I have been patient with you, but you've crossed the line."

"Malfoy deserves to be dead! And I will kill him the next chance I get," Ginny insisted, anger showing in her voice.

"Sadly for you, you will not get another chance. And I'm afraid this was the last time you saw your friend Granger."

"She's not my friend! She's a traitor. Just like you!"

Ginny couldn't control herself anymore. All her anger and pain threatened to explode inside of her. Insults were coming out of her mouth, not caring what would happen to her.

Snape just rolled his eyes:"Granger acted smart. Unlike you."

"I hate her," was the only thing Ginny could say.

Snape looked deep into her eyes, making her uncomfortable. Ginny felt like he could read all her thoughts when he looked at her like that.

"You do not hate her. You're hurt, you feel betreyed. But you do not hate her."

She let out a forced laugh:"You have no idea how I feel. She destroyed my only chance of revenge."

Snape raised an eyebrow:"And do you know why she did that? Have you even thought about her reasons for acting the way she did?"

That confused Ginny for a second, but she quickly pushed it away:"What does it matter-"

He cut her off:"You are too captured in your hate to distinguish between right and wrong."

"I have every right to hate him. To hate all of you."

Snape nodded, then asked:"What do you know about the world outside?"

Ginny narrowed her eyes in confusion and opened her mouth to say something, but she closed them again, realizing she didn't know what to say.

Snape continued in a cold tone:"Death Eaters rule the Wizarding world. There is chaos on the streets. Murder and violence is legal now."

"I know that-"

"Mudbloods are being hunted like animals and tortured for fun or killed. Would you like me to describe that to you?" he spoke as if he was unaffected by what he was saying.

Ginny tensed, horrible images making their way into her mind:"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to know what kind of world we live in now. What do you think would happen to Granger the moment Lucius was out of the picture?"

For a moment Ginny didn't know what to say. She realized she had never thought of that before. All she could think about was vengeance.

"She...She could join resistance or-"

She was cut of by Snape's cold laugh:"_Resistance_? There is no resistance."

"Yes, it is! Hermione told me," Ginny insisted.

"It may have existed before, but it surely does not now. Lucius and the others took care of that," he informed her, observing her as her eyes widened in horror and desperation.

"You're lying to me," she whispered, complete despair taking over her. It was then that she realized there was no escape for her. No happy ending. All her hopes were destroyed.

"Why would I lie?"he asked, his dark eyes boring into hers.

Ginny looked at him, not sure what to retort but he didn't give her much time as he continued.

"Granger would be given to another Death Eater, who would treat her worse than Lucius. She would be an empty shell in a matter of days."

"I-" she started, but then trailed off.

Ginny remained silent, feeling guilt taking over her. She realized she was selfish, not thinking what would happen to her friend. But the anger was still inside of her and didn't plan on leaving soon.

"I can't understand why she saved his life," Ginny confessed quietly, "I understand that she was afraid for her life, but..."

"What is it?" Snape asked in suspicion.

Ginny couldn't understand why she was talking to Snape about this, but she needed to say it out loud.

"Something is happening between the two of them," when the words left her mouth, Ginny realized how outrageous it sounded, but she continued, "She's becoming attached to him."

"Your reasons for that theory?"

"I just know," she said firmly, "And if I'm right and she is starting to feel something other than hate towards him, I will never forgive her."

"You do realize that you are speaking nonsense?" Snape drawled, looking at Ginny as if she had lost her mind completely, "I can assure you that Lucius would never lower himself enough to involve himself with a Mudblood."

When Ginny didn't say anything, Snape walked past her towards the doors:"Come. I will escort you to your room."

Ginny didn't have the strength to fight anymore. The whole day was stressful and all she wanted was to rest and hopefully fall asleep and forget about all the horrible events that had happened.

*****

He was wrong. He had to be wrong. Hermione couldn't accept that Lucius was right. It was absurd. There was no way that she would want to belong to him. She didn't belong to anyone.

But as she sat alone on the floor, with her back resting against the wall, she couldn't ignore that little voice in her head.

_You do want to belong to him. Why do you keep lying to yourself?_

Ever since Lucius had left her alone in the room, she kept fighting with that little voice.

Lucius' words were on her mind all the time. She couldn't deny that she had became more attached to him, but that was normal. He was all she had now. Her life depended on him and it was perfectly understandable that her feelings towards him would change.

She almost laughed at that word. _Feelings_. She would die out of shame if Ron and Harry heard that. It was bad enough that Ginny knew. Maybe it was a good thing that Ginny hated her, because Hermione wouldn't dare to look into her eyes ever again.

Pushing those horrible thoughts out of her head, she forced herself to close her eyes. After everything that had happened, Hermione needed some sleep, so she decided to make use of the time she had until Lucius returned.

After a few minutes she started to slip into unconsciousness, her body felt light and completely weightless, all worry disappeared from her mind as calmness made it's way into her thoughts.

"Poor little Mudblood, has this day been too exhausting for you?"

Her eyes flew open at that voice. It cut through a complete silence like a knife. Hermione blinked a few times, feeling completely disoriented and confused. Had she fallen asleep? When did Lucius return? How much time has it passed since she closed her eyes?

"What...what time is it?" she asked quietly, slowly pulling herself up from the floor.

"That does not concern you."

Hermione blinked a few more times, trying to get rid of the strange burning feeling in her eyes. It wasn't painful, just annoying. She concluded it was probably a consequence of being woken up so suddenly and getting up so quickly.

"Why can't you tell me a simple thing as what time it is?" she asked while rubbing her eyes with her hands.

Lucius' smirk was evident in his voice:"Because I like you ignorant and helpless."

Hermione said nothing to that as she kept blinking and rubbing her eyes in an attempt to stop the uncomfortable feeling.

It didn't escape Lucius's attention what she was doing.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked, slightly suspicious.

"Nothing," Hermione replied and opened her eyes.

She was surprised when she wasn't faced with darkness, but with light. It was pure white light and Hermione blinked a few more times, trying to see if it will go away.

But it didn't help. Shock probably showed on her face, because Lucius grabbed her arms and pulled her closer to him, looking into her eyes and trying to figure out what was happening.

"Do not lie to me, Mudblood," he threatened in a low voice.

At that moment the light before Hermione's eyes started to fade away, but it wasn't replaced with darkness as she had expected it to. The image before her was unclear, but Hermione could clearly see a face and long blond hair. She almost forgot to breath and didn't even try to hide the shock on her face. For the first time in her life she wasn't using her head, all she cared about was that she could see something other than darkness again. Her heart started to beat uncontrollably fast. Without thinking her eyes locked with Lucius'. For the first time since he took her, she looked into his eyes and became almost hypnotised by the depth in them. Their connection lasted only for a second before the image started to fade away into darkness again.

"_No..." _Hermione whispered, feeling despair raising inside of her as the darkness took over her sight again. She blinked, trying to push the darkness again, but it didn't help. Only a moment later she wasn't able to see anything again. It was a dissapointment, but she didn't have time to think about it or anaylize it as Lucius' grip on her arms tightened until it was painful.

"What was that, Mudblood? Tell me or I will force the truth out of you," he growled, anger taking over him.

For the first time since she was captured, Hermione was one step ahead of Lucius. He was always the one who knew everything about her, even personal things that no one except Hermione should know. And finally the moment came when Hermione knew something that he didn't. And she wasn't willing to lose that advantage.

Her mind started working quickly as she tried to think of an appropriate answer.

"I just...felt dizzy for a moment," she forced the words out, hoping she sounded convincing.

"I do not appreciate being lied to. I assumed you knew that by now," he spoke calmly, but he still didn't release his grip on her.

"I'm not lying. I got up from the floor too fast and everything started to spin around me."

"How is that possible when you cannot see a thing?" he questioned and Hermione noticed the suspicion in his voice.

"It _felt _like everything was spinning around me," she corrected herself, then narrowed her eyes, "What are you afraid of?"

Lucius was silent for a moment and Hermione could actually feel his eyes burning into hers, trying to find life in them.

"For a moment it seemed...." he trailed off as if he was lost in his thoughts.

Hermione decided to take a risk:"Are you afraid that I might get my sight back?"  
After a long moment of silence, Lucius released her and took a step away from her before speaking in a mocking tone:"I am not afraid of anything, girl. And do not think that gaining your sight would help you. You would still be in my possession and without any option of escaping."

Hermione realized that the smartest thing she could do was to keep her mouth closed and let that issue pass.

"This evening will be something special, Mudblood," Lucius changed the subject and Hermione let out a breath she was holding.

"What are you talking about?"

"A celebration. We've finally gotten rid of the resistance that was causing us trouble," Lucius announced proudly.

Hermione didn't even flinch at that information. She had lost hope of being saved by the resistance a long time ago.

"That's why you went away," she said quietly.

"Yes. You do not have to worry anymore, Mudblood. From now on I will not leave you alone," he said to her firmly, waiting for her reaction.

Hermione just bit her lip, not knowing what to say or feel at that statement.

"I thought you would show more happiness hearing that," Lucius drawled with false sadness.

"Why would I be happy? Do you think I enjoy spending time with you?"

"Well, one would think you prefer my company to Dolohov's or some other Death Eater's," he said coldly.

Hermione tensed at the mention of Dolohov Those few days with him were the most horrible time in her entire life. She could still clearly remember every disgusting word he had said to her, every slap and punch. But the most of all, she remembered loneliness. As she was laying on the cold ground, barely alive, she felt completely alone and abandoned. With Lucius she didn't feel like that. The reason behind that was still unclear to her.

Hermione refused to answer him, realizing that he enjoyed reminding her of Dolohov and her time spent there. Lucius wasn't stupid and he knew all to well that Hermione would much rather be with him for the rest of her life than one more day with Dolohov. And that gave Lucius even more power over her, because she willingly chose him over someone else.

"You are not very talkative today," Lucius noticed, "I wonder why."

"You can't stand it when I _do _talk, you don't like it when I'm silent. What do you want from me?" Hermione raised her voice.

But Lucius' tone stayed perfectly controlled:"For now I want you to take a bath."

"Why?"

"Severus always complained how eager for knowledge you were, but I never understood how annoying that had to be," he insulted her.

"I will not take a bath if you don't tell me the reason for it," she crossed her arms over her chest, demanding an answer.

Lucius let out a short mocking laugh:"Muggles need a reason to clean themselves? My my, I will never be able to understand your kind."

"I didn't mean-"

He interrupted her:"And I feel the need to remind you that you are not in a position to give me orders," he paused for a moment, "I can force you to take a bath, but it would make things a lot easier for both of us if you just do it without complaining."

Hermione believed every words he said and decided not to push him. She gritted her teeth together and nodded, feeling anger slowly rising inside of her.

"Good girl," he grinned, "Go to the bathroom. New clothes are waiting for you there. If you're not out in five minutes, I'm coming in for you."

Hermione bit her tongue to stop a snarky reply and slowly walked towards the bathroom, careful not to hit a wall or trip over something. Wanting some privacy, she closed the door and than waited to see if Lucius would have problems with that. Luckily, he said nothing. Not wanting to waste time, Hermione filled the tub with water, then quickly undressed and jumped in. When she was a child, she used to take long hot baths and enjoyed washing her hair. That was the only time she could stand her hair. When they were wet they could be easily controlled, but as she dried them, they seemed to get a will of their own.

She could hear minutes passing in her head as she got out of the the tub and dried herself before putting new clothes on. Underwear and something that felt like a robe. It went past her thighs, almost to her knees.

After a few more minutes she was done. When she walked back into the bedroom, she was met with a complete silence, but she could sense that Lucius was in the room. It was illogical and couldn't be explained, but she _felt _that she wasn't alone. Her other senses have been getting stronger as she had to learn to live without her sight.

Without words, he made his way towards her and dried her hair with his wand.

"I liked it better wet," he murmured quietly, but it was meant for Hermione to hear it.

"What now?" she asked, ignoring his insult.

"Now we go downstairs."

"Why?"

He took a deep breath:"As I said before, this evening we will celebrate our victory."

"Over the resistance?"

"Such a smart girl," he mocked, "The party will be held in my house."

Hermione knew she should be afraid, but somehow she wasn't. She was aware of the fact that she will be attending a party with Death Eaters, but it didn't frighten her. She knew she had Lucius to protect her from the others. She could rely on him in at least that aspect. His possessive and controlling nature would keep her safe from his other colleagues.

"I wouldn't have taken you with me, but the others all decided to brag with their awards and I cannot be seen without mine. Wouldn't you agree?"

A small hope formed inside of her that maybe some of her friends would be there as well. Maybe Luna or Ginny. _Ginny_. Her throat closed up as she remembered that their friendship was now over. Even if Ginny will be at the party, there was no way she would want to talk to her.

"Shall we?" Lucius asked, then without waiting for her answer, he took her arm and guided her out of the room.

After stairs, Hermione lost all her coordination and found herself unable to tell where they were going. Never before had he taken her to the room he was taking her now.

Soon she heard them. The _noise_, the sound of _conversations_, _laughing_.

When they entered the room, Hermione tensed, but she was telling herself that nothing bad would happen. She wasn't the only award in the room and she didn't look that special, so there was no reason anybody would notice her.

The moment she felt Lucius' hand disappear from her arm, she felt completely alone. The noise was too loud and she couldn't concentrate on anything. She desperately wanted to reach for Lucius, but she still had her pride.

"Lucius, you've finally brought her!" a man with rough voice said and approached them, "I clearly remember her from that evening a few weeks ago."

Hermione brought back memories of that night when Lucius brought her in his study and let his friends have his way with her. Shame overtook her as she remembered how she humiliated herself and begged Lucius to help her. Now when she looked back at that, she couldn't help but wonder if he would really have done it? Was he really planning on letting his friends do all those sick things to her and just stand by and watch or was that all a part of his mind games?

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but I do not wish to share her with anyone. So you will just have to satisfy yourself with observing only," Lucius said in a polite, yet firm tone.

Hermione relaxed a bit at that. She realized she wasn't in any real danger as long as she had Lucius beside her.

"I understand completely, Lucius. I can imagine why you want her all for yourself," the other man replied, "Come with me. I would like you to meet my award. A _Pureblood_."

It didn't escape Hermione's attention how he had said the last word. It was obviously meant to insult her, but all it did was annoy her. Hermione was well aware of the fact that she wasn't a Pureblood and that never bothered her. It was difficult to live in a world where blood status meant so much, but insults and mocking only made her stronger.

"Of course," Lucius said, then leaned closer to Hermione, "Try to stay out of trouble."

At first Hermione didn't understand what he meant by that, but then she heard him walk away and it completely shocked her. At that moment she felt as if the wall around her that kept her safe collapsed. Trying to calm herself down, she took a few deep breaths and concentrated on everything around her. All she could tell from listening was that the room was quite big and that there were a lot of people. They were talking, laughing, _celebrating_. It angered her knowing they were celebrating deaths of her friends, of good people.

She made a step forward, but she bumped into someone. She instantly took a step back and found herself bumping into another person. Suddenly she felt claustrophobic. There were too many people around her and everything was too loud, making it impossible for her to form a clear thought.

She stood completely still for a few long moments, then decided to try and find a wall. That way she would feel a bit more safe and she would be in a far better position than in the middle of the room.

As she pushed her way through the crowd, she tried to ignore the fact that she was touching Death Eaters. She walked as fast as she could with her arms stretched in front of her, hoping to find the comfort of a wall. She was almost pushed to the ground as someone roughly bumped into her, causing her to lose balance. After few more accidents her hands finally touched the wall and Hermione let out an exhausted sigh.

It surprised her that nobody seemed interested in her, no one bothered her or even said anyhing to her as she made her way through the crowd. Why would they? Surely there were prettier Pureblood awards.

It crossed her mind that she might be faced with Dolohov again and she wasn't sure she could stand just hearing his voice ever again.

"I'll be damned!" someone said from behind her.

Hermione heard it, but didn't pay attention to it, convinced it wasn't directed to her. Then someone's hand grabbed her arm and turned her around, making Hermione tense with fear.

"I remember you," the man said to her in a hoarse voice.

Hermione caught his scent and it almost made her sick. He smelled disgusting, as if he hadn't bathed in a month.

"Let go," Hermione said calmly, trying to hide the panic in her voice.

"How come you are still alive, girl?" he demanded from her, tightening the grip on her arm.

It was obvious that he had seen her before, but Hermione couldn't remember ever hearing his voice. Maybe was drunk and he confused her with someone else. With that thought in her head, Hermione struggled harder, trying to get away from him.

"I don't know you. Let go!"

He let out a short laugh:"You really are tough, little girl. I never thought you would stay alive this long."

_Lucius. Where is he?_

With panic taking over her, Hermione was unable to pay attention to the words of a man before her, all she was doing was listening for Lucius' voice, hoping that he was near by.

"I was convinced you would die at that field. How did you survive without being able to see anything?" the man asked with interest, still not letting go of her arm.

When those words left his mouth, Hermione completely froze and she felt something go through her.

Then he laughed again. It was a disgusting laugh and at that moment a distant memory came flooding back to Hermione.

_She was at the Battle field, with her wand in her hand, throwing curses. The sight in front of her was terrifying. It was night, but she could see everything clearly because of all the curses flying around. Never before had she felt that helpless and terrible as she watched good people around her being hit with curses. Many of them fell to the ground immediately, the others still fought until life left them. She found herself completely disgusted and shocked as she realized that Death Eaters were not using the Killing curse. They probably thought that death by that curse was too mild and they wanted to torture their opponents and watch as blood leaked from them._

_In all that chaos Hermione couldn't take it anymore and she stopped just for a moment to take a breath. But that moment was all it was needed for someone to sneak up behind her and snatch the wand away from her. It was completely unexpected and shock was making it impossible for Hermione to run or try to get her wand back. She stood still, looking deep into the Death Eater's eyes. She was positive that she would die and that there was no escape for her. Not wanting to act like a coward in the last seconds of her life, she proudly raised her head and sent the man in front of her a cold look, hoping she hid the fear she felt._

_Without any words, the Death Eater raised his wand at her and Hermione reflexively closed her eyes, shaking and waiting for the death to take her. An unknown spell was murmured and Hermione prepared herself for the pain. When nothing painful hit her, her eyes flew open and she was faced with something she had never expected. A complete darkness. The Death Eater in front of her laughed before walking away from her._

The _laugh _of the man in front of her was completely the same. Her breathing became erratic again as realization dawned on her. The man holding her was the same Death Eater that stole her sight and made a hell out of her life. Her life would have been different if she could see. She wouldn't have to depend on Lucius so much. If there wasn't darkness before her eyes, she wouldn't spend one more minute in the Malfoy Manor. She would plan her escape, but without her sight she was forced to live through a thousands of humiliations with Lucius until he finally grows tired of her.

All rage exploded inside of her, as she growled at the man before her:"Get your disgusting hands off of me!"

"You didn't say please," he teased her without releasing her.

The smell of alcohol hit Hermione and she felt even more disgusted. Without thinking, she tried to kick him and she hit his leg, causing him to let go of her and letting out a hiss of pain.

"You really shouldn't have done that," he threatened and then whispered something.

It sounded as a spell, but he had said it too quietly, making Hermione unable to tell which kind of spell. But when she felt no pain, she figured it wasn't a spell but maybe an insult directed at her.

"Soon you will come begging to me," he whispered, leaning close to her.

Before she could stop herself, Hermione spat on his face, letting out all anger she was feeling.

Not even a moment later she was slapped hard across the face. The force of it made her hit the wall. She let out a bloodcurdling scream, but nobody could hear her, because the noise was too loud. And even if they did hear her, why would anyone want to help her?

"_Lucius_..." she whispered weakly, hoping he would somehow hear her.

"Lucius? He's the one who took you?" the man asked surprised and a little disgusted, "Why would he choose a dirty Mudblood over some beautiful Pureblood is beyond me."

He roughly pulled her away from the wall before speaking:"Now what should I do to teach you that it's not polite to spit on those who are superior to you? Maybe a Cruciatus cure?"

"Lucius!" Hermione screamed this time, panic rising in her. She realized she was not as safe as she thought she was.

"Phillix, what is going on here?" was heard not even two seconds later.

The man immidiatly released her as Lucius approached them, demanding to know what happened.

Hermione could feel a weak smile on her face and as Lucius returned to her side, so did the feeling of security.

"I was just having a conversation with this lovely Mudblood. Isn't that so?" Phillix answered, keeping his voice calm and composed.

Lucius wasn't fooled that easily:"And why was she screaming my name?"

Hermione didn't realize she had screamed that loudly. Phillix remained silent at Lucius' question and Hermione too didn't know what to say. Lucius wasn't her friend, he wasn't interested in keeping her safe because he didn't want her hurt. He protected her just because he was possessive. She was his _possession _and only he had the right to hurt her. So why would she tell him that she had just been slapped? And the last thing she wanted was to let him know that she was seeing him as her protector now.

"What happened, Mudblood?" Lucius turned his attention towards her, "What did he do?"

Hermione bit her lower lip in frustration, feeling his eyes on her face.

"Tell me," he demanded calmly.

"Nothing," she forced the word out, but it didn't sound convincing.

"You see, Lucius, nothing-" Phillix started, but was cut of by Lucius.

"I don't believe I asked you a question," his voice was cold and it had an angry tone in it.

Hermione still refused to tell him what happened and then she felt Lucius' hand grasp her chin and raise her head in his direction.

After a long moment of silence, he removed his hand and Hermione let out a breath she was holding.

"Why does she have a red cheek?" Lucius demanded, angrier this time, "And I hope you have a good explanation."

"She insulted me, Lucius. Surely you do not expect me to just let that slide," Phillix said nervously.

"I am not interested in what _she _had done, " Lucius hissed at him, "I am interested in the reason why you raised your hand on _my _award. In _my _house."

"Are you saying I should ignore her disrespectfulness?"

"Only _I _am allowed to touch her. I thought that was clear to everyone," Lucius growled at him.

Hermione realized that she had never heard him talk to one of his fellow Death Eaters with such anger. Why was he angry?

"Pippy!" Lucius called out and immediately the House Elf appeared.

"Take her to the bedroom," he ordered and before Hermione even realized what was happening, the small creature touched her and the next moment they weren't in that room anymore.

"You is in the bedroom, Miss. Now Pippy need to go," the Elf said before leaving Hermione alone again.

She leaned against the wall and let herself think about everything that had happened.

She had finally met the person who took her sight away. Anger started to rise inside of her at just the thought of him and his disgusting laugh. He deserved much more than he got from her. He should suffer as she had suffered. And even that wouldn't be enough.

As minutes passed, she slowly felt her body temperature raising, but she didn't pay attention to that. More important thoughts were on her mind.

Even though she should be used to that by now, she still flinched when she heard the doors open.

He was angry.

That was the first thing she realized when she heard his breathing. She kept her mouth shut, waiting for him to speak. He was silent for a few long moments and a tensed atmosphere could be felt in the room.

"What is it with you?" he finally asked, "Why do you _always _cause trouble?"

Of course he would end up blaming her for everything. What else did she expect from him?

"I didn't-"

"Is it that hard for you to keep your mouth shut? Why do you insist on complicating everything?" he asked angrily, approaching her.

His closeness was not something Hermione needed at that moment. She felt even more hot and it seemed to her as if all air went out of the room. But Lucius was breathing without any problems, so something had to be wrong with her.

"He was the one who started everything," Hermione said calmly, trying to ignore that sweat was forming in her forehead.

"What did he say to you? How did you earn that slap?" Lucius questioned, slightly calmer.

"I didn't _earn _it!"

"Do not dare to raise your voice again," he warned her in a cold one.

"Do you really want to know why I hit him? Why I spat on him?"

"If I wouldn't want to know, I wouldn't be asking you about it, would I?"

Hermione nodded, then spoke:"He was...He was the one who threw the curse at me on the...on the Battle Field," she had trouble speaking and forming sentences in her mind.

Lucius remained silent and Hermione continued:"I can't see anything because of...of him."

"Well, isn't that interesting?" Lucius said more to himself than to her.

Suddenly Hermione felt dizzy and she had to lean against the wall behind her for support. She had trouble breathing and her body felt like she had a fever.

"Hot..." she whispered, wiping the sweat from her face.

"What is wrong with you?" Lucius asked, a bit alarmed.

"I don't know. I-" she started, then closed her mouth, feeling as strength was slowly leaving her body. Why was she feeling so sick all of the sudden?

"What is happening to me?" she let out quietly and gasped for breath frantically.

"Mudblood?"

Hermione knew that Lucius was standing in front of her, but now his voice seemed as if it was coming from far away.

The last thing she felt before falling into unconsciousness were strong arms around her waist.

* * *

**Hi, guys! I know it's been two weeks, but I was really busy! I will try to update sooner this time...**


	17. Fire

chapter 17** FIRE**

The moment she came to, she wished to be dead. Such _pain_. Much worse than Crucio. Not that she remembered how much pain a Cruciatus Curse could cause, but she somehow knew it couldn't be this painful. It felt as if her whole body was on fire, but death never came. And it seemed to be worse as seconds passed. It was impossible to think clearly while burning. Hermione couldn't prevent the screams to escape her throat and it didn't even matter to her who heard her. She was beyond caring.

"_Mudblood_?"

She heard his voice and concentrated on it. It was the only thing that she could hold on to at that moment. Even if it was avoice of her enemy.

_Please, help me. Stop this._

The words were clear in her mind, but when she tried to speak, she found it impossible to.

"What do you feel?" he asked, his voice showing that he was angry and upset, "Answer me."

His voice was all she had beside the pain and she wished he would never stop talking. She wanted him to insult her, to scream at her, do say _anything_, just as long as he spoke.

"Talk to me!" he demanded angrily.

Hermione felt his hands on her shoulders, shaking her roughly. She wanted to answer him, but she couldn't. And she didn't want him to move his hands away. It made her feel safe and somehow comforted at the contact of another human being. Even if it was Lucius Malfoy.

"Stop screaming!"

That surprised her. She wasn't aware of the fact that she had been screaming out loud. She thought it was all just in her head. But if she managed to form screams, that meant she could form words as well, right?

"What do you feel?" Lucius asked again, impatient, "If you do not tell me, I will not be able to help you, Mudblood."

_Help _her? He wanted to help her? A small hope formed inside of Hermione as she gathered all her strength and tried to form a word.

But it seemed as if the fire inside her body became even more painful each time she tried to say something. Suddenly panic overtook her. Maybe there was no salvation for her. She was unable to say anything and that meant that Lucius wouldn't know what was wrong with her. He wouldn't be able to help her and make the pain stop.

"If you are faking it, I swear you will wish you've never been born..." he threatened.

Hermione felt his hands on her face, slapping her, not hard, but just to get some kind of reaction from her. Then he stopped, but his hands didn't move away. They stayed on her face for a long moment, just touching her skin.

"You are burning up," he realized with shock and removed his hands.

Hermione couldn't describe the relief she felt at his statement. He knew what was wrong with her, which meant he would find a way to help her. Unfortunately, the relief only lasted for a couple of moments, before the excruciating pain took over her again.

_Why is this happening to me? Who did this to me?_

Those questions stayed in her mind as short screams escaped her mouth. Before she even realized what was happening, she felt herself being pulled up into someone's arms.

She was being carried, but where?

"Hold on," Lucius said to her, "Hold on to me."

The last sentence was said quietly, but Hermione heard it. What did he mean by it? Was he going to help her?

_Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot_.

Hermione never thought it was possible to be burning with fire, but never die. She had never before came across such a spell. Probably Dark Magic.

Then a realization hit her. A spell. Someone had cursed her. But when and why? No even a moment later, she remembered him. The same Death Eater that took her eyesight. She clearly remembered that he muttered something to her, but she didn't pay attention to it.

Then suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a horrible feeling of _coldness_. She realized she was being lowered into a cold water. Not a pleasant feeling. The fire in her body didn't react well with a freezing water and she started shaking uncontrollably. It did take away some pain, but not all. Her insides still felt like they were on fire, but the cold water cooled down her skin at least.

Her teeth started chattering as tremor took over her body, but then she felt Lucius move behind her and pull her back against him. As she leaned against his strong chest, she didn't care that it was Lucius Malfoy who was holding her. All that mattered to her was that it made her feel better and she was thankful for that.

She could imagine the position they were in and it surprised her that Lucius would allow himself to touch her that way. She was still dressed in a robe, but as she slowly became more aware of her surroundings, she realized that Lucius wasn't wearing a shirt and that she was leaning against his bare chest.

Only soft moans left her mouth as her breathing became slower and she relaxed against strong body behind her. A small voice in her head was whispering to her that she should be ashamed. She was leaning against a Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy. Her body should be disgusted at his touch, but instead it was completely relaxed.

His wet hands touched her cheeks and her forehead in an attempt to cool her down. Hermione found herself leaning against his cold touch, even though her mind was telling her that she was disgusting. She was allowing him to touch her with the same hands with which he had killed Ron and so many others.

It surprised her how gentle his touch could be. He almost caressed her with the same hands that had hurt her so many times in the past.

"Luc-" she whispered, "_Lucius_."

She could feel him stiffen at the mention of his name and his hands disappeared from her face immediately.

"How do you feel?" he asked, speaking into her ear.

"C-Cold."

"And before?"

She let herself relax, attempting to relieve some of the tension from her body. The cold water soothed her aching muscles as she finally took a calming breath and leaned her head back. Lucius tensed even more at that and Hermione knew they weren't supposed to be this close, but she didn't care. All she cared about what that the fire was slowly leaving her body and taking the pain with it.

Lucius repeated the question:"What did you feel before?"

"Fire," she winced at the memory of burning pain in her body.

"Who did this to you?" Lucius demanded.

It was strange hearing his voice from behind her and his body pressed against her. For a moment she thought she felt his heartbeat, but she quickly pushed that thought away.

It was probably very difficult for him to be this close to her, to touch her that way, but if he didn't hold close her to him, she would probably slide down and drown.

"Who was it?" Lucius asked again, this time with more anger.

"He...from the party," she said, not able to remember the name of that Death Eater.

"Philix? The one you had that incident with? He was the one who did this?"

Hermione managed to nod her head, letting the calmness to overtake her body. But the next moment she was being moved and pulled out of the water.

"No..." she weakly struggled, but Lucius ignored her as he dried them both and then carried her back into the bedroom. The moment she was on the bed again, she felt her temperature rise again and her heart almost jumped out of her chest with sheer panic. She couldn't go through such pain again.

"I will go find him. He will have a lot of explaining to do," Lucius said to himself and before he could walk away from her, Hermione grabbed his arm.

"Please, don't leave me here! It's..it's coming back! The fire..." she babbled as the fire started burning inside of her again.

"I have to go, Mudblood," he said firmly, not showing any emotion.

It surprised her that he didn't pull away from her or push her hand away.

"Put me back into the water...anything..please! I can't take it!" panic was evident in her voice as her temperature rose with each passing second.

"I cannot stay with you and I cannot leave you alone in there, because you are too weak to even keep yourself above the water," he explained and made an attempt to move away.

Hermione gripped his arm more tightly, but said nothing as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Lucius sighed desperately:"What do you want me to do?"

"I-" she started, but didn't finish her sentence. She bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming in pain because of the fire that returned. It felt even more painful than before.

"I will find out what curse he used on you," Lucius said firmly, then moved away and out of Hermione's grip. Her hand fell lifelessly beside her body. She could hear him walk across the room, towards the doors and her throat closed with fear.

"I-I don't want to die..." she whispered quietly, fighting back the tears.

He stopped for a moment before speaking in a confident voice:"Do not worry. You will die when I decide so. No sooner, no later."

With those words he left the room, leaving Hermione alone in a quiet room.

A silence lasted for only a few minutes, until Hermione couldn't keep the screams of pain inside anymore. She didn't even try to control herself, because she knew no one could hear her.

*****

She wasn't sure when the fire disappeared and knives replaced it. Of maybe it was still fire and she was just starting to lose her mind. It felt as if knives were ripping her from the inside and she found it impossible to not move. She was trashing around in the bed, but it didn't help.

_It will pass. It will pass. It will pass._

She tried to think about other things, but pain was always present in her mind. It was impossible to ignore the pain. Anyone who said you can control pain with your mind will was either lying or under the Fire whiskey affect.

Hermione always considered herself strong, but with everything she had been through really made her doubt in herself and her abilities.

Maybe she would be better off dead. What was the point in living anymore? Why was she still trying to live? Would Ron and Harry choose life or death if they were given an option?

God, she missed them so much. With everything that was happening to her it was easy to not think about her two best friends. But when she was alone, the image of Ron and Harry always made it's way into her mind. She clearly remembered their laugh, their smile, but.. no matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember their voice. How did they sound like? It terrified her that she couldn't remember how her two best friends sounded like. Maybe it was because all she was allowed to listen to was Lucius and his voice was the only one in her mind at that moment.

_Hogwarts_.

She would give anything to go back in time. To be Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age again. She didn't want to be a slave, an award, a Mudblood.

She even wished to see Draco again. She would do anything to hear him throw childish insults at her. She even missed Draco Malfoy.

But...if _she _missed him then how would Lucius feel? He was his father. Hermione never thought of Lucius that way. He was always just a murderer, a sadist and a Death Eater in her eyes. Was it possible he had another side? A soft side? How was he like with Draco? Was he cruel and cold towards him as well? Draco always used to talk about his father with admiration in his eyes. There had to be love between them as well. Even though Lucius was a Death Eater, he was still a human being, no matter how hard he tried to hide that. The loss of his child probably hurt. He would truly be a monster if he didn't feel anything at losing his son.

Her thoughts were interrupted as someone walked into the room.

Hermione bit hard onto her tongue to stay silent and prevent the cries to come out.

"Good girl, you are still alive."

It was Lucius. Her heart was racing as she heard him approach her.

"Drink this potion."

Trying helplessly to calm down and stop the shaking of her body, she failed miserably.

Sighing in annoyance, Lucius sat next to her and pulled her body up into a sitting position. He wrapped his arm around her waist and grabbed her hands, while her brought the potion to her mouth with the other hand.

"Drink," he ordered and Hermione did as she was told. It had no taste at all, but at that moment Hermione would drink anything as long as it would make the pain go away.

"Well?" he asked after a moment, "How do you feel?"

Hermione took a deep breath as she felt the fire slowly fade away. She was laid back onto the bed and a strange feeling of calmness took over her.

"Thank you," she said before she could stop herself.

"Don't thank me," he hissed at her, "I didn't do it for you."

His words cut through her like a knife, but she said nothing. She didn't even know why she thanked him. What was she thinking? He would never care for her.

"Rest," he said to her coldly, then got up from the bed and walked out of the room, closing the doors behind him.

Hermione let out a breath and relaxed as she felt her strength returning to her.

She tried to fall asleep, but something was on her mind constantly.

How did Lucius get the potion for her? How did he find out what curse was thrown at her? Did he really go to Philix and demanded an explanation? Why? He said he didn't do it for her. But what was the reason for his behaviour then? When they were together in the tub, she could swear she heard a flicker of worry in his voice. And the way he held her against his chest was almost.._caring_. But why was he acting that way?

And she wasn't stupid. He would not be able to fool her with his 'you are my possesion' excuse anymore. He was acting suspiciously and Hermione wanted to know the reason behind it.

The potion probably had sleeping affects as well, because her eyelids felt heavy and she yawned, closing her eyes. She would only rest, she told herself. But after a few moments she was already asleep.

******

_Voices. Yelling. Shouting._

Hermione's eyes flew open as she was awaken from her deep sleep. For a moment she thought she only dreamed it, but soon it became clear to her that someone was really arguing. She blinked a few times and concentrated on the voices.

Male voices. They were angry. Two men were arguing. Both voices sounded familiar to her, but she couldn't name them.

She needed to come closer, to hear what they were arguing about. Slowly she got up from the bed, noticing the pain and the fire were completely gone.

She made her way across the room and stopped when she reached the doors. She could hear the words more clear, but it still wasn't enough. Her hand gripped the doorknob and pulled. To her surprise the doors opened without any resistance. After everything that happened in the past, Hermione was positive Lucius would lock the doors behind him every time. Obviously she was wrong.

But just as she was about to open the door, she remembered what happened the last time she left the room without his permission. She caused a lot of trouble and was then punished by Lucius. She didn't want to go through that again.

But she wanted to know what was happening. It crossed her mind that maybe Snape was right when he called her the insufferable know-it-all. She really was curious and wanted to know everything.

She opened the doors just a bit and realized that the voices were coming from downstairs. And if Lucius was downstairs, he wouldn't be able to catch her out of the room.

With that thought in her mind, she took an encouraging breath and stepped out of the room. She only made three steps away from the doors, when she stopped and listened. She could hear the voices clearly now.

"...went to the Dark Lord because of that? You really are an idiot, Philix."

Hermione recognized that voice as Lucius'. He was fighting with Philix? Why?

"You better be careful, Lucius. There is a lot of suspicion about you," Philix said threateningly.

Lucius showed no worry:"I do not care what some of your _minions _have to say about me. I have the Dark Lord's trust and that is more that enough for me."

"I wouldn't be that confident of I were you."

"Luckily, you are not me, now are you, Philix?"

"I will discover what you are up to with that Mudblood and when I do, I will go straight to the Dark Lord."

Lucius said mockingly:"Be my guest."

"You can act as untouched as you like, but your actions speak for themselves," Philix muttered dangerously, "I still wonder why you decided to kill Antonin. What was the real reason behind that because I didn't buy your whole story about him not being dedicated to our cause."

Hermione covered her mouth to stuffle a gasp of shock. Dolohov was _dead_? Lucius killed him?

She knew she was not supposed to be listening to this conversation, but she was unable to move from the spot where she was standing.

Lucius' tone grew darker:"Who are you to demand explanations from me? Need I remind you that I am on a higher position that you and that I'm one of the Dark Lord's most faithful followers? You should know better than to oppose me."

"Of course," Philix said calmly, "We all know what happenes to those who oppose you."

Lucius remained silent at that, but Hermione could imagine the murderous look in his eyes.

"You have something with that filthy Mudblood and I will discover what. Why else would you barge into my house and demand to know what I did to her."

"She is _mine_, Philix. That is all you need to know," Lucius hissed at him.

"I wonder why you insisted I give you the potion to stop the curse, when I told you that the curse would disappear on it's own in a matter of days," he spoke, "You couldn't stand to watch her in pain, could you, Lucius?"

Hermione felt tears stung her eyes as she stood completely still. She was in shock and was refusing to believe everything she had heard.

"You will leave my house now or I will make you curse the minute you even decided to come here," Malfoy said, so lowly it was barely even spoken.

Hermione didn't need to hear anything else. She had heard more than enough for a lifetime. She quietly made her way into the bedroom and closed the doors behind her.

Everything started to spin around her and she leaned against a wall for support. At that moment she understood everything. She was wrong when he had accused him of being attracted to her. She couldn't be more wrong, because he wasn't attracted to her. It was something much more deeper. It wasn't love, because creatures like him were not able to love. But it was _something_. It was affection. He felt _something _for her. He _wanted _her.

Never before had she been that scared. Just as she thought she finally came to know him, she realized that she knew nothing about him. All her theories were destroyed in a moment.

He did not hate her. He did not despise her. He...he _wanted _her for himself. But why?

Philix accused him of killing Dolohov for her. He didn't say it directly, but Hermione could recognize it in his words and his voice.

Lucius killed Dolohov because of her. _For _her. But why? Because Dolohov opposed him and touched his possession? If that was the reason, Lucius would not hide it from her. He would have no reason to hide it from her. Knowing him, he would even brag about that and the power he had. He would describe the way he killed him and would enjoy every second of it.

But he hadn't done any of those things. He never said a word to her about that as if...as if he was ashamed of it. As if it was a secret.

_Oh god. _

Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. Ever since she was captured she was afraid of Lucius' anger and his hate towards her.

But he didn't hate her. Or maybe he did? Maybe he hated her, but still wanted her.

Hermione's head was full of unanswered questions and it seemed as if it would explode.

She was only sure of one thing. She could not live wondering about his motives anymore. She would find out what was he planning with her or she would die trying.

Luckily, she didn't have to wait long. Her sixth sense told her that it was evening or maybe even night and that meant he would soon have to go to sleep.

Not even ten minutes later, he came into the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she waited until he spoke.

"I see you are feeling better," he said to her, then paused for a moment,"What is it?"

Hermione could imagine what expression she had on her face at that moment, but she could not change it.

"Why did you help me?" she asked quietly.

"I thought you would figure that out yourself, Mudblood," he drawled, "I-"

"Don't," Hermione interrupted him.

That caught Lucius' attention as he moved closer to her:"_Don't _what?"

"Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth for once."

"How interesting," Lucius let out a cold laugh, "Well, what do you think why I helped you? Please, enlighten me."

"Why can't you tell me?" Hermione asked, keeping her voice calm and quiet.

"I would like to hear your ideas first. It's entertaining, Please, share your theories with me," Lucius said amused.

Hermione nodded, then spoke:"Because you care for me."

His emotionless laugh filled the room and Hermione tensed as she waited for his words.

"I thought we already covered this subject, Mudblood. I could never be attracted to a filth-"

"I'm not talking about attraction," she said to him.

"Then what are you talking about?"

Her silence was an answer to him.

"You cannot be suggesting _that_," Lucius' tone was more serious this time.

"What do you think I'm suggesting, Lucius?"

"Do not play games with me, girl," he warned her.

Hermione nodded:"Fine. Let's stop playing games."

"What happened while you were alone?" Lucius wondered.

She decided to ask directly:"Why did you kill Dolohov?"

His silence was a complete torture. If she could only see his face at that moment. She wouldn't need words, his eyes would tell her everything.

"Why didn't you tell me you killed him? Why?" Hermione demanded with stronger voice.

"Who told you that?" he was completely serious, but Hermione wasn't scared.

"Don't change the subject and answer me. Why did you kill him?"

"It is none of your business. Tell me, how do you know-"

"I overheard you conversation a few minutes ago," she answered, "I was left completely speechless."

By his breathing Hermione could tell he was upset. But she didn't stop asking and demanding answers.

"You killed Dolohov for me. You gave me the potion for the curse, when you knew it would disappear by itself in a few days. Why did you do that, Lucius? Why?!"

"Don't you dare raise your voice! And what I do or do not do is none of your concern. You are just a slave here. I don't have to tell you anything regarding my behaviour," Lucius hissed angrily, barely controlling his temper.

"You don't need to. I already know why you don't let others to touch me or why you were acting strangly."

"Oh really? You think know everything?"

"I know you care about me. You _want _me. Maybe it's some kind of affection-"

"Affection? For you? I would rather die that feel anything for filth like you!" Lucius' rage showed in his voice.

"Tell me the truth for once!"

"You want the truth?"

"Yes!"

He grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her with him. He said nothing to her as he dragged her out of the room and down the stairs. Hermione struggled and screamed, but it didn't do any good.

"Where are you taking me? Stop!"

"I will show you just how much I _care _for you," Lucius mocked her as he kept dragging her down the long hallway. Hermione's hysteria reached its peak, but she couldn't do anything.

Suddenly she heard a loud noise at the huge doors opened. She was dragged though the doors, then roughly pushed down. She prepared herself for the hard floor, but was met with a soft grass.

At first she couldn't believe it, but when she touched the ground beneath her, she recognized the feeling of grass and dirt. She was outside of the Malfoy Manor. She could feel her hair move with the wind and she realized that this was the first time she was outside since the Final Battle.

"What is the meaning of this?" Hermione asked after a few moments, pulling herself from the ground.

"I will show you just how much I care about you. I care about you much that I will let you leave my house," he spoke calmly, but there was _something _in his voice.

Hermione could sense that he wasn't as calm as he seemed to be.

"Leave?" she asked with disbelief.

"Yes. You are free. Go. Run."

"What are you playing?"

"Nothing. I am giving you back your freedom," he said innocently.

"But-"

Lucius interrupted her:"Of course, how impolite of me! I should bring you back where I found you."

He moved towards her and pressed her against himself.

"No!" Hermione screamed and pushed him away from her.

"What is wrong? You don't want to go to the Battle Field? Maybe I should Apparate you to the Diagon Alley?"

Hermione shook her head:"No!"

"You forced me to do this, Mudblood. You insist I have feelings towards you and I feel the need to show you how wrong you are. There is no other way," he said smoothly and made a step towards her. When his hands touched her again, she took a step back.

"Don't."

"You surprise me. I never thought you wanted to stay with me," he chuckled coldly, no doubt enjoying his dominance over her.

"How can you expect me to-to go outside? There are Death Eaters everywhere," her lower lip trembled, "You know what would happen to me."

"I do know," he said quietly, "But it's all your fault. Now, give me your hand so I can Apparate us-"

"Please."

"I beg your pardon?"

"_Please_," she repeated stronger this time, humiliation making her blush.

"What do you want now, Mudblood? You have wasted enough of more time already," Lucius drawled in a bored voice.

"You know I can't go outside."

"You _can_. You just know that it's not a very good idea, considering everything that is happening outside," he then took a deep breath, "What do you want me to do?"

"Let me stay here."

Hermione couldn't believe her own words. Who would have thought she would end up begging him to let her stay with him? How things change.

"Why would I do that, Mudblood?"

"Because...." she didn't finish that sentence, not knowing what to say. What could she offer him to make him change his mind?"

"You being here has been nothing but trouble. And I cannot stand trouble."

"Please," she started again, "I will...I-"

"_Yes_?" he teased her.

"What do you want from me? I will do anything," Hermione whispered, feeling tears in her eyes again. She hated herself at that moment. She hated him for making her that way.

"Well, you do have some attributes that I would find..._pleasurable_," he said in a silky voice, but it sent shivers down Hermione's body.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked and hugged herself with her arms.

He made a step closer to her and leaned down to her:"You are old enough to know what I mean."

He didn't mean _that_, did he? He couldn't be...he said he would never touch her that way.

"But you said," Hermione started, her voice shaking, "You said you would never lower yourself enough to have anything with me in that way. That I don't have to be afraid, because you wouldn't ever force yourself-"

"That's true. I said I was not like my colleagues and that I would never rape you."

Hermione winced at that word, but said nothing. It was unbelievable how he managed to speak about such disgusting things with such a soft and silky voice. It just made it more intimidating.

He continued:"And I always keep my word. I am not forcing you into anything. It is your decision to stay here or leave."

Hermione's throat started to close up, but she managed to ask:"To stay and..share your bed?"

"It will not be bed all the time, Mudblood," he mocked her, "I tend to experiment. Sometimes it will be on the floor or against the wall-"

"Stop!" Hermione swallowed hard, then took a shaky breath, "I can't...I can't take this."

"Decide, Mudblood."

"I-"

"I am warning you- If you choose me, you will have to show your appreciation _tonight_."

Hermione's head was dizzy and it felt like everything was spinning around her. It was too much, but she had no time to think. She had to decide.

Decide between death or being a slave for Lucius' needs?

She didn't want to die. She was terrified of death, but she couldn't do _that _with Lucius Malfoy. She didn't know how and maybe it was worse than being dead.

But what is she wouldn't die? What if some other Death Eater took her once she'd be left alone in the Diagon Alley?

She had to confess that Lucius was the best option. And maybe he wouldn't be too brutal.

"Well? I do not have the whole day. It's already quite late."

"I would like to stay here," she finally let out, hoping Ron and Harry weren't observing her from somewhere and hating her.

"You do realize what comes with that, Mudblood?" he asked, serious.

"I do."

After a moment of silence, he nodded:"Good. I hope you realize this was your first and last choice of leaving from here. You will not get it ever again."

Hermione said nothing, she was too busy with fighting back tears.

"Now, I believe we have some things to do this evening," he said almost seductively and took her hand.

Hermione silently followed as he took her back into the house. Somehow it seemed to her as if she was leaving all her innocence and childhood on that garden.

* * *

**Hey, guys! I've written this chapter in one day, because I promised you wouldn't have to wait two weeks until the next update. I hope you like how the story's progressing. Review!**


	18. Surrender

Chapter 18 **SURRENDER**

"C'mon, 'Mione! You can finish this some other time," Ron insisted, trying to convince Hermione to go to dinner with him and Harry.

"I can't. I don't have much time left," she answered, not looking up from her books.

The common room was empty, everyone left for dinner and Ron was anxious to get there himself.

"But the essay is due next week!" Harry jumped in, trying to help Ron.

"Well, unlike _some_, I like everything to be organised," she replied calmly.

Ron nodded:"I agree," then added, "but you can be organised _after _the dinner. 'Mione, I'm starving!"

Harry rolled his eyes at that statement and muttered:"Nothing new about that."

"When are you two going to start working on yours essays?"

Harry and Ron exchanged nervous glances, then looked around as if they were afraid of being yelled at. Hermione raised her eyebrows at the both of them, waiting for an answer.

Ron was the first to speak:"Well, we were planning on starting tom-"

"Starting?" Hermione asked, shocked because of the boys' lack of responsibility,"You mean you haven't even _started _yet?"

"'Mione, please, don't have a stroke!" Harry said with dramatic voice.

"You two are unbelievable," she just commented, then looked down into her book again.

"Hermione, c'mon. You have plenty of time to finish that. Let's go to dinner. I'm seriously starving," Ron tried for the last time.

Hermione couldn't prevent a smile to form on her face, but she didn't change her mind:"You two go to dinner."

"But what about you?" Ron asked, shaking his head, "How can you skip dinner? Are you not hungry?"

Her voice became more decisive as she spoke:"Ronald, I said no. You two can go without me. I'm perfectly fine. Go. Eat."

Harry let out a sigh, but then turned to leave. Ron followed him, but then he stopped and turned to her:"We'll bring you some food here."

Hermione's eyes left the books and she send them both friendly smiles before nodding:"Fine. Thank you."

Ron nudged Harry and said proudly"See, I told you she was hungry!"

"Ronald!"

Before they left the room, Hermione heard Harry whisper:"Merlin, she should get extra points for skipping meal."

She just shook her head and smiled before looking down into her books again. She couldn't bring herself to be annoyed, because she knew should be grateful for friends like Ron and Harry and she really was. If she knew where she would be just a few months later, she would go to dinner. If she knew where Ron and Harry would be a few months later, she would go to dinner with them. But she didn't know. No one did.

.***

"I was under the impression you at least in _theory _know what is necessary to do," Lucius' voice brought her back into reality.

"I do know," Hermione replied, blushing.

"Then you know it's impossible for us to engage in anything while you are standing across the room."

It was then that Hermione realized she was standing next to a wall, away from Lucius. She was completely confused and disoriented since her brought her back into the house. It seemed as if her ability to think clearly was left on that garden when she made the deal with the devil.

"Come here, Mudblood."

And she obeyed, knowing she had no other option. It did cross her mind that maybe he was just playing with her when he threatened to free her and leave her alone in the Diagon Alley. But what if he was serious? She couldn't risk it. Her life was at stake and it wasn't an easy decision. But Hermione chose life. At least that was what it seemed to be.

As she slowly walked toward Lucius' voice, her heart was beating uncontrollobly fast, threatening to burst out of her ribcage. She was so nervous and had no idea what was expected from her. How _could _she know? It wasn't as if she had any experience in that department. And even if she had experience, Hermione was positive she would still be completely inexperienced and innocent compared to Lucius. What did he expect from her?

She stopped in front of him and realized he was sitting on the edge of the bed. A small voice in her head was trying to convince her that that was a good sign. He probably wanted to do it in the bed. It was better than against the wall or the floor. At least for the first time. But then will come the second time and the third and.... And what if he's brutal in bed? Violent?

She stopped herself before her thoughts went completely out of control. She had a habit of over-thinking things, but it wouldn't help her if she had a nervous breakdown.

"I need to ask you a question," his voice cut through the silence, "Were you telling me the truth when you said that nothing happened with Antonin while you were with him?"

Hermione cringed at the memory. Why was he asking her about that? She already told him that nothing happened. And besides, she didn't need to remember her time with Dolohov.

"I already told you," she shot back, a little harsher than she intended.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You..you came there on time," she said quietly, her mind remembering everything that happened while she was staying with Dolohov. For a moment it seemed to her as if she could smell Dolohov's disgusting breath.

Lucius was silent for a few seconds as if he was lost in his thoughts, but then he spoke:"Undress," he ordered coldy and without any kind of emotion.

Hermione swallowed hard, but didn't move immediately. Her body wasn't listening to her. It felt as if it was rebelling against her and it wouldn't move.

"Mudblood, now it is not the time for disobedience," he drawled, "After all, this was your idea."

Hermione said nothing to him as her hands moved to the robe she was wearing. He was somehow right. She was given a choice and she made a decision. Now she had to live with the consequences.

It was better to do it quickly than to stall to gain time. It would just be more uncomfortable for her. She was telling herself that he had already seen her naked before and it would be nothing new to him.

But that didn't prevent her hands from shaking, as she pulled the robe over her head and let it fall on the floor next to her legs.

No noise came from Lucius and Hermione already felt tears in her eyes. But she wouldn't let it show. Tears were useless and just a waste of time. So she clenched her teeth together and quickly covered herself with her hands, not able to stop herself. It was the most humiliating moment of her entire life, but somehow she knew it was not even remotely finished. There would be a lot more humiliating moments for her in that night.

"Good girl," Lucius said to her as if he were talking to a dog.

Hermione almost took a step back when she heard him stand up, but she forced herself to stay put.

"But undressing usually involves taking off _all _clothes."

Surprise showed on Hermione's face at hearing that. What was he doing? Why was he torturing her that way? He should just take her and be done with it. That was what she wanted, but her wishes were not important to him.

"Why?" she asked confused, still not touching him.

Lucius smirked:"You do know that it's required to be without robes to be able to-"

"I didn't mean that," Hermione interrupted him, "I mean...I..."

"_Yes_?" he drawled.

Hermione took a shaky breath, not knowing what to say to him.

After a long moment of silence, she let out:"Just take me."

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand you," Lucius said innocently.

"Hit me. Rip my clothes off. Throw me on the bed. Push me against the wall," she was begging him with a weak voice, "Just take me and get this over with."

"No."

That one word was spoken so confidently that Hermione knew she had no chance of convincing him otherwise.

"Why not?" she asked quietly, "I don't think it would be that difficult for you."

"That's true. I have experience with such things," he said matter-of-factly, sending shivers down Hermione's body.

Was he trying to frighten her even more? She was about to give herself to him and the last thing she needed to hear was how he has experience with brutality in bed.

"But this time it's different," he continued, "You will do everything as I say. That way I will not have to use unnecessary violence."

It didn't make Hermione feel any better, knowing he would use violence only if needed. She knew he wouldn't be gentle. It was ridiculous to even think about it.

"Undress, Mudblood."

"Alright," she said quietly, "I will do as you say."

"I know you will," he answered confidently.

"But I have a request," she added.

That got his attention as he asked with amusement:"A request?"

She nodded:"Yes," then paused, "Can you...can we.._do that_...in the dark?"

He chuckled coldly at her discomfort:"It's amusing to see you struggle with words. Not very typical for you. I have quite a few expressions for what we are about to. If you like-"

"No," she cut him off, "I don't want to hear it."

"Are you sure? As entertaining as it is seeing you lost for words, I think it would be interesting for you to learn a few new phrases."

"That's not necessary," then she asked, nervous, "So, can we?"

"Can we what? _Do that _in the dark?" he mocked her.

Hermione was a wreck and didn't need his mocking as well. If he continued with this it would be only a matter of time when she'd break into a hysterical crying.

"Please," she said, hoping he would show some mercy.

"You are already in the dark, so why do you...Oh, of course. You are shy," he grinned at her.

Hermione hugged herself even tighter and just hoped to die at that moment.

"Please," she repeated, hating herself for sounding so weak, but she wasn't sure if she'd be able to do anything while knowing he could see her, her body, her face, her every movement.

He was silent for a few seconds, then he nodded:"Alright. I suppose there is nothing wrong with being in the dark. It adds mystery, don't you think?"

Hermione let out a breath, hoping it would be easier for her if she knew he was unable to see her completely.

"Nox," he said and the next moment Hermione relaxed a bit. She knew he could still see her, but at least not as clearly as before.

"Now where were we? Ah, yes. Undress," he ordered, this time he seemed annoyed.

Hermione took an encouraging breath and quickly removed her knickers, then waited for his instructions. She could only pray that the room was dark enough.

"Now undress me."

That was completely unexpected. She didn't want to touch him. But what did she expect?

Hermione bit her lower lip and tried to force her hands to move away from her body and touch his. Just the thought of touching his bare skin made her feel uneasy. And why did he want that anyway? He always claimed to be disgusted by her, why would he like her to touch him?

So many thoughts were in her head, but now was not the time to analyse everything. Now was time to relax and try to make it through.

Her hands found his body and she realized he was wearing a shirt. She had expected him to wear robes, but it was normal he wasn't wearing heavy robes in his house. She tried to undo the buttons without actually touching him, but it was difficult. And the trembling of her hands didn't make it any easier. Strangely, Lucius said nothing to her.

After a minute or two she was finally able to undo all the buttons and then the shirt was removed. Hermione could hear as it fell on the floor. She quickly removed her hands away from his body, not wanting to touch him more than necessary.

But then she reminded herself that she wasn't done yet. Biting her lower lip, she hesitantly reached for his pants. Humiliation was making her blush and blood was pounding in her ears.

She couldn't see where his belt was and not wanting to touch him in inappropriate places, she placed her hands on his chest than moved them down until she reached his belt. Maybe it was all her imagination, but she felt him tense when her hands connected with his bare chest. He was warm and smooth but muscular. She never realized that before. Not wanting to think about his body anymore, she pushed that thought away as she struggled with his belt.

She still couldn't believe what she was doing. When she finally undid his belt, she stopped, unable to continue.

"I can do the rest myself otherwise we'll be here all night," Lucius hissed at her and Hermione relaxed a bit as she took a step back.

She could hear the noise of clothes rustling, then silence. Only a moment later her back was pulled against his bare chest and he circled her slight waist with his arms. Hermione tensed at the sudden closeness. His body was warm and hard. It crossed Hermione's mind that it felt as if she was leaning against the wall. He was still wearing his underpants, she could tell.

Before she had a chance to say something, she felt him lower his lips to her neck.

"Mine," he whispered into her ear.

It was spoken with such possessiveness that it frightened Hermione, but she didn't dare to say anything.

"Mine to take," he added, "Mine to break."

He moved very slowly, stroking the length of her arms with his fingertips. Her breathing was rapid and unsteady, revealing her fear, but she held firm. She had no other choice.

"Are you frightened?" he murmured to her.

Hermione knew there was no point in lying to him. She didn't have to act like she liked it; she didn't even have to put on a brave face, because Lucius understood the situation perfectly. He could feel her trembling and that was the evidence of how she was feeling.

His hands slowly and almost lazily moved up. He ran his fingers over her stomach and Hermione sucked in a breath, stiffening completely as Lucius finally rested his hands on her breasts, which he began to massage at first lightly, but then harder and harder until she was silently begging him to stop.

At that moment Hermione shut her eyes, trying to ignore what was happening. But it was impossible to when she almost forgot to breath at the feel of his touch.

_Don't touch me. Move your hands away. Please._

Suddenly a memory came flooding back to her. When Lucius insulted her, saying that he couldn't understand what Dolohov saw in her pathetic excuse for female attributes. He made her feel so disgusting and ugly with that sentence. But now as his hands moved up and down her breasts, he wasn't complaining or insulting her.

Hermione was completely stiff, just waiting for him to finish and get it over with. Maybe they would not need the bed. With the way things were going, it seemed as if he was planning on taking her in the middle of the room.

Horrible thoughts entered her head, but then she was being moved and dumped unceremoniously onto the bed.

_This is it._

He was on top of her only a second later, his weight pushing her into the mattress. Even though she promised herself she wouldn't cry, it was impossible to keep the tears in. The reality of what was happening finally hit her.

The men's hands were scrubbing her body, taking away the little privacy left. Suddenly her friends appeared in her thoughts. She was disgusting and they had all the right to hate her. What would Ginny say if she knew what Hermione allowed to happen?

Ron...Sweet and innocent Ron...He was killed with the same hands that were now rubbing and stroking her inner thighs. Lucius ran his fingers over her stomach, not leaving anything untouched.

"No," Hermione protested weakly as she realized how wrong it was, but Lucius ignored her as he forced her legs apart with his knee.

"You are mine, Mudblood," Lucius hissed at her, pinning her wrists above her head with his left hand in an attempt to stop her struggling, "You've been mine since that day at the Battle Field. I can to whatever I wish with you. And there is nothing you can do to stop me."

She could feel his calm countenance turning to hunger as he looked at her squirming body.

"You know you belong to me," he said coldly and confidently, "I've saved you so many times. I protected you from my friends that night, I saved you from Dolohov, Philix...Hell, I even killed for you," he whispered the last sentence.

Hermione's lower lip trembled as she listened to him. He was right. Even though she still wasn't clear on the fact why he killed Dolohov, she decided it was not the right time to ask.

"I think I have every right to take what is mine and what I protected from others," he trailed a finger along her face.

"You don't have to do this," she managed to say, still keeping her sobs inside her.

"True. But I _will _do this."

He tightened his grip on her wrists as anger took over him:"Do you think Potter _had _to kill my son?"

Hermione remained silent at that and terror took over her. Talking about Draco always seemed to bring out the worst in Lucius. She definitely didn't need furious Lucius at that moment.

"He killed him without a second thought! Draco hadn't even seen it coming," Lucius continued, rage and bitternes in his voice.

Without another word, he forced her legs even more apart as he settled between her thighs. Hermione had never felt more vulnerable than she did at that moment.

She turned her head to the side, a tear sliding down her cheek and onto her hair.

"Please..."

"_Please_?" he asked coldly, "Do you think I will have mercy on you? Why should I?"

"I..I'm just-"

"What? A child? A young girl?" he spat with venom, "Draco was young too and now he is dead. Because of you and your pathetic friends."

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek and stayed silent, hoping his anger would pass.

"Well, Miss Granger," he spoke elegantly, "Welcome to adulthood."

With those words he pushed inside her with such force that Hermione felt she was being torn in half. A horrible scream escaped her mouth and she bucked against him in attempts to get him off and rid herself of the awful pain he was inflicting upon her.

She could hear Lucius hiss in pure pleasure above her, while she cried out in pain. It didn't make sense to her. How can such act bring so much pleasure to someone while at the same time so much pain to the other?

"Does that hurt, little girl?" Lucius crooned mockingly after a few moments.

She was trembling from pain and was unable to say anything. Soon she could taste blood in her mouth from biting down on her tongue too hard. Releasing her wrists, Lucius held himself above her on his arms.

"Does this hurt?" he asked as he removed himself from her and then pushed back in, making Hermione cry out in even more pain.

"Please, don't...don't move," she begged as she clenched her thighs around him, trying to keep him still. It hurt so much more when he moved.

She brought her hands to his shoulders and her fingers soon felt the scars on his skin. She didn't have the time to think where and how he got the scars as he moved again, ignoring her pleas.

"You. Are. Mine," he punctuated each word with a thrust of his hips.

Hermione's nails dug into his shoulders, but in all his pleasure he didn't seem to mind or even notice. Suddenly she was being moved.

Without breaking their connection, Lucius pulled himself into a sitting position with Hermione on top of him. The change of position was confusing for Hermione, but all she could concentrate on was still the pain.

She once read that the pain passes after a few moments, but in her case didn't seem that way.

Not knowing where to place her hands, she wrapped them around Lucius' neck and waited for him to move again.

"There's no need to cry, dear girl," he said to her, probably feeling her tears on his skin, "You had to lose it sooner or later."

_But it was not supposed to be you. It was not supposed to be this way._

"Now move, Mudblood," he ordered, placing his hands on her hips.

"W-What?" she asked, taking a shaky breath.

"Move. Up and down."

After hearing that, her crying became even worse. Why was he humiliating her? Was it not enough everything he did to her already?

"Why?" she asked through her sobs, ignoring the feeling of him inside her. The pain was not that bad when he was not moving, but Hermione knew they were not even nearly finished.

"Because every time you will look back onto this night, you will remember that it was you who was moving up and down on me," Lucius explained, a bit out of breath. It sounded as if he was controlling himself.

Hermione hesitated, not knowing how to do what he was asking from her.

"Do it, Mudblood. I can still return you to the Diagon Alley," he threatened, then added, "Though, you might not be that interesting to some Death Eaters anymore without your virtue."

Hermione didn't need to listen about that. She didn't need to hear his threats again, because she knew what she had to do. It would be pointless to stop now. Everything was lost already and the only option was to finish it.

So she took a deep breath and raised herself up, gasping at the feeling of withdrawal. Lucius' hands on her hips urged her to continue and she took a deep breath as she forced herself down again. A gasp escaped her and she reflexively rested her head against Lucius' shoulder, waiting a few moments for the pain to subside.

It surprised her that Lucius said nothing to hurry her as they remained unmoving.

As she felt she was ready, she repeated the motion. It didn't escape her notice how Lucius hissed in pleasure every time she moved and how his hands possessively, but somehow gently moved on her hips, caressing her skin, guiding her and controlling her moves.

"Good girl," he moaned in bliss, "You are learning."

His words were hurting her more that physical pain and tears were sliding down her cheeks, but that didn't matter to him. It was impossible he didn't notice it, but he simply chose to not care.

Soon they were moving together, Lucius taking more and more control until he flipped her over again, pushing her back onto the bed and crawling on top of her.

Hermione somehow knew her part was done. He humiliated her, made her feel like a whore and a traitor and now it was his turn to enjoy her body completely.

After a while she felt how the pain lessened to some degree. There was no kissing, just touching and groping. His touch was rough, but also gentle every now and then. There was a moment when his hand brushed against her breast and that touch felt good. Shame filled her at that.

Hermione didn't move at all as she let him do what he pleased to her. She could feel his rhythm becoming faster with each thrust. His breath was coming in short little gasps now and Hermione turned her head to the side. Her mind was blank, without any serious thoughts. She found herself wondering how soft the mattress beneath her was and how she would probably have bruises on her thighs the next day.

But then she realized something that terrefied her. He supported his weight on his elbows, so he wouldn't crush her, but the feel of him on her, his weight pressed onto her body felt..._comforting _and _safe _in some way.

She was biting her lover lip to distract herself as Lucius grunted heavily above her. Closing her eyes, she surrendered to him completely as their bodies locked together in the most primal act.

.***

Hermione turned her back to him and pulled the blanket over her body, shielding herself from him. She could still hear him panting quietly next to her. Their bodies weren't touching anymore and Hermione was grateful for that. She was touched more than enough by him. At least he removed himself immediately from her when he was...finished.

She stopped crying at some point, not quite sure when exactly, but now as shame overtook her, sobbing threantened to return.

If she could only take a bath and clean herself. And what about him? Didn't he feel the need to wash away every evidence of what happened?

She took a deep breath, suppressing more sobs. She didn't want him to hear how much he succeeded in breaking her. When she heard him exhale deeply, she pulled the blanket tighter around her body, burying her face in the soft pillow. She didn't want to think about what had just happened between the two of them, she just wanted to forget that it had ever happened.

_What now?_

How is their relationship going to be from now on? Will he still treat her like dirt, a pathetic mudblood? He probably will. Only he will add _whore _on that list as well.

Hermione felt sick at the thought of doing _that _with Lucius on regular bases. She was positive she wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Lumus," he muttered and Hermione pressed her head into the pillow, wanting to hide.

"When I first saw you, I never thought you were that easy to control," Lucius finally spoke, cutting through silence.

Hermione tensed at the sound of his voice and waited for him to continue.

"You were just a child then, but you had such determination and pride in your eyes," he then leaned over to her, grabbing her chin and making her look at him.

"Not anymore. Now you just stare blankly."

He released her after a few moments, letting out an annoyed sigh.

"Do stop with your pathetic crying already," he hissed at her, "You should be grateful that it was me, Mudblood."

Hermione still said nothing. She had to admit that she was thankful that her first time happened with Lucius and with a reason and not in some dirty dungeon with Dolohov or on the Battle Field with a group of Death Eaters. But that didn't make her feel any better. And it was a poor excuse for what she did. There were brave people who died in the War, who gave their lives for their cause and what was she doing? Sleeping with the enemy because she was afraid of death.

She was pathetic.

"Are you mute now?" Lucius was becoming angry, but Hermione didn't care.

She didn't feel like talking to him. She couldn't concentrate on words, because her mind was filled with everything that happened between the two of them.

At least it wasn't as bed as she thought it would be. She was afraid Lucius was a violent or brutal man in bed, but she was wrong. He also wasn't gentle or caring, but she never expected him to be.

God, she felt dirty. And she knew it wasn't just in her mind, because she could feel something dried on her thighs.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" she suddenly asked, her voice weaker than she expected.

"What a surprise. You _can _talk," he replied sarcastically, then added:"Be my guest."

Not wasting any time, she quickly wrapped a blanket around herself and got up from the bed.

"Now Mudblood, aren't we a little too modest after all I saw just a few minutes ago?" he smirked.

Hermione ignored him as she slowly walked towards the bathroom. She winced in pain as she took the first step, but then she put on a strong mask and hid any evidence of the pain she was feeling, even though every move stung.

When she finally stepped into the bathroom, she closed the doors behind her and let out a breath she was holding.

As the tub was slowly filling with water, Hermione suddenly felt sick. Really sick. Luckily she made it to the toilet before she emptied her stomach. It didn't make sense how she was even able to throw up, as her last meal was two days ago. When she was finally done, she felt even weaker than before. All she wanted was to sleep and forget about everything. But first she needed to feel like a human again. So she forced herself to get up and slip into the tub, clenching her teeth together as hot water abused her skin. The water too hot, but Hermione didn't care. That was the only way she would be able to feel clean again.

After a few long minutes of rubbing her skin, trying to rid herself of all the reminders of Lucius, she was finished.

When she dried herself with a towel, she realized she didn't bring any clothes with her. But it was the middle of the night anyway. She needed to sleep. Searching for clothes could wait until morning.

When she left the bathroom, she hoped Lucius was already asleep. He had to be exhausted after everything he...after everything _they_...did. She still couldn't bring herself to say the word. Or even think it.

"What was taking you so long, Mudblood?"

Obviously he was not asleep. Why? Was he waiting for her?

She timidly tightened the blanket around her body and then hesitantly took a step towards the bed. Where did he expect her to sleep from now on? On the floor? Or on the bed?

"Come," he said to her and Hermione obeyed. She moved to the bed quickly jumped under the covers. He was looking at her, she could feel it. Uncomfortable with his closeness, Hermione moved as away as possible from him.

That caused Lucius to smirk at her as if he read her thoughts:"Tonight's activities have left me quite exhousted. You can sleep without fear. You won't be bothered."

She relaxed a bit at hearing those words, but it didn't make her feel more comfortable with him being that close to her.

"Nox."

Hermione nuzzled deeper in the blanket and then felt Lucius roll over, farther away from her. She was thankful for that, but she knew he didn't do it for her. He probably liked to have his own space.

She closed her eyes and listened for every noise the man next to her made. His breathing was calm and he didn't move. When she was finally convinced he wouldn't bother her, she closed her eyes. She had expected horrible memories would fill her mind, but nothing came, probably because she was too tired for that. After a few moments sleep overwhelmed her.

.***

When Hermione awoke the next morning, the first thing she realized was that she wasn't alone. She could feel someone's presence in the room. But she was alone in the bed. As she pulled herself into a sitting position, she listened carefully for any kind of sound.

There was breathing.

"I know you're here," she said, hoping she was right otherwise she would feel really stupid, talking to herself.

"Impressive," Lucius drawled from across the room, "It seems as your others senses are improving."

"It's called _hearing_," Hermione replied before she could stop herself.

Lucius was amused by her answer:"Well, I cannot say I'm glad you are talking back to me, but it is better than the mute Mudblood you were last night."

Hermione cringed as his mention of the previous night.

_Don't mention it. Please, don't mention it._

"I was quite pleased by your willingness to participate," he explained, evil grin evident in his voice.

Hermione wished he would stop talking. Couldn't he leave her alone for just one day? She felt as if she was on the floor and he was still kicking her, enjoying seeing her broken.

"I cannot help but wonder what caused that change. Why are you suddenly so submissive?" then he faked disappointment, "What would your friends say?"

"You forced me," Hermione whispered.

"What was that, Mudblood?"

Hermione took a deep breath, then repeated with stronger voice:"You forced me."

In an instant he was beside her, grabbing her chin and turning her head in his direction.

"Do not lie," he spat out, "I did not force you into anything."

"Does that make you feel better?" she asked him.

Lucius released her chin with a hiss:"I gave you a choice and you chose."

"I was given a choice between death and sleeping with you," Hermione raised her voice, "I can hardly call it a choice."

"Does that make _you _feel better?" Lucius suddenly asked.

"What?"

He spoke in a low and confident voice:"How do you know you would die if you left my Manor?"

"Death Eaters-"

"True, we won the War, but that does not mean there are no other people walking down Diagon Alley. They aren't all Death Eaters. Maybe someone would help you."

Hermione bit her tongue while thinking about it. Maybe it was the truth. Maybe she would survive. But she was too much of a coward to risk. It was easier to stay safe in the Malfoy Manor.

"What is the real reason you decided to stay here?" he asked quietly.

Confusion showed on Hermione's face as she shook her head:"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Is that so?"

It didn't escape Hermione's attention that his voice changed slightly. It was almost seductive now.

"I stayed here because otherwise I would die," she replied.

Suddenly she felt his hand move up her arms to her shoulder, brushing her hair back. Her body tensed and she jerked away from him.

"All this time you were accusing me of having feelings towards you, but..." he paused for a moment, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe _you _are the one who became attached to _me_?"

Hermione opened her mouth in shock, but was unable to say anything for a few moments.

"I'll leave you to think about it," he murmured and than walked away.

"You are wrong," she shot back, but it didn't sound that convincing.

Lucius ignored her answer:"There is food on the bedside table. Eat. And expect a visit soon. Someone would like to see you."

"Who?" Hermione immediately asked, her curiosity showing.

"You'll see, but do not get your hopes up. He is not your friend," Lucius explained emotionless.

Hermione made a move to get up from the bed, when she heard his voice:"You were quite decent last night. But practice makes perfect."

With those words he left the room, leaving a disgusted Hermione alone.

She knew exactly what he meant by that. He was planning on taking her again. A sob escaped her at the thought of it, but she knew she was the one to blame for everything. She chose to stay with him and play his games. She had no right to complain now. As she searched for her robe and knickers, she found herself wincing in pain with every move. He didn't expect her to be able to go through such pain again tonight? It was impossible. She could barely walk, yet alone....

She pushed that thought aside and dressed herself. She would think of that problem when the time comes.

After she ate the sandwich and the apple he left for her, she decided to take a rest again. It was not as if she had any other thing to do. And that was the most difficult thing. She was left alone in the room with nothing to do but to think. To think about the past, the present and the future.

To feel pain every time she thought of the past, to feel fear and shame when she thought of the present and uncertainty when she thought about what awaits her in the future.

Even though she was tired, Hermione was unable to find sleep. She just rested, but when voices and steps disturbed the silence, she jumped out of the bed, waiting for the doors to open.

When they finally did, she recognized one voice as Lucius'.

"...as the Dark Lord said," then he turned his attention to her, "Ah, I see you've been anxiously awaiting us."

"Good day, Miss Granger."

_Snape! What is Snape doing here?_

Shock made itself known on Hermione's face and in her voice:"_Professor_? You-you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I have matters to discus with you," he answered coldly.

"I will leave you two alone now," Lucius said and then walked over to Hermione and leaned to whisper in her ear:"Make him feel welcome."

Hermione struggled to stay still, not wanting to show weakness in front of Snape.

"It will only take a few minutes, Lucius," Snape said in his buisness voice.

"Alright. I will wait for you downstairs. We still have some things to arrange."

With those words Lucius left, closing the doors behind him.

Suddenly something occurred to Hermione. She was alone in the bedroom with Snape. A Death Eater. Slowly fear started to build inside of her as she wondered about the reason behind his visit.

Snape cleared his throat, then asked:"How are you, Miss Granger?"

"I...Fine," she answered automatically, then shook her head in confusion:"What...Why are you here?"

"You are still the insuferable-know-it-all," he sneered at her.

"You'll be pleased to know I've changed quite a bit since those times, Professor."

"_Those times_?" he asked surprised, "You talk about it as if a few years have passed since you were at Hogwarts."

"It seems that way to me. I'm not that Hermione Granger anymore," she whispered more to herself, but Snape heard her.

"I assure you, Miss Granger, that you seem the same to me," Snape replied.

Memories of Lucius panting on top of her, his hands everywhere on her body suddenly came into her head.

"If you knew..." Hermione trailed off, then remembered who she was talking to. He was a traitor. He was the reason they lost the War. He betrayed them all and she should hate him because of it. But he seemed exactly the same as he was at school and that confused her.

"Why are you here?" she asked again after a few moments, "Is...is there something wrong with Ginny?"

"Ginevra is fine, but I _am _here because of her."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed before continuing:"She asked me to come see you."

"And you..." Hermione couldn't believe his words, "You came here just because she asked you to?"

"You do not know how persistent she can be," he explained with annoyance in his voice, "And besides, I myself wanted to see you."

"I don't understand," Hermione hugged herself with her hands, "Ginny hates me and so do you."

"Ginevra does not hate you. Nor do I. True, she was furious because of what you did, but when she calmed down, she realized how immature she was acting."

A small spark of hope formed inside Hermione and a weak smile spread over her lips:"Really? She isn't angry with me anymore?"

"She is worried about you and feels guilty because of the way she acted," Snape explained, "And because of that little stunt she pulled with Lucius, she isn't allowed here anymore. That is why I had to come."

Hermione felt as something heavy was lifted off her shoulders at hearing that. Ginny didn't hate her as she thought she did. At that moment she could cry from happiness and relief.

"Tell her...tell her I'm fine," she lied, hoping Snape would just leave after that.

"Is it true, Miss Granger?" he asked suspiciously.

Hermione blinked a few times and licked her lips nervously:"Of course it is. I'm alright."

Snape was silent for a few long moments before he approached her, stopping in front of her.

Hermione stiffened at that, feeling uncomfortable being that close to her former Professor while wearing only a short robe.

Snape spoke slowly:"Miss Granger, I will tell Ginevra that you are alright if you want me to, but do not lie to me. And do not insult my intelligence by thinking you can fool me."

His tone was slightly more soft and Hermione realized that she had never before heard him talk in such manner.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione let out, but not even she herself believed that.

"Being a Potions Master requires the ability to notice details," he explained, then spoke calmly, "I can see the bruises on your thighs, Miss Granger."

Hermione could feel herself starting to blush, but she couldn't stand it if Snape found out what happened last night.

"Living with a Death Eaters does that to a person," Hermione said nervously, "I've had bruises the last time you saw me as well."

"I know well enough what causes the bruises on one's inner thighs," he said determened and then continued:"I have noticed that you wince as you walk and the way you and Lucius act around each other."

_He figured it out._

Hermione knew she had no chance of convincing him otherwise. What could she say? And besides, she was never good at lying.

Tears of humilliation formed in her eyes:"Please, don't tell Ginny."

Snape let out a sigh:"You have my word," then he paused, "But how did it come to this? I have known Lucius for over twenty years. He would never lower himself enough to touch a...Mudblood on his free will."

"I guess you don't know him well enough, Professor," Hermione said sadly.

"I know it is none of my business, but something must have happened to make him act that way. Did you provoke him?"

Anger started to build inside Hermione:"What does that matter? Even if I did, he had no right to...I-I don't even know why I'm talking to you about this."

"I apologize. I will be going now," Snape informed her, then took a deep breath:"Miss Granger, despite the popular beliefs, I do care about children I used to teach."

"Of course you do," Hermione barked at him, "You cared about us so much that you betrayed us all."

That seemed to hit his nerve as he raised his voice:"Do not talk about things you do not know."

"Just go, Professor. Tell Ginny I'm alright and that she doesn't have to worry about me," Hermione forced herself to say, then she took a step back from Snape.

"Gryffindors are known for their bravery, but do not let that bravery to cost you your life," he advised her, then left the room.

Hermione closed her eyes as she tried to calm down. If Snape only knew that she wasn't a Gryffindor anymore... What would he say if he found out what happened last night? Would it shock him knowing that _she _asked Lucius to take her and begged him to make her his whore. All because she was afraid of leaving him. Afraid of being alone, without his protection anymore.

At that moment she heard Lucius' words clearly in her mind.

_"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are the one who became attached to me?"_

Was he right? She never denied feeling safe with him, but was it possible that it grew into something more? He was the only person she had any contact with in almost a month. Was it possible that all the times she was accusing him of feeling something for her, she was just trying to hide her own feelings?

**A/N: Hey, guys! I'm sorry for the wait, but this chapter was hard for me to write. I struggled with the decision, but then decided this is the way I want the story to progress. I hope you like it or at least think it's worth reading. I know some of you won't like what happened in this chapter, but it needed to be done. Lucius and Hermione have been playing with fire for too long and something had to happen. Thanks for all the great reviews and tell me what you think. **


	19. Trust

chapter 19 **TRUST**

Hermione wasn't the same girl as she used to be. She barely recognized herself anymore. Everything she had done, everything she had been reduced to changed her. She was ashamed of that. She didn't want people to know what kind of a girl she was now.

That was why the fact that Snape knew what happened between her and Lucius made her feel deeply ashamed and disgusted with herself.

_Snape knew._ All Hermione wanted to do at the moment her former Professor told her he knew exactly what happened between her and Lucius, was to crawl into a hole and never come out. Snape wasn't supposed to find out. No one was supposed to discover what happened last night. It was her dirty secret. But how did she expect to hide such a thing from a man like Snape? Especially when it happened only a few hours ago.

But why did _she _feel ashamed? It wasn't as if she had any other option. Choosing death was not an option for her. When she thought about it, she realized that in fact she did not have other choice. Lucius only made it seem that she did, so he could blame her for everything. She chose to stay with him, so she had no right to accuse Lucius for forcing her into anything. He was the master of manipulation and Hermione could not compare to him. She wasn't as manipulating as he was, but she wasn't stupid. And her was strong willed and people always had trouble convincing her into something she did not agree with.

He _did _force her. That fact was clear to Hermione. She wasn't as good in mind games as Lucius was, but she wasn't that thick headed and easy controlled either. He forced her by cutting off all other options from her.

And in the middle of... _it_, she once said 'no' and tried to make him stop, but he didn't listen. He never intended to stop or give her the chance to choose. He did with her what he wanted. Hermione somehow knew that even if she changed her mind and decided to fight back, it wouldn't matter anymore.

But then why did _she _feel ashamed? Why did she blush in embarrassment in front of Snape? Why didn't she want anyone to know what happened? Why did she feel dirty? He was the one who should be ashamed and disgusted with himself. He was a grown man and he was forcing himself on a young girl. A girl his son's age. Everything was complicated and the more Hermione thought about it, the more she felt disgusted with herself. Not knowing what to do, she decided to take a bath again. Even though she took one only a few hours ago, she still didn't feel completely clean. It seemed to her as if Lucius' smell was still on her skin.

With almost two months of blindness, it wasn't difficult anymore to find a way to the bathroom. Hermione knew the bedroom all to well now and she knew exactly where things were so she didn't bump into them anymore.

A few minutes later she was already relaxing in the hot water, but dark thoughts were on her mind even though she tried desperately to ignore it.

But no matter how hard she wanted to blind those memories out, the feel of Lucius' skin on hers, his breath on her neck, his cold voice whispering into her ear, still made it's way into her mind and she realized that those memories will never stop hunting her. She would remember it every single day until the rest of her life.

But... could she somehow make it stop replaying inside her head? Was there a way to make all the memories disappear and stop haunting her?

Suddenly she remembered something from the past. In her first days with Lucius Malfoy suicide was constantly on her mind. Every time he hit her or humiliated her or when she lay broken on the floor, she wondered what would it feel like to just end it all. To take her life in her hands and save herself from him. But fear always seemed to stop her. Fear from what would come after death. And the death itself wasn't a pleasant thought. There would be pain. It was impossible to die without experiencing pain.

But Lucius had already inflicted a great deal of pain upon her and what was death compared to life with him? Lucius was the devil himself and after her night with him, Hermione doubted that death was the worst thing that could happen to her.

With those thoughts in her mind, she took a deep breath and slowly slipped down until her head was under the water. Panic was rising inside of her as she realized what she was doing, but she kept still. Everything seemed so peaceful under the water, no noise, no voices. The only thing Hermione could hear was her heartbeat. She couldn't help but wonder if that was how death would feel like. Quiet and peaceful.

But after a few more moments, Hermione could feel her lungs hurting with the need for oxygen. It was painful to stay under the water, but Hermione did exactly that. She couldn't explain to herself why she didn't move when clearly her body was desperate for air. Her curiosity was stronger than anything else. She wondered if that horrible feeling caused by being without air would pass if she stayed stubburn and kept her head under the water.

Her whole body tensed as she fought with the reflex to gasp for air.

_Just one more moment..one more moment..._

Suddenly someone grabbed her and pulled her out of the water. Hermione never saw it coming and the shock caused her to swallow some water before strong arms pulled her up and dragged her out of the tub.

"What the _hell _are you doing?" an angry voice asked and Hermione recognized it as Lucius'.

She coughed a few times, feeling extremely dizzy and weak. Lucius was shaking her roughly and demanding an answer.

"I will not ask you again, Mudblood!"

Hermione knew he was really furious because she couldn't remember the last time he had yelled at her in such a manner. When she calmed down a little and realized what was happening, she struggled to free herself from Lucius' grasp.

"Let go of me!"

The next moment she was pushed to the cold floor and then a towel was being thrown at her.

"Cover yourself," he said in a low voice.

Hermione didn't waste any time and she wrapped it around her body, her cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

Once the towel was wrapped around her body, Lucius grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bedroom. Hermione didn't struggle because she was still feeling disoriented from being without air.

Without words Lucius pushed her to the bed and Hermione could actually feel the anger radiating from him. She pulled herself into a sitting position and waited in silence, not knowing what do say or expect.

She heard Lucius exhale deeply and then he spoke in a calm voice:"You will never again do such a thing. Am I understood?"

Hermione refused to answer. There was still a bit or a Gryffindor inside of her.

"Maybe it escaped your notice but_ I_ am the only one who is allowed to decide when and how your life is going to end," Lucius stated coldly.

Realization dawned on Hermione's face:"I wasn't tying to kill myself."

"Do not lie to me."

"I'm not lying!" she raised her voice, "I just wanted to...I just..." she didn't finish the sentence.

"You wanted what, Mudblood?"

"I don't know," her voice was barely a whisper.

"I will not put up with such behaviour," Lucius ordered, then continued, "If you try something like this again, you will not be allowed to take a bath alone ever again."

Hermione tightened the towel around her body as she spoke:"My intention was not to drawn myself. I just wanted to see what it feels like."

"What it feels like to be without air for a few minutes?" Lucius asked, then added:"If you were that anxious to know, all you had to do was ask, Mudblood. I am positive I could use a few new torturing spells on you."

Anger started to build inside Hermione and she got up from the bed, not wanting to listen to him anymore.

"Sit down. This conversation is not over yet," Lucius commanded.

"No, but my attention span is," Hermione shot back, not even thinking.

She was rewarded with a slap across the face. It was unexpected and Hermione let out a whimper as her head turned with the force of it. She realized that this was a first slap after a long time. He hadn't hit her for quite a while, but he still remembered how to hit to make her skin burn.

"You are becoming more and more disobedient, Mudblood," he snarled at her, "I wouldn't want to be forced to hurt you even more."

Hermione was rubbing her cheek where he had slapped her. It didn't make sense to her how he always succeeded to humiliate her. The logical part of her brain was telling her that she should already be used to his insults and slaps, but she wasn't. His every slap felt like the first. It always brought tears to her eyes and it made her feel like trash.

She slowly dropped her hand and pulled in her sobs so she could speak:"You don't want to hurt me? That's rich."

"It surprises me that you haven't already noticed that I only hurt you when you deserve it," he said calmly and confidently.

Hermione felt her cheeks burning with anger:"_When I deserve it_? What did I do to deserve being captured and treated like an animal?"

"I do not like to repeat myself. You already know why you are here."

"Of course! Because you blame me for everything that happened to you and your family!" she was screaming at this point, but it didn't matter to her.

"You-"

Hermione raised a hand in front of her:"And don't you dare hit me again! You don't have the right," she spat the words with venom.

At first silence filled the room, then Lucius let out a cold laugh and it made Hermione feel uneasy because she wasn't expecting that kind of reaction.

"Now I am seriously questioning your sanity, Mudblood," he replied, "I _own _you. I have owned you since the first day."

"Everything's different now," Hermione said quietly.

There was curiosity in Lucius' voice as he asked:"What makes you think that?"

After two people share what they shared last night, their relationship is never again the same. Even though it disgusted her, Hermione had to admit that she shared something with Lucius. Something she never shared with anyone. It was important to her, but she could imagine it meant nothing particularly special to Lucius. He had probably had a lot of women in his life, but it wasn't like that with Hermione.

She took a deep breath:"What happened last night changed things."

Lucius was quiet for a few moments, then he approached her and there was a tone of mockery in his voice as he spoke:"Oh don't tell me you're starting to feel something for me?"

Hermione's heartbeat accelerated, but she remained silent.

"I cannot say I blame you," he smirked, "I knew that you, a young girl with no romantic experiences and no contact with other people would become attached to the first man that touched her intimately. Does it disgust you that it was me, Mudblood?"

Hermione ignored his question and forced her mind to think of a response. She didn't need a lot of time, because a sentence immediately formed itself in her head.

"What about you?" she asked innocently, "A middle aged man with no family or love interest using a young girl for his sick needs because he couldn't get his kicks off elsewhere?"

Hermione knew he was probably burning on the inside with rage, but if he hit her or punished her in some other way he would just prove her she was right. And Lucius Malfoy would never allow that to happen.

"Your theories always entertain me," he drawled calmly, "Too bad they are never correct," he added with false disappointment.

"Say what you like, but you can't deny that what happened last night changed everything."

Lucius just snorted at that:"You truly are naive. I only hope you will not start acting as my mistress," then he added, "Now, I have work today which means I will not be back until evening."

Hermione tensed at the last word. _Evening _leads to night. And Hermione was terrified of night, because she knew what she will be expected to do.

It was impossible to not notice the fear on Hermione's face, because she was never good at hiding emotions, but Lucius said nothing to her. He left the room without words and Hermione fought with the urge to run after him and beg him to leave her alone this evening. But no matter how horrible she felt on the inside, Hermione didn't want to humiliate herself even more so she didn't move from the spot she was standing on.

When the doors closed, she allowed herself to let out a shaky breath.

'It would be alright' she kept telling to herself. The first night was the most difficult and she survived it. The second night with Lucius would be easier. _But what if it won't be?_

The first time Lucius didn't expect much from her. He was cruel, but he knew she had no experience. All she was expected to do was to give in to him and his will, but what if now she was expected to be more _participating_?

A memory sent shivers down her spine. She could hear Lucius' voice clearly in her mind.

_"I tend to experiment. Sometimes it will be on the floor or against the wall-"_

She sat on the bed and let disgust wash over her. Then she waited. There was nothing else she could do. Time became her worst enemy.

ooo

Everything was dark. But that was nothing new to Hermione. She was used to it by now. Still, she could sense that something wasn't right.

_"You disgust me."_

A cold voice cut through the silence. A familiar voice. Hermione recognized it immediately, but it was impossible. It couldn't be _him_.

Suddenly the darkness faded away and Hermione could clearly see a white room. The light was too bright, causing her to blink a few times. After a few long moments he eyes finally adjusted to the light and she almost had a heart attack when she saw her friend.

"How could you do that?" Harry spat with venom, looking deep into her eyes, "Sleeping with the enemy."

Hermione was shaking her head, trying to defend herself against his accusations, but nothing came out. She couldn't speak.

"We all died."

That voice made her turn around and she faced Ron. A very injured Ron. There were wounds on his body and blood was slowly dripping from him.

"Oh god," Hermione tried to touch him, but Ron screamed at her.

"Go to hell!"

"It's not that hard," Harry said from behind her. It was so strange being able to hear his voice, _Harry's _voice. But at the same time it had something devilish in it. Hermione knew it she wasn't talking to her friends. They couldn't be that cruel to her, could they?

"Well, Mudblood, I always knew you'd spread your legs for anyone. But...my father? Shame on you."

Hermione froze at those words. She knew who it was. The boy who hated her and insulted her every chance he got. The reason her life was a living nightmare. Draco Malfoy. She stood completely still, not wanting to look at him. She couldn't stand the accusations from him as well.

"Now is certainly not the time to be shy," Ron smirked at her, "We all know what kind of a girl you are."

"Sleeping with my father?" Draco's voice cut through her like a knife, "That makes you my step-mother, doesn't it?"

"I-I didn't have a choice..." she whispered, shaking with guilt.

"We all have a choice, 'Mione," Ron answered, "You _did _have a choice. And you chose _him_."

"You deserve a punishment," Harry said with an evil smile.

Draco spoke with the same cold tone as his father:"A punishment, Mudblood."

Hermione felt as if everything was spinning around her. It was too much. She couldn't handle it. She needed to get away from them all. Now.

Hermione woke up with a scream, but calmed down immediately as she realized she was only dreaming. She took a few deep breaths, then tensed as she heard a voice next to her.

"I think I might have spoiled you a bit," Lucius said to her with silky voice.

Hermione wiped off the sweat from her forehead and tried to push the dreams away.

"All you ever do is sleep," Lucius commented, "I could give you some books to read- oh, I forgot."

His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Hermione gritted her teeth together in anger and sadness. She used to love spending all her time behind books, learning new things and absorbing knowledge, but that was the past.

Lucius sighed:"Some of us actually _do _have work. And today's been especially difficult day," then he trailed his hand down her arm, causing her to flinch, "I wouldn't mind...a relaxation."

Hermione moved away from his touch and got up from the bed. As she did so, she realized she was still wrapped in the towel. Feeling angry at herself and her stupidity, she backed away from the bed and Lucius. She couldn't go through _that _again. At least not tonight.

"What game are you playing, Mudblood?" Lucius asked with interest, then sighed, "I am in no mood to chase you, so would you kindly get back into the bed?"

Hermione didn't know what to do or say. The last thing she wanted was to beg, but begging was not worse than being in his arms again.

"No," she finally managed to say. It sounded weaker that she intended, but at least she said something.

The next moment Lucius was standing beside her and Hermione flinched at sensing him so close to her.

"Wrong answer, Mudblood."

Hermione forced herself to stay calm, because she knew it was impossible to achieve anything while shaking with anger.

"I can't do it tonight," she confessed quietly, hoping he would understand and leave her alone.

Lucius took a deep breath as if he was thinking hard about something.

"And what is the reason?" he finally asked.

Confusion showed on Hermione's face:"The reason?"

"You do not expect me to comply with your wishes without a valuable reason?"

Hermione's cheeks turned red with embarrassment. What could she say to him? That she was terrified because of the pain? Because she was still hurting from last night? Lucius would never care. If she told him her fears, he would probably just smirk at her, satisfied with how he succeeded in hurting her.

"Can't you just wait a...a day?"

She tensed as she felt his hand brushing her hair away from her face. It was not typical for him to do such a thing. He never showed tenderness towards her and why start now? Hermione could feel the suspense rising inside her. And that was the worst thing she could ever experience. It was not the pain that hurt her the most, but the suspense. The time when she waited for Lucius to do something to her and all she could do was guess what his next move will be.

She bit her lip, then said hesitantly:"Don't hurt me."

"I never hurt you," he stated innocently, then added, "Unless of course you give me reason through . . . insolence or inappropriate behaviour."

"That's not true," Hermione shot back, her face suddenly hard.

"Is that so?" he asked with interest.

Nodding, Hermione brought back the memories of last night:"You didn't have to do _that _to me. Last night."

Lucius took a step back from her with an annoyed sigh:"You still insist that I forced you? I had given you opportunity to leave. You chose. Now deal with the consequences."

"You are right. I could have left the Manor and got myself killed. Thank you so much for giving me a choice," her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Don't you use that tone with me, girl," Lucius warned her.

"You forced me to stay here and I accept it," Hermione continued, "But you can't expect me to act as if last night meant nothing. It did. At least to me."

Smirk was evident in his voice as he spoke:"I can imagine last night was very emotional for you. But did you expect having your chastity intact for the rest of your life?"

Hermione blushed even more, hearing him talk about that.

"That's not what I-" she started, but was interrupted by him.

"Many would agree that I did you a favour, girl. Virginity is a burden I had happily relieved you of."

"It has nothing to do with-"

"You should be thankful," then his tone grew darker, "I have seen _whores _who didn't survive their encounter with Antonin or some other Death Eater."

Hermione remained silent at that, horrible images in her mind. Just a thought of how different everything would be if someone else took her as an award sent shivers down her body.

"I am a man. I do not cuddle virgins nor do I brutalize a woman's body," he paused for a moment, "You ought to show more gratitude."

Then there was silence. Hermione realized that Lucius had never been more sincere to her than he was at that moment. He was telling her the truth and for the first time Hermione accepted what he had to say. She knew Lucius Malfoy wasn't a monster. There were moments when she hated him, loathed him, but she knew there was always a reason behind everything he was doing to her. He wasn't trying to hurt her because of the fun of it. That was the main difference between him and the other Death Eaters.

"I am thankful that it was you," Hermione whispered more to herself than to him.

That statement caused silence to fill the room. Hermione could feel Lucius' eyes burning her and immediately she regretted her words.

He was silent for a few long moments. No voice came from him. Not even the sound of his breathing. Hermione didn't know what to think. At that moment she would give anything to be able to see his face. Was he surprised, shocked, satisfied?

When he finally spoke, he was angry:"Am I supposed to believe you?"

That question confused her. She didn't expect him to not believe her. Why would she lie about something like that?

"I thought it was clear that I do not like it when people lie to me," he said coldly.

"I'm not lying!" Hermione raised her voice.

"Shut your mouth!" he ordered, "And forget about whatever you are trying to achieve by your sudden obedience. I will not be fooled by a school girl."

Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. For the first time she accepted that he was right and she even confessed it to him and he didn't believe her. If anything, it only made him angry at her.

_Why?_

Was he afraid of getting too close to her? Hermione knew it was easier to stay in their roles of 'the victim' and 'the torturer', but a lot of time has passed since they were just that. Things have changed and Hermione had to confess that Lucius to her meant more than just a man who kidnapped her. She became attached to him, she spend a lot of her time thinking about him and him reasons for the way he is. Sometimes it seemed to her as if she was making up excuses for everything he did. It was wrong, but Hermione found it impossible to stop. What had he done to her?

Had she gone mental? She felt gratitude towards him when he rescued her from Dolohov even though he was the one who took her to him in the first place. Nothing made sense to her anymore.

"Why can't you believe anything I say?" she asked, determinded to find the reason behind his anger at her.

"Give me a reason to believe you," his voice was a low, dangerous growl, "I made your life a living hell. I fight for the Dark. I killed that pathetic Weasley."

A cold shiver ran down Hermione's body at the mention of Ron. She knew he died at the hands of Lucius, but it was easy to not think about it and just put it to the back of her mind. The pain in her heart was almost unbearable every time she did think about him.

"So pardon me if I think every word that comes from your mouth is a lie," Lucius stated, "No person would ever be truthful to someone who caused them so much harm."

Those words stabbed Hermione through her chest like a knife. She was a horrible person, betraying her loved ones and her principles. Even Lucius Malfoy, a cruel Death Eater, knew that. Death was too lenient for her. She deserved to be punished. She deserved everything that had happened to her while living with Lucius. She should suffer and hurt. A punishment. Just like Harry and Ron had said to her in her dreams.

"Alright," she suddenly said, lost in her thoughts, "Take me."

"Why that sudden change of mind?" Lucius asked with interest.

"Are you going to do it or not?" Hermione shot at him, "Are you suddenly not man enough?"

Still, Lucius did not move as he observed her with suspicion. Hermione decided to say something forbidden to her. Something that always got to Lucius.

"I see Draco took after you. You are both cowards."

The same moment that those words left her mouth, she felt something from Lucius. The change of attitude. It was impossible to not feel his fury in the air.

He pushed her to the wall and grabbed her throat, whispering into her face:"You crossed the line this time, Mudblood," his tone was murderous.

Hermione could feel his body shaking with anger, but she made no attempt to calm him down. She needed to be punished. Only that would somehow ease the guilt and disgust she felt. Without a warning Lucius pulled the towel away from her, dropping it to the ground. Hermione shivered as cold air touched her skin, but making no attempt to cover herself.

"I wanted to wait a while before I take you against the wall," Lucius sneered, "But I do not mind doing it tonight."

Hermione heard him unfasten his belt and she closed her eyes, waiting for the punishment to begin.

_I deserve this. _

Tears threatened to fall again, but Hermione knew she deserved the pain, she deserved to experience the suffering. Just as all the people who died in the War.

"I deserve it," she whispered silently, biting her lower lip, "Do it. Please..."

Suddenly Lucius froze and Hermione opened her eyes in surprise. The room was filled with tension and silence.

As Hermione opened her mouth to speak, she felt Lucius move away from her. She stopped herself before she tried to grab his hands and bring him back to her. Confusion was written on her face as she heard him walk away, than back to her.

"You are fooling yourself by thinking you have power over me, Mudblood," he spoke calmly, then threw something at her, causing her to flinch.

Hermione barely caught the material which she recognized as the the robe she had been wearing.

"Get dressed and get into the bed."

Hermione didn't move for a few seconds, trying to push the tears of humiliation back. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She threw away all her beliefs and pride by offering herself to him and he rejected her. For the first time she needed him to hurt her and he declined.

"You-you are not going to-" she started, but didn't finish the sentence.

"No," was his only answer.

Hermione could feel her cheeks blush with anger and she quickly put on her robe, gaining back a bit dignity with that. But nothing could ever erase the humiliation he had put her through.

"Why?" she asked with demanding voice, feeling pure rage rise inside her.

Lucius let out and annoyed sigh:"Because you wanted it. For whatever reason you needed me to hurt you and I simply chose to not play along."

"I hate you," she forced out, her lower lip trembling.

"Good."

By the noises he was making, Hermione could tell he was undressing and preparing for bed. After a few moments, Hermione approached the bed, unsure of what was expected from her. At that moment she wanted to be alone. She needed to crawl into a corner and cry her eyes out until she felt a bit better.

"Do you need a special invitation?" he sneered at her from the bed.

Hermione shook her head and quickly slipped under the covers, wondering how come he allowed her to sleep in the bed.

"Nox."

She still remembered when she was forced to spend the night on the cold floors like a dog. _A filthy Mudblood _who didn't deserve a soft bed or even a blanket. But Lucius' attitude towards her changed and Hermione wasn't just imagining it. He was allowing a dirty Mudblood to sleep in his bed.

Hermione spent a few more minutes to listen to Lucius' steady breathing and then she allowed herself to fall into sleep, hoping she would not be disturbed by images of Harry and Ron.

ooo

The mattress beneath her was moving. Hermione's eyes flew open and she felt Lucius moving.

"Damn it," he hissed and then got up from the bed.

Hermione wondered if she should let him know that she was awake. Was she allowed to ask him what was happening?

Lucius quickly dressed himself as if he was in a hurry and then Hermione realized he was going somewhere. Not able to lie still anymore, she pulled herself into a sitting position.

"Where are you going?" she asked in a raspy voice. She had trouble keeping her eyes open, feeling incredibly sleepy. She had a feeling it was the middle of a night and that worried her even more. Where was Lucius going in the middle of the night?

He didn't answer immediately, probably caught off guard by the fact that she was awake.

"I am being called," he finally said matter-of-factly. Hermione could sense he was annoyed, but this time it wasn't at her. Late night calls by his Master obviously were not Lucius' favourite thing.

"Voldemort," Hermione whispered, holding the blanket tighter around her body. That name sent shivers down her spine, but she still had the courage to say it out loud. No one would ever take that away from her.

To her surprise Lucius let that pass as he walked up and down the room.

"I will be back soon," he informed her emotionless, then added quietly,"Go back to sleep."

With that he left the room, leaving very nervous Hermione behind. She couldn't explain to herself why she felt that uneasy about him going to Voldemort. What if something had happened? Why else would he call him in the middle of the night?

Hermione tried to go back to sleep, convincing herself that nothing bad is going to happen, but her mind wouldn't listen to her. She kept tossing around in the bed, wondering how much time had passed since he left.

_He will be back soon. He has to be._

ooo

He didn't come back. The whole day passed and Hermione was still alone in the room. The nerves wouldn't let her go to sleep or even sit still. She was pacing up and down the room, wondering what was taking him so long. Did Voldemort send him to another one of his missions? But Lucius would say something to her. He wouldn't just take off without a word.

Suddenly she realized how foolish she was. Why would he inform her of anything connected to him? She wasn't his wife and he had no duties towards her. She was just his award.

But still she couldn't help but wonder what was going on.

After a few more hours nerves were killing her. She had to do something. _Anything_. So she walked to the doors and tried to open it. Desperation showed on her face as she realized it was locked.

Not being able to do anything else, she sat on the bed and waited.

A few more hours later, she was yelling.

"Pippy! Pippy!" she was calling the House elf, but it had no effect. It probably couldn't hear her or it was ignoring her on Lucius' command.

Towards the evening she was resting, trying to fall asleep and stop thinking about all the horrific things that could have happened to Lucius and all the horrors she will have to experiance without him to protect her.

But just as she was about to lose herself in her dreams, she heard male voice. Instantly she jumped from the bed, waiting to see if Lucius was back. She flinched as the doors opened as if someone had kicked them open.

"What can Pippy do for Master?" the Elf whined with a bit hysterical voice.

"Just get out of my way, you incompetent creature!" Lucius snarled through his teeth, then fell on the bed, letting out a hiss of pain.

He was hurt. Hermione was by his side in a second, her heart beat getting faster.

"W-what happened?" she asked with fear in her voice. She hated the fact that she couldn't see anything, couldn't do anything.

"Nothing that concerns you, Mudblood," Lucius answered, trying to sound harsh. It didn't escape Hermione's attention that he was holding his breath as if he was trying to hide the pain.

"What did-" she tried again and then her hands touched his chest. It was wet and it seemed as if his clothes were torn. _Blood_.

Hermione knew what it was like to have blood in her hands. The images from the Final Battle appeared in her mind and she felt sick, remembering how she crawled just to find dead bodies around her.

She quickly removed her shaky hands from Lucius as if she was burnt.

"Master is hurt! Master never been this hurt before!" the Elf was panicking.

"What are you still doing here? I told you to get Severus!" Lucius shouted at it, then hissed as if it just caused him more pain.

The Elf turned and ran out of the room.

Hermione could not believe what was happening. She never imagined it would come to this. Lucius was never supposed to get hurt. He couldn't get hurt. He was..._Lucius Malfoy._

"What happened? Why are you..." she couldn't finish the question.

"None of your concern," he growled at her, "Just stay out of the way and do not even think of escaping."

The thought that she might escape didn't even cross her mind. She probably wouldn't make it to the front door. Suddenly the Elf was back, somehow even more nervous than before.

"Master! Me tried to do what you ordered me to, but-but..."

"But what, Pippy?"

"A man... Pippy saw a man in the house. Man was coming up the stairs!"

Hermione couldn't understand what was happening, all she knew was that it was bad. Really bad.

"Who is in the house?" she asked the Elf, but got no answer.

"Answer, Pippy!" Lucius ordered.

Horror filled her as she noticed panic in Lucius' voice.

"Pippy saw him a few times. He was at the party. He is tall with dark hair and a wand with dragon's head on it."

Hermione was trembling with absolute fear. Lucius was injured and there was a Death Eater in the house. She concluded it probably wasn't a friendly visit.

"Philix," Lucius muttered under his breath.

_Oh god_. Hermione's eyes widened, terror flooding her. She could barely breath because of the fear.

"Get Severus! _Go_!" Lucius ordered than tried to get up. It only caused him to fall back into the bed with a hiss of pain.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked and tried to hold him still.

"Remove your hands from me. I have to get up."

"You can barely move!" her voice was hysterical now. In her mind she could see Philix coming up the stairs and walking into the bedroom, his wand in his hand.

Lucius took a deep breath:"Philix is coming here thinking he will be able to kill me. He has no idea how wrong he is."

"But-"

"I am not going to make it easier for him by laying in the bed," he spat with venom.

"Professor Snape-"

"He is not going to make it in time!" Lucius shouted at her, pushing her away and making a move to get up.

"You are in no condition to fight!" Hermione insisted, "I cannot even see you and I know that!"

"What do you want me to do, you foolish girl?" Lucius hissed furiously, "I have to protect us."

Hermione froze at that word. _Us_. He was worried for her too. He wanted to protect both of them. Why? His life was at stake and he should be thinking how to save himself. But he said 'us'.

All of the sudden something occurred to Hermione. It was a crazy idea, but it was all they had at the moment.

"Give me your wand," she said to him.

Lucius sneered at her:"I am injured, not stupid."

"It is the only way! You can't fight!"

"And you _can_? In case you've forgotten- you are blind, Mudblood."

"I can do this," Hermione said, showing no insecurity in her voice.

He said nothing to her and she continued:"I don't want to die any more than you do. Trust me!"

"Never."

Hermione clenched her teeth in frustration:"I can save us or at least spare us some time until Professor Snape arrives."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked with suspicion.

"I-I don't want to die."

"You do realize that by distracting Philix you would be saving me as well?"

Hermione's lower lip trembled and she remained silent.

"After everything I've done to you?"

A moment later she repeated with stronger voice:"I don't want to die."

She flinched as Lucius grabbed her hand roughly,"You are out of your mind," he whispered to her.

Devastation showed on Hermione's face as she realized that they were both probably going to die. Tears threatened to fall, but than something was placed in her palm. Surprised, Hermione wrapped her fingers around it abd recognized it as his wand. He said nothing more to her as he released her wrist. Hermione nodded and stood up, gripping the wand tightly. It felt strange to have a wand in her hands again. And it was a completely different feeling than her wand. Lucius' was thicker, smoother and Hermione could almost _sense _the power in it. So many people were killed by his wand. _Ron_.

She pushed that thought away and walked towards the door. She only hoped to distract Phillix until Snape arrives.

As she opened the doors, a thought crossed her mind. She was risking her life to save Lucius. She was protecting them both. She was afraid of losing him and being left alone in the world. It was pathetic. _She _was pathetic. But at that moment she couldn't care less.

**A/N: Sooo sorry! I know it's been more than a month since last update, but my life's really been crazy. I didn't have time to write and I struggled with writer's block. I wanted to write something good even if it took me a while and not just publish a pointless chapter. You can expect an update every week. I hope you like this chapter. Tell me what you think.**


	20. Body And Soul

chapter 20 **BODY AND SOUL**

_A day ago..._

Lucius walked elegantly down a narrow hallway that opened into a stone chamber. He was wondering what had happened causing his Master to call him in the middle of the night. It was possible that there was still a Resistance that was causing them trouble.

Lucius made a disgusted face as he thought about that. Dirty Mudbloods were like worms. No matter how hard he tried to wipe them out of this world, they always seem to come back. But it was a challenge and Lucius liked challenges.

As he entered the room, he noticed Voldemort sitting on a platform, risen above his subjects. There were at least twenty people in the room, most of them were Death Eaters that he recognized. He quickly scanned the room and noticed there were no captives, no Mudbloods or Blood traitors to torture. Even though he was in no mood to listen to blood-curdling screams, the fact that there were only Voldemort and Death Eaters in the room alarmed him. Something must have happened, causing the Dark Lord to summon them all. Well, _almost _all. He couldn't see Severus anywhere.

"Lucius," Voldemort hissed. "I've been waiting for you. Come here."

Obeying his order, Lucius quickly made his way towards the platform, sending a cold look to Philix as he walked by him. They still had some unresolved issues. Philix did not accept that there were differences between Death Eaters. Not all were on the same level. There were some that have worked for the Master for quite a long time and earned his respect as well as privileges that came with that. Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy were one of those Death Eaters. And there were also others that only wore the title 'Death Eater' to be able to enjoy that status, to participate in the torturing sessions and get women for their needs.

"Forgive me, My Lord. It was not my intention to keep you waiting," Lucius said and dropped to his knees in front of his Master.

"I heard an interesting thing, Lucius," Voldemort said slowly, "It appears that Antonin is dead."

Lucius remained calm, keeping his cold mask:"Yes, My Lord," he nodded.

"Stand up," Voldemort ordered and Lucius stood, his face hard.

"Is there something you would like to confess?" the Dark Lord asked carefully.

Lucius knew that it would come to this. He had killed Dolohov and hadn't gone to Voldemort to inform him about it. His Master was probably annoyed and insulted that something that important happened without him knowing about it. Dolohov was useless as a Death Eaters, always looking for fun and ignoring serious work that he was supposed to do. Lucius knew that Voldemort will not miss him, but that didn't mean he was pleased with the event.

"Yes, My Lord," Lucius spoke calmly, "There was a conflict between Antonin and myself."

"Regarding what?"

Lucius considered his answer for a moment, than deciding it was better to tell the truth.

"Regarding my reward."

The silence was broken as the other Death Eaters started whispering to each other and Lucius could feel the tension rise in the room.

"Silence!" Voldemort raised his voice and everyone stopped talking, looking up at their Master.

"Your reward?" he continued, then grimaced as if he was trying to remember something, "Please, remind me- what have I given to you?"

"The Mudblood, My Lord. She was Potter's friend."

A sick smile spread across Voldemort's face:"I remember now. You could have chosen a Pureblood, even though a blood traitor. You could have created yourself a new family after that...tragic loss."

Luicus lips formed a thin line at the mention of the death of his family, but that was the only indicator that he felt something.

"But instead you chose a Mudblood," Voldemort continued, "A filthy girl that is not allowed to give you family. A girl that you can only use for satisfying your most primal needs."

A thought came to Lucius. He wondered what would his Master say if he knew that he and the Mudblood became intimate last night for the first time? Would he lose his reputation and his status if everyone found out that he hadn't touched her for months?

"I am a man with needs, My Lord."

"I understand that, Lucius. But what bothers me is the fact that you ended the life of your colleague because of a Mudblood," then he asked, raising his eyebrow, "You _did _kill Antonin, am I correct?"

Lucius nodded and looked in his Master's eyes. He showed no remorse, no weakness. He stood behind his decision, because if there was something Voldemort hated the most was cowardice. Especially if it came from his followers.

"I did, My Lord. Antonin died at my hands."

Voldemort didn't respond but gave him a rather disapproving look.

It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

After a few long moments of silence, Voldemort spoke:"Nothing should be more important that your fellow Death Eaters, Lucius. You are brothers."

Lucius almost snorted at that, but he decided it would not be wise to anger his Master even more.

"You mustn't let anything, _anyone _come between you, my faithful followers. Especially not filthy Mudbloods," Voldemort spat with disgust.

"My Lord, you have given me permission to dispose of those I deem useless," Lucius drawled.

"So you considered Antonin useless?"

"Yes, My Lord."

Voldemort's lips formed an evil smile:"Interesting."

Lucius said nothing and lowered his eyes to the floor, waiting for his punishment.

That caused Voldemort to look at him in surprise:"You are not going to apologize? Are you not sorry for what you have done?"

Lucius took a deep breath before answering, "I wish that I could say I am sorry. But the truth is that I do not feel any regret."

Again Death Eaters started whispering, this time louder than before. Voldemort nodded and there was something sparkling in his eyes.

"I admire your courage, Lucius. You truly are a Death Eater," he said to him icily, "But you understand that I cannot let a death of one of my followers pass that easily."

Lucius tensed, but nodded in understanding, already gripping his cane, ready to pull his wand out at any time.

"Lestrange, Greyback and Mulciber," Voldemort called out, "Approach."

They walked out of the crowd and dropped to their knees in front of him.

"You will fight Lucius. Begin," he ordered with a devilish smile.

Lucius wasted no time as he quickly pulled out his wand and pointed it at them, sending the first spell.

ooo

_What the hell am I doing?_

That was the question in Hermione's head as she walked out of the bedroom, gripping the wand tightly in her shaky hand. It seemed as if her confidence disappeared the moment she stepped out of the room.

She couldn't get over the shock that Lucius actually gave her his wand. Never in her life had she imagined that he would voluntary give her his wand._ Lucius Malfoy gave her his wand._ She tried to push away those thoughts and emotions that came with it. Surprise, shock and something else. There was a strange feeling. Somehow Hermione felt even connected to Lucius. It was as if they formed some kind of a bond.

Immediately her mind went blank as she heard a noise. _Steps_. Someone was walking towards her. She could hear boots clicking and making a sound that couldn't be ignored. He was obviously not even trying to hide that he was in the house. Hermione hid the wand behind her back, waiting to see what would happen.

"Well, what do we have here?" a hoarse voice came from a distance.

Hermione tensed, but stood still. She couldn't send any spells if she didn't know exactly where he was. She only hoped that Philix wouldn't decide to attack her. Hopefully he wouldn't see a threat in her and wouldn't bother enough to kill her. Hermione knew that his primarily goal was Lucius.

"Sweetie, can you tell me where Lucius is?" he asked and approached her, "He left the meeting seriously hurt and I would like to see how he is doing."

He was completely calm and controlled. Anyone else might think that he was telling the truth, but Hermione knew better than that.

"He's not here," she lied, "He didn't come back."

"Is that so?" Philix asked with interest.

Hermione nodded, keeping a calm expression, even though the nerves were killing her. She was so close to death that she could touch it. She still wasn't able to determine where Philix was standing. Her only hope of survival was that she somehow convinces Philix to leave.

"Than whose is that blood on your hands?" he suddenly asked, catching her off guard.

Hermione's eyes widened with shock. She had completely forgotten about the fact that she had touched Lucius. She was thinking about what she should say, but her thoughts were interrupted.

"I don't know why am I losing my time with you, when I can find Lucius myself," Philix hissed and made his way towards Hermione.

As she heard him walking to her, she determined his position. In a second the wand was defensively aimed in Philix' direction.

"Stupify!" she shrieked.

"Protego!"

Hermione froze at that moment. She had expected to succeed with the first spell. Obviously she was not fast enough. Or she had never been in a duel with an experienced Death Eater before.

"Expelliarmus!" Hermione cried out and was filled with hope when she heard the sound of Phillix' wand hitting the wall.

She opened her mouth to send another spell, but suddenly the wand flew out of her hand. It caught her completely off guard, because she was convinced that she had already won the battle.

She realized with horror that she no longer had the thing that could save her. Save both of them.

There was a murderous silence until Philix laughed.

"Did you truly think that you stood a chance against an experienced wizard?" he asked, moving towards her until Hermione could feel his breath against her face.

"I can kill you before you even pronounce the first letter of the spell," he said with a smirk, than added, "It's called wandless magic."

Hermione had never been so afraid in her life. Everything was lost. _She _lost. No one would be able to protect her from now on. _He _would not be able to save her this time.

Her throat closed up and breathing became almost an impossible task.

"I assume Lucius' bedroom is behind you," Philix continued, "I wonder how you got your hands on his wand. The wand is his, isn't it?"

Hermione said nothing as she trembled in absolute horror, waiting for a miracle to happen. But miracles do not exist. She had learned that a long time ago.

"I cannot wait to tell my Lord how I discovered a Mudblood with Lucius' wand. My Master will not be pleased by the fact that Lucius is risking everything for a filth like you," he spat the last part with disgust.

"Your kind is used for pleasure and nothing more. Lucius crossed that line," he explained in a cruel voice.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Hermione whispered, but her determination was clear as she spoke.

Philix decided to ignore her comment:"Stay here while I visit my dear friend Lucius. You will not move from the spot if you know what is good for you."

"Why? Just kill me," Hermione forced through her teeth.

"No. You might show useful for me in the future. I, myself, do _not _have Mudblood at home. But it seems that that fact might change."

"I'd rather die than go anywhere with you," Hermione shot back, her teeth clenched together in anger and fear.

"Why?" he asked innocently, "Because I am not _Lucius_?"

When she said nothing to that, Philix continued:"I have to thank you. I presume Lucius is in the bedroom, hurt and without a wand. You have made it easier for me," with those words he walked to where his wand was and picked it up.

Hermione realized with guilt that he was right. If only she hadn't been that foolish, thinking that she could fight off a Death Eater. If only she hadn't taken the wand away from Lucius. He would have been able to fight off Philix, even though he was hurt.

Than Philix tried to walk past her, but Hermione quickly stepped in front of him and the doors, not letting him pass.

"Move," he ordered coldly.

"No."

Without a warning she was grabbed roughly and pushed to the floor. Before Philix had a chance to enter the bedroom, Hermione pulled herself up and jumped on him. He let out an angry growl as he tried to get her off of him. Hermione didn't even know what was she doing or why was she doing it. She knew it was impossible for her to win in a physical fight with him, but she couldn't just stand by and watch him kill Lucius. What would happen to her after his death?

In the midst of the fight Hermione hit the wall with her back, crying out, but still not letting go of Philix. She was scratching and biting him, but it didn't do any good. Philix was finally able to grab her hand and pull her off of him. Then something unexpected happened. He pushed her away from him, but she tripped. Where there was supposed to be something to step on, was nothing. Hermione's ankle twisted in a strange way and then she fell. Hard. But she couldn't stop falling. She kept spinning, rolling around, hard floors were hitting every part of her body. Immediately she realized what was happening. She was falling down the stairs. She screamed and tried to protect her head with her hands, but everything was useless. Everything was spinning around her until she finally landed on the hard floor with a loud thud.

_The pain._

That was the first thing she realized. Just yesterday she was begging Lucius to hurt her, to give her pain, but now all she wanted was for it go away.

She was on her back with her arm twisted strangely underneath her body, not even trying to move.

"That will keep you calm," she heard Philix say from up the stairs. His voice seemed to be so far away.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Hermione flinched as she heard that curse. It wasn't Philix's voice. She closed her eyes as the unmistakable sound of a body hitting the ground cut through the silence.

"Granger!" someone called out to her and than ran towards her.

It was Snape. Pure relief flooded through Hermione. They were safe. Everything was alright.

Snape kneeled down to Hermione's unmoving body and gently touched her face, trying to get some kind of a response from her.

"Where are you hurt?"

Hermione opened her eyes and was surprised by the sight in front of her. She could see a man in dark robes with dark hair hovering above her. She quickly closed her eyes, thinking her mind was playing tricks with her.

"Open your eyes, Miss Granger," Snape ordered in the tone he usually used with his students.

Hermione obeyed and once again was she faced with the image of Snape. It was not a clear image, but it was still something.

Hermione knew it was not wise to get her hopes up. Her sight had returned for a few moments in the past, but it never lasted. So she closed her eyes again, not wanting to be hurt by false hope again.

"Where are you hurt?" Snape asked, annoyed by her silence.

"I'm not hurt," Hermione let out and than tried to pull herself into a sitting position. As she moved, she suddenly cried out at the immense pain in her back. Snape forced her to lie back down.

"I will levitate you to the room. Do not move," he said to her.

Hermione obeyed because she didn't have a choice. Only a moment later she felt herself being lifted off the floors. It was a pleasant feeling, so she relaxed. Then suddenly she tensed as she remembered the earlier events.

"Philix! He-" she started.

"He's dead," those were the only words from Snape.

Hermione wasn't sure if some kind of a sleeping spell was used on her, because she suddenly felt extremely sleepy and tired.

"Lucius..." she managed to say before she lost herself in dreamless sleep.

ooo

Hermione woke up, feeling sore. Even the soft mattress beneath her was hurting her. Her eyelids seemed too heavy to lift them. _Pull yourself together_, she told herself. Than she forced her eyes open slowly, trying to adjust them to the sunlight that pervaded the room.

_Sunlight?_

Surprise shot through her as the image before her eyes became clear. She could see everything. It was not a blurred image, but completely clear.

The room was huge, at least three times bigger than her room in the Burrow, and the floor was made of dark wood. There was a huge soft looking, beige rug in front of the bed. The walls were of a dark green that would have made the room look dark, if there weren't the two windows next to the bed that let lots of sunshine in. Across from the bed were two doors. One probably let led to the corridor and the other one to the bathroom. Hermione turned around, giving a big sofa on the other side of the door only a brief glance, still completely shocked that she was able to see.

Taking a deep breath, she blinked a few times. Then she closed her eyes and waited. She was positive that her sight would go away after a few moments. It had happened before.

But when she opened her eyes she could still see everything. Her heart was beating too fast, but she didn't even try to calm down. All that mattered to her was that she could see again.

She tried to get up from the bed, but he moment her left foot touched the floor, she cried out in pain.

It caused the memories of the earlier events to come flooding back to her. Suddenly she remembered everything. Philix, the stairs, Snape.

Her fall down the stairs probably caused her injured ankle. She tried moving it a bit and came to a conluson it was sprained, not broken.

_Lucius! Was he-_

No, she didn't even want to think about it. He couldn't be.

Again she tried to get up from the bed, this time putting all of her weight on the right leg. Somehow she managed to get to the window. She gasped as she saw the view. It was beautiful. There was a giant garden, trees as far as the eyes could see. That was all she could see from the window. She was probably on the third or second floor.

For a few long moments Hermione just stood there, enjoying the view. It was sunny and bright. She could almost pretend that everything was normal and that she was still at Hogwarts. Somehow it managed to fill her with hope, even though she was in a hopeless situation.

She didn't expect that kind of a weather. Given the fact that the Light lost the War and that good people were dead or treated as slaves, it should be rainy and dark. Gloomy and without hope. It was as if the weather was mocking her.

When she was finally able to move away from the window, she looked around the room again, noticing the dressing table with big mirror.

At first Hermione wasn't sure if she really wanted to see herself, but she gathered the courage and slowly limped towards the table.

_Oh god._

She barely recognized the person in front of her. It wasn't her. It _couldn't _be. Her hair was longer and not as bushy as before. It was more wavy, probably because she hadn't brushed it in a long time. Her face was too pale and there was a cut on her lip. Hermione couldn't remember when she got it. But what terrified her the most were her eyes. They were so tired, without life in them.

She then slowly looked down her body, noticing she was thiner. Not too thin, but it was noticable she had lost a lot of weight. The nightgown she was wearing was white and it reached just above her knees.

Hermione looked at her hands and grimaced as she saw dried blood. It was from when she touched Lucius. She had his blood on her. Just as he had hers on him. She noticed purple bruises around her wrists. She couldn't remember when she got them. Lucius had hurt her so many times, that it was hard to know exactly when and how she got a specific bruise.

Than she got to the hardest part. With fear and disgust on her face she looked at her thighs. Snape was right when he told her he could see bruises on her thighs. She pulled her nightgown up, revealing even more bruised thighs. Now that she was staring at the evidence of what happened between her and Lucius, it made everything even more real. It hit her that it really happened.

She pulled the nightgown down with disgust and looked away. She slowly walked to the bathroom and washed her hand, removing Lucius' blood from her. His pure blood. It didn't seem that different to Hermione. As she returned to the room, the doors opened and Hermione flinched, not expecting it. In a second she had to decide how to act and came to a conclusion it was best if she didn't tell anyone that she could see.

She would keep it to herself for a while.

It was Professor Snape who entered. Hermione almost looked in his direction, but she stopped herself in time. She fixed her gaze at a spot on the wall and hoped it looked convincing enough.

"Why are you up, Granger?" Snape asked before walking to the bed and leaving a plate with sandwiches and a glass of milk on the bedside table.

Hermione allowed herself to look at him when he was turned away from her. He was still the same as she remembered him. Exactly the same. When he turned towards her, she quickly removed her gaze.

Ignoring his question, she hesitantly asked:"What happened?" than she added, "How long was I asleep? Where is...Where is Lucius?"

With the corner of her eyes she could see Snape as he crossed his arms over his chest before speaking.

"You have not been asleep. You were unconcious," he explained in a cold tone.

"How long?"

"A day. You were hurt after that fall down the stairs, but I have managed to heal most of your injuries. The rest will take time."

That surprised Hermione. Why would Snape heal her? Now she was even more confused about him. But she didn't have time to think about that. There were things that were more important.

"My ankle?" she quietly asked.

"It will take a few days to heal completely."

Hermione nodded and than silence filled the room. It was uncomfortable and Hermione wondered should she ask about Lucius again or would it be too strange. And she had to admit she was afraid to hear the answer. But she took a deep breath and forced the words out.

"How is Lucius?"

Snape was quiet for a moment before speaking:"Someone who doesn't know the history of the two of you would think you actually care for Lucius."

Hermine tensed:"I don't care. But my life depends on him."

"Understandable," Snape drawled, than sighed, "Lucius is recovering. He will be alright."

Hermione let out a breath she was holding and pure relief filled her. She almost smiled. Almost.

And that made her even more angry at herself. What the hell was happening to her? She still remembered the days when she hated Lucius, when she wanted him to die so that she would be free, but everything changed. She was different.

"I would like to ask you a question," Snape's voice puled her out of her thoughts.

Again Hermione almost looked at him. It was a reflex to look at the person that was talking to you.

"How in Merlin's name did you think you would be able to fight off Philix?" Snape asked with interest and a trace of mock.

The question surprised Hermione and at first she didn't know what to say. She herself didn't know what was she thinking.

"I-I just thought-"

"So, a thought crossed your mind?" Snape interrupted her, "Must have been a long and lonely journey."

Hermione bit her lip at his insult, feeling her cheeks burn with anger. She should be used to his cruel and sarcastic remarks by now, but he always seemed to get to her.

"I thought I would be able to keep him busy until...until you came," she explained and than said with determination, "And I think I did just that. If there wasn't for me, Lucius would be long gone by now."

"Maybe," Snape admitted, "Maybe not."

"It seems that Lucius didn't want to risk it, because he himself gave me his wand."

Snape nodded, than changed the subject:"There is food on the bedside table. Eat," he walked to the doors, than stopped, "I advise you not to move around the room too much. Rest."

Before Snape could leave the room, Hermione stopped him with a question:"How is Ginny?"

Potions Master exhaled deeply before answering,"Miss Weasley is... alright, given the circumstances."

"What does that mean?" suspicion showed in Hermione's tone.

"She will never come to terms with what had happened."

Hermione understood what he was trying to say. Ginny was a fighter. She always had a fiery tamper and it was understandable that she would never succumb to what happened.

Snape continued:"Some people simply cannot accept what has happened. The strong ones are not the ones who survive this world. The ones who can _adjust _do. Those are the ones who last a long time, Miss Granger."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at that. Was there a compliment hidden in his words? Was he talking about her? She was living with Lucius for almost two months now and she was still alive. Maybe she as weak as she thought she was. Maybe she _was _strong, stronger than she gave herself credit for.

Snape opened the doors, but before he left he had one more thing to say to Hermione. And what he said sent shivers down Hermione's body.

"Granger. Do not lie to Lucius. Ever," he warned her, "If there is something he hates is when people think they can lie to him. Take my advice."

With those words he left the room. Hermione was left speechless, confused by his words. Was he-was he trying to warn her about something? Did he know that her sight had returned? No, it was impossible. And besides why didn't he tell her he knew?

Hermione calmed down, positive that Snape knew nothing. Her mind was just playing tricks with her, making her think Snape knew what she was doing.

ooo

One day passed and Hermione was already used to being able to see again. She studied the room, memorising every part of it. She loved looking out of the window, observing the nature. Sadly she couldn't feel the light breeze on her face, in her hair. The windows were probably enchanted to stay closed. The first day Hermione lost half an hour trying to open it, but it was useless. That fact annoyed her. Why couldn't she open them? It wasn't as if she could escape through it.

The second day passed as well without anyone bothering her. Snape never came back to visit her. Every morning she found food left for her in the room. It was probably brought while she was asleep by Snape or the House Elf.

Hermione once tried to open the doors, but it was locked.

She had a lot of time to think. Now that she could see again things would be different. She was no longer completely dependent on Lucius or any other person. She didn't feel that helpless anymore.

But she hated to look at herself. The bruises just reminded her of what happened and Hermione didn't want to remember it. Her ankle was healing, but slowly. She still felt pain when she tried to walk normally.

With each day that passed she knew she was closer to seeing him again. And she needed that. She needed to hear his voice again, to have contact with a human being. Hermione was alone for too long.

But she was still scared of seeing Lucius again. And this time actually _seeing _him. For all those months all she had was his voice. His cold voice and his warm touch. But now she would be able to look into his eyes. To see what he is thinking, to see his expressions. After everything he had done to her, she would finally be able to look into his eyes.

Somehow Hermione was afraid of that. She didn't know what to expect. It would be much easier if she was still lost in the darkness.

ooo

Finally it came.

Hermione was slowly drifting into depression, having no contact with a human being.

After a few days of being left alone in the room, one night she heard the doors opening. She was still in bed with her eyes closed, but she just _knew _it was him. She _felt _it.

When he closed the doors, she tensed, realizing the moment finally came. The moment of confrontation finally came and she was afraid to even open her eyes.

"Lumus," he cast the spell silently.

After that Hermione heard him approach the bed slowly. But she still made no attempt to move. Would she be able to look into his eyes?

_No no no…_

"Mudblood?" he asked in his usual tone. Emotionless and cold.

_It's his voice. God, it's his voice._

It didn't sound that he was hurt. He was his normal self again.

Hermione was shaking with anticipation. After a few long moments she pulled herself into a sitting position and opened her eyes.

She kept her gaze fixed somewhere in the distance. She still wasn't ready to look at him.

Still, she could see him standing next to her bed. He was dressed in dark robes as if he was going somewhere. Since it was the middle of the night, it was most likely he had returned from somewhere. His long blond hair was in a pony-tale, causing his icy gray eyes to shine even more. Hermione could see him looking at her and it took all of her mind will to not meet his eyes.

Lucius said nothing as he pulled the covers off of her body and Hermione tensed, not knowing what to expect from him.

He sat on the bed next to her and then he touched her. Hermione startled slightly, anxious about the proximity with him. Lucius' hand almost lazily made it's way down her leg to her ankle. To her _injured_ ankle. Hermione didn't know if she could be more nervous as she was at that moment. His warm hand touched her ankle lightly.

"Lucius…." Hermione whispered, her nerves killing her. She knew he could cause her pain if he decided. But instead he removed his hand and Hermione quickly moved her legs away from him.

"Severus told me everything," he finally spoke in a calm and controlled voice.

"Philix is no longer a threat to me," he continued.

Hermione didn't know why was he explaining that to her. She had trouble breathing with him being that close to her. Being able to see him, but not to _look _at him.

"Philix was the one to point it out to me that I was too merciful with you," he said quietly, "A shame for Death Eaters."

"Why are you telling me this?" Hermione could feel her throat close up with fear.

She had the feeling he could see right through her. At least the light in the room was very weak.

And when he spoke again his voice was hard as stone:"I had to remind myself that you are reward for my hard work and I won't miss out the opportunity to take advantage of that."

He leaned closer to her face and Hermione could see him looking into her eyes. She was trembling, hoping he would not catch her lying to him.

He was close, _too _close to her. Before Hermione had a chance to react, he was pressing his lips to hers. She completely froze, shocked by what was happening. He had never _kissed _her before. Only that time when he was drunk, but she couldn't smell Firewhiskey on him now.

Hermione could not understand the feeling, the _sensation _that kiss caused in her. It made her feel warm, loved, _safe_. It was foolish to think that Lucius loved her. But after days without contact with him or any other person, she felt alone. She desperately needed someone to make her feel better. To make her forget what was happening. Even if only for a short time.

Hermione closed her eyes and moved his lips against his. She could tell he was surprised at first, but he hid it quickly.

In the last couple of days she knew nothing but anxiety and fear. Fear of what would happen to Lucius, what would happen to her if he….

Hermione hesitantly reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, trying desperately to _feel _something.

Maybe she could forget it was Lucius Malfoy who she was kissing. Maybe she could pretend it was someone else.

After a moment Lucius broke the kiss. Hermione's eyes were still closed as she trembled. She didn't know why he stopped. Maybe he was just curious or surprised because she wasn't fighting him.

Suddenly his arms were around her waist and he kissed her again. Harder this time, more demanding. Hermione had trouble keeping up with him and his experienced kisses, but not once she tried to push him away.

Without breaking the kiss he slowly slid his hands over her shoulders, pushing her nightgown off of them and down her arms, until her upper body was revealed to him. Hermione knew he could see her, because the room wasn't completely dark, but she didn't care. She just needed _him_. That was all that mattered.

Then Lucius removed his own robes, until Hermione could feel his naked chest against her own. She couldn't help but blush, but she said nothing to stop him. And even if she did, he wouldn't stop.

_Lucius Malfoy._

She tensed as she remembered who was on top of her, who was touching her intimately. With her eyes closed it was easy to pretend, but she couldn't escape reality.

She tried to ignore that her breasts were pressed against his naked chest and that his hand was moving down her body. It stopped on her hip, much too close to the place Hermione wasn't sure she wanted him to touch.

She could still remember the last time. She remembered the pain, his rough caresses and touches.

"Wait-" she broke the kiss and moved her head to the side.

"Shh, Mudblood," he whispered to her, "Just give in to me."

And she did. She surrendered to him again. Soon he removed the last bit of clothing and moved her legs apart. Hermione's breathing hitched, her pulse sped up and he noticed. His thumb glided slowly over her cheek as if he was caressing her, but soon after he pressed his lips roughly onto hers again.

His hands were _everywhere_, exploring every part of her. He left no spot untouched. Hermione couldn't understand why would he want to touch her _there_, but when he did it sent shots of pleasure through her body. It was forced pleasure. Mixed with pain and shame. It was unbelievable how he could make her moan with pleasure she had never felt before with just his hands.

And then he was inside her again. It hurt, but not as nearly as much as the first time. He silenced her cries with a kiss and Hermione tried to concentrate on the kiss instead of how he felt inside of her. Eventually he started to move in a slow, steady rhythm. Hermione could feel the scars on his back and she knew she would find the same thing on his chest as well.

She kept her eyes closed and just surrendered herself to the feeling. It was an escape from everything. She could not think of anything else but him at that moment. The weight of his body on hers, his demanding lips on hers, the feelings he was causing inside of her.

She needed him to do that to her. She needed to feel something. For the second time she surrendered to him completely. Body and soul.

ooo

Hermione woke up the next morning with a feeling as if someone beat her up. Her muscles ached and she found herself wondering if that was how it will be every time. Was she supposed to feel so sore and bruised?

She couldn't believe what happened. She couldn't believe that she had allowed him to do that to her again. But most of all, she couldn't believe that she _wanted _it to happen. What happened between her and Lucius was not an act of love. Hermione wasn't that stupid. Lucius was a man with needs. And she as well needed something from him. It was impossible to describe it logically. And that was the thing that annoyed Hermione the most. She was used to analyzing everything and explaining it racionally. But what they did…they didn't need words. They were driven by _urges_, both with different reasons.

But maybe….just maybe they formed a bond last night. Hermione hoped Lucius somehow saw more than just a Mudblood, his possession in her as he…

"I have been thinking all night," a cold voice from across the room said.

Hermione's eyes snapped open. She thought he had left and that she was alone. She didn't turn to his direction because she wasn't sure she could keep her eyes off of him. Especially after what they had done. She wouldn't be able to resist looking into his eyes.

"You keep thinking you can play me. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am no fool. I will not be made an idiot by a school-girl," he spoke with venom.

Hermione could feel the cold from his voice. He was his old self again. There was no bond between the two of them. How foolish was she thinking that something had changed? He couldn't be more distant than he was at that moment. But what caused that change? Last night he held her close to him, he was gentler than the first time. Why was he acting that way? Was it all a game? A joke?

"Look at me when I speak to you," he ordered.

Hermione turned to his direction, tightening the blanket around her body. She could see he was all dressed up, not a trace of weakness on him. He even had his gloves on.

She kept looking at nothing specific, hoping he would just leave her alone. She needed to pick up the pieces of her dignity.

"I will ask you this once, Mudblood. Only once," he warned her.

Hermione noticed there was slight anger in his voice. His next words sent everything crashing down on her.

"How long have you been able to see?"

**A/N: Finally another chapter! We are slowly coming to an end. Thanks for all the reviews. Tell me what you think of this chapter. **


	21. Nothing

chapter 21 **NOTHING**

Of course he knew. He knew everything. How could she even think she'd be able to hide anything from him?

"How long have you been able to see?"

The second Lucius asked that question, Hermione's head snapped into his direction and their glances locked. For the first time since she was captured she looked into his eyes. His icy eyes that were so cold Hermione could almost _feel _it. And that was all she saw in his eyes. _Coldness_. Nothing else. No emotion. Nothing. Not even after what happened between the two of them that night. Hermione knew there was no excuse for what she had done, but she wouldn't feel that used and disgusting if he showed it meant something to him. Anything. But he acted as if nothing had happened. And that hurt the most.

Lucius was standing next to the dressing-table, his arms crossed over his chest. He was dressed the same way as last night, but his hair wasn't in pony-tail anymore. Did she-? Hermione couldn't remember if she had done that while they were…

"Come here, so I can see you better," he said in a mock tone.

Hermione broke their eyes connection and looked at the bed.

"I'm not dressed," she admitted quietly, feeling stupid to worry about that. There were worse things she had to worry about.

"As if I didn't see everything already," Lucius said to her annoyed, "Come here, Mudblood."

Hermione wrapped the blanket around her body and slowly got up from the bed. Lucius rolled his eyes at that, but made no comment.

Hermione grimaced as her feet touched the floor again and limped her way to Lucius. He threw a glance down at her injured ankle, but he removed his gaze from it, not saying a word.

Hermione slowly approached him and nervously looked up at his face. He was much taller than her and it was terrifying to look up at him. His face was pale and his gray eyes were boring into hers, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.

He was so…_strong_. There was nothing weak on him, his whole appearancewas surperior.

This was supposed to be _her _moment. She was supposed to show him she was no longer dependent on him, that he was no longer controlling every moment of her life. But as she stood there, looking up at him, she felt so small and weak. He wasn't saying anything, but it was unbelievable how he made her feel with just his look.

"How long?" he asked, still looking into her eyes.

Hermione was having trouble keeping their eyes contact. It made her feel as if he could see right into her mind, her soul. So she looked down, not able to handle the pressure of his intense look. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Lucius was the one who should be ashamed. He was the one who should be having difficulties looking into her eyes with everything he had done to her. Not the other way around.

"Since that day," Hermione answered, realizing there was no point in lying, "Since Philix came here."

Lucius nodded:"And did you think you could hide it from me? Why?"

"I…I don't know," she was looking at his robes, avoiding his eyes.

"You do know. Tell me," his voice was so demanding, that Hermione knew she had no other choice but to tell him the truth.

But the problem was that she didn't know what to say. It was unclear even to her why she tried to hide it from him.

"I wasn't trying to escape if that's what you are thinking," she explained to him, tightening the blanked around her body.

Somehow she wasn't afraid of what he will do to punish her. Standing in front of him wasn't the most comfortable feeling, but she couldn't bring herself to feel fear. She concluded she was probably loosing her mind. Every sane person would be shaking with absolute fear.

"Do not assume that you know what my thoughts are," Lucius snarled at her, "But if you were not planning your escape, than why did you hide it from me?"

"I-" she started, that spoke with stronger voice as she gathered the courage to look into his eyes again, "I didn't think it was any of your business."

She could see his lips curl into a smirk, but than he ignored what she said, "The curse that Philix used on you is called Angustus Caecus. Dark magic."

Confusion showed on Hermione's face. She remembered her first day at the Malfoy Manor. Lucius told her that he did not know the curse that was used on her or who her attacker was. She could still hear his cruel words.

_"Who was it? Who spoiled my fun and made a scared little girl out of you?"_

"But you said that you didn't know," she let out, surprised, "You- you _lied_?"

"And you're shocked?" he raised his eyebrow at her, as if he was challenging her. He was right. Why should she feel betreyed or shocked? He was evil. What did she expect from him?

"Why would you lie about it?"

What reason did he have to lie? He could simply say he would not cure her because he liked her useless and vulnerable. But… Lucius would never admit that because it would show how pathetic he was.

"I have my reasons," he said coldly, than continued, "The spell is limited. It is possible to stop it's effects, but only the person who cast the spell could do that."

Hermione had never before heard about that spell. She listened to him, but she was surprised he was even telling her this. Why was he explaining her about it? He always liked to keep her in the dark.

"The spell could also be reversed by the death of a person who cast it," Lucius said to her and at that moment Hermione understood everything.

Lucius knew she would be able to see if Philix dies. He knew she wasn't blind since Snape told him what happened. Snape! He also knew. All of the sudden Hermione understood his warning about not lying to Lucius. He was trying to… what? _Protect _her?

And why did Lucius play along? Why did he let her think she could fool him? Why did he come to her at night? Why did he want to…

Suddenly Hermione felt embarrassed and stupid. Since her sight returned, Hermione thought she was the one with control. But the truth couldn't be more different. _He _was in control. He always was.

"And why were you pretending?" Hermione asked, keeping a strong face, even though she could feel her cheeks blush.

"I wanted to see how far would you go. I gave you opportunity to tell me the truth, but you didn't."

"I just-"

"You had the whole night to tell me the truth, Mudblood," Lucius drawled and Hermione blushed even more at the mention of the previous night.

After a moment she took a deep breath and prepared herself to ask the question,"And why…why did you kiss me? Tonight when you came to me? Was that your plan as well or did it just happen?"

She forced herself to look into his eyes, feeling her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

He smirked:"I simply had to relieve some tension that I felt."

Hermione felt as if someone had stabbed her knife with a knife. At that moment she felt like a prostitute. She wasn't getting money from him, but he was allowing her to stay in his house if she lets him do those things to her. She was furious and disappointed with herself for allowing him to humiliate her over and over again.

"I-I don't believe that," she said quietly, bitting her lower lip.

Lucius laughed, than looked at her as if she was the most pathetic thing in the world:"Please, Mudblood. Do not get your hopes up. I am simply satisfying my needs with you. That's what Mudbloods are for," after a moment he added, "That's what you deserve," his voice had something dark in it and it sent shivers down Hermione's body.

She suspected he was remembering his son again. It was not a good idea to anger him when he was like that, but at that moment she didn't care.

"But why come to me?" she asked, her chest heaving with hurt, "You could have gone to other women. More experienced and more beautiful than me."

"Are you suggesting I visit whores?" he asked with interest.

Hermione nodded and spoke with anger in her voice:"Yes. What is stopping you? I am sure they would know better than me how to satisfy you."

"You do not honestly believe I would go to dirty whores when I have pure little-"

He stopped mid sentence, realizing what he had said. Hermione's mouth opened in shock at his words.

"_Pure_, Lucius?"

His face lost it's mask for less than a moment, something flickered in his eyes. It disappeared as soon as it showed. But Hermione noticed it. No matter how hard and emotionless his face was now, she saw that look in his eyes. She knew that the word escaped him unintentionally, because he did not want her to hear that. Why? Because he meant it. He truly believed it. Behind all his hate and disgust for her he thought she was pure.

If she was still blind he could convince her he wasn't serious. He could somehow dig his way out of it, because she wouldn't be able to see it. The _look _in his eyes that convinced her her meant it.

Lucius' face was tensed, but he spoke calmly, not giving away his emotions or thoughts:"I am the only man that had you. At least in that sense you are cleaner than street whores."

He was trying to insult her again, to draw her her attention away from what he had said. But Hermione wouldn't let it go.

"You didn't say cleaner. You said _pure_," she challenged him, "You never used that word in association with me. You always described me as dirty, filthy, unclean. Always."

She looked him straight in the eye, waiting for his reaction. Evan though it was hard to maintain eye contact, she was afraid to look away. She did not want to miss anything in his eyes, in his expression.

"You are twisting my words, using them against me," Lucius said to her completely calm.

Even though it seemed that Lucius was the one in control, Hermione felt as if she was really getting to him. Lucius was calm and reserved with a smirk on his face while Hermione was angry, confused and hurt. But she was the one in control. Lucius wasn't using his words carefully and one simple word betrayed him. _Pure_.

"So you don't think I'm pure?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.

His tone was harsher now:"Of course I don't."

It seemed as if he was angry because he had to talk about it and defend himself.

Hermione nodded:"For you I am nothing more than a filthy, ugly Mudblood. Trash."

The corners of Lucius' mouth twisted up in a smirk:"I couldn't have said it better myself."

Hermione lost herself for a moment in those lips. She couldn't believe she actually kissed him, his lips. The lips that were now humiliating her. She had never before in her life had a person that close to her as she let Lucius to be. If he forced her it would all be easier. But he did not. Hermione couldn't lie to herself. Not this time. Maybe the first time he…_touched _her wasn't consensual. If not physically, he forced her mentally. There was no doubt in that. But it wasn't like that this time.

He watched her murderous before sneering:"Pathetic, unclean. Simply a creature who does not deserve anything," Lucius added with satisfaction.

Hermione wondered if he only felt happiness when her insulted her. Did throwing insults at her make him feel better, superior?

Slowly she raised her head to look up at him. Her face was completely calm and without emotions as she said to him:"I may be filthy and unworthy, but you are the one who keeps dragging me into your bed. What does that make _you_, Lucius?"

She didn't even see it coming. She didn't even see him move his hand. All she registered was the pain on her cheek and the next moment she was on the floor. It happened so fast that Hermione didn't even have the time to cry out at the sudden slap.

It was a different feeling, because he was wearing gloves, but it still hurt. Her right cheek felt as if it was actually burning, but Hermione stopped herself before she could touch it. She would not show weakness in front of him. Not this time. So she just took a deep breath and looked up at him.

Lucius was standing completely still, his face hard. He didn't look as if he just slapped her. The only evidence that he was upset was his harsh breathing, but that was all. He didn't even bother to tilt his head down to look at her, he was just observing her with his eyes stuck on her.

"Get up," he said after a few moments of silence.

"No," Hermione shot back.

Lucius sent her a look that maybe would have scared her in her first days with him, but it wasn't working now. She knew him better now.

"You can stand there repeating it the whole day if you want. I am not getting up from the floor," Hermione said to him in a firm voice, challenging him.

Suddenly Lucius smiled. It wasn't a smirk or a grin, but it was far away from an innocent smile. It was as if he was trying to show her that she had no influence on his mood or emotions. And then he kneeled down next to her, with that terrifying smile on his face. Still, his eyes were completely cold and his fake smile didn't reach them. Hermione couldn't help but to lean back, away from him.

"I am a Death Eater," he drawled, "I have killed many people, tortured even more."

He was talking as if it was the most normal thing to say. Hermione felt disgusted that she actually touched that...that _monster _in front of her on her free will.

Lucius continued:"You know what I am and what I have done, but that didn't seem to bother you last night."

Hermione gritted her teeth together, but said nothing. What could she say to redeem herself?

"You gave yourself to me even though you know I killed that Weasley boy."

Hermione flinched at the mention of Ron. All she wanted at that moment was to hit Lucius, to throw something at him, to do something, _anything _to make him stop talking.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but there were rumors about the two of you. Weren't you romantically involved with him?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

Something was burning in Hermione's eyes and not even a moment after she felt something wet run down her cheeks.

"Please say something, Miss Granger. This conversation is a bit single-edged," Lucius' smooth voice cut through the horrible silence, "Was there something going on between you and the blood-traitor?"

"None of you business," she said through her teeth, not bothering to wipe the tears away. She was too distracted with her eye battle with Lucius.

"He is probably spinning in his grave, knowing that I got the taste first," than he narrowed his eyes, "Well, he would be spinning in his grave, if he had one."

With an evil smirk he got up, satisfied with his triumph over her. But Hermione wasn't done yet. She wouldn't say anything if he only insulted _her_. But this time it was Ron. She couldn't just let that pass. That would be the ultimate betrayal.

"I would imagine Draco as well would be spinning in his grave if he knew what kind of a bastard his father is."

She crossed the line.

The last thing Hermione remembered before she slipped into the darkness was fury, animalistic fury that crossed Lucius' face. She didn't even have the time to be afraid as she heard the word.

"Crucio!"

Than nothing. Darkness.

ooo

"Busy time at the Ministry, I hear," Lucius said, looking at Arthur Weasley, "All those raids….I hope they're paying you overtime?"

His voice was so cold and superior. Even all those years ago when Hermione was just a little girl, Lucius was already evil, cruel and manipulative.

Lucius reached in Ginny's cauldron and extracted a very old, very battered copy of A Begginer's Guide to Transfiguration.

"Obviously not," he smirked.

His voice was so smooth and silky it was hard to believe what awful words were coming from him.

After a moment of silence he continued:"Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?"

Hermione remembered how her blood boiled at that question. She knew not all people were good, but she never before actually met someone who was that openly evil. She was so innocent and naive back than. Her eyes were traveling up and down Lucius Malfoy, observing him. There was _something _about him. Even though he said nothing to her, Hermione had to fight the feeling to just hide before his icy eyes landed on her.

Than she saw him turn his aristocratic gaze onto her parents and her heart beat accelerated uncontrollably. She did not want her parents anywhere near him.

Than it happened. His eyes locked with hers for a second. And it was the longest second in Hermione's life. There were no words, but he was able to show her with just his look what he thought of her. His gray eyes were whispering to her that she was nothing more than a dirt on his shoes.

_Do not look away. Do not look away._

She forgot to breath as their eyes connected.

_Hermione Granger, don't dare to look away._

Luckily, she kept on a strong and rebellious face until he released her from his invisible grip. He raised his eyebrow in interest and than turned away from her.

Maybe their battle of wills started all that time ago in the shop, not when he captured her.

ooo

Hermione's eyes shot open, but she had to blink a few times to clear her sight. Feeling confused, she looked around and noticed she was alone in the room. The first question in her mind was _'Where is he?'._

She was on the bed, but she couldn't remember how or when she got there. Did he-? But why would he? The last thing she remembered was the pain. Why would he torture her into unconsciousness and then carry her to the bed? He could have easily left her on the floor.

Without thinking she slowly got up from the bed, wincing as the burning pain in her muscles hit her. The after effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

She noticed the robe was left for her on the bed. An ugly, gray robe. What happened to the nightgown? Lucius was so confusing that Hermione was starting to wonder if he was being like that on purpose. Was his goal in life to make her lose her mind with theories about his behaviour?

Why was she even allowed to wear a beautiful white nightgown? Hermione never before wondered whom did it belong to. Was it his wife's? No, that was a foolish thought. Lucius would never in hell give her something that belonged to his wife. One thought led to another and soon Hermione started to think about Narcissa Malfoy. What happened to her? She knew Lucius' wife was dead, but she never had the courage to ask what happened to her. Lucius would without doubt kill her if she even pronounced her name.

With those thoughts in her mind, Hermione put on the robe that was left for her. Suddenly she remembered old times. When she was allowed to wear what ever she chose. Jeans. She missed jeans and the Muggle clothes. She missed being able to wear a bra. Lucius obviously thought she didn't need one and she sure as hell was not going to ask him for one. She wasn't on holiday at the Manor. She was a….what? A reward, a slave? Probably both. Hermione realized with surprise that she kept forgetting that.

Not actually knowing why, she made her way to the dressing table and just stood there, observing herself in the mirror. Luckily, the torture with the Cruciatus didn't leave any visible evidence.

"Mirrors can't talk, lucky for you they can't laugh either."

Hermione flinched from the shock at hearing his voice. She didn't even see him open the doors. She made a mental note to herself to pay more attention to everything around her.

She quickly turned around, facing him. It surprised her that he was dressed as if he was going somewhere. There was even his snake cane in his hand.

"What-" she started, still confused, "What happened?"

"Quite a lot," Lucius informed her, "Sadly you slept through most of it."

"What did you do to me?" her voice was harsher as she demanded an answer.

"I discovered you are able to last through six doses of the Cruciatus Curse," he explained, "Quite impressive for a young girl such as yourself."

Did he just gave her a compliment?

"Cruciatus?" Hermione asked and discovered her she wasn't mistaken. She really was tortured with that Unforgivable curse. It clearly wasn't Unforgivable to Death Eaters or to _him_. Her whole body literally ached. Than she remembered everything. Their conversation that led to a fight and than…pain and darkness.

Was it possible that her mind somehow repressed the memory of the torture? She remembered only the pain and nothing more. Maybe she was close to going crazy and Lucius stopped just in time. Whatever it was, Hermione was grateful that she didn't remember.

She looked at Lucius, expecting to find an angry face, but he was calm again. She remembered what she said to him about Draco. She could still see his face full of pure fury in her mind. But now he was completely calm and controlled again.

"I have some bad news, Mudblood," he said to her.

Hermione immediately tensed, not knowing what to expect. Maybe he was leaving for a few days again? Maybe he is leaving her with one of his friends again because he doesn't trust her alone in the house?

"The Dark Lord wants to see us."

Shivers ran down Hermione's body at that sentence. He wasn't serious, was he?

"Us?" she repeated, hoping she heard wrong.

"Yes, us," Lucius said annoyed.

_No. No. No. No._

She started panicking and her body started to tremble from fear. She did not want to see Voldemort. She would rather be left alone with any other Death Eater.

"I-I can't go there," she tried to calm her voice, but panic was evident in it.

"Sure you can," Lucius said to her, "I will help you with that."

With that he strode towards her and grabbed her arm roughly. Hermione struggled and screamed because everything hurt, but that didn't make Lucius release her arm.

"Why does he want to see us? _Me_?" she asked, shaking her head, "It has to be a mistake. Why would he want to see me? And besides-"

"It is not a mistake," Lucius said firmly, his face suddenly serious.

"But…but what does he want with me?"

"I-" Lucius started, but let that sentence fall.

Hermione was looking up at him, expecting answers, but he couldn't give them to her. Suddenly she realized a terrifying fact.

"You don't know what he wants," Hermione said quietly, her eyes widening in shock.

"I am to bring you to him," he simply said.

"No!" Hermione screamed, but Lucius grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to look up at him.

"Listen to me!" he raised his voice and Hermione immediately stopped struggling.

After a second he continued,"I am in…trouble with my Master because of you."

Hermione didn't understand what he was talking about. How could he be in trouble because of her? She did nothing to put him in danger.

"I killed Antonin because of you and now Philix is dead as well," he hissed. His tone was quiet, almost whispering as if he was afraid someone might hear him, "You do understand why this may seem a bit suspicious."

"But Philix wanted to kill you. He came here uninvited-" Hermione started, but Lucius cut her off.

"I know how to defend myself against _those _accusations," than his voice became darker, "But Antonin's death is the one I will have trouble explaining."

Hermione did not know what to say. They were both in trouble because of it and that was why she felt she had to say something, suggest something that would save both of them.

"Why did you kill him?" she asked quietly after a few moments.

Lucius sucked in his breath and released his grip on her shoulders, taking a step away from her. Hermione hugged herself with her arms and waited. She ignored this topic ever since she heard about Antonin's death, but now she demanded an answer.

"You know why," Lucius said firmly, "I have already told you."

It didn't escape Hermione's attention that he was avoiding looking her in the eyes. It never happened before. Lucius was never before avoiding something.

She took a deep breath as she remembered:"You said that you killed him because nobody touches your possessions without your permission."

Lucius remained silent, his eyes completely emotionless. How did he manage that? Was he really completely without emotions or was he just so good at hiding them?

"But now you say that you will have trouble explaining his death. Isn't that a valuable reason? Touching your possession?" Hermione asked, trying to ignore that she was talking about herself as his possession.

"It is becoming suspicious, Mudblood," Lucius finally said to her, meeting her eyes.

She watched him in confusion, trying to understand what he wanted to tell her.

"What is? What are you not telling me?" she raised her voice, not caring about the consequences or his reaction.

She was sick of his games. She needed answers, she needed to know what was happening. He could not keep her in the dark forever.

Lucius stepped closer to her, intense look in his eyes:"I have killed too many people for you. I have saved you too many times."

Hermione's eyes softened at his statement. He was right. She was saved by him a lot of times. The irony was that she would not have to be saved if there wasn't for him. _He _had put her in the situations where she needed a rescue. He had taken her to Dolohov, he left her alone with his friends, he left her alone at the party with Philix.

"What's on your mind, if you allow the overstatement?" Lucius asked sarcastically when she said nothing for a few long moments.

"But you could not save me from yourself," she whispered.

Than she looked down at her body:"Take a look at your magnificent work. The bruises, the cuts….it's all you."

In a moment Lucius' quiet tone disappeared and his cold attitude returned:"So you think that I have hurt you the most? I only hope that the Dark Lord shares your opinion."

Hermione didn't have the time to react as he grabbed her shoulders again:"Be careful what you say in front of the Master. Our lives may depend on it."

With that he pressed her against his chest and they Disapparated.

ooo

The coldness. That was the first thing Hermione realized as they Apparated. She opened her eyes and fought the dizziness as she moved away from Lucius. She did not want to be that close to him. Not after she learned she really meant nothing to him. Last night meant nothing. He did not even feel compassion towards her. He didn't even feel a bit sorry for everything he put her through.

Lucius grabbed her arm and lead her through a dark narrow hallway. Hermione didn't struggle, because she knew it was pointless. She was going to see Voldemort and there was nothing she could do to prevent it. They walked slowly, because Hermione's ankle still wasn't healed completely. She almost laughed bitterly. She hurt her ankle to save him, to save both of them and he did not even acknowledge that. He could have healed it, but for some reason he didn't.

It surprised her he was considerate enough to not rush her. Hermione shivered as she heard voices coming from the room they were walking towards. People were talking. Probably Death Eaters.

She felt Lucius' grip on her arm and strangely that gave her comfort. She felt safe even though she did not have a reason for that. Lucius couldn't care less for her and even if he did, they were walking into a room filled with Death Eaters and Voldemort himself. What could Lucius possibly do to protect her or prevent anything?

Soon the hallway opened into a stone chamber. For a moment Hermione stopped, but Lucius pushed her forwards. Silence filled the room as they walked in. Hermione had a feeling as if they were waiting for them. As if they were the main event of the evening.

She ignored the person sitting on a platform, risen above the others. The sight of Voldemort would be too much for her to handle. She needed a few moments to prepare herself for it.

Instead she looked at the Death Eaters surrounding them. She could not prevent the look of hate that she sent them.

_Purebloods. Thinking they are better than others just because of their blood._

She almost stopped when she saw Severus Snape standing with some Death Eater. They were talking silently, but their eyes were on her.

It shocked her slightly, seeing her former Professor there. Of course she knew he was one of them, but it was still strange to actually see him surrounded with Death Eaters, acting as if they were friends. It made everything more real.

She put on a strong face and raised her head proudly, trying to walk normally. The last thing she wanted was to show weakness in front of them.

When she least expected it, Lucius pushed her forwards and she tripped and landed on the cold ground. She almost send him man angry look, but than her eyes landed on the _thing _in front of her.

Voldemort.

He was casually sitting on a platform, a cruel smile on his disgusting face. He was truly disgusting. His skin was so white Hermione could see the veins through it. But what shocked her the most were his eyes. His dead eyes. Even though there was smile on his face, his eyes showed nothing more than death.

Hermione made a move to get up from the ground, but Lucius' voice stopped her:"Stay down."

She obeyed, without actually knowing why.

Than Lucius walked past her and kneeled down in front of his Master.

"My Lord, the Mudblood is here, as you requested," he said calmly.

Hermione almost rolled her eyes at that. How pathetic. He was kneeling in front of him. She never thought she would see Lucius Malfoy kneeling in front of anybody. He sold his soul, his pride and dignity. Hermione would never do that. At least in that aspect she was better and stronger than he.

Than a small voice in her head reminded her of the previous night and how she surrendered to a Death Eater. On her free will. Maybe she wasn't better than Lucius.

"Stand up, Lucius," Voldemort spoke.

Hermione realized with surprise how his voice didn't scare her as she expected it to. It wasn't inhuman. It was...normal.

Lucius obeyed his Master and stood up. Hermione's heart was beating erratically in her chest, and she could feel her hands shaking.

"_Miss Granger_, am I right?" Voldemort asked with silky voice.

She forgot to breath as all attention was turned to her. Everyone was looking at her, even Lucius. She dared to look up at him and saw a hard, emotionless face. How she wished she could be more like him. How she wished that nothing could affect her, that nothing could scare her or make her uncomfortable.

"Y-Yes," she hesitantly forced out.

She wasn't sure what she was expected to do. Was she allowed to talk to Voldemort? Was she even allowed to look at him?

With that thought in her mind, she took a deep breath and forced herself to look up at him. He was still smiling and it sent shivers down her body. It was an evil smile.

"I have heard a lot about you and I finally get to meet you personally," Voldemort's smile grew even bigger and Hermione wasn't sure how to react to that.

When she said nothing, Voldemort continued:"I hope Lucius isn't too rough with you. How does it feel being his… guest?"

_Guest_? Hermione tried to hide the anger that rose inside of her.

"I-" she started, that just blurted out,"Look at me and you'll get your answer."

Nothing changed on Voldemort's face as he said:"Well, stand up so we all can get a look."

Hermione found herself wondering if he was serious. Not knowing what to do she looked at Lucius and he nodded to her. It was hardly noticeable, but Hermione saw it. Without another thought she stood up, putting all her weight on her healthy ankle.

"I have to say you are not exactly in a good shape, but I have seen Lucius do much worse than that," Voldemort commented matter-of-factly.

Hermione said nothing. She felt the stares of the other Death Eaters on her and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"Miss Granger, I would like you to describe to me what happened that night when my follower died."

"Philix?" she asked, confused.

"Exactly."

Panic was slowly rising inside of her as she realized that Lucius didn't tell her what to say. She couldn't just tell Voldemort that Lucius gave her his wand. That would get them both killed. Well, Lucius would be killed and she would be handed to some other Death Eater.

What could she do? Lying was not an option either. Voldemort would know the truth. Snape probably told him everything already. Why was he even asking her about it?

Slowly she started:"Malfoy came injured that night."

She used Malfoy instead of Lucius, knowing it would seem strange to the others if she called him by his first name. That would make everything more personal.

"Go on," Voldemort said, listening in interest.

"Than we were informed that there was a man in the house and Malfoy told me that it was probably Philix," Hermione explained, thinking how to say the next part.

"We knew that his goal was to kill Malfoy and take over his place," she stopped after that sentence.

Voldemort leaned forward and listened carefully. Hermione threw a glance at Lucius and caught him looking at her. But this time there was something on his face. Something new. She never saw it on him before. Was it panic? Or fear?

Before he could confuse her even more, she looked away and took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Malfoy was very injured and I knew what would happen to me if….if he died."

"You would be given to another one of my fateful followers," Voldemort stated.

"And I didn't want that. So I-I took his wand and I…" she lied, hoping she was not digging a grave for herself. She didn't dare to look at Lucius, fearing what she would find in his eyes.

"You _took _his wand?" Voldemort asked with surprise and the other Death Eaters started whispering.

"He-he was almost unconscious," Hermione quickly said, "And I stole it from him."

Voldemort let that pass and than he raised an eyebrow in interest, "Why do you wish to stay with Lucius?"

Hermione knew she should not allow Voldemort to think there was something between Lucius and her. That would be the end of them.

"I-I don't wish to stay with him. I want to be free, but that's not possible," she explained, hoping she sounded convincing. By the look on Voldemort's face she wasn't exactly successful.

"But I still do not understand why are you choosing Lucius over some other? Is Lucius maybe…_merciful _with you?" Voldemort asked carefully, but he spat the last part with disgust.

Mercy clearly wasn't one of his favourite things.

Hermione looked down and said with in a quiet voice:"No, he is all but merciful."

"Is that so? Tell me," Voldemort demanded, "What did he do to you?"

Hermione wasn't stupid. She was slowly realizing what Voldemort was trying to achieve. He was asking her about Lucius' behavior towards her. That meant he was suspecting something.

She had to tell him everything. Every horrible thing that happened to her, that Lucius did to her.

She took a deep breath to prepare herself for all the horrible memories. Than she spoke emotionless:"He beat me, left me without food for days, locked me in the dungeons for days without any contact, he gave me to his friends for the fun of it."

Than she looked into Lucius' eyes. She needed him to hear what she had to say. She wanted him to know that she was serious:"And he forced me to…"

She could not finish the sentence, but they all knew what she was talking about.

Lucius' face hardened, but he did not look away. In the end it was Hermione who had to look away, not able to stand his intense look any longer.

"He did all those horrible things to you and you still want to stay with him?" Voldemort said with false sadness.

"Yes. With him I at least know what to expect."

She couldn't believe she was having a conversation with Voldemort. If Harry knew about that… She didn't finish that thought.

"Smart," Voldemort commented, than turned his gaze onto Lucius.

His fake nice voice disappeared and he spoke coldly:"Lucius?"

"Yes, My Lord?"

"Tell me what happened with Antonin."

Hermione's eyes widened and she looked at Lucius. She was finally going to hear what really happened.

"My Lord, I took the Mudblood to him for a few days. You sent me away to take care of some problems with the survivors," Lucius started calmly.

Voldemort nodded:"I remember."

"I gave Antonin strict orders on how he was allowed to treat the girl. I expected him to follow my orders."

"And he should have," Voldemort said and Hermione felt a bit better, knowing Voldemort wasn't upset yet. Hope formed inside of her that maybe they did have a chance of staying alive and…together.

"When I came back for the Mudblood I was enraged to see that Antonin wasn't following my orders," Lucius spoke with slight anger in his voice, "He was having his fun with the Mudblood, completely ignoring what I ordered him to do."

After a few moments he continued:"She almost died that night, not being given water of food for a couple of days. She had bruises all over her body. I do not take pleasure in satisfying my needs with a half dead skeleton."

Voldemort nodded again:"I understand your anger. But I cannot ignore the fact that you killed my follower because of a _Mudblood."_

Hermione's throat closed up with fear. A shiver ran down her spine and she embraced herself, trying to console herself, though she knew that there was no consolation left in this world.

All she wanted was to go home.

_Home? The Manor is home now?_

"You misunderstood, My Lord," Lucius drawled, "I did not kill Antonin because of the girl."

That caught Hermione's attention. Of course he killed him because of her. He himself told her that. Nobody touched his possessions without his permission.

"I and Antonin did not get along for a long time," Lucius stated, not showing fear or uncertainty in his voice, "He doubted my authority and touched my possessions. I take that as a direct offence and attack against me. I do not tolerate that kind of behavior, My Lord."

Hermione had to confess that he was convincing. His voice was so strong and the way he stood before Voldemort just showed that he was not afraid. Or maybe he was just such a good actor.

Voldemort was silent for a long time. Hermione wasn't sure if minutes have passed when he spoke again.

"Lucius, I understand and respect you and the reasons you had for doing what you did."

Hermione almost smiled from the sheer relief that filled her at that statement.

"_But_," than he paused and again hope disappeared as quickly as it formed, "I cannot ignore the fact that the Mudblood is complicating things more that she should."

Hermione could not breath. Something bad was about to happen... She could just feel it.

"I decided the best thing would be to kill the girl and prevent any future problems that she would cause," Voldemort said coldly, looking at Lucius.

The other Death Eaters started whispering and talking quietly.

Suddenly Hermione felt cold. _Very _cold. And terrified. She could not form a thought. All she could concentrate on were Voldemort's words and his cold voice.

She never imagined she would die like that. Voldemort wasn't supposed to be the one to kill her. He didn't have the right. He was nothing to her.

It was always him. Lucius. He was the one who had the right to end her life. That was what he was telling her ever since she was captured. She realized with horror that she believed him.

_Oh God._

It hit her that she was about to die. Strangely she could not form tears. There was simply nothing. No sadness. Just shock. Pure shock.

"The Mudblood will die tonight, unless of course, you do not agree with it, Lucius," Voldemort asked, raising an eyebrow and daring him to say something, "Do you have something to say maybe?"

Hermione's eyes connected with Lucius'. She needed him to save her again. She begged him with his eyes. Oh God, she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to die yet.

_Panic_. There was panic in his eyes.

Or maybe she was just imagining it. Maybe she just needed to believe that she meant something to him. That her death would affect him at least a bit. He lived with her for months, he knew her better that anyone, to took everything from her. He had to feel something, right?

And than he broke the connection and looked at his Master again.

Hermione felt as if someone ripped her apart from the inside as she heard his emotionless voice.

"No, My Lord, I have nothing to say."

**A/N: Another chapter! Glad you still like the story. Thanks for all the reviews! They really motivate me to write and hopefully I will soon finish this story. Tell me what you think! **


	22. Hermione Granger

chapter 22 **Hermione Granger**

He had nothing to say?

How could he just-?

Hermione literally could not take a breath as she watched in horror how easily Lucius looked away from her. It was as if she wasn't worth even a second of his life.

Her eyes traveled from Lucius to the other Death Eaters standing around them. They were all just standing there, not bothering to even throw a glance at her. Everyone's attention was on their Master. Except _his_. Severus Snape was looking at her. It wasn't a normal look, because his eyes were too intense. It was as if he was trying to tell her something. But Hermione couldn't care less about her former Professor or his thoughts. She was about to die and nothing was more important than that.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at Voldemort's cold face. He was completely still, as if he was thinking hard about something.

It occurred to Hermione that ways to kill her were probably passing through his head. It was a hard decision. How to kill someone? Would he use the Avada Kedavra curse? No, that would be too easy. She was a Mudblood who caused them all too much trouble. She deserved to suffer. Maybe it would not be Voldemort himself to take her life. What if he passed that honour to someone else? Some other Death Eater?

Hermione shivered as she realized that she was thinking about her death. But maybe that would be her salvation. She would finally be free. No more Lucius, Voldemort, pain, guilt. She would see Ron and Harry again.

"Interesting," Voldemort commented after a few minutes of deadly silence.

Suddenly anger started to build inside Hermione and it surprised her. Who the hell did they think they are? What gave them the right to decide who was worth living and who wasn't?

She wasn't stupid. There was no way she could do anything to survive, but she sure as hell was not going to make it easy and enjoyable for them. She was about to die. What else could they do to her?

At that moment a decision was made.

She will welcome death with her head raised proudly. She will not beg or cry. They will not see her that weak.

"Do you have something to say?" Voldemort suddenly turned to her.

Hermione's heart seemed to stop for a second but she recovered soon. She met his eyes and hoped she showed no fear in her look.

"You will all get what you deserve. Sooner or later," she forced through her teeth.

Voldemort's lip curled into a smirk, but other than that he did nothing. It seemed as if she was entertaining him. And that enraged her even more.

"You are quite amusing," Voldemort said to her, "Do you have something to say to Lucius?"

_Lucius_. She could not even look at him. She felt so betrayed by him and at the same time she felt disgusted with herself that she even dared to hope he would save her. What reason would he have to risk his life for her? She could easily be replaced with more obedient slave.

"The last months of your life were spent with him,"Voldemort added with interest, "Is there nothing you wish to tell him?"

Thousands of thoughts were traveling through Hermione's mind. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things she wanted him to know, but at the same time she could not think of a thing she could tell him. At least not in front of the others. But why would she even spend words on him? He was not worth it.

It was sad. Just as she thought she might have some kind of a future with him, it all ended. Just as she learned to trust him, he betrayed her.

Lucius Malfoy. The man who destroyed her life. Who changed her completely. The man who took her pride, innocence and dignity and turned it into ash without a remorse.

What could she say to him?

And he had nothing to say to her. He simply decided to ignore her. And that hurt the most. He could at least look at her for Merlin's sake! It was impossible that he felt nothing. Was he truly that cold on the inside?

"I-" Hermione started, than paused for a moment. He still wouldn't look at her. She was talking to him and he would not even look at her!

"Yes?" Voldemort asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I have absolutely nothing to say to him," she finally said, keeping her voice strong.

"Interesting."

Hermione could no longer stand it. Why was he stalling? The feeling that you'll be dead in a few minutes was the most horrible feeling in the world. The certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it. That your life is in someone else's hands.

"Lucius,"Voldemort drawled slowly, "You will be the first to hit her with a spell."

_Oh god. It is is really happening. I am going to die._

Sheer despair and horror filled her at that. Never again will she see the sunrise or the sunset. Or even sunlight. Never again will she feel the wind on her face. Never again will she see Ginny.

A feeling of guilt formed inside of her as she realized that she was somehow betraying Ginny. She had promised to her that she would never give up, that she would keep on fighting, searching for a way out. She gave Ginny her word.

But… she broke that promise a long time ago. She betrayed Ginny and the rest of the people she loved the moment she let Lucius touch her.

"I am waiting, Lucius,"Voldemort said quietly, but there was something commanding in his voice.

Hermione looked at Lucius, whose face was hard. He was thinking about something, it was obvious. At least to her. Maybe the others did not notice, but Hermione had learned to recognize his thoughtful and worried face. After all he was the only person she was allowed to see for months.

_It is going to be Lucius after all. He is the one to end my life._

That fact did not make her feel any better. She could act tough and strong, but she did not want to die. If she knew it would save her life, she would even be willing to beg. But somehow she knew it would be pointless and she would only embarrass herself with it.

"First spell, My Lord?" Lucius asked after a long moment of silence.

_What? First spell?_

At first she did not understand what Lucius meant with it, but it soon became clear to her. She realized with horror that they were not planning on killing her quickly. How could she be so naive to even think that they would end her life with a simple Avada Kedavra?

Tears started to build, but Hermione brushed them away with an angry hiss. She would not cry. She had decided that she would not cry. But why were her eyes not listening to her? Why did they keep insisting on forming useless tears?

She felt so alone and lost. And afraid. Is every Death Eater going to have his turn with her? Just the thought of it terrified her.

_Please, just kill me._

"Yes, the first spell," Voldemort answered, a cruel smile on his face, "Something that will hurt her, but not kill her. I myself want to do that."

Hermione started shaking and her eyes traveled from one Death Eater to another, searching for something, _anything_. Salvation maybe?

Her eyes landed on her former Professor for a long moment. Maybe he would be merciful enough to end her life.

But soon it hit her that she was stupid. Why would Snape be merciful towards her? She annoyed him for years and he will probably enjoy punishing her for that.

"As you wish, My Lord."

_Lucius_. That was his voice.

Hermione looked at him and found him staring deeply into her eyes. It gave her no comfort. She knew it meant nothing for him. Just another Mudblood who was about to be tortured by him. Nothing new. But why wasn't he smirking? He was just serious. Why?

"Turn around, Mudblood,"he ordered her, showing absolutly no emotions.

"W-Why?" she managed to ask, her fear growing stronger with each passing second.

"Speak only when you are spoken to!" Lucius raised his voice and Hermione flinched. She did not expect him to yell at her. It made her feel like scared little girl. His voice always had that kind of an impact on her. But she tried to stay untouched by it, not wanting to show how scared she really was.

"I will not turn around," she said to him, looking directly into his eyes.

Rage showed on his face for a moment, but than he calmed down. And that scared her the most. When he was calm and controlled she never knew what he was thinking. That was more terrifying than when he was angry.

"If you know what is good for you, you will turn around," he spoke in a low voice, "Trust me, you do not want that on your front."

_That? What? What is he talking about? And why is there a warning in his eyes? _

"Obey, Mudblood," Voldemort spoke coldly. There was no fake kindness in his voice now, only coldness and pure evil.

Before she knew what she was doing, Hermione turned around, waiting in fear for something to happen. She was no longer able to see Lucius or Voldemort. The feeling of pure fear caused her body to start shaking uncontrollably. And it didn't help that the temperature in the room was very low. Or maybe she only imagined it? Those were the longest and the hardest moments in her whole life. It seemed like eternity when it probably passed only a few seconds.

Than she heard him. Lucius. He said something, a spell, but before she could even register what he said, a burning pain hit her back.

It felt as if someone had slashed her skin with a knife. She fell on her knees with a piercing scream.

It burned and ached. She could not help but to cry out. It felt as though a sharp sword was slicing her back, ripping pieces of skin.

"Well done, Lucius," she heard Voldemort's voice. He was pleased with what happened.

Not wanting to be weak in front of them, Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, holding back her sobs. She wanted to scream. It burned and it did not stop.

Blood.

She noticed her robe was bloody. Blood from her back. So it wasn't just a spell to cause you pain. It was a spell that _actually_ cut you.

_Sectumsempra._

It had to be that spell. But why were they always whispering spells? Like they did not want her to hear anything. She had to be kept in the dark.

"Lucius," Voldemort started, "I am pleased with that I have seen. You may leave now and take the Mudblood with you."

The words didn't make any sense to Hermione. What? What was he saying? Did she lose her mind, causing her to hear what she wanted to hear?

But she could not think about anything. It hurt too much. Did he rip her skin? Just the thought of how her back looked made her sick.

She could not stand it anymore. But she would not cry or scream. She would rather die than give them the pleasure.

"My Lord?"

Lucius was confused. It could be noticed in his voice.

Hermione wanted to turn around and watch the conversation between him and Voldemort. Maybe that way she could understand what was happening.

"You have proved that the girl is nothing more than a slave for you and that our cause it the most important to you," Voldemort explained, "I only hope your attitude does not change."

"I won't, My Lord," Lucius nodded, "I understand my priorities."

"I truly hope you do. We all remember what happened the last time you put something ahead of our cause."

Hermione tried to concentrate on the conversation and ignore the pain, but it was too much. She was biting the inner side of her cheek to distract herself from the burning feeling on her back.

"I regret that Narcissa had to pay for your behaviour," Voldemort drawled and that sentence caught Hermione's attention.

Lucius' wife? Did Voldemort had something to do with her death? She had so many questions and thoughts, but the pain was too strong and that was all she could think about at that moment.

Voldemort continued:"She was such a lovely lady."

"Believe me, My Lord, that no one regrets what happened more than I," Lucius spoke calmly and politely.

"I do not wish to have such incidents in the future. Is that clear, Lucius?"

"Perfectly."

"Good, I would not want to take the Mudblood reward away from you, " Voldemort's voice was disgusted as he added, "Remove the girl from here. She is _bleeding_ on my floor."

Was that it? She was saved? She still could not grasp the idea that she was safe. She will not die. At least not tonight.

She groaned as she was pulled up from the floor by Lucius. His touch was not gentle, but at least he did not touch her wounded back. For a second it seemed as if he was trying not to touch her there, not wanting to hurt her.

But than she realized how foolish she was by thinking that. He could not care less if she was in pain. He himself hurt her with that spell. Why was she always defending him, looking for reasons to justify his behaviour?

They were both silent as they walked out of the room. Every now and than a hiss of pain escaped Hermione' s lips, but nothing more.

When they came to a right place, Lucius gripped her arm tightly before they disappareted.

ooo

When Hermione recognized the bedroom, she finally let her true emotions show on her face as she groaned and doubled over in pain. She would be on the floor if Lucius hadn't supported her.

Hermione wanted to push him away, because his touch angered her, but she had to admit that at the moment she needed his help.

"Lie down," Lucius instructed her, gripping her arm and helping her to the bed.

Helping her? What Hermione hated the most about Lucius were his mood swings. She could not believe how cold and evil he could act one moment and only a minute later he could be almost gentle and caring. _Almost_.

When they finally reached the bed, all Hermione wanted was to lie down, but she could feel that Lucius was hesitating.

Why was he stalling?

Of course. The blood. It was understandable that he did not want her blood on his bed. It disgusted him. _She_ disgusted him.

Hermione said nothing as she waited, but anger started to build inside of her. He was the one who was responsible that she was bleeding and now he was having troubles with it.

A few moments later, Lucius finally moved and he helped her to the bed. It didn't escape Hermione's attention that he let out an annoyed hiss.

Without a word she laid down on her stomach and took a shaky breath. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm down, but she immediately opened them as she heard the doors close. Looking around the room, she noticed she was alone.

Where did he go? Was that it? He just dropped her on the bed and took off. Tears started to build in Hermione's eyes again as she realized how naive she was to expect anything else from him. The man was willing to just stand by and watch her die. Why would he dirty his hands by helping her or healing her?

At that thought fear and sheer panic took over her. She couldn't exactly see, but she could tell that the cuts on her back were deep. She could easily bleed to death. Did he really leave her alone?

Not even a minute later she heard the doors. Turning her head immediately, she let out a breath of relief as she saw Lucius with a few bottles in his hands. She noticed that he was avoiding eye contact with her and it annoyed her. Why was he ignoring her again?

As anger took over her, she turned her head away from him and shut her eyes. But when she felt him sit down onto the bed next to her, she couldn't help but tense.

"Do not move," he said to her.

Hermione did her best to stay still, but when he touched her, she jerked away from his touch, sending more waves of pain through her body. The material of the robe was stuck on the cuts and Hermione didn't even want to think about how painful it would be to take the material away.

"Stay still," Lucius ordered again, a bit annoyed this time.

"No! Don't touch me," Hermione almost shouted at him, rejecting his touch.

"Enough with the drama," his voice had something icy in it.

"I don't want you touching me."

Only a few minutes ago he was signing her death sentence and it was understandable that the last thing Hermione wanted were his hands on her.

"The wounds on your back need to be taken care of," he explained, remaining calm.

"Bastard," Hermione muttered under her breath, not caring if he heard her. Deep inside her she even wanted him to hear her, to know what she thought of him.

Even if Lucius heard her, for some reason he decided to ignore her insult. Without a warning he muttered a spell:"_ Scindo materia."_

Hermione could hear how the fabric of her robe ripped down the middle. She protested, trying to move away from Lucius, but her stopped her, gripping her shoulders and causing her to cry out. His hands were too close to the burning cuts.

"Do stop moving or I will be forced to bind you," Lucius warned her and released his grip on her.

Hermione realized she had no other option but to let him….do what he intended. She still could not believe that he would actually help her. It would not surprise her if he decided to rub salt into her cuts.

"Good girl."

Hermione tried to stay calm and relaxed, but when he pulled her robe apart, revealing her bare back she tensed and took a shaky breath. The anxiety was killing her and she wanted to see what he was doing to her.

"Why are you so tense?" he noticed, "Don't you trust me?" sarcasm was evident in his voice.

"I will never trust you," Hermione whispered back, trying to sound strong, even though she wanted to scream and cry at the burning pain.

"I never expected you to trust me," he smirked and than removed the blood from her back and closing the wounds with his wand. Hermione gritted her teeth together at the uncomfortable feeling, but otherwise showed no discomfort.

She could _hear_ Lucius smirking, probably amused by her attempts to hide the pain.

A shriek of surprise escaped Hermione's lips, when Lucius' hands finally touched her skin, but than she bit her tongue and remained silent, ignoring the pain as he rubbed some kind of ointment on her back, gently touching the cuts. Hermione whimpered as suddenly the skin on her back felt cold.

"Why so quiet, Mudblood?" Lucius asked, "One would think you'd have a lot of things to say after this evening."

Hermione said nothing to that as she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on his voice, ignoring everything else, trying to stop her mind from thinking and her body from feeling.

As a punishment for ignoring him, Lucius rubbed one cut harsher that he should causing Hermione's eyes to swell up with unwelcome tears and a low sob to erupt from her mouth.

"You do not have to act tough with me, girl," he muttered, "I have already seen you at your worst."

"I'm not acting," Hermione forced out, grabbing the sheet underneath her.

"It is amusing how you insist on thinking you can lie to me," he explained with interest.

Hermione decided to ignore his statement:"Are you done?"

As an answer Lucius removed his hands from her and sighed:"You ought to show more gratitude."

Hermione almost laughed:"You are unbelievable."

"Would you care to explain that statement?" he asked as he got up from the bed.

It was hard talking to him without being able to see him, so Hermione turned her head towards him as she sent him a look of anger.

"You actually do not realize what you're doing?"

Lucius only raised his eyebrows quizzically, waiting for her to continue.

"You deliberately put me in situations where I need your help, you hurt me until I need you to heal me," she paused to take a breath, "And when you help me, you expect gratitude."

Lucius' lips curled into a smirk and than he took a step closer to her, looking deep into her eyes:"I am a Pureblood, you are a Mudblood."

He said nothing after that sentence, as if it explained everything. Hermione had a feeling if she asked him why he killed that many people, he would simply answer 'I'm a Pureblood.'

As if that excused every horrible thing he did.

"Being a Pureblood does not give you the right to-"

Lucius cut her off, serious expression on his face:"You should be grateful that I even let you live. You should cherish every breath you take."

Hermione could feel her face burning up with rage, completely pushing away the pain from her back. She felt furious at that moment, not caring about consequences. Lucius _truly_ thought that he owned her life and that she should bow in front of him.

She might have humiliated herself because of him, cried because of him, betrayed her beliefs and her friends, but she would never accept that he truly owned her. There was a moment in the past when she believed that she belonged to him, but not anymore. He could not care less for her. He would be willing to watch her die without attempting to help her and with that he lost any kind of ownership over her.

"What if I told you that I no longer wanted to live?" Hermione carefully asked.

Lucius' eyes flickered for a moment as if he did not expect that question, but he quickly composed himself.

"That does not matter. Your wishes are irrelevant."

His voice was hard and cold, but Hermione was already used to it. She had heard that speech a lot of times already and it did not have the same effect on her anymore.

"I know that," than she added,"But what if I was daring you?"

Confusion passed Lucius' face as he narrowed his eyes:"What do you mean?"

Hermione took a deep breath, not sure what she was saying. But as she gathered the courage, she forced out:"I dare you to kill me."

Silence that filled the room was terrifying. Hermione could not even hear Lucius breathing and that worried her. She never thought he would take her request seriously, but as she saw the expression on his face, her heart beat accelerated. He looked serious, thoughtful.

"Your time will come," he finally spoke, something dark in his voice.

Hermione could not find words to express how she felt, so she remained silent. She did not know what she was supposed to think or feel. He refused to kill her, but he indicated that sometime in the future she will die. And there was no doubt that it would be by his hands. Or his wand. It did not matter.

"Rest."

That was the last word he said to her before he left the room. Hermione took an angry breath, gritting her teeth together. It angered her how easily he dismissed her. She wanted answers from him, but he simply left the room. She could no longer live like that. Their…._relationship_ was going to end bad. Hermione could just feel it. Death, despair. All that was ahead of them if something didn't change.

No more games. Hermione had to know exactly what Lucius was planning with her. She already knew he could not care less if she died. Than what was stopping him from getting rid of her? Were his hate and grief really that strong that he could not let her go?

With those thoughts in her mind, Hermione closed her eyes eventually, drifting into sleep after such exhausting day.

ooo

Severus Snape walked into his study, letting out a tired sigh as he sat in his armchair. He conjured himself a Firewhiskey, but before he could take a sip, the doors flew open as Ginny burst into the room.

"Snape, what happened?" she asked, worry evident in her voice.

But it was not worry for him, but for Hermione. In a moment of weakness Snape had told her that the Dark Lord demanded to see Hermione and since that moment the nerves were killing her. Even though she was still angry at Hermione, she could not stand if something happened to her. That would mean that she truly was completely alone in this world.

"Talk!" Ginny demanded.

Snape sighed and than looked up at her:"Granger is still alive."

Ginny relaxed at that, but than she waited for Snape to continue and explain what happened. When he said nothing, she took a step towards him and raised her eyebrows impatiently.

"What happened? Tell me!"

"I have already told you everything you need to know," Snape said calmly, taking a sip of his Firewhiskey.

"You should not be drinking," Ginny commented in a quiet voice.

Snape sneered at her:"You are here for two months and already you started ordering me around."

"You are different when you…drink," she said quietly, looking at her hands.

She still remembered what happened when he came home drunk a few nights ago. In her time at the SnapeManor she discovered that Snape had a habbit of coming home drun .at least twice a month. And when that happened, he was not a pleasant company. The first time she did not expect it, but when she saw the state he was in, she decided the smartest thing would be to leave him alone. She was brave, but she did not want to be faced with a drunk Death Eater, no matter how civilized Snape appeared to be.

"Go to your room," he said to her quetly, looking through a window.

Since that incident a few nights ago she got her own room. Snape himself decided so the next morning when he was sober.

"I am not going to my room," Ginny shot back, "I want to know what happened at the meeting."

"I will tell you tomorrow. Now I need to be alone. Go," Snape said without even looking at her.

"Will you look at me?" Ginny almost screamed, hating the fact that he was almost ignoring her.

He was acting like that since that night. At first Ginny was furious at him, not wanting to even be in the same room with him, but as days passed she realized how much it bothered her that he would not even look at her.

Snape's black eyes connected with hers and she found absolutely nothing in them. They were _empty_.

"Ginevra," he warned her before looking away again.

"Why are you acting like that?" she demanded, raising her voice.

It did not affect Snape at all as he stared impassively at something:"Like what?"

"Why-" she paused, than asked,"Why are you angry at me?"

He was the one who was responsible for everything that happened that night. Why was he punishing her and behaving as she was the one to blame?

Ginny flinched as memories of that night came flooding back to her.

_It was in the middle of the night. Ginny was alone in their bed, waiting nervously for him to return. When he left after dinner she was positive he went to a Death Eater meeting, but soon she realized she was wrong. He probably went to a pub, because she could smell Firewhiskey on him even though she was at the other end of the room. When he walked into the bedroom, she noticed his walk was strange, but it was only after she smelled him that she realized what happened. _

_But the fact that he was drunk did not frighten her. He had come drunk a few times already and he just went to sleep, without saying a word to her. Of course it annoyed her, but it was his life and she had no right to tell him how to live. _

_Ginny expected it to be the same this time as well, but she couldn't be more wrong. _

_When he approached her something inside her told her that she was in danger. But before she could do anything or even say something, he pushed her onto the bed and crawled on top of her, pressing his lips to hers. _

_Ginny started panicking, trying to push him away, but he would not move. _

"_Lily," she heard him whisper._

_Ginny bit his lip until she could taste blood in her mouth. With a hiss he pulled himself away from her and Ginny tried to get away, but he was still holding her._

"_Lily," she heard him mutter again, stronger this time. _

_His voice was so full of pain and grief. Ginny had never before heard him talk in such a manner. He was always calm and controlled._

"_Ginny!" she screamed, "I'm Ginny Weasley!"_

"_Lily…" _

"_P-Professor, please!" Ginny tried, her own voice shaking with terror, "I'm Ginny Weasley!"_

_Snape stopped moving and than he released her immediately and removed himself from her. It was dark, but Ginny could see confusion, than disgust and anger show in his face before he got up from the bed and left the room without a word._

_Ginny was too frightened to even close her eyes that night, but he did not come back. She saw him the next morning at breakfast. _

"_I apologize for-" he said to her in a hard tone without even looking at her. _

_Ginny blushed as he mentioned that event and she remained silent, not knowing what to say._

"_From now on you will have your own room, next to mine," he informed her, briefly throwing a glance at her before losing himself in the Daily Prophet. _

_Since that day he never talked to her, unless it was really important. The first time he actually looked at her was when he told her that his Master wanted to see Hermione. _

"You are such a coward!" Ginny insulted him, "Why are you acting as if I am responsible for that night?"

"Do not call me a coward!" Snape raised his voice and meeting her eyes.

Now she saw anger in them, but it disappeared quickly, shame replacing it. _Shame?_

"I am sorry if my behavior made you think that you are the one to blame for the events of that night," he said quietly, "It was not my intention."

Ginny was taken aback by that, not expacting it.

"But than why are you angry at me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion.

"Angry at you?" he shook his head, sighing, "Why in Merlin's name should I be angry at you, girl?"

"I-"

"I am angry at myself," he confessed, looking away from her, "I am disgusted with myself. Not you."

"Oh," was all Ginny could say. It was the first time the red-head witch was completely speechless. For a moment she thought he was playing games with her, lying to her, but he could not fake the serious expression on his face, could he?

Snape sighed, looking at the glass of Fire Whiskey in his hands:"You should go to your room, Ginevra."

It took a few moments for Ginny to compose herself,"I-I don't…But what about Hermione?"

"She is safe for now. I will tell you everything you need to now. _Tomorrow_."

Ginny noticed that there was something dark in his voice. It was not a good idea to fight him when he was in that mood.

She nodded and turned to leave the room, but then she stopped and looked at him again.

"Who's Lily?"

That question was in her mind ever since that night, but she did not dare to ask him. And it was not like she had the chance, because he was avoiding her.

Snape's eyes became even darker and a muscle in his jaw twitched. He looked lost in his thoughts for a few long moments until he finally came back into reality.

"Go to bed, Ginevra," he said to her and poured himself another glass, not even looking at her.

Curiosity was killing her, but Ginny just nodded and left the room. It was not the right time or place to ask about such things. But she was stubborn and determined to discover who that Lily was and what she meant to Snape.

As she walked to her room, Ginny could not help but wonder who Severus Snape really was. Everything was confusing and complicated.

At the beginning Snape was just an evil bastard who killed Dumbledore. A murderer who was responsible that they lost the War and that her family was dead. A Death Eeater who took her as his slave.

But than he confused her. When he wouldn't touch her or even insult her. When he did nothing to punish her the first day as she stabbed him with a letter opener. When he went to visit Hermione when she asked him to.

She could not understand him at all. Was he playing some kind of a game? He did not even hit her once, except that day when she tried to stab Malfoy.

Ginny shook her head in confusion. Nothing was making sense anymore. She was with a Death Eater, she could be covered in bruises, but she was…alright. Than suddenly an image of Hermione appeared in her mind. _Broken, bruised Hermione_. Ginny did not even want to imagine what kind of life Hermione was having with Lucius.

ooo

Hermione woke up with a yawn. Blinking and looking around, she realized it was dark outside. She was completely lost, not knowing what time it was, but she knew it had to be the middle of night.

She licked her lips and realized she was incredibly thirsty and hungry. She needed water and she could not wait for Lucius to come back. She did not want to drink the water from the bathroom and she could have an excuse to leave the room. Calling for the House Elf proved to be useless in tha past, so she slowly got up from the bed. Her back did not hurt at all. She could feel that she had cuts, but other than that no pain.

And as her feet touched the floor, she realized with surprise that her ankle was healed. Did he heal it while she was sleeping? Why?

She was too thirsty to think about Lucius' motives so she slowly walked towards the doors, hoping it wasn't locked.

As her hand touched the door knob, the doors easily opened. Without thinking Hermione stepped out of the room, not actually knowing where to go or if she was even allowed to step out of the room.

Maybe she could just call his name? If he was in the house, he would hear her.

"Lu-" she started, than covered her mouth with a hand as she heard voices.

She listened carefully and discovered it was coming from the room across the hall. She had never been there and had no idea what was in it. She made a few steps towards it, than stopped.

It was Lucius' voice. It was no doubt that it was him, but he sounded different. He never talked to her with such soft voice.

Hermione listened harder and than she tensed as she heard a female voice. That fact bothered her more that it should. Who was she?

Than it became clear to her. Of course. A whore. Or maybe not a whore. Maybe he actually had a lover. She herself had suggested to him that he should visit other women to satisfy his needs. But she did not mean that seriously and she did not want him to bring them to the Manor.

At that moment Hermione felt like crying, but she could not explain to herself why. Why was she feeling so betrayed and hurt?

Without thinking she made a few more steps until she could hear the words more clear.

"…_.you are still the only one,"_ Lucius' voice was gentle.

"_I hope so, Lucius,_" the woman said.

"_No one will ever take your place."_

Hermione did not need to hear more. Turning around she ran back into the bedroom and slammed the doors shut. She was angry and hurt and betrayed. And she was shaking. Hermione looked down at her hands and took a few deep breaths to calm herself, but it didn't work.

_He has another woman. _

Than she almost laughed at herself and her own stupidity.

_Another? As if I am his woman. I am only his reward. Nothing else_.

A moment later Lucius burst into the room with an angry expression:"What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone," she barked, blinking to push the tears back in.

"I demand an explanation. Why did you slam the doors?"

Hermione ignored him as she took a deep breath.

"Well, Mudblood? I'm waiting."

"I want to leave," she said, quietly.

"I beg your pardon?"

Hermione looked up at him and repeated:"I want to leave. Let me go."

Lucius' eyebrow rose in interest:"I thought we already covered that subject."

"Please, let me go."

"Where would you go?" he asked, it seemed as if he was having fun.

"Away from here," she answered, her lower lip shaking,"Apparate me anywhere. Diagon Alley. I don't care."

"And where would you go from there?" he was pretending to be serious, but it was evident that he was mocking her, playing with her.

"Why do you care?" Hermione almost shouted at him,"You once gave me a choice. Either I go or I stay here and…share your bed."

Lucius nodded:"I remember. And I also remember that you already made your decision."

"Well, I'm changing my mind!" Hermione tried to convince him,"Let me go. I want to leave."

"No."

His face was hard and serious. Just by looking at him, Hermione knew he would not let her leave. Not ever. She was damned. Never will she be free of him. _Never_. All the despair and hurt came crashing down onto her and she fell onto her knees, realizing what terrible life awaits for her.

"I can't stay here anymore," she mumbled barely above a whisper,"Please…I want to leave."

Lucius kneeled down next to her, his expression serious:"What is this all about, Mudblood?"

"I can't live like this. I thought I could, but…it's killing me," she could not even explain to herself why was she talking to him, saying those things to him.

"What is killing you?" Lucius asked, "You could have had it much worse, Mudblood."

He did not understand. He could never understand the anguish a conscience can cause someone. He would never understand how horrible she felt, because she was sleeping with the enemy, betraying her loved ones. He would never understand how lonely she felt and how desperately she needed someone. Even if that someone was him. He would never understand how it hurt her knowing that he did not feel anything for her. Not even compassion. Because he was not able to feel anything besides hate.

"_You_ are killing me, Lucius," she whispered, looking into his eyes.

He sneered:"That is the main idea, Mudblood. Have you forgotten the reason you are here?"

"Draco," she answered automatickly. She noticed that Lucius tensed and his lips formed a thin line, but he said nothing to her.

Hermione continued:"Do you think he would appreciate what you are doing to me?"

"Do not talk about my son, Mudblood," he ordered.

"I knew Draco, maybe even better than you."

"How dare-"

She cut him of:"He didn't like me, but I know he would not agree with what you are doing to me."

"You know nothing about my son," Lucius hissed venomously.

"Maybe...maybe this all isn't about Draco. Maybe you simply needed to take your anger out on someone and I was just convenient."

Lucius stood up and Hermione followed, not breaking eye contact with him.

"You will stop talking if you know what is good for you," Lucius warned her, a murderous expression on his face.

But Hermione didn't stop. She couldn't. Something inside her was hurt and she needed Lucius to be hurt as well.

"And why did Voldemort kill your wife?" she threw the question on him, observing how his expression went from angry to furious in a moment.

Lucius grabbed her arm and pushed her into the wall, his eyes were filled with a terrifying rage, his face completely pale from fury.

"Do not say a word about Narcissa," he muttered threateningly.

"Than let me go!" Hermione screamed, "I'm not blind anymore, I can take of myself."

"Do you still remember that you are my prisoner here? And I will never let you go."

Hermione's stomach turned over and over again, her lower lip starting to quiver from the horrible realization. He was serious. He would never let her leave.

"I know what happened," Hermione said after a few moments, lost in her thoughts.

Lucius' chest was heaving with anger, but he said nothing to her.

Hermione continued, everything suddenly making sense in her head:"Your wife probably did not want Draco to be a Death Eater. She did not want her son to be like his father."

Lucius pushed her violently back, until she hit the wall. In a moment his body pressed against her, his hand holding both of her wrists above her head.

"You will regret your words, Mudblood," he said to her in a dark voice.

"Let go of me!"

She struggled, but his grip was too strong and every time she moved, her back rubbed against the wall, causing her to hiss in pain.

"You talk about things you have no knowledge of," he whispered and Hermione hesitantly looked up at him and instantly she wished she hadn't. His eyes were the darkest shade of grey she had ever seen and full of emotions that are too terrifying to comprehend.

But she could not stop talking. He was her enemy. He showed her that she meant absolutely nothing to him and Hermione would explode if she did not hurt him as well. She was furious at him and she knew his weak spots.

"Is it not true? Have you treated your wife the way you treat me? No wonder she-"

She could not finish the sentence as Lucius tightened his grip on her wrists, almost breaking it.

"Stop, you're hurting me…" she whimpered, hoping he would let her go. At that moment she realized that maybe she went a bit to far. Maybe she crossed the line, because Lucius' face was pale from pure rage.

"I haven't even started, Mudblood."

His voice terrified her, because it did not even sound like him anymore. He seemed so distant, as if he was lost in his thoughts and did not even realize what was happening around him.

"Lucius, let go!" Hermione tried again, but he would not let go of her.

To her shock, his other hand traveled down and panic completely overtook her as she heard him undoing his pants.

"What are you doing?" she asked desperately, her voice breaking.

"Giving you what you deserve," Lucius answered and Hermione felt him push her robe up to her waist.

_Oh God._

She screamed and tried to free her hands, but it was useless. She was completely caught between the wall and Lucius.

"I once promised you this," he said smoothly, "Do you remember?"

How could she forget? His cold words were stuck in her head, but she never thought it would actually come to it.

Hermione could not understand why was he doing this to her. He had a mistress in the room across the hall, waiting for him.

He parted her legs with his knee and than the pain hit her as he pushed in her. Hermione let out a scream, but that did not stop him. He was not _Lucius_ anymore. Hermione could not recognize the man in front of her. There was absolutely nothing human in his eyes. His look was dead, dark. He was looking into her eyes as if he wanted to see every emotion that crossed her face, but at the same time it felt as if he was not actually _seeing_ her.

He was hurting her, tearing her. He was never this violent. Hermione realized that he could kill her at that moment and he probably would not even care.

She tried to keep her screams inside of her, but with his every thrust he roughly pushed her against the wall and Hermione could feel her wounds opening again.

Screams were easy to control, but tears were not. Her cheeks were wet and so was Lucius' shoulder. Once again she dirtied him by his tears, Hermione thought.

"_Hurts_," she whimpered quietly, more to herself than to him. But suddenly he stopped moving. Hermione's legs could no longer hold her and surrendered completely to Lucius' support.

_Is he finished? _

_No, he can't be. Why did he stop? _

"Oh God," she heard him mutter in a pained voice.

_Pained? What does he have pain in his voice? He was not the one hurt. _

Slowly he removed himself from her and Hermione slid to the ground, moving away from the wall and Lucius.

She did not dare to look up at him, fearing what she would find. She covered her mouth with a hand, trying to muffle the crying. She was humiliated, hurt and betrayed. He has taken her against her will before, but it was never like this. This time it was animalistic, dirty. He used his physical strength, knowing she had no chance against him. It was pathetic. _He_ was pathetic.

"Mudblood," he started and this time it was _him_.

Hermione could recognize his normal voice, though he seemed to be a bit shaken and upset.

"D-Don't," she forced out, keeping her head down. She did not want to look at him. Never again.

"I-" Lucius hesitantly started, but he didn't finish the sentence.

What could he say? He said everything with his actions and no words could repair the damage he did.

A few long moments passed and he just stood there, not saying a word, only observing her. Hermione could feel his eyes on her and all she wanted was to crawl into a corner and hide from him. Never before had she felt so used and dirty. Those two times in the past when she let him take her to his bed it was easier, because it had a purpose. The first time she had to choose between death and him, and the second time she desperately needed to feel something. But this time…

Why was he still standing there, torturing her?

_Just leave, please…and let me pick up the pieces of my dignity. _

"Leave me alone, please," Hermione whispered and than met his eyes for a second before she looked down again. But she almost looked at him again, confused by what she saw on his face. He had hummiliated her again and she expected to see a satisfied smirk on his face. But there was nothing that would show he was having fun. He almost looked ashamed or shocked. But at what? Hermione could not believe he was sorry for what he had done. He was Lucius Malfoy, he never regretted anything, why start now?

Before Hermione could look at him again, he left the room.

She could not live like that anymore. Something needed to be changed. Either he goes or…what? She goes? Where and how? There were moments in the past few days when Hermione actually thought she might have a life with Lucius. She would never be more than a Mudblood to him, but at least he was starting to show he felt _something_for her. He would never say it out loud, but his actions were speaking for themselves. He rarely hit her or tortured her. He protected her from Philix, he ended the spell that Philix cast on her. He killed Dolohov for her. He had said it himself.

But it all meant nothing. Now that she was sitting on the floor, broken and hurt, she realized that there was no life for her with Lucius Malfoy. It was either escape or die. And she decided.

Lucius would not be the end of her. She was still young, she still wanted to live, even though the world was ruled by Voldemort. She would not drown together with Lucius. He was a broken man with so much anger and grief inside of him. If she stayed with him, she would end just like him.

_Escape. _

That word formed in her mind. She wasn't blind anymore, she could do _something_. Even though Lucius would never admit it to her, he trusted her more than at the beggining. He even gave her his wand. She could use that trust and…escape.

Somehow, some day.

But she would not allow Lucius to turn her into nothing, into an empty shell. She was Hermione Granger. The name sounded so strange in her head. But she would have to get used to it again.

Hermione Granger. She was Hermione Granger, not his Mudblood.

**A/N: Hey, you guys! This chapter was supposed to show that Lucius cared deeply for his family and he reacted badly when Hermione insulted them or doubted in his loyalty to his wife and son. Only three or four more chapters to go! I already know how the story is going to end, but I'm curious to how you would like it to end. Tell me in a review!**


	23. The Dark

chapter 23 **The Dark**

No one is unbreakable. Every person has his limit and Hermione just reached hers. She had been through too much. Lucius had put her through hell. There were moments when she thought that she could no longer take it, but then another morning came. And another and another. The end just never came.

_Months_. She had been living with Lucius Malfoy for months, enduring his torture, trying to make the best of her life. In one naive moment of her life she thought that maybe she could make a life out of what she had left. Maybe Lucius could change. He _did _change. She couldn't deny that. He just didn't change _enough_.

Hermione still remembered her first days at the Manor. He was truly a monster than, punishing her for every word, humiliating her until she could no longer recognize herself. Forcing her into things that made her hate herself. The insults, the beatings and the mind torture. Lucius truly hated her.

But not anymore. Hermione wished it would still be that simple. But something changed and she wasn't exactly sure when. Maybe it was the first time he saved her, or healed her bruises and cuts. Maybe it was when she saved him from Ginny, even though he deserved to die. The first time that she willingly chose him over her friends. Something had to change than. She wasn't the same Hermione Granger anymore. The old Hermione Granger would never risk her life to help a Death Eater.

He changed her. He took everything away from her. Even her personality. It took a few months, but it happened, as he said it would. In her first days with him he kept saying that he would change her, that he would make her realize what she truly was. She resisted as long as she could, but eventually he succeeded. It was a shame, but Hermione could no longer lie to herself. Lucius changed her. But in her defense- she changed him too. Even though he would never admit it to her or even to himself. He was not the same Lucius Malfoy as before. His beliefs were still the same and those were impossible to break. But something had changed. And it was his attitude towards her. Nothing in the world could convince Hermione otherwise. She could clearly remember when she was just a Mudblood, when he was disgusted to touch her and he only used his hands to cause her pain. He treated her like she was an animal, forcing her to sleep on the floor next to her bed and not giving her food for days if she misbehaved. As weeks passed by he was slowly changing. Hermione was not sure when the change happened exactly, but he was slowly using his hands to heal the bruises and cuts he himself caused. She could still remember one night when she was pretending to be asleep and he was caressing her cheek, softly touching her skin. She never asked him about that. It wasn't as if he would tell her the truth. And than he did something Hermione never thought would happen. He allowed her to sleep in his bed. That fact worried her, not knowing what his intentions were, but who was she to ask questions? She did not have the right to question him or his actions.

And soon after that it happened. Something Hermione had been successfuly avoiding ever since she was chosen as his award. He...they..

Hermione still could not pronounce it. Not even in her head. What they did...what _she _did..it was too shameful to even think about it. But it happened and Hermione would be a real coward if she acted as if nothing happened.

_We slept together. I allowed him to take me._

That event was crucial, because everything changed after that. Nothing was the same after she allowed him to touch her.

She crossed the line she had set for herself. No matter what they did to her, no matter how much torture they put her through, she would still be herself. No one would be able to take that away from her. Her pride, her beliefs and dignity. But Lucius Malfoy did just that. But what was even more shocking was that he did not _take _it from her. She had _given _it to him. She was given a choice and she chose _him_. She chose staying with him and enduring everything her decided to put her through.

It was unbeliveable how much they both changed. But it was still not enough for both of them to live together.

He went too far this time. If there was a small chance that Lucius might feel something for her and that she could somehow stay with him until the destiny decided otherwise, it was all destroyed in a few minutes. Those minutes that made Hermione feel like a victim. She had never felt like that before. It was hard to believe, but it was true. When they fought with words, Hermione felt they were somehow on the same level. She could hurt him as badly as he could hurt her, if not even more. When he hit her or tried to punish her, Hermione felt weak, but she never felt like a victim. Because she always had a choice. She could submit to his will or annoy him until he killed her in his rage. She always had a choice and she chose to live. But what happened now was...brutal.

She had absolutely no choice. Lucius was stronger that she was, there was no doubt, but he never in the past used his physical power like that. It was never like that. She had no chance to defend herself. She could not even move as he pushed her against the wall and took what he wanted, not caring how much her hurt her body and soul.

Hermione cried until there were no more tears. She did not cry only because of what he did to her, but because all her hope was destroyed. She realized how foolish and naive she truly was and that there was no way she could change a monster like Lucius Malfoy.

Everything hurt. The pain the cuts on her back were causing, the pain between her legs, the pain in her heart. Hermione took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself and than slowly got up, using the wall for support.

And than she saw it. She blinked a few times to clear her sight and than she saw that the doors were open. He hadn't closed the doors behind him. How and why? Did he forget? He did seem a bit stressed and confused when he left, but it was completely out of character for him to do such a thing. Was he that shaken by what he had done? Was he-

Hermione mentally slapped herself for thinking about his motives again. She should not think about Lucius Malfoy and his reasons for acting the way he acted.

As she stared at the open doors she realized something. Maybe that was the sign. A sign from someone, somewhere. Maybe that was the chance she was waiting for, hoping for. She had to do _something_. She couldn't spend the rest of her life feeling sorry for herself and waiting until Lucius decides to get rid of her. She was a Gryffindor after all.

So she took a deep breath, grabbed the doorknob and opened the door completely. She did not care if she was caught, she wasn't afraid of Lucius anymore. What could he do to her to hurt her even more? There was only one thing he could give to her now. Death. And that did not frighten her as it used to.

Hermione could feel everything spinning around her as she slowly walked down the long hallway, her hands touching the wall, supporting her because she had a strange feeling she would pass out any moment. Too many emotions were inside of her and her body could not handle it all. But her stubbornness helped her to reach the stairs. Than she stopped.

_The stairs._

The place where she risked her life to fight Phillix and save them both. The place where she could had easily died because of him. But he did not care about that. He never even mentioned it. After a few moments she pulled herself together and made her way down the stairs. She had no idea where she was going or where the doors were or what would await for her once she got out. But strangely she did not care about any of that. Hermione was not used to doing things without making plans first. She wasn't like Ron and Harry who were impulsive and reckless. She had a habit of over-thinking and researching everything before making a move. But it was not like that this time. She walked down the stairs without knowing what would await for her once she reached the end. Deep inside her she knew that the chance of her escaping was very small. But she felt as if she would never forgive herself if she did not try something.

Even if she was caught, she could at least die knowing that she tried. It was much easier to die fighting than to die doing absolutely nothing to save yourself. At least Hermione felt like that.

Once the stairs were over, Hermione took a few moments to look around. It surprised her that there was no one. Not even a House Elf. The Manor was even larger than she imagined it. There were beautiful and magnificent paintings on the walls with strange statues in the corners. Everything just screamed _Lucius Malfoy_ at her. His house was just as elegant and cold as he was. And she needed to get away from it.

Front doors. It wasn't hard to find them, but Hermione feared she might not be able to open them because they seemed large and heavy and Hermione wasn't exactly in her best shape at that moment. But still she walked right to the doors, grabbed the doorknob and pulled. It wouldn't move and Hermione was slowly starting to panic. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the doorknob with both hands and pulled harder.

It opened with a loud noise, but Hermione hardly heard it. She was too distracted with what she saw outside. It was dark, but weak light illuminated everything outside the Malfoy Manor. Hermione could see trees and the fountain with the statue of a snake. She froze as her eyes landed on a beautiful garden near the fountain. She couldn't help but wonder if that was the garden that Lucius took her to when he gave her the choice. The choice of being thrown out of the Manor or sharing his bed. Was that the garden where she made the decision to abandon her beliefs and her dignity? Was that the garden where the old Hermione Granger died?

Not wanting to think about that, she carefully ran down the stairs until her feet finally touched the cold ground. The feeling of freedom started to build inside of her and a weak smile formed on her face. She gritted her teeth together and ignored the pain she was feeling as she nervously made a few steps away from the Manor. Just as the feeling of triumphant was starting to settle in, a voice from behind her made her froze in shock.

"Exactly where do you think you are going, Miss Granger?"

It wasn't _his _voice. Hermione let out a sigh of relief, but she was still completely tense and frightened at being caught. As she turned around her eyes widened as she recognized Snape standing not far away from her with a puzzled expression on his face.

She was completely speechless. What could she say to him? How could she escape from him? He was a man and he had a wand. Still, she would not accept that everything was lost. Maybe she could still somehow... But as adrenaline was starting to disappear from her body, pain started to return and Hermione realized that she was seriously injured.

"Snape, I-" she started, but was cut off by him.

"I do not know what is happening, but I am sure you are not allowed to walk around here, Granger," Snape eyed her suspiciously.

"Please," she whispered, despar showing on her face.

Snape was anything but stupid and there was no way he would believe her if she decided to lie to him. Telling him the truth was the only option Hermione could see at that moment.

"Shouldn't you be resting? Hasn't Lucius healed you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her, his face confused.

Hermione flinched at the mention of Lucius, memories of the attack returning to her. She didn't know what to say, all she knew was that she did not have a lot of time. Lucius could go to her room and see that she wasn't there. She had to get away. It hurt to know that she could be caught when she was that close to escaping.

"Help me," Hermione finally forced through her teeth, her body shaking with anticipation. She could hear a clock in her head and she knew she didn't have a lot of time left.

Snape looked deep into her eyes as if he could find an explanation there. Than he made a step closer to her and spoke quietly:"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Hermione whispered to him, feeling surprised that Snape was even speaking to her. She expected him to grab her and take her back into the house without giving her the chance to explain herself.

Snape sent her a suspicious glance, than he looked around:"Where is Lucius?"

"I don't care where he is," Hermione spat with disgust,"Please, let me go. Pretend you didn't see me..."

"Granger, you know I cannot do that," he spoke calmly, but he too seemed to be nervous.

Hermione let out a desperate cry, not knowing what to do. All she knew at that moment was that Snape was not going to take her to the house that easily. She was ready to fight him if she had to. It was her freedom they were talking about. She was not blind anymore and she could survive in the world after the War.

"What have I done to you?" she asked, shaking her head,"Did I annoy you that much in school that you feel the need to punish me now?"

"Don't be foolish!" he snarled at her.

"Than let me go!"

Hermione wasn't sure if her legs would hold her any longer and she could feel the burning pain the cuts on her back were causing. Snape cursed under his breath than stepped closer to her, looking directly in her eyes:"Granger, believe me when I say that this will all be over soon."

"W-What?" she managed to say, not understanding what he meant.

He spoke quietly as if he was afraid someone might hear him:"Be patient and strong. It will get better soon."

Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion:"What are you saying? I don't-"

Snape grabbed her arm:"Let's go inside."

"No!" With her remaining strength Hermione pulled herself out of Snape's grip and stepped away from him.

"Granger, we've come too far for you to now jeopardize the whole situation," there was a warning in Snape's voice.

Hermione had no idea what he was talking about and she didn't have the time to ask him about it. She recognized that what he was talking was serious and any other time it might interest her, but all she could think about at that moment was to get away. She didn't care what plans they had or what she was about to jeopardize.

"I can't stay here!" Hermione raised her voice, than added quietly,"He will end up killing me."

It was dark and she couldn't see clearly, but for a second it seemed as if Snape's face softened. But it was impossible. Snape would never care about what happened to her, right?

"He wouldn't do such a thing," he said to her, his voice strong and convinced. Hermione found herself wanting to believe him, but at the same time she couldn't. Not after what happened not only half an hour ago.

"I don't want to listen to you," Hermione shot back and turned to run away, but Snape was faster, grabbing her hands. But than he stopped, frozen.

"What happened to your back?" he demanded, still not releasing her and not allowing her to face him.

Hermione almost laughed at that:"You were there. Don't you remember?"

Snape took a deep breath, than spoke calmly:"I am going to release you and you are not going to try to run away. Understood?"

Hermione gritted her teeth, but eventually nodded, realizing that he could easily put a Petrificus Totalus spell on her. When he let go of her, she turned to him and was surprised when she saw confusion and slight anger on his face.

"Why is your robe cut and why your wounds are not healed?" Snape asked slowly.

"He healed it," she answered coldly, looking down.

By Snape's silence she knew he was expecting her to explain everything. But she couldn't. How could she explain everything to him? She did not want anyone to know what happened.

"Care to explain why the cuts on your back are still bleeding?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

Anger shot through Hermione and she looked at Snape:"Why don't you ask him?"

"Severus!" a voice called from a distance.

Hermione froze as she recognized it. _Lucius_. Pure despair took over her as she realized that she was caught. She made her last attempt to run away, but again Snape caught her arm and would not release it. The more Hermione struggled the more his grip tightened until it was too painful.

Hermione's eyes shot towards the house and she saw Lucius walking towards them. She couldn't see his face and she wasn't sure if she wanted to see it. But when he reached them, she could clearly see him. But he merely threw a glance at her, before turning to Snape.

"What happened here?" he asked, his voice calm.

Hermione barely held her tears in. She felt desperate, angry at herself for not succeeding.

"I think the girl just tried to escape, Lucius," Snape answered, emotionless, than smirked,"You ought to be more careful with her."

"Get her inside," Lucius ordered coldly, still not looking at Hermione. She was somehow grateful for that because she could not stand his look at that moment. She noticed he was dressed differently. He probably changed his clothes after he left her room, not wanting to have her scent on him. He probably cleaned himself to get rid of any evidence of what happened, of what he had done. Hermione wished she could do the same, but she was not like Lucius. Not even a boiling water would make her feel clean again.

Hermione lost herself in her thoughts for a moment, but when Snape made a step to go back inside the house, she started struggling.

"No! I'm not going back there!" she screamed, not caring who would hear her or if it would anger Lucius. She could not accept that she was that close to escaping and did not make it. There was a horrible burning feeling inside of her, telling her that she should had been be more careful, faster.

"Mudblood," Lucius said to her, finally meeting her eyes. It surprised her that there was no anger inside of them, only coldness. It was as if he was trying to hide everything he was feeling behind a mask. He was not the same man as half an hour ago. He was an animal than, but now she was looking into the eyes of a elegant, sophisticated man, who had himself completely under control.

"Stop calling me that!" she screamed at him, "I'm Hermione Granger!"

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she stopped struggling. She noticed Lucius nod to Snape to let go of her.

"She cannot go anywhere now," he said to the Potions Master.

He obeyed, but Hermione did not care about the fact that he wasn't holding her anymore. She had so much things bottled up inside her and she needed to get it all out, not caring if she was surrounded with two Death Eaters.

"I am the brightest witch of my age and I go to Hogwarts," she started talking through her sobs,"I have friends. Ron, Harry, Ginny, Neville, Luna."

She met Lucius' eyes and realized he was looking at her. Truly looking at her. Not smirking or rolling her eyes. His look was intense and emotionless, but for some reason he listened to her.

"I have my parents," her voice broke at the mention of them,"I didn't get to tell them how much I love them the last time I saw them. I didn't expect I would never see them again."

Ever since she was captured she was trying not to think about her parents, because she knew she would break down at the mere thought of them.

"And I don't know if they are alright, if they are alive. Are they worried about me? Do they know what happened to me?"

Wiping the tears away, she continued with a weak smile on her face:"I used to fall asleep with a book next to my head. I lived for school and learning new things."

She stopped for a few moments, but strangely not Lucius or Snape said anything to her to make her stop talking and wasting their time. They were probably amused by her outburst, enjoying the show.

"And now everything's changed. Suddenly I am treated like an animal, like I am nothing but dirt...just because...because my blood is not _pure_."

Lucius' lips formed a thin line and than he stepped closer to Hermione, but she immediately backed away from him, disgust on her face. She felt like an injured animal, afraid of every move around her.

"This is the world we live in. The faster you accept that, the easier it will be," Lucius said to her in a dark tone.

"We should move this inside," Snape stepped in.

Hermione's lower lip trembled as a realization hit her. It was over. She was about to be taken back inside the house. Back to _him_. Taking a deep breath, she gave in. She was not stupid and she could not lie to herself that there was still a way. She couldn't escape, not with Snape and Lucius surrounding her.

"You need to have those wounds healed," Snape said to her, but Hermione ignored him. She was in her own world, barely awknowloging what was happening around her.

"_Wounds_?" she heard Lucius ask in surprise.

She did not move as Snape motioned Lucius to take a look at her back. She just hugged herself with her hands and waited, her mind blank. No fear, no pain, nothing.

"I healed those, Severus," Lucius said to his friend, quietly.

"Than what happened-"

Realization slowly downed on Lucius' face and when he spoke his voice was hard as if he was having trouble talking about it:"I will explain everything later. Now we should go back inside."

"I'm hungry," Hermione suddenly said, making both men look at her with a confused expression.

"She's probably in shock..."

Everything that happened after that was unclear to Hermione. She remembered walking back into the house, she heard voices of Snape and Lucius, but she couldn't understand what they were talking. Before she even realized what was happening, she was laying in the bed, on her stomach and waiting for something, not sure what exactly.

Someone gave her something to drink. At first she fought, but than her thirst took over and she drank what she was offered. After that she couldn't remember anything more.

ooo

Hermione opened her eyes, but she closed them right away, blinded by the sunlight from the window. It took a few long moments for her to remember everything that happened. She had a feeling as if she had been in a dark room and now she awoke from it. But at the same time she couldn't remember the last time she slept that well. All the pain from her back was gone, there was only a slight ache between her legs, reminding her of what happened. But otherwise she was completely relaxed. With a sigh she turned onto her back and than she noticed him.

_Lucius_.

It startled her when she saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, looking at nothing specific. She sat up and immediately all the anger and disgust returned and her face hardened.

"We need to talk," he finally said to her after a few long moments.

Hermione could not understand how he managed to be that calm and controlled after... Maybe Lucius simply pushed the things that he did not want to remember out of his mind. She felt as if she should say something, but her mind was empty at that moment. She did not expect him to want to talk to her and she wasn't prepared for it.

A few minutes passed in silence and Hermione looked up at him, confused. He said that they had to talk, but now he was silent. Lucius wasn't looking at her, he seemed lost in his thoughts and Hermione couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind.

"I cannot imagine what you were thinking," he said to her a few minutes later,"The house is warded, there is Dark Magic placed onto the surroundings of the house. You could not have gotten far."

Hermione blushed at that, feeling foolish for thinking she could escape that easily. Of course that everything was warded. But at that moment she wasn't thinking clearly, all that mattered to her was escaping from the house, from him. She was a Gryffindor. And they are known for 'do now, think later'. Completely opposite from Slytherin.

Hermione remained silent, but she noticed Lucius was looking at her with his grey eyes. Avoiding his gaze, she looked down at her hands, noticing she was dressed in a clean white nightgown. Suddenly she tensed, feeling extremely uncomfortable at the fact that someone healed her and changed her clothes while she was sleeping. Shame overtook her as she realized that maybe Lucius was the one who did that. Or maybe it was Snape. But somehow she did not feel better knowing that her former Professor saw her without clothes, even if it was to help her.

With a sigh, Lucius stood up and walked over to the bed. Hermione wanted to stay calm and brave, but she could not help but flinch away and pull the blanket around her, looking up at him with wide open eyes. There was probably a lot of fear in them, no matter how hard she tried to keep a brave face.

"I am not going to hurt you," he said to her quietly, probably noticing the emotions in her look.

Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion at that sentence, but she did not relax. It wasn't that easy to forget or ignore what he did to her a few hours ago. It was easier for him to close his eyes and forget what he had done, but it was different for her. She would never forget.

He kept his hands visible as he slowly sat on the end of the bed, leaving a safe distance between them.

"I am-" he started, his jaw twitching as if he was fighting with himself, "What happened last night..."

Hermione's eyes shot up at him and her breathing quickened, waiting for him to continue. Though she wasn't sure she wanted him to continue. The last thing she needed at that moment was to talk with him about what happened.

"I should never have done that," Lucius finally said, meeting her eyes. Hermione lost herself for a moment in the depth of his grey eyes and she could swear she saw something different in them this time. Shame, maybe slight anger. It was only a few seconds later that his words made their way into her mind. She could not believe that he was confessing he was wrong. It never happened before. Lucius Malfoy was always right.

"What have you done to me?" he asked quietly, his face completely disgusted.

Hermione opened her mouth in shock and anger, but it took her a few long moments to put words into a sentence:"What have _I _done to _you_? Are you mental?"

"I do not hide what I am. A Death Eater. I have never been ashamed of my actions," he barked, "Until last night."

"What? You-" Hermione started, but he cut her off.

"I do not see myself as evil. There is no good or evil. There is only power," he drawled, his eyes boring into hers,"That is something you will never understand."

"There is good and evil," Hermione corrected him, convinced in what she was talking,"I know. I have seen evil."

Lucius did not break eye contact with her, but he only raised an eyebrow, daring her to continue.

"There are a lot of faces of evil," she said quietly, than added,"I am looking at one right now."

Lucius' face hardened and his look became even more cold, if possible. He took a deep breath through his nose, than lost himself in his thoughts again.

"I have always had myself under control, in which I was different from my fellow Death Eaters. I do not take pleasure from acting like an animal, completely controlled by my emotions or my needs."

Hermione did not want to listen to him, but she had no choice. What could she do? Leave the room? Cover her ears and her eyes?

"But never in my life have I felt like you made me feel last night," he said through his teeth, "You made me act like an animal.

Anger shot through Hermione. She could not believe what was happening. Once again he was blaming her for what _he _had done.

Rage showed in her tone:"Do you have any idea what _you _did to _me_? How _I _felt?"

His face was completely pale and when he finally spoke, it was almost as a whisper:"I did not want it to come to that."

"But it did!" she screamed, "_You _made it happen!"

Lucius raised his voice as well:"You shouldn't have spoken about my family! You know well enough that it is prohibited to you to even use their names."

Hermione shook her head, disgust still clearly on her face:"What I did is not an excuse for what you did to me."

"Last night was the first night something like that happened," he said, but when he noticed Hermione's look of disbelief, he added,"I have used violence in such a manner before."

"I thought as much," she barked at him.

Lucius put on a cold mask as he spoke:"I have tortured and raped before. But it was always with a cause, I always had a valuable reason. I was always very strict about it, professional. It was never out of fun or boredom."

Hermione got chills just listening to him. It was unbelievable to her how he managed to talk about such horrible things with so calm and silky voice. It seemed as if it was all just a job for him. How could he talk about destroying other people's lives that easily?

"Violence was something I never used without a valuable cause," Lucius continued, "Everything was planned out, organised."

Hermione had trouble believing his words, having suffered so much under his hands. And without a good reason. Even though he blamed her for the death of his son, he had to know deep inside of him that she was not responsible for what happened to Draco. But he still chose to make her life a living hell.

Lucius' tone grew darker as he met Hermione's eyes:"Last night I was an animal, uncontrolled. You managed to anger me that much. No one has ever had that power over me. No one."

A strange feeling formed inside of Hermione. She was confused, not knowing if she should be proud at herself or angry. She managed to get through to him, but at the same time it cost her so much.

"I could have killed you last night," he confessed, taking a deep breath, looking into distance as if he was remembering that event,"I saw nothing except you. I needed to hurt you, punish you. I had to-" he stopped mid sentence, getting a hold of himself.

"You were lucky I realized what I was doing in time," he looked into her eyes and Hermione found it almost impossible to look away from his intense eyes.

After a moment she blinked and licked her lips hesitantly. That was the most normal conversation she ever had with him. He never before let her know that much about him or his thoughts. But there was one question on her mind and she needed to ask him. She needed to know.

"Are you..." she started, but stopped, unsure of if she should continue.

Lucius raised an eyebrow at her:"Am I what?"

She took a deep breath and gathered her courage before she looked into his eyes and quietly asked:"Are you sorry for what you have done? Do you...feel regret?"

So much depended from that answer and she held her breath, waiting for him to speak. She couldn't explain to herself why it mattered that much to her if he regretted it or not, but she needed to know.

Lucius got up from the bed, clearing his throat, before he looked at her:"I am sorry for what I- For what happened."

Probably hope or some other emotion showed in Hermione's eyes, because he quickly added in his silky voice:"But not out of the reasons you think."

Hermione tried to keep her face emotionless, but she was not as good at that as Lucius. She couldn't hide if someone hurt her or if her hope was destroyed in a second. But it wasn't that horrible anymore, because she was already used to being disappointed.

Lucius made his way towards the door and than turned to her, for a moment just observing her broken on the bed.

"You have food on the nightstand. Eat," with those words he wanted to leave the room, but Hermione stopped him.

"What happened while I was asleep?" she demanded from him, not even looking in his direction.

"Severus closed the cuts on your back and...healed your other injures," he spoke with difficulty as if he was ashamed of the wounds he himself caused her.

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek, feeling uncomfortable:"And...um...who cleaned me and dressed me in-" she pointed at the nightgown she was wearing,"This?"

Lucius was caught off guard with that question, but he quickly composed himself, speaking with a hard voice:"I did not want you to dirty my bed."

Hermione blushed, but Lucius added with a half smirk:"I cleaned you using magic."

That calmed her down a bit, knowing he did not put her in the bath and dress her up using his hands. The last thing she wanted was his touch, even if she was unconscious during it.

He left the room, this time closing and locking the doors behind her. Hermione somehow knew she would never again get the chance she had last night. She would never again be that close to escaping.

She got up from the bed, slowly moving to the mirror. She still wasn't used to looking herself in the mirror, not liking what she saw. Hermione was never that confident, not liking her bushy hair, or her too big teeth. Luckily her teeth were now a normal size, but she still did not like to look at herself. Especially with everything that happened to her, everything she had done. It was as if she couldn't recognize herself anymore. When she looked at herself in the mirror, it felt like she was looking at another person.

Suddenly she felt the need to look at her back. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the nightgown down, revealing her bare skin. Than she turned around and looked at herself in the mirror. The sight took her breath away. Her once perfect back was now covered in long, dark red cuts. They were only closed, not yet entirely healed. Hermione let out a silent moan, her face making a grimace. The scars would probably never go completely away. That fact bothered her more than she wanted. It wasn't as if any one would ever see her back. _Except Lucius._ A small voice in her head said.

With a sigh she pulled her nightgown up again and wanted to walk away, but it was than that she noticed how beautiful the nightgown was. The material was probably silk, it was that soft and the colour was pure white. She did not bother thinking about the reasons why Lucius decided to dress her in that or where he got it. Instead she walked back to the bed and ate the sandwiches he left for her. As she ate, something occurred to her. The Gryffindor in her was screaming at her to throw the sandwiches away or to wait until Lucius came back and than throw it at him. But she couldn't. She could not escape and she did not want to die. So she had no other option but to stay alive and that meant eating to preserve her strength.

After she ate everything, she went to the bathroom. But when she used the toilet, she discovered something horrible.

_No. Please, no. Not now._

Was it one month already? Hermione had a feeling less time had passed since her last period, not a month, but she was never that regular. Her heart was beating too fast and she had to take a few long breaths to calm dawn. She hoped that somehow a miracle occurred and that she would not have to deal with her period while she was Lucius' captive. But she was not that lucky. But than she realized something. She and Lucius were together two times, if she didn't count the last night. It would be completely possible if she...

_Oh god._

At that moment she couldn't be more glad that her period came. A shiver ran down Hermione's spine as she realized something. After two times there was a big possibility for her to become pregnant. Thank Merlin she wasn't, but just the thought of it made her sick. She was just seventeen years old, maybe eighteen, she didn't even know what month it was. She did not want to be pregnant, she did not even want to sleep with Lucius. She was positive she wouldn't be able to handle the feeling of something of Lucius growing inside of her. Though it probably would not last for long. She was sure that once Lucius found out that a Mudblood was carrying his child, he would find a way to end it immediately.

But..he was a grown man, experienced in such things. Shouldn't he take precautions to prevent anything like that from happening? Hermione didn't know about the protection in the Wizard world, but she assumed it was a potion or something like that. But that was Lucius' responsibility, not hers. He was the one to drag her into the adult world and he was responsible for anything that would grow out of their...relationship.

_Out of his rapes_. A voice in her head said, but Hermione quickly pushed it aside.

She wasn't pregnant and that was the only thing that mattered. Now she had a bigger problem. How to deal with her period? She would never go to Lucius and ask him for help. Not after last night. And even if nothing happened last night, she would still be too embarrassed to talk to him about that. She still remembered how it was the first time when her monthly visitor decided to come. She did not know how to tell Lucius, but thankfully he figured it out himself, saving her from the embarrassment of having to admit to him that she was on her period. The way in which he handled the whole situation was better than she expected. But what did she expect him to do? Cover his ears and run away or turn completely red at the mention of something that was completely natural? He was a grown man, not some immature teenage boy. He even gave her the potion to stop her cycle and she was really thankful for that. But there was no way she could ask him for that potion now. She did not want him to help her. She wanted him to hurt her even more so that she could hate him and feel no guilt about that. She just had to somehow survive the next few days without dirtying his bed or the beautiful white nightgown. Why did it have to be white? It didn't exactly help her in the situation she was in and white colour represented something pure and innocent. Something that Hermione wasn't quite a long time. Because of him.

With a tired sigh she realized that toilet paper would have to do for now. Until she found something else.

ooo

Hermione was resting, trying to get some sleep, when Lucius walked in the room, carrying a dark robe in his hands. Hermione noticed he was dressed as if he was going somewhere. She had hoped he would leave her alone the whole day, because had had a lot of problems and did not need him as well.

"I would like to take you somewhere," he said to her in a firm voice, "Come here."

Hermione sent him a suspicious look and she did not move. The last thing she wanted was to go somewhere. Where could he be taking her? To Voldemort? Probably not, otherwise he would be nervous and upset as the last time. As she carefully observed him, she noticed that he was completely calm. Maybe he was taking her to Snape's? She would see Ginny again. And maybe Ginny had something that would help her with her period.

"I don't like to repeat myself," he said, annoyed,"Come here."

Hermine carefully got up from the bed and approached him, never taking her eyes off of him. Lucius suddenly moved his hands and Hermione flinched away from him, but he only wrapped the dark robe around her body.

The moment he was done, Hermione stepped away from him, looking at the robe she was wearing.

"Are we going out?" she asked, surprised. If he was taking her to Snape, he wouldn't give her the robe to cover herself. The only option was that they were going out.

"Last night you wanted to escape from here," Lucius drawled, "I am curious to know where you would go."

Hermione nervously bit her lower lip, not being able to give him a smart answer. Last night she was upset, hurt, emotional and all she cared about at that moment was to get away from him, from the Manor, not having the slightest idea where to go when she would be past the gate.

"Anywhere," she finally answered, avoiding his eyes.

Lucius smirked at her, probably amused by her foolishness or lack of planning. He, being a Slytherin, could not imagine doing anything without making a plan first. Acting reckless was not something Slytherins were famous for.

Hermione looked up at him and noticed that he was hesitant, but than he simply said:"I have to Apparate us there."

He opened his arms, but Hermione had trouble coming close to him. Just the thought of his hands on her again was making her uncomfortable. But she had no choice. Besides, she wanted to see where he would take her.

So she put on a strong face and stepped closer to him. When his arms wrapped around her, barely touching her, she could not help but tense. It was strange, being that close to him again, feeling his warmth, smelling him. He as well seemed to be tensed. Hermione had to remind herself to breath, but before she could take a breath, her body felt as if it was pulled into all directions as they Disapparated.

ooo

Hermione kept her eyes closed, waiting until everything around her stopped spinning. When she was sure it passed, she quickly removed herself from Lucius. She turned around to see where they were and all air was pushed out of her lungs at the sight of everything around them. They were in the Diagon Alley. Hermione immediately recognized the shops, the houses. Memories of happier times came flooding back to her, stabbing her into her chest as a sword. She half expected Ron or Harry to show up and run towards her.

Even though Hermione immediately recognized the place, it was completely different from what it used to be. Most of the shops were destroyed, there weren't a lot of people walking around. Only few and they walked with their heads down, not looking around. Hermione could feel the fear from them and the negative energy and evil in that place. No talking was heard, only weak whispers.

"You see?" Lucius asked from behind her.

Hermione found herself unable to talk and than she noticed an old woman, hurrying past them. She threw a glance at them and then her look stopped on Lucius, her eyes widened in horror and in a less than a second she was gone, disappearing around the corner.

Hermione could not believe what had happened. She was not that naive. Of course she did not expect the world to be as if the War never happened, but she did not expect this. Complete destruction. Death. Silence. The smell of Death Eaters and Voldemort was in the air. Where were people? Were they all killed? Or caught? Or were they hiding in their homes, afraid to step on the street? Where was the resistance? Shouldn't they be fighting? Was there even a resistance?

Hermione felt sick, too many thoughts were on her mind, the sight in front of her was too depressive.

"This is the world," Lucius drawled, his voice dark, "There are no more attacks from the resistance. There is nothing and no one that has the power to stop us. To change this world."

Hermione closed her eyes and listened. There was nothing she could say.

"I wanted you to see this," Lucius continued, "There is no place for you outside the Manor. Where would you go? What would you do?"

_I don't know._

"Take me away from here," she whispered, her voice betraying her.

This time she was in too much shock to flinch when Lucius' arms wrapped around her, pressing her close to his body. She barely felt it. The next thing she knew was that she was in the bedroom again.

Lucius gave her a few moments to catch her breath, than he stepped in front of her .

"Do you now understand how foolish you were yesterday?" Lucius asked, his eyes boring into hers.

After a moment, Hermione nodded,"Yes. I-I didn't know."

She could swear she saw Lucius' lip curl into a satisfied smirk, before he wiped it away. Of course he was satisfied. He proved her that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to spend the rest of her life with him. He was telling her that ever since she was captured, but she did not believe him. She always had that stupid hope that somehow someone would save her, stop Voldemort and change the world to the way it was. But now she finally realized how naive that was. There was no salvation for them.

"I know that there is nothing out there for me anymore," she said quietly, than she met his eyes,"But I will never accept that you are my only option."

Lucius' face hardened and anger showed in his eyes, but he said nothing. He obviously did not expect her to be that rebellious any more.

"I am not blind anymore. I don't need you the way I did before," Hermione spoke, her voice strong, "I don't need _you_."

She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him or herself, but it didn't matter because he believed her. A muscle twitched on his jaw as his gaze lingered on Hermione.

"Do not be so sure about that," he warned her before leaving the room and slamming the doors behind him.

Even though Hermione felt desperate, the fact that she let him know she did not need him anymore, made her feel slightly better.

He did not sleep in the bedroom that night. Hermione was glad about that, but it still somehow hurt when she thought that he was probably with _her_. The other woman. His lover. The one she heard him talking to the other night. He seemed to be angry and tense when he left the room and he went to her to relax and satisfy his needs. It hurt to think about that, but she was thankful that he left her alone. She could not stand his touch anymore. He himself was responsible for that.

As she tried to get some sleep, the images of the Diagon Alley kept returning into her mind. It was shocking to see the aftermath of the War and how much everything changed. There was no hope. Not for her, not for the good people.

**A/N: A new chapter after two weeks! So sorry! But the updates will be slower, because it's summer and I'm not in the house that much. I will do my best to update as fast as I can, but no promises. Thanks for the reviews! They inspire me to write more and faster! One question: would you like to see Lucius and Hermione together at the end of the story? And is that even possible? I already know exactly how to end it, I'm just curious. :)**


	24. Blood

chapter 24 **BLOOD**

Hermione could not remember when she fell asleep. It was strange, because she couldn't even remember being sleepy. It was as if someone knocked her out. She opened her eyes and was confused at what she saw.

_Darkness. Nothing else._

She wouldn't let herself to start panicking so she blinked a few times, but it did not help. She brought her right hand up, closer to her face, but she saw nothing. Only darkness.

_No...please, not again._

Not able to control herself any longer, panic took over her and Hermione let out a piercing scream. Without thinking she threw the blanked off of herself and crawled out of the bed, reminding herself to stay calm and controlled. But her nerves were too much to handle and she ran towards the door, almost tripping over the chair in the process. Her sense of orientation was completely off, she found herself unable to tell where the doors were. When she touched the wall, she slowly moved along it until her hands found the door. Grabbing the handle, she realized the doors were locked. That only made her more furious. She screamed and began hitting the doors with her fists, kicking them with all her strength.

"Lucius!"

It would be impossible to not hear her, but obviously he decided to ignore her screams. Or maybe he wasn't at home. He had obligations after all. He wasn't like her, who wasn't allowed to leave the room.

Eventually she forced herself to calm down, realizing that she would achieve nothing by acting crazy. She slid to the floor, shaking with unexpressed emotions. Anger, fear, hurt, disappointment, terror.

Even through all her shock she knew what had happened and the reason behind it. It was too obvious and Hermione was too smart to ignore what was happening. _He _was afraid to lose her. That had to be it. Why else would he make her blind again? There were so many other ways if he wanted to torture her, so many curses that he could use on her if he wanted to see her screaming in pain. But making her blind again and with that forcing her to depend on him again was something completely different. He did not want her hurt or in pain. He wanted to take her independence away from her again. But why? Why did it bother him so much that she wanted to get away from him and that she was not under his control anymore? It was not as if she could run away from him. It was impossible now. She knew that. After what he had shown her, all her hopes of a different, better life vanished.

As she sat on the floor with her back against the door, she realized one thing. And it sent shivers down her body.

Lucius Malfoy wanted her to want him, to _need _him. He could have had her as his prisoner, held inside his Manor against her will. For the first months that was the case and it did not seem to bother him. But something changed. Now he wanted her to depend on him. He went even to such extremes as making her blind again and risking revealing his true feelings to her. Lucius was not foolish. He had to know that Hermione would figure it out why he took her sight. But still he went through with it. And now he was no where to be seen. He was probably too much of a coward to face her after what he had done. He knew that he would be forced to defend himself against her accusations. What would he say? What lie would be good enough?

Hermione shivered as coldness passed through her body. She was scared. She forgot what it was like to be lost in the darkness, not able to see anything, having to rely on your other senses to know what is happening around you. Hermione feared that even though her other senses have sharpened while she was blind, it all weakened in the time she had her sight back.

_Oh God._

She felt even more horrible as she remembered something. How could she attend to her period while not able to see anything? At that moment she felt sick. Maybe she already dirtied her nightgown, but couldn't see it? Her cheeks blushed at the thought of the beautiful white nightgown dirtied by the red stains. What would Lucius think? He would probably be completely disgusted by it.

_Good. He deserves it._

It occurred to her that she could dirty his bed on purpose, his clothes, his towels. She could use her blood as a weapon against him. Maybe she could even cut herself and drip blood all over his room. She would like to see his expression at the sight of his magnificent and clean room, dirtied by a Mudblood's blood. He probably would not want to sleep in it ever again.

Hermione knew she should get up, but somehow she just stayed on the floor, not moving. Only her eyes blinked every few moments and her chest moved up and down, but other than that Hermione Granger gave no indicator that she was even alive.

ooo

Hours. It must have been hours since Hermione woke up and realized that she could not see a thing. Maybe a whole day passed. Maybe even a night. What if it was the other day already? It was hard to tell without being able to see if it was light or dark outside. Where was he? Why did he not come to the bedroom already? Why making her blind again and than avoiding her? Maybe he just needed to pull himself together and think of a few good excuses for his acts. But than a thought came to her. What if he was not even thinking about her? Why would he lose his time thinking of what to say to her? He was superior to her. Why would he feel the need to defend himself against her accusations?

What if he was with _her_? His lover, his _whore_, enjoying and having a great time? Somehow that thought upset her more than it should. Just the thought of him in the arms of another woman made something inside her burn. She could imagine his hands moving up and down her body, worshipping her, not bruising or hurting. Of course he would not hurt her. She heard him talking to her that night and his voice was soft and gentle. He..._loved _that woman. Who ever she was. Maybe she was not a whore, a prostitute. Hermione found it difficult to believe that Lucius would allow himself to feel something for that kind of a woman. He was classier than that. What if that woman was a respected witch? A _Pureblood_ who he thought was worthy of his affections. Someone who he treated with respect and wanted to please her. Someone better that her, Hermione Granger, a Muggleborn. A Mudblood.

Tears formed in her eyes as all those thoughts crossed her mind, but she ignored them. What was wrong with her? Why was she crying? Was she..._jealous_? No, it was impossible. It had to be the hormones. She was just really upset and emotional at that time of the month. Yes, that was all.

ooo

Finally the doors opened. The noise brought Hermione back into reality and she sat up in the bed, her eyes wide open, waiting for him to speak. But than she realized that there were too many steps for just one person. In a second her body froze in horror. What if it wasn't Lucius? Every time the doors opened she just asumed that it was Lucius and she completely ignored the posibility of someone else walking in. But who could it be?

"Miss Granger," the dark, silky voice said.

Immediately she recognized it and relaxed. It was Snape. Even though he was a Death Eater, he never gave her any reason to fear him.

"What are you-" Hermione wanted to ask, than confusion showed on her face,"Where is _he_?"

There was no doubt in who he was. Lucius Malfoy was the only man in her life now.

"Lucius is rather busy at the moment," Snape answered calmly.

Hermione could not get rid of the feeling that someone else was in the room as well. She could hear soft breathing. Was it Lucius? No, why would he want to hide he was in the room? But than who-

"Hermione," a gentle, feminine voice said.

"_Ginny_?"

Shock. Confusion. Fear. Happiness. Those were all the feelings that formed inside Hermione as she heard her friend's voice. Or _ex_-friend's voice. She could still remember what happened the last time they were together. Just the memory of it made her feel like a traitor.

_Ginny is here. Why is Ginny here?_

Hermione had so much questions on her mind, but was unable to form words. She could imagine how stupid she probably looked with her mouth open, but no sound coming out of it.

"Ginevra is spending a few days here," Snape explained.

"Why?" was all Hermione could manage to say.

"I am needed somewhere and would not like to leave Ginevra unsupervised."

Something was wrong with his story. Hermione could feel he was not telling her everything. There were so many unexplained things. Why would Lucius accept Ginny in his house? After she tried to stab him, he swore she would never set a foot in his house again. Hermione could clearly remember that he told her she would never again see Ginny. And now Ginny was in her room? Why?

"But Lucius-" Hermione started.

Snape interrupted her, speaking with a cold and decisive voice:"Do not ask questions, Miss Granger."

"Why not?" she demanded to know,"I want to know what is happening! Where is Lucius?"

"That does not concern you."

"Is he-" she struggled to find an appropriate question,"Is he alright?"

Snape sighed before answering:"I assure you that Lucius is in a perfectly good condition."

Before Hermione was able to ask another question, he changed the subject:"Ginevra will not be staying in the same room as you. She just wanted to talk to you."

Hermione could hear someone take a few steps closer to the bed, assuming it was Ginny.

"I will be going now," Snape announced, than turned his attention to Ginny,"Ginevra, I will come back in a few days."

Hermione noticed the way he spoke to her. It was..._strange_. He was gentle, his voice was soft and there was no arrogance or sarcasm in it as usual. It was as if he was afraid to speak to her in his usual manner. Something was different between the two of them.

"Lucius will come to escort you to your room in an hour," Snape told Ginny, but the redhead did not say a word to him.

It surprised Hermione that there were no complaints from Ginny. And it was strange that Snape did not seem the slightest bit surprised by her blindness. After a few seconds, Snape walked out and closed the doors, locking them behind him. Hermione figured that Lucius probably ordered him to.

There was a strange energy in the room. Everything was tense. Hermione did not know what to say. The last time she saw Ginny, the younger witch was screaming at her, telling her that she hated her and that she never wanted to see her again. But now she was in her room and according to Snape, she wanted to talk to her. But than why wasn't she saying something?

After a few long moments of silence, Hermione decided to start first.

"Ginny, I don't know what to say to you," she admitted quietly.

"I-" the redhead started, "Hermione, I..."

Nothing. The long moment of silence was too uncomfortable, so Hermione decided to end it.

"I didn't expect I would have a chance to talk to you again," she admitted, her hands in her lap.

"Hermione, I've missed you," the younger witch's voice broke and Hermione knew she was holding in her sobs.

"I've missed you too, Ginny," a sad smile formed on her face and she extended her hands and only a second later Ginny was hugging her tightly, her body shaking with tears.

"Shh, why are you crying?" Hermione asked while rubbing Ginny's back, trying to comfort her. She did not expect her to cry. Hermione would rather see her yelling at her again, insulting her, accusing her, but not this.

"So much has happened, horrible things have happened," Ginny spoke through sobs.

"What do you mean?" Hermione spoke calmly, worrying about Ginny sudden outburst. What happened to her to make her act like that?

Ginny broke the hug and took a deep breath before continuing:"I'm sorry."

That confused Hermione even more. How she wished she could see the emotions on Ginny's face. Maybe that way she could understand better what Ginny was trying to tell her and why was she so upset. But Lucius took that away from her.

"I'm sorry for the way I've acted. What I said to you-" Ginny admitted, taking Hermione's hands in her own.

"Don't be," Hermione smiled weakly, "I am the one who should be apologizing."

Ginny shook her head:"I was immature. I wasn't thinking. But than Snape explained everything to me."

That caught Hermione's attention. She never imagined that Snape would say something to her defence. With each passing day she was more and more convinced that there was more to him that meets the eye.

"What did he say?" she asked sceptically.

"I was...furious when you saved _him_," Ginny struggled with words, "But when Snape explained it to me...I understood why you did it."

Hermione listened carefully, her eyes narrowed in confusion. Snape knew why she did not want Lucius to die? How? Even she herself found it difficult to understand why she saved Lucius that day.

"He opened my eyes...regarding the world outside. He told me what would happen to you if Malfoy..." Ginny stopped mid sentence, than sighed in sadness, "Getting rid of him would not help you in any way."

That was right. But it was only half of the truth. Hermione was afraid of what would happen to her if Lucius was out of the picture, but at the same time she did not want Lucius hurt because... Because what? She _cared _for him? What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? He had such strong influence on her, making it impossible to push him out of her thoughts even when he wasn't around. But she couldn't tell that to Ginny, could she?

Hermione decided to change the subject, not wanting to destroy her reconciliation with Ginny. It meant so much to her that she had her friend's support once again. Somehow the world did not seem that lonely place anymore.

"Ginny, what about you? How are you...dealing?" she asked, sensing that Ginny was more broken than she was the last time. There was something odd in her voice. Despair, depression. Did the life after War did that to her? Did it succeed in changing her that much? It accrued to Hermione that maybe she herself sounded that way as well.

"I don't think I can do it anymore," Ginny whispered, her voice tired and weak.

"Do what?"

After a few long moments of silence, she decided to answer:"This. All of this. Being here. _Living_."

Hermione forced a smile and shook her head, trying to appear strong. "Nonsense, Ginny. Of course you can do this."

"How?" the younger witch asked, than slowly added, "How can you- What gives you the strength to go on? To insist living in this pathetic world."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but found herself unable to. It sent shivers down her spine that her first thought was Lucius. What was happening to her? Lucius could not be the reason Hermione did not want to die. He could not be. But then what was? Was she that afraid of death? What was keeping her from killing herself? Even though she was blind again, she could find a way to end her life. Or maybe even force Lucius to do it for her. He would not mind or care. But why didn't she do that?

"Ginny, you can't even be thinking about that," she finally said, avoiding the previous question.

"I am," she confessed quietly.

"But-" Hermione started, than her voice trailed off. She did not know what to say to Ginny to comfort her. She could not use the phrase 'Everything will be alright'. She could not lie to her like that. Ginny knew what was happening outside and what kind of people the Wizarding World was ruled by. It would be childish and unfair to lie to her and promise her something that would never happen. Hermione accepted the truth long time ago. A few months ago when Lucius informed her that they destroyed the Resistance, all her hope disappeared. And it never returned. She knew the Light had no chance in destroying Voldemort. Everything was lost. But somehow she still didn't want to die. _Why_?

"You could never understand me, Hermione," Ginny sighed and pulled her hands away.

"Than explain it to me."

She was becoming slightly irritated with Ginny and how she surrendered to despair. If anyone should be thinking about how unfair and horrible life was, it should be Hermione. Ginny could never understand everything that happened to Hermione since the War ended. There were so many horrible things. Insults, the violence, mind torture. Ginny's life was much better. From what she'd heard, Snape never touched her, never insulted her. He barely even spoke to her. Why was she complaining?

"I lost my family," that was spoken so quietly that Hermione almost didn't hear it. But she did and it broke her heart.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she nodded:"I know."

"That's right. You _know _that I lost my family. But you don't know how it _feels_," there was slight anger in Ginny's voice this time. It was as if she was preparing herself for a fight and Hermione didn't want to do that. But at the same time she did not know if there was any way to avoid it.

So she forced herself to stay calm as she said gently:"I know how it hurts. Ron and Harry were my best friends and the Weasleys were just like my true family."

Somehow that seemed to enrage Ginny even more. Hermione had a feeling that it didn't matter what she said, Ginny would react badly to everything.

"Your family is still alive!" she raised her voice, "Their body parts are not lying around on the Battle field, being eaten by worms!"

Hermione literally felt sick at that, but she had to admit that Ginny was right. No matter how much she missed her friends and the Weasleys, she could never feel the pain Ginny felt. Hermione's parents were still alive, because Death Eaters still did not attack the Muggle world. _Yet_. A horrible shiver ran down her spin as she realized that someday it will happen. Voldemort wanted absolute power and why would he stop just by corrupting one world when he could have both? Despite their technology, Muggles had no chance against Death Eaters.

"Ginny, calm down," Hermione tried, "Do you think your family would want you to give up?"

That question seemed to confuse the redhead, but at least she calmed down a bit. By her breathing Hermione could tell that she was still upset, but anger seemed to be replaced by sadness.

"Hermione, you don't know what happened," she said quietly, but her voice had a trace of disgust in it, "A few nights ago Snape...came home drunk."

That surprised Hermione, she always imagined Severus Snape as a man of discipline and control. Drinking somehow seemed below him.

"It wasn't the first time, but..." Ginny trailed off, lost in her memories.

Hermione waited patiently, but at the same time she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what Ginny had to tell her. She had a feeling something awful happened, causing Ginny to lose her will to live and insist in this world.

"He started kissing me, running his disgusting hands over me," Ginny remembered, her voice almost breaking, "He kept calling me Lily, but when he came to and realized who I was, he immediately let go of me and left."

Hermione opened her mouth in shock at what happened to her friend. Almost happened. No one deserved that, espacially Ginny who was still a child. Anger boiled inside Hermione. How dare Snape lay a hand on her in such a manner? Maybe he was no different than other Death Eaters. The fact that he was drunk did not make his actions any less disgusting.

"Ginny, I-I'm sorry."

"We are not in the same rooms anymore. He took care of that the next day," Ginny explained, taking a deep breath, "But that still doesn't change the fact that I'm scared."

Hermione found Ginny's hands and squeezed them, trying to comfort her. It surprised her that even though she knew Snape was evil, he killed Dumbledore after all, it still shocked her to hear Ginny's words. She always imagined Snape to be more sophisticated and controlled than to get himself drunk and try to force himself on someone.

"I'm in my room the whole day," Ginny continued, bitterly, "I'm scared to go downstairs for meals, I feel uncomfortable in his presence."

What Ginny was talking was not something new to Hermione. She knew exactly what it felt like when you are forced to live with a person you are scared of. But in Hermione's case was even harder, because she did not have her own room. Lucius made it impossible for her to try and avoid him. No matter what he did to her, Hermione was forced to sleep in his bed every night, she was forced to feel his presence, to be dependent on him.

Ginny laughed bitterly:"At least you don't have to worry about that, Hermione. Snape told me that Malfoy would never lower himself enough to touch you."

Hermione felt as if all air was pushed from her lungs at Ginny's sentence. Lucius did a lot more than just touch her. But could she tell that to Ginny? And could she tell her that she allowed it to happen because she was afraid of being alone? Apparently her face showed enough emotions for Ginny to notice that something was wrong.

"Hermione," she asked carefully, as though she was afraid to hear the answer, "Did he-?

So many thoughts were in Hermione's mind, but she could not open her mouth to answer. Should she tell her the truth? Should she admit to Ginny that she allowed Lucius to touch her with the same hands with which he had killed Ron? That those hands made her cry out in pain and even moan in pleasure she never knew was possible? Or should she lie and tell her that Lucius never did anything more than hit her?

"When?" Ginny demanded, shocked, "When did it happen?"

Hermione should not have underestimated the younger witch. Of course she would figure it out what happened. Hermione was hesitating with her answer and that was all Ginny needed to see the truth.

"That disgusting bastard!"

Hermione shook her head and tried to calm her down:"He's not worth it. Just forget it."

"_Forget _it?" Ginny could not believe what she was hearing, "Hermione, open your eyes! You can't be that passive about everything!"

Maybe she was right. Maybe Hermione really was too calm about everything, but she had a reason for that. She somehow accepted everything. She accepted the world they lived in, she accepted that Lucius owned her. In her first few weeks she screamed and fought back. She was acting the way Ginny was at that moment. But she soon realized that acting like that would not get her far. Lucius did not appreciate it when she screamed at him and she was always punished for it.

"How can you be that calm?" Ginny was still upset, "He raped you!"

Hermione flinched at the word. She always did. Maybe it was because deep inside of her she did not agree with it. At least not completely. Lucius was the one to blame for everything, but he always gave her a choice. Always, except... the last time. And she always chose him. She still clearly remembered the night when she willingly kissed her and pulled him closer to her. She tried hard to erase that out of her memory...but she couldn't.

Ginny stood up, anger and disgust still clearly in her voice:"You've been completely _corrupted_! You can't even distinguish right from wrong anymore!"

That striked the nerve and Hermione stood up as well, angry expression on her face. She wished she could see so she would be able to look Ginny straight into her eyes.

"Don't talk about things you don't know about, Ginny!" she warned the younger witch.

"But you are acting as if-" than she stopped and after a few long moments of silence, she finally spoke again, "He _didn't _force you, did he?"

Hermione bit her lip in frustration and shame. She honestly did not know what to say. Everything was complicated, too complicated for Ginny to understand. Or anyone else for that matter. Her relationship with Lucius could not be described in a few words. And even if she did want to explain it, she wasn't sure Ginny would want to hear it.

"You-" the redhead forced out, "How could you? Snape was wrong. There _is _something between the two of you. It's _revolting_!"

"Ginny, don't! You don't understand-"

"Than explain it to me! I'd love to hear why you let a murderer touch you! _Ron's _murderer!"

"I don't know!" Hermione screamed, all her emotions exploding. For too long she tried to ignore who Lucius truly was. But now it was all thrown into her face as she was confronted with the facts.

"You have to know _something_!" Ginny insisted, anger completely taking over her. She felt shocked, betrayed, disgusted. She could not believe what was happening and she desperately needed an explanation.

"I couldn't stop him! I had to do what he said-" Hermione tried to explain.

"So he _did _force you, Hermione!"

"No! At first yes, but than..." she trailed off, not knowing what she wanted to say. How could she explain everything that was happening? Even she herself did not understand it.

She took a shaky breath:"At first I hated what he was doing to me! I hated him! But than everything changed! Ginny, you don't know him as well as I do."

"And I do not wish to know him!"

Hermione ignored her comment and continued:"Maybe it was all a part of his game, but he saved me a lot of times. He risked his life because of me! I know that he hates me, but sometimes his actions prove me differently. And I know that I should hate him with all my heart, but I can't, Ginny! He's like a _disease_! I can't get rid of him and I can't stop thinking about him! Sometimes I even think I can't exist without him."

Hermione covered her mouth in shock as she stopped talking. She could not believe what she just said. Where did it come from? Did she really mean it? Was that what she truly thought and felt, but was never brave enough to admit?

The room was filled with dead silence. Hermione could hear Ginny's rapid breathing, but no words came from the younger witch. She couldn't stand the silence. She wanted Ginny to talk, to scream at her, to tell her what she was thinking. Anything, but silence.

"Ginny-"

"I think I need to use the bathroom," she said quietly and before Hermione could say another word, she heard the doors slam.

Completely exhausted, Hermione threw herself on the bed, closing her eyes and trying to ignore what just happened. What she just said to Ginny. Somehow Ginny awoke all those feelings and thoughts that Hermione tried to hide, even from herself. Now she was forced to face it, but she hurt her friend in the process. Ginny was never supposed to hear those things. It was supposed to stay deep in Hermione's mind and soul, hidden from everyone.

Suddenly there was a noise, coming from the bathroom. It sounded as someone broke a glass or a mirror. Hermione stood up, alarmed:"Ginny, what happened?"

She waited a few moments, but when she got no response, she decided to check on her. There was a strange feeling inside of her. As sixth sense. Something wasn't right. She somehow made her way to the bathroom and opened the door. She expected Ginny to scream at her to get out, but there was nothing.

"Ginny?"

Hermione walked in the bathroom, her arms extended in front of her. But than she tripped over something on the floor and landed hard on her knees. She shrieked from the pain that jolted through her body. Realizing with horror that she landed with her knees and palms onto the fragments of the broken mirror. It had to be a mirror. Nothing else in the bathroom could be broken that way.

Ignoring her own pain, Hermione's hands found Ginny's body lying next to hers. She was not moving and Hermione shrieked in sheer panic. Without another thought she grabbed Ginny's shoulders violently, shaking her, but got no reaction.

"What did you do?" she screamed, her voice shaking horribly. Her hands traveled down Ginny's body, trying to understand what the younger witch did. When her hands reached her wrists, she froze in shock. There was some kind of a liquid there and Hermione immediately understood what happened.

_Oh God. Oh God._

She pulled herself to her feet and ran out of the bathroom, bumping into the dressing table as she tried to reach the doors. The panic was making her lose her sense of orientation. When she finally made her way to the doors, she found them locked.

"Help! Please!" she screamed and started hitting the doors, just like she did this morning when she realized that she could not see. Or maybe it was yesterday morning? It didn't matter at that moment.

Hermione could not believe what was happening. In her mind she could clearly see Ginny's blood dripping from her wrists rapidly. Every second mattered. But what could she do to help her?

"Lucius!" she screamed, hoping he was in the house and he would decide to come and see what was happening.

"Please, Lucius!"

She was shaking uncontrollably and her heart was beating so fast as if it was trying to jump out of her chest. Hermione could hear seconds passing by in her mind. The doors suddenly opened and the force with which they were open almost pushed Hermione to the floor.

"What the hell is happening?" Lucius asked, angry.

Hermione ran towards him, gripping his arms, not caring that she was touching him. Shock took completely over her and she had trouble speaking.

"G-Ginny-"

"What happened to you?" Lucius demanded as he noticed her hands were covered in blood. He pushed her away from him so he could take a good look at her.

"Ginny's done something to herself! She's in the bathroom! Please-"

She felt Lucius push her to the side as he hurried to the bathroom. Hermione tried to follow, but she stopped by the doors, not daring to enter. At that moment she was glad that Lucius took her sight. She wasn't sure she'd be able to stand the sight in front of her. She could swear she smelled the blood and just that made her sick to her stomach.

"Foolish girl," Lucius muttered.

Hermione could hear him mutter some spells, but still she did not hear anything from Ginny. Was it already too late? Did Ginny-? No, it couldn't be.

Hermione's eyes were wide open as if she was observing the scene in front of her, even though all she could see was darkness. There were no tears, only shock. She was somehow numb. Her mind was completely blank.

"Pippy!" Lucius called and not even a second later the elf appeared with a 'pop'.

"Levitate her to her room," he ordered, than Hermione heard him stand up and make his way towards her. She was confused and did not understand what was happening. Was it over? Already? What did he do to her? Did he help her? He did not have to save her, but he ordered the elf to take her to her room. That meant she wasn't dead, right?

She felt Lucius take her hand and lead her to the bed. He seated her down without a word. Hermione did not complain, she said nothing. Her brain was still trying to understand what just happened. She never expected Ginny to do something like that. She did seem desperate and upset, but Hermione never imagined... Than she understood everything. It was all her fault. She was the one who pushed Ginny over the edge.

"You will wait here while I check on that Weasley girl," he said to her in a firm voice that left no room from arguments.

"Is she-" Hermione asked, her mind still completely blank.

"She lost a lot of blood," Lucius explained emotionless, than added, "She was smart, cutting both her wrists and her throat."

Hermione's hand flew up to cover her mouth, afraid she would throw up. It surprised her that Lucius gently grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her face.

"You will need to clean yourself," he said to her, without any emotions.

Hermione could feel blood drying on her hands and dozens of sharp tiny fragments in the sensitive skin of her palms and knees. It was than that Lucius noticed it too. He took her hands in his and it was as if his stare was burning her palms. He pointed his wand to her wounded hands and Hermione stiffened as tiny fragments of the mirror removed itself from her skin. Than he muttered something else, probably closing the cuts on her skin. Hermione did not care what kind of spell he was using. Her mind was elswhere. Shouldn't he be helping Ginny? Maybe it was already too late to help. Or maybe she would be alright and he did not have to go to her room. Maybe the elf was taking care of Ginny while...while Lucius was taking care of her.

His hands slowly left her hands and than he gripped her knees, performing the same spells and healing her. But than he froze. His right hand slowly traveled up to her thigh and stopped there. Hermione could hear him take a slow breath and she wondered what made him act that way.

"Are you-" he paused, than tried again, "Are you on your cycle?"

Hermione could feel the heat in her head as she blushed at his question and at the thought of why he decided to ask her that. Was she bleeding? Were there blood stains on her nightgown? Oh God, he would kill her. She dirtied the nightgown and probably the bed as well with her dirty blood.

"Why did you not tell me?" he demanded, but there was no anger in his voice.

"I-I don't know."

Lucius sighed in annoyance:"You should have told me. Why do you always insist on making things harder for yourself?"

Hermione recognized it as a rhetorical question and she remained silent. She felt so dirty. All she wanted was to take a bath and clean herself. She could not stand the smell and the feeling of blood. Ginny's blood. Her blood.

"Take a bath. The potion for your _problem _will be waiting for you on the nightstand," Lucius informed her and than walked in the bathroom. She could hear him exhale angrily, than probably clean the blood and the shards with his wand.

When he returned to the room, he stood in silence for a few seconds as if hesitating about something. Hermione heard him open the drawer and than close it again.

"Your new clothes," he said to her and than placed something on the bed.

Without saying anything else to her, he left the room. Hermione sat there, not moving, for several minutes after he left. Than she finally forced herself to stand up. Her legs were shaking, probably the aftershock of what happened with Ginny. She took the clothes that Lucius chose for her and realized it was another nightgown. But this time he did not conjure it,but he took it out f the drawer. There was no doubt who it belonged to. His wife. It had to be. And he gave it to her, a dirty Mudblood.

She hurried with the bath, rubbing her skin, especially on her hands. But no matter how much she tried, she could not get rid of the feeling that Ginny's blood was still on her. But at the same time she did not want to be in the bathroom, knowing what happened there not long ago. When she was finally back in the bedroom, her hair still wet, she could finally calm down and take a deep breath.

The potion Lucius left for her was in her hands, but she hesitated at first, not entirely sure she should accept any kind of help from him. After some serious thinking she decided to take Lucius' advice and she drank it. Why make things harder for herself?

Than the full weight of what happened crashed onto her. It seemed so surreal. She never imagined that Ginny would do something like that. But what was bothering her the most was the guilt. There was no doubt why Ginny decided to cut herself. Hermione knew that if she did not spill out all her deepest secrets to Ginny, the redhead would not do something so drastic as taking her own life. She could only imagine how Ginny felt. She was alone in the world. Hermione was the only remaining friend she had. And that friend was telling her that she was having strange feelings about the man that practically killed her whole family. What the hell was she thinking telling her that?

But Ginny somehow forced her to open up to her. _Ginny _herself brought out all those thoughts in Hermione.

_How is she? Is she going to be alright? Is she even...alive?_

Lucius had to save her. But what if he didn't? Why would he? Just because she asked him to? Ginny was nothing to Lucius. She insulted him in his own house, spat on him, tried to kill him. Lucius was not a man who could forget those things that easily. Or forgive for that matter. But surly he would not let Ginny die in his house? If anything he would save her to avoid problems with Snape. Hermione would never forgive herself if something happened to Ginny. That would be something she was not sure she'd be able to put behind her and move on. There was no way she could live, knowing that she was responsible for Ginny's death.

Hermione' s mind was filled with thoughts that contradicted each other. She could not sit still. It accured to her that she could call for Lucius, but she abandoned that idea. If he left, that meant he had some work to do. Maybe it was connected to Ginny. He probably had to inform Snape of what happened as well.

Hermione kept pacing up and down the room, slowly so that she did not bump into anything. It was strange how she got used to the darkness that quickly. But with everything that was happening she did not have the time to mope and feel sorry for herself. More important things were happening.

ooo

A few long hours passed, and than he finally came back. Hermione held her breath as she waited for him to say something. But at the same time she was horrified of what he could say to her. If Ginny...did not survive, Hermione would run into the bathroom and did the same thing as she did. Lucius was breathing calmly, there was no sign that he was upset. And that was a good thing, right? But even if Ginny was dead, why would that upset Lucius? Even after he killed that many people, his sleep never seemed to be disturbed.

"It looks good on you," he commented coldly, but there was something forced in his voice.

It took Hermione a few moments to understand what he was talking about.

"Oh," was all she could say. What else was there to say? Should she thank him?

He exhaled deeply and than approached the bed. Hermione tensed when she heard him sit down. She was leaning against the wall, her arms around her in a protective manner. So much has happened in the last few days, but she still did not forget what he did to her against that wall. It would not disappear from her memory. Only an Obliviate would make her forget that event and she would be thankful for it.

"Care to join me?" he asked, "The conversation we are about to have will be anything but short."

"I'm fine," she barked at him harsher than she intended.

Thankfully he did not fight with her, because there was no way Hermione would sit beside him on the bed. She just could not stand his presence.

"How is she?" Hermione asked as she could no longer wait for him to begin that subject.

"She will live," was all Lucius said to her. No emotion, nothing that would show he actually cared about what almost happened in his house, in his bathroom.

Hermione closed her eyes in relief and let out the breath she's been holding. A weak smile sneaked onto her face.

"Thank you," she whispered and she meant every word. Lucius did not have to save Ginny, he did not have to come to Hermione when he heard her screaming. He did not have to do any of those things. Many in his place wouldn't.

"You do not need to thank me," he replied as if he was defending himself, "I did not do it for you."

Of course he didn't.

"Than why did you do it?" Hermione could not help but ask.

"I don't think Severus would appreciate if his reward died in my house," he said, than added, "You were returned to me alive and healthy. I am expected to do the same for his possession."

_Possession_. There was that word again. Hermione loathed it. At first she could not understand how could Lucius describe a person as a possession. No one could posses another human being. But as months passed by, it became clear to Hermione that she was slowly becoming Lucius' possession. And not because of him, but because of _her_. She allowed it to happen by surrendering herself to him completely. The fact that she was completely dependent on him, made him her owner.

"Why did you do it?" she suddenly asked, needing to hear his answer.

"I already told you-"

She cut him off, shaking her head:"Not Ginny," than she pointed to her eyes, "_This_."

Lucius exhaled slowly and it was as if he did not know what to say. He always had a clever remark or a sarcastic response. But as moments passed, he still said nothing.

"I know it was you," Hermione added, "Why, Lucius? Why was this necessary?"

"Because you would leave," he finally let out. It was as a whisper, but Hermione heard it. And she couldn't believe what she heard.

"Leave? Where? How?" her voice was becoming stronger and angrier.

"I cannot let you leave. Never," he said in a low and dangerous tone.

Hermione could not understand him. She could not leave, even if she was no longer blind. Where would she go? She had no wand, nothing. Even though a few days ago she seriously considered running away, she had to admit to herself that she would not survive.

"I would never leave," she murmured, more to herself than to him.

That seemed to catch Lucius' attention as he stood up and approached her. Hermione pushed herself against the wall, wanting to disappear.

"Explain that to me, Mudblood," he said in his most silky voice. It was as if he was playing with her.

Hermione shook her head, her breath caught in her throat:"I don't know."

"Well, let me help you," he offered and it was impossible to miss a smirk in his tone, "You are starting to feel something for me and those feelings frighten you."

Hermione froze. Her face become completely pale with shock. It was as if someone had drained all of the blood from her. A horrible shiver ran down her spine at hearing Lucius' words.

"You cannot stop thinking about me. I'm under your skin," he drawled, obviously enjoying himself, "And my favourite part-"

"Please, stop," Hermione whispered, feeling completely humiliated and exposed. She could not believe what was happening.

"You cannot live without me."

The silence that followed was pure torture. All Hermione wanted at that moment was that the Earth would open and swallow her. She could hear her heartbeat in her head and it felt as if her whole body was vibrating with it. Maybe Lucius could hear it as well, considering that the room was filled with dead silence.

"Were you listening to my conversation with Ginny?" Hermione asked when she gathered enough strength. The question was stupid though. Of course he was listening. How else could he know all her secrets? All the thoughts and feelings she never wished for him to know?

"You insult me, Miss Granger. I am not a person who eavesdrops," Lucius paused, than smirked,"Miss Weasley was the one who told me everything. How nice of her."

"G-_Ginny_?"

"Yes," he nodded, "She was not quite awake, but that did not stop her from talking, accusing me of brain-washing you."

Hermione remained silent, trying to keep on a strong face, but she could feel her eyes stinging with unwelcome tears. Now he knew everything about her. She had no more secrets from him. She was all his to mock and insult.

"My question is," he drawled slowly, "What is it that you feel for me?"

Hermione blinked a few times, chewing her lower lip and blushing horribly. Why was he asking her about that? Wasn't it enough what he already knew about her? She licked her lips hesitantly and shook her head.

"Answer me," he demanded, more forcefully this time.

"It's not fair," Hermione barked at him.

"What isn't?"

He was not fair. Everything he did was unfair. Their whole relationship was unfair.

"You demand I tell you everything, but you never reveal anything about yourself," she did not want to be the centre of his attention anymore. She did not want to talk about her feelings.

Lucius let out a cold laugh at hearing that:"I think you are starting to imagine things. We are not in a _relationship _and I am not required to tell you anything."

"I couldn't agree more with that."

She bit the inside of her cheek and turned her head away, not wanting to talk to him anymore.

"My, you certainly are behaving as if you were my mistress," he noticed with interest, "And you are still failing to realize that your wishes do not matter to me. When I ask you a question, you will answer."

"How could I forget that?" anger flashed through Hermione's eyes, "I remember what happened two days ago when I refused to play by your rules. Do you remember, Lucius?"

She could hear him take in a breath, slowly, as if he was controlling his temper. When he spoke, his voice was completely cold:"I already told you that it will never happen again."

Hermione nodded, then smiled sadly:"Of course. You would not want to lose control like that again. Act like an animal. Especially over a filthy Mudblood."

He said nothing to that, but Hermione somehow felt that his expression was angry. She knew him that well by now that she could predict the way he would react to her words. That was her strongest weapon against him.

"Do you ever think about how _I _feel?" Hermione asked, lost in her thoughts.

"Of course not," he replied immediately.

Hermione narrowed her eyes in suspicion. His answer came too quickly, it was as if he was convincing himself, not her.

She continued:"Do you know how horrible it is to be alone in the darkness?"

"I do know," he answered quietly, than added in a sharp voice:"My life has not been fairytale, Mudblood."

"What do you mean?" she dared to ask, though it was little possible he would answer her or give her a truthful answer.

She got nothing from him for a few long moments. And just as she was about to give up, he decided to speak.

"I was in a dark cell for a few days. No food, no water," he said in a dark tone.

Hermione hesitantly took a step closer to him, surprise on her face. She could not be completely positive that he was telling her the truth. He could be just lying to her, playing with her. She was sceptical, but she decided to find out more about what he just said.

"When?"

"Before the War," he answered, "I did not want Draco to fight, but the Dark Lord insisted that he should go, saying he was old enough."

Hermione tensed at the mention of Draco. Lucius never talked about him and he never allowed anyone else, especially her to talk about his son. She tried to breath as quietly as she could, not wanting to disturb Lucius while he talked. By his voice he was lost in his memories, barely realizing who he was talking to.

"I did not want to expose my family to the risk. I myself was more than willing to fight in the War, but I did not want my wife or my son anywhere near it."

As Hermione listened to him, for a moment she could almost pretend that Lucius was just a normal man, a father who wanted to protect his son and his wife. But he wasn't. He was a Death Eater who caused too many deaths and that fact could never be ignored. But the way he talked, the sorrow and grief in his voice completely surprised Hermione. He actually stood against his Master to protect his family. She never expected Luicus to admit that to her.

"How did you come out of the cell?" Hermione asked, hoping she did not cross the line with the question.

"I realized that the Dark Lord was right," he said with a stronger voice, "He is always right. I never should have doubted his decision."

Hermione opened her mouth in shock and disgust at that statement. Under Voldemort's orders Draco went into the War and died. And Lucius was still completely fateful to his Master and their cause. It was too shocking to believe. Was getting the world rid of the Muggles more important to him than his own family? Could he be that cold-hearted? Still, something in Lucius' voice was strange. It was as if he was forcing the words out of his mouth. Was he lying? Why?

"And what happened to..." Hermione paused, not sure if she should ask that question.

But than she took a deep breath and tried again:"What happened to your wife?"

As he snapped at her, Hermione knew that the old Lucius was back and that she should not have mentioned his wife.

"That is none of your business!"he warned her, "You already know too much, Mudblood."

Hermione took a step back from him, hugging herself with her hands. She knew that his wife was dead and she was positive she did not die natural death. Something awful had to happen to her and after her conversation with Lucius, Hermione could bet that Voldemort had something to do with it. And that fact made her even more disgusted and shocked. How could Lucius still worship the man who was guilty for his son's and probably wife's death? There had to be something wrong with him.

Or maybe there was something wrong with her. Maybe _he _was right and _she _was wrong. What if _his _logic was the correct one? Should one forget his family in order to achieve his goals?

Hermione shook her head, not believing what she was thinking. He was making her doubt in herself and her beliefs.

"I will be out for the night," he informed her in his usual cold voice. Nothing in his tone showed that only a few minutes ago they had a conversation about his family. He truly was a master in turning off his emotions. But then it hit her what he just said to her.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her face burning with anger and hurt.

"Too many questions," he replied with a smirk.

She knew exactly where he was going and who he was going to spend the night with. The same woman he was talking to a few nights ago. It bothered her so much, but she could not say anything to him. It would only give him pleasure, knowing that she was hurt. Especially now when he knew that she had some kind of feelings towards him. If Hermione let him know that she did not like him going out with his..._lover_, it would only give him a reason to mock her and make fun out of her.

"Do you wish to visit the Weasley girl before I go?" he asked her matter-of-factly.

That caught Hermione off guard. She did not consider the option that she would have to face Ginny. Not after what happened. She was too upset, too confused. What could she say to Ginny to make things better?

"I'm waiting, Mudblood," Lucius drawled.

"No," she finally let out, "I don't want to visit her."

She could tell that Lucius was surprised by her answer. He snorted, but that was all. Without another word he left the room, leaving Hermione alone in the darkness once again.

**A/N: I know it's been too long since my last update. But I will make it up to you! And there are more chapters to the end than I expected. Hope you like the way the story is going. :)**


	25. The Loss

chapter 25 **THE LOSS**

Hermione could not find sleep that night. Too many things were happening and her mind just would not allow her to rest, even though she desperately needed to. She pulled the blanket tighter around her body and curled up into a ball. The bed was too big for her alone. It was too large for a normal person, but Purebloods liked to exaggerate in everything. _His _side of the bed was empty.

Hermione felt stupid, because she could not get rid of the feeling that he was somehow betreying her. She knew exactly where he was and what he was doing. Everytime that thought creeped into her mind, she felt a stab. It was ridiculous what she had allowed herself to feel. She kept repeating to herself that she was not his _wife _or even his _mistress._

But than what was that strange feeling inside of her? Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't she find the comfort in sleep?

It did not help that Ginny was probably in the room next to hers. Hermione was fighting the urge to see her, to talk to her, even though she knew it would only make things worse. Everything Hermione did just seemed to make things worse.

A small, but persistent voice in her head was telling her that she was useless and not worth to live anymore. All she was good at was hurting the people she loved.

Hermione shut her eyes and tried to think about something else, but her mind kept replaying the recent events. After a few minutes she realized that there would not be any sleep for her tonight.

ooo

"She did _what_?"Snape asked, not believing what he just heard.

"The idiotic girl tried to kill herself in my bathroom," Lucius explained, taking a sip of Fire Whiskey.

"Why would she do such a thing?"

Lucius looked away as if avoiding an answer. It didn't escape Snape's attention that Lucius did not want him to know something.

"She was talking with the Mudblood and something in that conversation had to trigger-" Snape started, but Lucius cut him off.

"Does it really matter, Severus?" he asked, "She will live. I've put the anti-suicide spell on the room. She will not be able to do anything now."

"I wonder what could Granger have told her to cause that kind of reaction."

"Maybe it was not the Mudblood. Maybe it was something _you _did."

Snape paled, realizing that it was possible his actions pushed Ginny over the edge. He did everything in his power to forget what almost had happened that drunken night. But maybe Ginny was not as good in repressing painful memories as he was. Still, he distinced himself from her since that night. He had as little contact with her as possible. Why would she try to end her own life over something that was never going to happen again?

"Maybe you were too rough with the girl, Severus," Lucius' lip curled up into a smirk.

Snape took a deep breath, than nodded. It would not be good for him if he showed his concern for the girl.

"I would like to speak to her before we…" he left that sentence trail off.

"Of course," Lucius nodded, "You can come tomorrow morning."

There was a moment of long silence in the room. Both men were lost in their thoughts.

Snape was the first to speak:"Is everything ready?"

"Yes. My house is warded and no one except me or you can put a feet in it."

Snape nodded, before taking a sip of the Fire Whiskey himself. He was nervous, a part of him could hardly wait for what was about to happen, but other part was horrified at what they were soon going to try.

"What did you find out?" Lucius spoke quietly, as if he was afraid someone might hear him.

"There is no one in the house," Snape stated calmly, "There is no need to whisper."

"You never know, my friend," Lucius smirked, "The Dark Lord has ears and eyes everywhere."

"Not in my house," Snape returned the smirk, than a serious expression took over, "As from what I have discovered, there are no horcruxes left. But we need to be prepared for anything."

Lucius was silent for a moment, his eyes lost.

"Do you still wish to carry on with it?" Snape asked carefully, noticing Lucius' strange behaviour.

In a moment, Lucius' eyes connected with his and Snape saw pure determination in them. There was no doubt in his look. Lucius' expression cooled ten degrees and Snape needed nothing more to be convinced.

"For months I have been waiting for this moment, Severus," he answered coldly.

"Good."

Lucius' voice was hard when he asked a simple word:"When?"

"Tomorrow is the best option. We cannot risk being discovered."

Lucius' jaw muscles jumped as he considered Snape's words, but than he just nodded.

"Should we fail-" Snape started.

"We will not fail, Severus."

"If they turn against us, they will try and attack out home. What have you told the Granger girl?"

Snape noticed how Lucius' expression changed at the mention of Hermione Granger. He tensed and his face was hard as if he was trying to hide his thoughts.

"I have not told her anything," he answered.

Snape narrowed his eyes in surprise, than spoke:"She doesn't know?"

"Is there a reason she should?"

"If they attack the house-"

"They will not be able to get in," Lucius repeated, "There is no need for her to know what is happening."

Snape opened his mouth to argue, but than decided it was wiser to keep his opinion to himself. There was something between Lucius and the girl. Snape had never before seen Lucius act that way because of a mudblood prisoner. Granger was the first to achieve that.

"What did you do to the girl, Lucius?" Snape finally asked, remembering how desperate she looked when she tried to escape from the Manor. Snape was not a kind man. All those years of spying and being a Death Eater turned him into a stone, but the look on her face when she begged him to help her get away, touched something inside of him.

"Why do you ask?" Lucius raised and eyebrow and took another sip of the Fire Whiskey.

"Curiosity."

Lucius sighed, than met Snape's eyes:"What do you think I did to her?"

"You had me attend to her wounds. I think I have seen enough to know what happened, but what interests me is why you _yourself _did not heal her," Snape drawled, "You have enough knowledge in that area."

Lucius' lips formed a thin line and he did not answer for a few long moments. When he did, it was not what Snape expected.

"I did not want to see."

That caught Snape's attention:"See what?"

Suddenly anger showed on Lucius' face as he forced the words through his teeth:"That Mudblood is doing something to me. I have to admit I underestimated her."

"What do you mean?"

"With a few words she brought out the animal in me and afterwards…." he trailed off, struggling to find words:"You know what I felt afterwards?"

Snape raised an eyebrow, confused at the anger and disgust on Lucius' face.

"Remorse," he forced the word out, "She made me feel _remorse _over something I did. It has never happened before. I have never known the feeling of remorse or guilt. It disgusts me."

Snape tried to hide the shock that crossed his face at that confession. In all his years of knowing Lucius, he had never heard him express guilt over something. It was not in his nature. But somehow the Granger girl succeeded in bringing that out in him.

"Guilt over what?" Snape digged a bit further, trying to find out what was on Lucius' mind.

"I told her I regret what happened, because I acted like an animal. That…is true, but it's not the _entire _truth," Lucius spoke, his eyes stared at something in the distance.

"We've been friends for a very long time, Lucius. I can assure you that nothing you say will leave this room."

Lucius nodded:"I know that," than he took a deep breath,"I don't know what has changed. I remember when I enjoyed seeing her in pain, causing her to cry and scream." A weak smirk showed on his face, but it quickly dissapeared, replaced by serious expression.

Snape slightly winced at that, realizing what his former student had to endure at the hands of the man in front of him. He knew Lucius all to well. Killing and torturing was something he did daily, sometimes on his Master's command, sometimes on his own will. It was no secret that Lucius despised the Muggles and Mudbloods. He was a proud Pureblood. But in his life Snape learned that not all is black and white. There are grey areas. And even though it was hard to admit it, Lucius Malfoy was not entirely evil. He was not like Voldemort, who was build out of pure evil. Snape knew Lucius' other side. He had seen how he was treating Narcissa. With respect and love. It was hard to understand how a man who could be that cruel and kill without a second thought, could care for his family. As far as Snape knew, Lucius' and Narcissa's marriage was arranged, but that did not mean they did not care for each other.

Snape had seen Lucius' at his most violent moments, but he also knew that he never laid his hand on Narcissa or Draco.

"I actually felt pity for her!" Lucius growled in frustration, "It was not supposed to be like this. Maybe I should kill her and end all this charade!"

"She is nothing but a Mudblood, Lucius," Snape tried to calm him down.

"At first she truly was."

"What changed?"

Snape could see frustration and anger on Lucius' face. It was obvious that Granger was getting to him. And he was not sure if that was a good thing. Lucius was prepared to do anything to rid himself of her. Even if that meant killing her.

"I wish I could answer that question, Severus."

Snape knew he would not get anything more from him, so he remained silent. After a few moments Lucius chuckled coldly and looked at his friend:"Why so quiet?"

"It accurred to me that this may be our last night alive," Snape said in a dark tone.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No," Snape answered without even thinking, "You?"

"Never."

ooo

Hermione could not help but feel relief when she finally heard him. The doors opened slowly and then she heard footsteps. He walked to the bed and started to undress. It surprised her that he came back, when he said he would be gone the whole night. It was probably very early in the morning. For a moment she wondered if she should let him know she was awake, but quickly changed her mind.

She could feel the mattress sink underneath her as he took his side of the bed. But than she felt _something_. Her back was facing him but she could _feel _him staring at her. Her breath caught in her throat when he slowly pulled the blanked down her body. When his hand touched her arm, she could not take it anymore. She moved away from him and pulled herself into a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around her now trembling body.

"What are you doing?" the question flew out of her mouth, panic evident in her voice.

"Why are you not asleep?" he demanded, clearly surprised.

Hermione did not answer, she was too busy listening for any kind of movement that came from Lucius. Why was he touching her?

"Calm yourself," he said to her, "Nothing is going to happen."

That did not take all the fear away, but it was a start. She tried to calm her breathing and slowly asked:"Why were you-?"

"If you knew you are about to die tomorrow, what would you in your last night?"

That question was so unexpected, it took Hermione completely off guard. What did he mean by that? Has he finally gotten bored with her?

"No, you can't-" she started, panicking, "W-why now?"

Lucius did not understand her:"Excuse me?"

"Why now? What have I done? You can't…I don't want to…die," Hermione babbled, her lower lip trembling.

After a moment, Lucius let out a cold chuckle:"I am not talking about _you_, silly girl."

"What?" was all she could ask, feeling completely confused.

"General speaking, how would you spend your last night alive?"

Hermione blinked a few times, not understanding why he was asking her such a thing if he was not planning on killing her. Why would a normal person with their whole life in front of them be thinking about the last night of their life? Unless… Maybe it was not her. What if he was asking for _himself_?

Horrible shiver ran down Hermione's body at that realization.

"What is going on?" she carefully asked, afraid of hearing his answer.

"Nothing," he replied smoothly, "Now answer my question."

"_Something _is going on," she repeated, "Tell me what is going on!"

"Lower your voice, Mudblood," he hissed at her, "I shouldn't have told you anything!"

Hermione could hear him get up from the bed and she followed, determined to find out what was happening.

"Where are you going?" she asked, trying to figure out where he was standing.

"None of your business."

He was putting on his clothes again, which meant he was leaving and Hermione could not allow that to happen. Not when she knew that he was hiding something important from her.

"Don't go!" she desperately tried, but knew that he would not listen to her.

In a second he was close to her, so close she could smell him. It seemed as if his smell intoxicated her. It was her drug, she could no longer imagine life without him. Without being able to talk to him, to feel him, to smell him.

Even though her instincts were telling her to take a step away, her stubbornness was stronger and she did not move. She heard him swallow hard before he finally spoke.

"Why do you care so much if I leave?" he purred into her ear, sending shivers down her body.

She wanted to give him a truthful answer, but found it impossible to. She did not know why she needed him to stay with her. There was just _something_. She could feel that Lucius was hiding something important. Something dangerous was happening and she was completely in the dark about it.

"Tell me what is going on," she said quietly.

Lucius sighed in annoyance and moved away from her.

"Nothing to concern you pretty little head with," his voice was dripping with sarcasm, but that did not stop Hermione.

"Is it about Philix? Is Voldemort still suspicious?"

"Philix is nothing but history," Lucius replied with a smirk, "Go back to bed."

"I'm not going! Stop treating me like I'm a child when I'm not! Not anymore. _You _should know that," Hermione raised her voice again, "How can you expect me to just go to sleep and pretend everything is alright, when I know that something bad is happening?"

"Than go _pretend _that you're asleep. Just stop bothering me," Lucius barked at her.

"Are you in danger?" she suddenly asked, feeling her heart in her throat.

His silence only confirmed it and Hermione opened her mouth in shock. She never imagined him in danger. He always seemed to be in charge of everything that was happening, he was always superior to his colleagues. He was always calm and manipulative. It never occurred to her that he could be the one in danger. She still remembered how strange it was when he came home injured, incapable of protecting them both against Philix.

"Do you _care_?" he asked in a harsh tone.

He neither admitted or denied that he was in danger, but Hermione could feel it in his voice.

"Of course, why do I even ask," he smirked, "I already know everything about your feelings."

"I don't think you do," she answered, even though she blushed in shame.

"How is that?"

Hermione shook her head, a sad smile on her face:"Even_ I _don't know what I feel."

Lucius' tone darkened:"Pull yourself together, Mudblood. You insult me by even thinking you could feel something other than fear and hate for me."

"What about _you_?" she suddenly asked, "What can you say about the way you treat me?"

"I am your tormentor, your judge and executioner," Lucius spoke coldly,"You are my reward, my prisoner and victim."

"It is not that simple," Hermione insisted, even though she wished it could be the way Lucius described it. It would make everything much easier if she could just see Lucius as her tormentor. It was like that in the beginning, but with time it changed. He could not be defined by just one word, neither could she and their relationship.

"It is more than that," she whispered, "It has to be."

"You romantically wanting to believe that is never going to make it true," Lucius said to her and there was a trace of mock in his voice.

"That evening…when you took me to Voldemort," she paused, surprised he did not remind her not to call his Master by his name, "When he intended to kill me and you said you have nothing to say. Was it-…Did you-"

"What do you wish to know, Mudblood?" he cut her off, impatiently.

"I want to know if you really meant it? Were you really going to stand there and watch me die?"

The moment the words left her mouth, she wished she could take them back. She did not want to know it. It would be much easier to stay in the dark, surrounded with false hope that maybe he would have done something to help her.

"I knew it was a test," Lucius answered, his voice somehow soft.

Hermione opened her mouth in surprise, but no voice came out. She did not know what to think of his answer, what to make out of it.

"You knew he would not do it?" she finally asked.

"I knew."

She was silent for a few moments, hoping he would explain it or add something to his answer. But he said nothing. And Hermione somehow felt that was everything she would get out of him.

Lucius knew that Voldemort was just playing with them. And when he did not try to do anything to help her, he knew she would not need help, because Voldemort never intended to kill her.

But now that Hermione knew that, she did not feel any better. Lucius avoided to give her direct answer to her question. She was no closer to the truth.

"Go the bed," he said to her, his voice tired.

"What about you?"

She hoped he would not leave the room. Even though he was her tormentor, as he had said himself, she still felt safer in his presence.

"If you keep your mouth shut and stop with your annoying questions, I will stay here."

Hermione nodded, relief washing over her. She crawled back into the bed and suddenly a thought hit her. She _needed _his presence. She needed to be close to him, yet she could not stand his touch. Her body and her soul were still scarred after what he did do her a few nights ago. It would not be easy to forget.

But he obviously forgot everything about that night. Of course he did. It was easier to him. He wasn't the one who was humiliated and hurt. But…suddenly something occurred to her. He had to feel _something _to react that way. He was like an animal, not seeing anything, just acting on his instinct. She could still remember the desperate and furious look in his eyes. _She _caused that. She hurt him as well.

Hermione stiffened when she felt Lucius join her in the bed. When he said nothing to her, she relaxed again, trying to forget who she was sharing her bed with.

ooo

Hermione did not sleep well that night. At times like this, she wished she did not have a brain, so could enjoy being blissfully ignorant about everything. Her mind would not let her rest, replaying her conversation with Lucius over and over again.

She could not stop thinking about what he meant by saying all those things. It was as if he was saying goodbye to life. A shiver ran down Hermione's spine as she realized that maybe something might happen to him. A strange feeling of panic shot through her at the thought of losing him and being all alone. What would happen to her?

She did not even want to think about it. It was too frightening. A faith worse than death would await for her if something happened to Lucius. There was no denying that.

Hermione held her breath and listened carefully to his breathing. It was calm and even, which told her he was asleep. But how could he sleep after everything he said to her? Was he lying to scare her?

If something bad was happening, he would not be capable to sleep that peacefully, right?

The morning came almost too fast. Hermione's eyes were closed, but she was not asleep. The nerves would not let her. When she heard Lucius exhale slowly, she realized that he was awake as well.

_Should I say something?_

She wanted to move, to ask him what was happening, to do _something_. But instead she just lay there, not daring to move or show that she was awake.

Lucius eventually got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. That was when Hermione pulled herself into a sitting position, thinking hard about what to say to him when he came back into the bedroom.

He had made it clear that he did not appreciate her questions, but Hermione was past caring. He would just have to deal with her questions. He could not expect her to forget about everything he told her.

When he finally came out of the bathroom, Hermione tensed, the words stuck in her mouth.

"Why are you up already?" he asked matter-of-factly as he dressed himself.

"I-I couldn't sleep."

He snorted at that, but said nothing. Hermione took a deep breath to encourage herself. It was strange how she was always nervous when she spoke to him. She could almost describe it as a feeling of butterflies in her stomach, only it was more powerful.

"What happens today?" she asked, keeping a strong face.

"What do you mean?"

He was playing with her again, but Hermione would not allow him that.

"What you said to me last night-" she started, but Lucius cut her off.

"I never should have told you anything," he snapped, "Stop asking questions, Mudblood."

His words struck her like a slap. Suddenly her mind was blank and she did not know what to say. Judging by his angry reply, he was not willing to talk to her. And if she still insisted, it would end badly. Maybe she was exaggerating, making a problem where there was in fact nothing. It had to be that.

So Hermione changed the subject, remembering something that was on her mind two days ago. It was a delicate subject and she did not know if she should even say something. Maybe it would be better if she kept her mouth shut. But she _needed _to know. And he needed to know as well to prevent anything that could grow out of their relationship.

"What is on your mind?" Lucius asked with interest, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Was she really that obvious?

"I-I was just wondering…" she trailed off, her mind searching for appropriate words,"Yesterday, when you gave me the potion for…to prevent…"

She never imagined how difficult it would be to actually say the words. Even after everything she had been through with Lucius, she still was not comfortable talking to him about something as personal as her time of the month. But she needed to swallow her pride and ask what she needed to know.

"What are you trying to say?" Lucius demanded, a bit impatient.

"After a few times…when you…when _we_-" Hermione's voice shook, but than she just forced the words out,"Did you use some kind of a charm to prevent pregnancy?"

There was a complete silence in the room after that question. Immediately Hermione wished she could take the words back.

She could hear Lucius exhale slowly before he spoke:"It has been taken care of."

That surprised her. She never heard him mutter any kind of incantation or give her any potion.

"How?"

"That does not concern you," he said venomly, "Suffice to say that I would never allow a half breed into the Malfoy family."

Hermione expected those words, but they still somehow stung. Not that she would even want his child, but something inside her was hurt.

"How can you be sure?" she asked carefully, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

"I think yesterday's event has proven that I do not need to worry about anything," he said, pleased with himself.

Hermione licked her lips hesitantly, her heart beating faster and faster as she felt the question approaching.

"And what about…in the future?" she asked, barely able to hear her own voice.

It was not something she liked to even think about, but she could not pretend that Lucius would never again want to…to relieve his needs. Just because of what happened the last time when even Lucius himself seemed disgusted with his actions, did not mean that he would spare her from it in the future.

She could feel that her question got Lucius' attention.

"In the _future_, Mudblood?" he drawled slowly, "How can you be so sure we will-"

Hermione did not let him finish:"Won't we?"

How she wished he would tell her that he would not touch her ever again. That she was safe from him at least in that matter.

Lucius simply ignored her question:"I have been putting the contraceptive potion in your food ever since that first night."

Of course he was. How could she think he would be that irresponsible to risk getting her pregnant?

"Did that answer your question?" he asked, his voice smooth and elegant.

Hermione nodded, but than realized something. Something she was not sure she wanted to know, but still the question flew out of her mouth.

"What would you do if it _did _happen?"

Not even a moment later she got the answer and there was no room left for argument or doubt.

"I would terminate it immediately," he said emotionless, "I already had a son."

Hermione felt no need to say anything more after that. The subject of their conversation was delicate and she did not want to face his fury this early in the morning. Lucius dressed in silence as Hermione stared into space.

After he left the room with no words, she walked into the bathroom to wash her face and attend to her needs. A new day was ahead of her.

ooo

"Good morning, my friend," Lucius greeted his friend as he walked into the study room.

"I am not sure I can agree with that," Snape's voice was dark.

"I hope I did not keep you waiting for too long."

There was tension in the air. Both men knew what was ahead of them and they were not looking forward to it. Still, they were determined to carry out their plan, no matter what.

"Is Ginevra awake?" Snape asked.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" Lucius offered, "Take a few minutes. Meanwhile I'll give some food to the Mudblood."

"Agreed."

Snape's expression was serious. The confrontation with Ginevra was not something he was looking forward to.

ooo

Hermione slowly walked out of the bathroom, feeling a bit better after refreshing herself with cold water. She sat onto the bed, then stiffened. She could not point her finger on it, but there was something wrong. She could _feel _someone looking at her. There was just that strange feeling inside of her. Something that told her that she wasn't completely alone.

"Why are you still here?" she asked quietly, hoping that he was in the room. She would feel stupid if there was no one in the room and she was talking to herself.

"It is _my _bedroom," a cold voice cut through the silence after a few seconds, "Why should I explain anything to you?"

"I thought you left."

_Steps._ She could hear steps towards her. Immediately she tensed, her throat closing up. He was approaching her. When she felt his presence next to her and his touch on her lap, her hand flew to his in an attempt to brush it away. But the fear she felt made her act more violent as she smacked his hand away from her aggressively, sending something in his hand flying across the room in the process. Hermione flinched as it smashed against the wall. It all happened in less than a second. Her body trembled as she listened how Lucius' breathing went from calm to angry.

"Why the hell was that necessary, Mudblood?" he demanded, "That was your _breakfast _that you just threw away."

Hermione's stomach complained loudly at the mention of food. She could not remember the last time she ate. She had lost a lot of weight while being held at the Manor. She noticed that when she had a chance to look at herself in the mirror, but most of all, she felt the strength slipping away from her.

"I-I'm sorry," she forced out, trying to calm herself.

It did not help that Lucius was standing in front of her, almost touching her. All she wanted was to crawl away from him, but at the same time she could not move.

"You _should _be sorry," he growled at her, "Someone like you should cherish every meal you get. You never knew if it is your last one."

"I didn't mean to-" Hermione started, "I just…."

She did not know what to do to not anger him further. She really was hungry and she needed to eat. Another day without food might be too much for her.

"Why did you finch away from me?" Lucius asked, forcing his voice to sound less angry.

Hermione could not believe what he was asking. Was he playing with her again? Was it possible he pushed that event from a few days ago completely out of his mind?

"Answer me," he demanded firmly.

"I can't stand it," she admitted quietly, hating him for making her talk about it.

"Can't stand _what_?"

Hermione took a deep breath and than finally said:"Your touch. It burns my skin."

Lucius remained silent for a few long moments. The only sound coming from him was his slow breathing. Hermione had a feeling he was deep in his thoughts and she wanted to know what he was thinking about. If only she could see his face.

With a annoyed sigh, Lucius sat down on the bed, next to Hermione, who could not believe what he was doing. Why was he-?

"Give me your hand," he ordered to her, coldly.

Panic shot through Hermione and she refused to do what he said. She hoped he would go away if she ignored him.

"Do as you are told, girl," he said to her and the tone of his voice proved her that she would not be able to escape from him.

Shaking, she extended her hand towards him, holding her breath as she did so. She half expected him to burn her hand, but somehow she knew he was not going to hurt her. Whatever he was doing or going to do, it was just to prove something.

Hermione forced herself to stay calm on the outside when she felt Lucius' hand finally touch hers. It was a light touch, but it still made her uncomfortable. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast, but Hermione kept a calm face. At least she tried to.

But when Lucius' hand took hers in his own, she draw in a sharp breath. She noticed how warm his hand was. She still remembered the times when she thought that he should be cold on the outside as he was on the inside. But he was not. His body was warm and Hermione could not help but to relax into the warmth. She also noticed how cold her hand was in comparison to his. It was weird, because she expected it to be the other way around.

"I can feel electricity through your hand," Lucius commented, "Try to calm down."

"That's easy to say," Hermione let out before she could stop herself.

"Why are you afraid?" he asked as if he was surprised.

What did he think she would feel after being attacked by him in such a manner?

"Have you forgotten?" Hermione dared to ask. She did not have to say the words, because he knew what she was talking about.

He waited for a few seconds before speaking. His voice was hard:"Of course not. I am not a man who forgets such things that easily."

"Than how can you ask me why am I afraid?"

Hermione could feel him run his finger over her hand and it shocked her that she felt somehow _comforted _by that action. What was wrong with her?

He was being gentle, but it was all just an act. It had to be. Why would Lucius Malfoy be gentle with her? He was just playing with her again, testing her, waiting for her reaction.

"I am not going to hurt you," he said to her, "Do you believe me?"

Hermione could feel her lower lip tremble and her voice shook as she answered:"I wish I could. But-"

"You don't," Lucius finished for her.

Suddenly his other hand started to move up her arm, slowly and barely touching her skin until it reached her neck. Hermione literally could not breath as his hand waited there. She could hear her heart beating in her head and she was positive Lucius could feel it too.

There were so many things running through her mind. She did not know what she would do if his hand moved down to other parts of her body.

Thankfully he removed his hands from her and Hermione was able to breath again. She pressed her hands against her body and it surprised her that she could still feel Lucius' warmth on her skin.

"See?" he asked calmly, "Nothing happened."

Hermione felt exhausted. It was as if that little experiment took all her energy from her. Now all she wanted was to be left alone.

"Why are you doing all of this?" she asked weakly.

"Because I want to prove something to you," he said drawled, "When I say you have nothing to fear, than you have nothing to fear."

After a moment he continued, his voice darker:"Believe me, you will know when you need to be afraid."

His words did not comfort her. She could not believe him. What if he lost control again? Just like he did the last time? It was possible for him to turn into a monster with no control over his behaviour.

Lucius stood up and spoke with a cold voice:"Besides, you do not have to worry anymore. I am not planning on using your body ever again in the future."

Hermione's mouth opened with shock. At first she was not sure she heard him right.

"W-Why?" she managed to ask, even though she did not want to hear the answer. All she wanted was to believe him.

"I have my reasons."

He said nothing more and suddenly Hermione understood. His _whore_. The other woman. He could now satisfy his needs elsewhere and did not need her anymore. It was to be expected that he would prefer an experienced woman who he respected and who knew what she was doing over a young, dirty Mudblood who had no experience in such things? But…he had called her pure once. She would never forget that moment. The way the word slipped out of his mouth. He truly thought she was pure. But now that did not matter anymore. He had other woman and he simply did not need her anymore. At least in _that _way.

But something was not right. Hermione could not explain to herself why she felt dead inside. Lucius said he would not touch her anymore and that was supposed to be something good. Something she wished for ever since she first gave herself to him. But why was she not glad? Why was that burning feeling inside of her? Did she _want _Lucius?

_Oh God._

There were too many things in her head. Too many thoughts and Hermione was completely lost. She could not recognize the feelings inside of her and with each passing day she was more and more confused. What did she feel towards Lucius?

"Why that face, girl?" Lucius asked with interest, "One would assume you are disappointed."

Hermione quickly shook her head:"No! I-I'm just…confused."

"Well, you have the whole day to think and sort your problems," he informed her as he made his way towards the door.

"Wait!" Hermione called after him.

Lucius stopped and waited for her to speak, not saying a word.

"What about-" she searched for words, "I'm…hungry."

"Well, you threw your breakfast into the wall," Lucius spoke with a smirk, "Deal with the consequences."

"Please. I'm really hungry," she tried again.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I-I don't remember," she shook her head slightly.

Lucius took an angry breath through his nose and he finally spoke after a few long moments:"I will have Pippy clean the mess you made and bring you another meal," he said, "But do not get used to second chances."

"Thank you," she said quietly, noticing how he did not say anything about her thanking him. He always felt the need to remind her that he did not do it for her and that she should not thank him. But this time he said nothing.

When she heard him open the doors, she could not help but ask a question that was on her mind the whole night.

"Is something important going to happen today?"

He did not answer her immediately, which was a reason for concern.

"Nothing you should worry yourself with," he said with a smirk, but it was somehow lacking of something. It was a false smirk.

"Lucius…." Hermione started, than added with stronger voice:"Should I be afraid?"

She could swear she heard him open his mouth to answer her, but he changed his mind and left the room without a word.

And with that he answered her question. The realization sent a horrible shiver down Hermione's spine.

ooo

Severus Snape took a deep breath before entering the guest room, where Ginny Weasley was recovering.

The witch's eyes landed on him in a second. It did not surprise him, because he knew she would not be sleeping.

He stood in front of the bed uncomfortably, thinking about his next words. He had hoped she would say something, but she did not say a word. After a moment she removed her eyes from him and fixed her glare somewhere in the distance.

Snape could not help but notice how vulnerable she looked and how she managed to awoke protectiveness in him. Her face was pale, her hair flat and without life. But her eyes were the thing that got to him the most. They were completely dead. No life could be seen inside of them.

"The next time you wish to do something like that, just say the words," Snape spoke icily, "And I will give you a potion."

Ginny's eyes connected with his as she considered his words, not sure if he was serious.

"There are less….bloody ways to end your life, Ginevra," Snape said to her.

"I don't care how it ends," Ginny finally spoke, her voice hoarse, "I don't need an elegant and classy death."

Snape raised his eyebrow:"Then what is it that you want?"

Again she broke the eye connection with him, remaining silent. She did not know what she wanted. Everything was complicated and confusing.

"Why?" he asked, letting out a sigh, "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Why do you care?" Ginny barked at him.

"Watch your tone," he reminded in his usual cold tone, "I am no longer your Professor, but I am older than you and you will speak to me with respect."

Ginny sent him a cold look, but said nothing. Snape could see that she had no energy to fight with him and that concerned him more than he would like.

"You will never try something like this again," Snape said to her, his voice calm but ordering.

That seemed to anger Ginny, as she looked at him, her eyebrows raised slightly:"Oh, really? How can you be so sure?"

"I will put anti-suicide spell on you, you will be under my eye all the time," he explained.

That awoke anger inside of her. She did not like to be ordered around by someone, especially someone she hated. "Why do you care so much?" she almost screamed at him.

"Because you are throwing your life away!" Snape raised his voice.

"It is _my _life!" she shot back at him, "It's not even a life anymore! I have no freedom, no goals, nothing."

"Time changes everything," Snape said to her, quietly.

That seemed to get Ginny's attention:"What do you mean by that?"

"Soon you will see."

Ginny just shook her head, not believing or caring about his words. Than she realized something.

"Why are you here?" she asked suspiciously, "I thought you left for a few days."

Snape took a deep breath, than met her questioning eyes.

"I lied. "

"Than why-"

"I brought you here because I think it would be unsafe for you to be at my Manor," Snape explained slowly, his voice low.

"Unsafe? Why? What is happening?" Ginny demanded, alarmed.

"You will get your answers soon. Maybe even tonight."

He turned and walked to the doors, stopped by Ginny's question.

"Where are you going?"

"I cannot tell you," he answered without even looking at her.

"Take me away from here," she whispered, "Please."

Snape turned around, a surprised expression on his face. He could hear desperate plea in her voice and he could not help but wonder what made her act that way.

"I can't stay here anymore," she said again.

"You will have to. This is the safest place for you at the moment," Snape explained to her, his voice surprisingly soft.

"I don't think I can sink any lower," Ginny let out a cold chuckle, "I am at the Malfoy Manor, the man who had killed my family, saved my life and my friend is head-over-heels for him."

It surprised her that Snape did not seem surprised by her words. Every normal person would be. Unless...

She gritted her teeth together in anger:"Did you know about….it?"

Snape raised an eyebrow in interest:"_It_?"

"About Hermione and…Malfoy," Ginny's voice was filled with disgust.

Snape remained silent, but Ginny had a strange feeling he was hiding something from her. It was just something in his expression.

"What do you know?" she demanded.

"It is not my place to talk about it," Snape answered emotionless.

"But you _do _know something! Everyone knew about it, except me!" Ginny screamed with anger.

"There is nothing to know."

"Don't play games with me. Not now," she warned him, "What do you know?"

Snape took a deep breath, than nodded:"Alright. I will tell something to you, which I expect you to try to understand."

When Ginny said nothing, he continued. He used his teaching voice as spoke:"A captured person might develop some kind of affection towards their captor."

Disbelief was evident on Ginny's face as she listened, but she did not interrupt.

"It is a psychological phenomenon," Snape explained, "Hostages view the captor as giving life by simply _not _taking it."

"Who would want to…have positive feelings towards their captor?" Ginny could not believe what she was hearing.

"Granger has endured complete isolation for the last few months. The only perspective she has is Lucius'. She is completely dependant on him."

Ginny shook her head:"But Hermione…It's more than than. You should hear her. The way she talked about him…"

"She most likely concentrated on his good side to protect herself, to convince herself that things are not that awful," Snape's tone was calm in contrast to Ginny's.

"But why hasn't that happened to me?" she asked, looking directly into Snape's eyes.

"Because you have not experienced what she has. In comparison to Granger, your life after the war had not been that awful."

Anger flashed in Ginny's eyes:"What do _you _know?"

"Believe me," he smirked, "I do know. If you think you have suffered, you truly are ignorant."

That seemed to affect her, because she said nothing.

"You will remain here for the day," Snape informed her, than opened the doors.

"What if it isn't forced by circumstances?" Ginny asked, "What if she really…_feels _something?"

"Than that is her decision and you have no right to judge her, Ginevra," Snape said to her and than left the room, leaving Ginny speechless and confused.

ooo

The day was passing unbelievably slowly. Hermione did not know what to do with herself. The nerves were killing her. It was the most horrible feeling, knowing that something bad was happening and not being able to do anything. And in Hermione's case was even harder, because she did not know what was happening. All she had was her sixth sense and Lucius' words.

When the elf came to clean up the mess she made and bring her another breakfast, she tried to get information from it, but the elf was ordered to not speak to her.

It was frustrating, because that was all that was on Hermione's mind. She had nothing else to think about, she had nothing to do, she couldn't even sleep.

_His touch._

She could still feel his hand on hers, the warmth from it, the soft sensation he caused inside or her. It did not mean that she forgot what he did to her, but she could not help but feel comforted by his touch. She desperately needed someone, even if it was her enemy.

How she hated not knowing what was happening outside. What day it was? What date it was? Did anything change in the outside world? She could still clearly see the Diagon Alley in her mind, completely destroyed and dead. What were people doing? Were they living their life as nothing happened? Was that even possible? What was Voldemort planning next? Was her- the Muggle world attacked as well?

Her throat closed up with the thought of Death Eaters taking over the rest of the World. Her parents, her Muggle friends. She could not deal with that as well. If that were to happen….If something happened to her parents, it would push her over the edge. She was positive she would do the same thing as Ginny, but she would make sure that no one would save her.

_Ginny._

Was she in the next room? Or maybe she was taken back to Snape's Manor? How was she?

Hermione did not want to think about her, because she couldn't stand the feeling of guilt. It was all her fault. She turned Ginny from a young, energetic girl into a suicidal wreck. Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut? Snape was right. She really was incapable of staying quiet.

Hours passed and Hermione was becoming more and more nervous. It did not help that her eyes hurt. Every once and a while she could see bright white light in front of her, but she paid no attention to that. It was not like it was a first time.

But than it happened.

Hermione was sitting on the bed, rubbing her eyes to relieve the ache that she felt. But when she opened her eyes, she was not faced with what she expected. She literally did not move or breath for a few seconds. There was no darkness, as she expected. She could _see_. It was blurry, but still.

_Panic_. Pure panic overtook her. She closed her eyes and hoped she only imagined it. She was _begging _for darkness, because she knew exactly what happened if her sight had returned. It happened when Philix died. Did Lucius-?

_No. Oh, God, no._

Tears swelled in her eyes, but she refused to open them. She did not dare. It couldn't be true. He couldn't be…dead. _How? Why?_

Her hands were shaking as she reached up to her face, to brush away the tears. She did not move for a few long moments afraid to face the truth. But than she gathered her courage and opened her eyes.

A desperate cry escaped her lips as she was once again faced with the image of the bedroom. She collapsed onto the floor, her nails clawing at her face, her head, pulling out her hair. The pain she felt could not be described in words. The grief, the sadness, the fear, the shock.

She could not believe what happened. She could not understand it. How was it possible? She spoke to him in the morning and now he was…_gone_. Something happened to him, otherwise her sight would not be returned. What was going to happen to her now?

Than denial came.

Her mind was looking for excuses why she could see again. He was not dead. He could not be. It just was not possible. What had been the point in learning to live with him, forming a connection with him if it all just ended now?

The loss was too much. She had lost too many things in the last few months.

First it was her freedom and that was the easiest to accept. Then she lost her pride and dignity. Lucius took all that away from her, forcing her to do things she never thought she would do, such as calling herself a Mudblood. Than she lost her innocence. She gave it to Lucius in exchange for life. She lost her friends because of him. She was all alone. She had no one, except him. And now he was gone as well. She could not take it. It was simply too much. She would not accept it. He was _not _gone. She could not lose him as well.

After that there was numbness. She just sat there, hugging her knees and looking at the wall, her mind completely blank. It had to be hours since her sight returned, but she did not move.

A simple realization came to her.

Without Lucius she could not exist in this world.

**A/N: Just two more chapters! Thanks for all the reviews and the support, guys. I really hope the end will not dissapoint you. I think It won't. :) I found a song that describes this story and H/L relationship. It's 'Haunted' by Evanescence. I am thinking about making a music video about this story and posting it on Youtube. Well, you will be informed about everything. :) Tell me what you think. **


	26. Love

chapter 26 **LOVE**

Hermione was afraid she was loosing her mind. As she curled into a ball, pressing her head against the cold floor, she could swear she heard Lucius' cold voice in her mind. _Memories_. So many memories of him.

_"You are a Mudblood."_

He almost succeeded in convincing her she was nothing more than a filthy Mudblood who was not worthy of anything. There were moments when she actually believed it.

_"I have the power to make it all go away if you do what I told you to. Just tell me what I want to know."_

He was always the one with the power. Many times he proved to her that even her life was in his hands. And the only way to survive in the world was to submit to him and his will.

_"You despicable creature! How dare you raise your hand upon me?"_

Hermione smiled bitterly as she remembered the day she slapped him. The day when she was still under the impression that she could win in an argument with him. But she never even stood a chance.

_"I wonder how would you scream my name while being taken by me?"_

It was only a threat, but it sent horrible shivers down her spine when he spoke those words to her. It was the first time it actually hit her what he could do to her.

_"There are much worse things. Mental pain is more devastating. I intend to present all those things to you."_

And he kept his promise. His slaps and spells were nothing compared to what he did to her mind. He damaged her permanently. He changed her personality. She could no longer recognize herself.

_"Are you hurt?"_

His attitude towards her changed after he saved her from Dolohov. Hermione was not sure what exactly happened, but he was never the same again. Before than incident with Dolohov he would never ask her if she was alright, but he was awfully interested in finding out if Dolohov had done something to her. At first Hermione explained it as his possessiveness, but now looking back at it, she realized it could had been concern. Was that even possible? Would he feel _concern _for her?

_"As it so happens, you are mine. Your mind, soul and body."_

She did not believe him. But as time passed, his words proved to be true. She herself began to believe that she was his and it soon became the only thing she could believe in and rely on.

_"I don't like it when people touch my possessions without my permission. And that's what you are. A mere possession."_

And his possessiveness saved her life many times. She often found herself thankful that he had such controlling nature. But soon doubt began to settle in. Was that all that he felt for her? Was there something else behind his words and his actions? What was the real reason he kept saving her from the others and sometimes even from herself?

_"And because I can do with you what I please. You have no idea how tempting it is to have you in my room."_

Hermione remembered the shock his words had caused. From the first day in the Malfoy Manor, Lucius kept repeating that he would never touch her. That she was too filthy and not worthy of his touch. She was beneath him and he did not want to dirty himself with her. But than one evening everything changed. It could be Firewhiskey talking out of him, but that did not make Hermione feel any better. Or any safer. He tried to rape her that night. After that event, she started to see Lucius Malfoy as a dangerous man, not just an evil Death Eater who kidnapped her.

_"It's incredible what a complete isolation can do to a person. You are the perfect example of how living for long periods of time in contact with only one human being can link you to that one person. You and me."_

He was right. They were connected and nothing could ever break that connection. Even if someone by some miracle stopped Voldemort and the Death Eaters and even if she was saved, Lucius would never dissapear from her thoughts or her memories. She would always remember him and everything they shared. But would _he _feel the same? If he was captured and thrown into the Azkaban, would he lose his time thinking about her? Would she even cross his mind every once and a while? Hermione did not have the answer to that.

_"You would like to belong to me, Mudblood."_

Hermione could still remember how awful she felt the moment she realized he was right. At first she thought that it was understandable, because she longed for safety. She desperately needed to be protected from the world outside and she recognized Lucius Malfoy as the only person able to protect her. But soon it became clear to her that maybe safety was not the only reason she wanted to belong to him.

_"I will show you just how much I care about you. I care about you much that I will let you leave my house. You are free. Go. Run."_

Was he serious or was he just playing mind games with her again? Lucius Malfoy was still a mystery to Hermione. That day she chose life over death. But as she was now on the floor, a blank expression on her face, she was not sure she had made a right decision. Maybe it would have been better if she had chosen death?

_"I knew that you, a young girl with no romantic experiences and no contact with other people would become attached to the first man that touched her intimately. Does it disgust you that it was me, Mudblood?"_

It did disgust her. The mere thought of what Lucius' hands had done to all the people she loved, to Ron, made her sick to her stomach. Hermione knew what he was. A murderer with no coinsence, but that did not stop her from becoming attached to him and letting him touch her. What was wrong with her? She still did not have the answer to that question. Some questions were destined to stay unanswered.

_"What do you want me to do, you foolish girl? I have to protect us."_

That was the first time Hermione dared to think that maybe there was _something _in Lucius. Something not entirely evil and cold. Maybe she was not the only one who was having inappropriate feelings. He wanted to protect her too. And a small part of Hermione hoped that it was not just an act of possessiveness.

_"You do not honestly believe I would go to dirty whores when I have pure little-"_

Lucius Malfoy definitely was more than met the eye. Hermione was shocked when he described her as pure, because he always thought of her as nothing more than a dirty Mudblood. He would never use _pure _in the same sentence as her name. But he did. And that meant something.

_"I cannot let you leave. Never."_

He felt something for her. He _had _to. Why else would he say that? Hermione could still hear the dark tone in his voice as he said that. Little did he know that Hermione did not want to leave. How could she leave if he was always on her mind?

Hermione felt remorse at the realization that he died without knowing that she would never leave…that in some sick and twisted way she did not want to leave. Maybe if he knew… It was too late now. He was _gone._

_"If you knew you are about to die tomorrow, what would you do in your last night alive?"_

She should have realized that something was wrong. She should have demanded answers more forcefully. Now it was already too late. Why didn't she stop him from leaving? Maybe he would still have been alive if she had done something. Anything.

The it hit her. What if it was not Voldemort who had something to do with Lucius's…dissapearence? Maybe it was the resistance. What if they had organized the attack again and …_won_? Or maybe they did not win, but they managed to hurt Lucius?

Just a few months ago, she would be filled with joy at hearing that not all was over and that the resistance was still fighting and trying to eliminate Voldemort and his followers.

But now, Hermione felt absolutely no joy. Even if the good side won and that would result in her rescue, she would not be glad. Relieved maybe, but smile would never appear on her face. She simply could not imagine having a normal life after everything that had happened to her. She lost her friends. And now she lost _him_. Life without _him_. World without _him _in it.

Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek, but she brushed it away. Why was she crying? Could Lucius' death really form tears in her eyes? Why? Was she afraid of what would happen to her without him? Or was it something deeper?

Hermione slowly pulled herself up from the floor, realizing that she should be doing something and not just waiting for some Death Eater to burst through the doors.

_What is going to happen to me?_

Her head started spinning as she tried to come to grips with different scenarios. Maybe there was no resistance. Maybe there was another Death Eater like Phillix who disliked Lucius and this time Lucius did not win. Maybe they would kill her, maybe not. Maybe she would just be passed to another Death Eater. Too many_ maybe's._

_Ginny!_

It suddenly occurred to her that the redhead witch was also in the house. What would happen to Ginny if they break into the house? Surely she was protected by Snape and nothing would happen to her.

But Hermione was without _her _protector now. It surprised her that somehow that fact did not scare her as it should. She could not bring herself to feel fear for herself. Only _he _was on her mind. Grief for him was stronger than fear for her own safety.

Hermione looked out of the window, her face blank. It was already getting dark. Waiting in fear was the worst feeling there was. Hermione did not know what was going to happen to her. And the uncertainty was killing her, but not more than a fact that she was never again going to see _him_.

Slowly she walked to the dressing table and stood in front of the big mirror. She could not believe how different she looked. It was as if she was no longer Hermione Granger. Not able to stand the image of herself in the mirror, she turned away and walked to the doors.

_Locked_, she realized as she tried to open them. As minutes passed by, Hermione was becoming more and more nervous and claustrophobic.

It was as if there wasn't enough air in the room. Panicking, Hermione tried to open the window, but it would not move. With an angry growl, she punched the window, but nothing happened. Hermione conclueded Lucius probably had put some kind of a spell on it, so she would not try to escape. But she needed air.

Without thinking, she started pounding on window, but she only hurt her hands doing it. After a few moments she angrily looked around the room for something to throw into the window, but found nothing.

She was sweating and trembling from cold at the same time. Walking over to the dressing table, something inside her exploded as she looked at her reflection again. With a scream she smashed her fist into the mirror as hard as she could, repeating the process until she could no longer see her reflection and until small fragments of the mirror were all over the table and the floor. She looked down at her bloody hands, but strangely she felt no pain.

Unfamiliar feeling of calmness took over her and Hermione could feel tension leaving her body.

She wiped her hands on her nightgown, barely noticing how dirty and bloody it looked. It didn't matter anymore if she did something wrong. _He _was gone.

She sat down onto the floor, leaning against the bed and staring into distance.

_What now?_

She simply could not imagine life after Lucius. He had been the only constant thing in her life and now he was gone. It was as if her whole world crashed down again. The first time it happened when they lost the War, but she slowly recovered from that or at least repressed it. Now everything she knew was taken away from her again. Just as she was getting used to him and getting back on her feet, everything was taken away from her. Hermione did not have the energy or the will to recover again. She simply could not go through that painful and slow process again.

She rested her head against her knees and closed her eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she would wake up any minute now and found Lucius next to her, alive.

Sleep threatened to take over her, but she knew it would not be a good idea. Any second someone might burst through the doors. But than again, even if someone came in, what could she do to protect herself? There was absolutely nothing.

She realized that she did not want to fight. She simply did not want to remain in this world. Closing her eyes, she waited. For death, for someone. What is worth living for when you are lost in the world of evil?

Nothing.

With a blank expression on her face, Hermione slowly crawled to the dressing table and picked one broken shard from the floor. It looked so small and delicate in her hand, but it had the power to end life.

Would she be able to do it?

That thought crossed her mind so many times in the past, but she never actually tried it, hoping that maybe someday something might change. With a shaking hand she brought the shard to her left wrist, but stopped before it could touch her skin. Taking a deep breath, her eyes glazed over the shard between her fingers.

_Ginny did it. Why can't I?_

Was she really such a coward that she could not end her own life? Why couldn't she give into death even though she knew it was her only way out?

With determination on her face, she tightened her grip on the shard and placed it onto her skin. It was cold and hard. She did not like the feeling of it. With a desperate cry she pressed it harder into her wrist, already feeling the delicate skin tearing under the pressure.

Her whole body was uncontrollably shaking and tears swelled up in Hermione's eyes. Finally, she threw the shard into the wall and broke down sobbing. She really was pathetic. Why could she not do it? What was stopping her? Was it the pain? It couldn't be. While living with Lucius, she had known much worse pain than slicing her wrists. Even he _himself _once tried that on her. It was long time ago, first or second day of her capture. She refused to call herself a Mudblood and he used magic to cut her wrists. When the pain became too much and before it went to far, Hermione gave up and did what was demanded of her.

But the Cruciatus Curse and beatings hurt more than that. So why couldn't she do it? The pain would probably not last long if she did it properly. The blood loss would cause dizziness and she would lose consciousness in a matter of minutes.

Hermione knew all that, yet she could not bring herself to do it. With a tired sigh, she closed her eyes again and rested her head on her knees.

ooo

The silence was a complete torture. Hermione never minded the silence, but now she despised it. There was absolutely no sound, no voice, except her breathing. Nothing could be heard in the house. Shouldn't there be Ginny or at least the house elf? It occurred to her to call for it, but quickly abandoned that idea, remembering that the elf never responded to her calls.

It was so quiet and cold. And _dead_. There was already dark outside and Hermione did not bother with turning on the lights, so she sat in the dark. She was accustomed to it by now. Somehow she felt safer in the dark. Everything was much simpler in the dark.

Just as she was thinking about the past and all the things she could have done differently, she heard something.

_Steps._

Or maybe she was only imagining it. But she was not that crazy yet, was she? She held in her breath, listening carefully to the noise. After a few moments, there was no doubt. Someone was walking towards the room.

Her heartbeat accelerated until she could hear heart beating in her head, but she did not move from the spot on the floor. She would not run away or hide. If death was coming for her, she would welcome it with her head raised proudly. She was a Gryffindor after all and they were known by their bravery. The Sorting Hat saw bravery in her and it could not be wrong. She was brave, even though the events in the couple of last months made her doubt in herself.

When the doors opened, Hermione took a deep breath and turned her head towards it. But what she saw left her completely speechless. She was prepared to see any ugly, disgusting Death Eater, or someone from the good side who came to save her. But she was not prepared for him.

_Lucius._

He did not even close the doors behind him as he stopped in the middle of the room, looking around. Then his eyes finally landed on Hermione. There were no words to describe what she felt at that moment. It was as if a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders, but still that expression was too weak to describe the feelings inside of her. His look was intense and Hermione could see relief pass his features as he observed her. Hermione did not break their eye connection as she pulled herself up from the floor. She was afraid that if she looked away, he would disappear again.

No one spoke for a long moment. Hermione noticed how tired he looked. His clothes were dirty and there was blood on them. Why was there blood on them?

_No._

No, it was not him. It was a trick. Lucius was dead. How was it possible that her sight returned if he was alive? He could not break the spell himself from such distance, could he? It was not him. They were playing with her.

Hermione shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her voice shaking, "Stop looking like him!"

She could hear him take a step towards her, but she backed away before he could reach her.

"Don't come closer!"

She did not open her eyes. If she did, she would not be strong enough to see the truth. She would believe him. But it wasn't true. The man in front of her was not Lucius.

_"Mudblood?"_

But he had exactly the same voice as….No, it still was not possible. When he finally reached her, he took her hands in his, speaking in a low voice:"Open your eyes."

Hermione shook her head. His touch was so warm and soft. Just like Lucius'. But it wasn't him. It couldn't be.

"Look at me," he demanded, stronger this time.

Hermione slowly opened her eyes and found him staring at her, a serious expression on his face. His aristocratic face seemed tired, his long blond hair was not perfect as usually, there was a small cut on his neck and a bruise on his face. But his eyes were the exact shade of gray as always.

"_Lucius_?" she let out, sceptically.

"It's me, Mudblood," he replied, quietly.

"Talk to me…please." She needed to hear his voice again. She needed to be sure it was really him. For such a long time the only thing she had was his cold voice. She was positive she would be able to recognize it anytime, anywhere.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

"Anything...Is it r-really you?"

"It's me," Lucius said to her, emotionless.

Hermione could no longer control herself, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of relief and happiness. It was _wrong_. She shouldn't be glad that he was back, but at that moment Hermione didn't care.

Without thinking she threw herself at him, wrapping her hands around his neck and pressing her face onto his chest. She felt the unspeakable urge to touch him, to feel him, smell him. And it really was _his _smell. It was _Lucius_. He was alive.

Hermione could feel his body stiffen at the contact, but he did not push her away. Neither did he wrap his arms around her, but Hermione never expected him to. All that mattered to her at that moment was that he allowed her to press herself against him. Maybe he knew how much she needed to touch him, how much she needed him.

"You're alive," she whispered, a weak smile on her lips.

His shirt was wet because of her tears, but he said nothing to her. Hermione could feel his heart beating through his chest and she wished they could stay like that forever.

"Mudblood," he spoke awkwardly after a few long moments, maybe even minutes.

Hermione nodded and let go of him, backing away. She looked up at him and found herself speechless. What could she say? There were so many questions and she did not know what to ask first.

"What happened to you?" he demanded, his eyes traveling down her body, noticing the blood on her hands and her nightgown.

He took her hands in his, carefully examining them.

"Who did this?" he asked, alarmed, "Was someone here?"

Hermione shook her head:"No. No one was here."

"Then explain to me why you are hurt?"

"I-" she did not know what to say. _She _was supposed to be the one asking questions.

"Have you hurt yourself on purpose?" Lucius asked as realization downed onto him.

Hermione nodded, looking at her bloodied hands and noticing that Lucius did not seem disgusted touching them, even though they were covered in her filthy blood.

"Why do you do that?" he demanded, his tone harsher, "Are you so naive as to think that causing yourself more pain makes you stronger? Braver?"

"No, it was nothing like that…I was just-" she trailed off, not finishing her sentence.

"Explain."

That one word was spoke with such determination that it left no room for argument. But Hermione did not know what to say. She did not want him to know how weak she was and how she tried to kill herself.

She took a deep breath and decided to ask what she needed to know.

"What…" she started, "What happened? Where were you?"

Lucius took a deep breath through his nose, than nodded:"I will explain everything to you. But now I have to take a shower, change my clothes."

Hermione shook her head impatiently:"No! You can't just dismiss me like that."

"I am not in a mood for your outbursts," he said to her, his voice cold, but at the same time tired.

"Please-" she needed to know what happened, "Where were you? What….Why are you injured?"

He sighed, than met her eyes. When he spoke, it was calm and completely without emotions.

"The Dark Lord is dead."

Hermione heard the words, but they did not make any sense to her. It was as if she did not completely understand what was said to her.

"What?" was all she could say at that moment.

"I will go take a shower," he said as if he did not hear her question, "Then we will talk. And you better have a good explanation for the mess you have done in the room."

And with that he dissapeared into the bathroom, leaving Hermione standing like a statue, staring into space. There were too many shocks for one day. Lucius was alive. But Voldemort was dead. How? Why?

A small hope appeared inside Hermione. Maybe better times were ahead of her. Without Voldemort the World could change for better. Good people could take the charge again.

Hermione hugged herself with her hands and waited. She could make up theories, but only Lucius knew what truly happened.

As she waited for him, it hit her what she had done. She actually threw herself at him. She _hugged _Lucius Malfoy. An embarrassed blush appeared on her face, but then she realized that he did not push her away or made a sarcastic remark. He let her hug him. Why?

ooo

When Lucius finally came out of the bathroom, he was more like himself. There was no dirt on his face or his hair. He was shirtless, only wearing his black pants. Hermione blushed and looked away. But she noticed the scars across his chest. The ones she could feel when they were… It hit her that she had never before seen him shirtless. He was smooth and fit, probably the result of being a Death Eater for that many years.

Lucius pulled a clean shirt from the drawer and as he dressed himself, Hermione watched him with the corner of her eye. She noticed there were bruises on his body and that fact disturbed her more than it should. She also saw the Dark Mark on his left forearm and it sent shivers down her body. It was the first time she saw it on him.

When he was finally dressed, he turned towards her and then noticed the broken mirror and the shards on the floor.

"Why was that necessary?" he demanded, repairing the mirror with a spell.

Hermione shook her head:"I just…"

"The next time you wish to do some violence, use something that does not break that easily," he said sarcastically.

It surprised her that he was not angry for breaking the mirror. The dressing table was Narcissa's. But he only seemed to be annoyed, probably because there were more important things happening.

"Come," he motioned towards the bed and then sat on the edge of it. Hermione did the same. Not daring to look up at him, she turned her attention towards her hands. They were still covered in blood and she wondered if she should go clean herself as well.

By the expression on her face, Lucius probably realized what was on her mind and with a quick flick of his wand the blood on her hands and her nightgown disappeared. There were still small cuts on her hands, but nothing that would not heal with time.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Lucius nodded. Silence followed.

Than finally he spoke. "You probably have a lot of questions."

Hermione said nothing, but waited for him to continue.

"As I have told you before, the Dark Lord is dead."

Hermione blinked a few times, not able to believe him. She was positive that no matter how many times he would repeat it to her, she still would not be able to believe him. She stared at his face, observing it for any sign that he was joking or lying to her. But he was completely serious.

"How? Who-"

"I," he interrupted her, "It was_ I_ who killed him."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock. She opened her mouth to talk, but no voice came out.

"Why?" she finally let out after a few long moments of silence, "You are a Death Eater. You are his follower. You fought on his side-"

"I do not have to hear my whole life story, Mudblood," he spat, annoyed.

"But- how?"

"There were no Horcruxes for the Dark Lord to fall back on. His fight with Potter weakened him more than he was ready to admit."

When Hermione said nothing, Lucius continued:"We knew that he would never be that vulnerable again. We had to do it before he got stronger."

"We?"

Lucius nodded:"Severus and I."

Hermione closed her eyes for a second. Too many information. She could not believe what she was hearing. Lucius and Snape killed Voldemort? They turned their back on him, betrayed him? Why? Was Snape really one of the good guys? Hermione was always suspicious about his behaviour and his motives, but was it possible that he had always been on the good side? And what about Lucius?

"Voldemort's dead," Hermione repeated. It sounded strange. She never expected to hear that from someone let alone herself.

"He is gone," Lucius confirmed, "This time he will not come back."

A smile spread across her face:"If he's dead, then…then everything's changed. We could-"

"Nothing has changed, Mudblood," Lucius said to her, coldly, "Do not get your hopes up."

Hermione frowned:"But you just said-"

"He is gone, but _we _are not," his lip curled up into a smirk.

"What does that mean?" she did not want to hear the answer.

"I have taken his place," Lucius explained, proudly, "I am the new leader of the Death Eaters."

Hermione shook her head, not wanting to believe it:"No."

"Yes."

She took a shaky breath to compose herself and her thoughts. "So in fact nothing's changed? You are still a Death Eater and your goal is still to rid this world of the ones not worthy to live in it?" Hermione's voice was shaking with disappointment.

"That is true."

"Then why did you kill him?" Hermione demanded,"What reason did you have to-"

She stopped mid sentence as Lucius' face paled. Suddenly she understood everything as she recognized the pained look in his eyes.

"Your wife…Did _he_-" Hermione dared to ask.

Lucius took a deep breath and nodded, his face hard.

"You remember when I told you about the time I was thrown in a dark cell because I did not want to obey the Dark Lord's orders?"

Hermione slowly nodded, realizing she was about to hear something tragic and she had a feeling she knew what he was going to tell her.

"I told you that after a few days I realized that he was right and decided to follow his orders and send my son into the War. Then they let me out. But…" he swallowed hard and his eyes grew distant, "Something happened before I was let out."

At that point Hermione knew what he was talking about.

"Narcissa was killed on his orders," he spoke, lost in his thoughts, "It was supposed to be a warning to me not to question the Lord and his decisions."

"I-" Hermione did not know what to say. She actually felt sadness overtaking her as she listened to his story. The story of a man who lost his family.

"When they informed me of her…death, I realized what I had to do," he explained, slight anger in his voice, "I told them what they wanted to hear and admitted I was wrong. They believed every word. _Fools_."

He continued after a pause:"Draco was completely broken when he heard about Narcissa. He did not want anything to do with us anymore."

"Us?"

"Death Eaters," Lucius said in a dark tone, "But I explained everything to him. We would have been killed if we had not obeyed the orders. I convinced him to fight in the War."

Hermione had tears in her eyes, but she did not let them fall. She was afraid her voice would break if she spoke, so she remained silent.

"And then _Potter_," Lucius hissed, "I watched how life left my son."

Hermione could feel fury coming in waves off of him.

"Harry didn't know…" she defended her friend, even though it was useless.

"Draco did not want to fight and he paid it with his life," grief could be heard in his voice, than a smirk replaced it, "I will always remember and cherish the memory of Potter being killed by the Dark Lord. I only regret he did not die by my hands."

Hermione knew it was wrong she did not say anything. It might seem as if she was agreeing with Lucius. She was not, but at the same time she understood him. She knew what it felt like to lose someone. But then she realized that Lucius' loss was greater than hers. He lost his son and his wife. At least Hermione's parents were still alive. She could not even imagine what it was like for him to watch his son die in front of him or know that his wife was killed because of him.

"Why did you choose _me_?" Hermione asked quietly, meeting his eyes. For such a long time she wanted to ask him that question.

"Someone had to pay for Draco. And because _Potter _was no longer available, I decided to take someone he cared for. I started with that pathetic Weasley and then I saw you."

Hermione winced at his mention of Ron. She did her best to ignore it was Lucius who killed him, but he kept reminding her.

"I could not believe my luck when I saw you among the survivals," Lucius explained, a sick smirk on his face, "The idea of possessing a girl who was the brains of the Trio and a good friend of Potter intrigued me. If I could not have him, I decided to take the next best thing."

It was the first time they were having a conversation about his true reasons for choosing her. He never told her the whole truth. And now that she knew everything, her whole world changed. Lucius Malfoy was no longer just a sadist, a murderer, a Death Eater with no conscience. He had so many layers, so many hidden depths, secrets. Hermione felt pity for him. And at that moment she realized something.

Nothing was black and white anymore. He even succeeded to change her perception of the world. Lucius had lost his loved ones in the War, so had Hermione. He hurt her to revenge his son's death, she hurt him back for killing Ron. They were both hurting each other.

"What now?" she asked, letting out a sigh, "What happens now?"

"I take over the Wizarding World," Lucius drawled, "The Death Eaters will answer to me and Severus from now on."

"And they agree with you taking over?"

Hermione had trouble believing that the other Death Eaters accepted the change of their leader that easily.

"Some did not agree," Lucius explained, then smirked, "They are not alive anymore."

"That's why you were injured. You dueled with them?" Hermione asked, surprised.

"Death Eaters are predators. They crave power. I had to show them that I am powerful enough to lead them and that I do not tolerate disobedience."

Hermione had to ask something that was on her mind ever since he came back.

"How and why did my sight return?" than she added, quietly, "I thought you were dead."

Lucius was silent for a few long moments. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold and hard:"There was always a chance that while I dueled, some Death Eaters would use that time to try and break into my house. I have put protecting wards around it, but I couldn't risk you being helpless and unable to defend yourself if someone did succeed in breaking down the wards."

That surprised Hermione. Was he worried about her safety?

"I did not know the spell could be lifted from such distance," she admitted, than gathered the courage to ask, "Were you worried about me?"

He was staring at her, but no words came out of his mouth.

"Were you worried that something might happen to me? Why? Do you care?"

"Do not ask such questions, " he snapped at her, but Hermione got her answer with that.

A strange feeling of warmth spread inside of her as she realized that the feelings of attachment she felt towards him, were not one-sided. He felt _something _as well, even though he did not want to admit it.

"What happens now?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"What do you mean?"

"Even though Voldemort is dead, nothing will change. Death Eaters will still rule the world, good people will be hunted like animals…" she trailed off.

Lucius raised an eyebrow in interest:"What did you expect?"

Hermione just shrugged, remaining silent. He did not need to know that she foolishly hoped that things will change. That after everything Lucius had been through, he would realize how wrong and sick his beliefs were. She was too naive.

"I am afraid you misunderstood me, girl," Lucius spoke, "Just because I ended the Dark Lord's life, does not mean I do not agree with his beliefs. My opinion on Mudbloods and Blood-traitors did not change."

Of course it didn't. He was still a proud Pureblood and he would always stay one.

"The only thing that has changed is that I will have to show more cruelty than the Dark Lord. My colleagues are still suspicious and I will have to prove that I am the best choice for the leader," he explained calmly, "And that means spreading our power," than he added, "Even in the Muggle World."

Hermione gulped:"W-What?"

"What did you expect?" Lucius asked, "Did you think our goal was to take over the_ Wizarding World?"_

"But-"

He sneered:"Our goal is to take over the whole World and I plan to achieve that."

Hermione could not speak. She could hear panic closing up her throat and she could not talk. Her parents. Her family.

_No. No. No._

He couldn't do that. Anything but that. She lost her friends and she could not stand losing her family as well. They were everything to her. She loved them more than anything else in the World. Just the mere thought of them dying was enough for her to want to kill herself. She had to do something to stop it.

"You can't do that," she tried to remain calm, even though her voice was shaking with panic.

"Yes I can. And I will," Lucius said confidently.

"Please-"

"It's late and I am tired," he cut her off, "This conversation is over."

Hermione was left speechless and shocked. The fear for her parents' safety was stronger than anything she had ever felt before.

"Lie down," he said to her and she obeyed, taking her side of the bed and covering herself with the covers.

Lucius took off his shirt and took his place next to her. With a simple 'Nox' darkness overtook the room.

Hermione knew there would be no sleep for her. She could not believe that Lucius was alive and that Voldemort was dead. No matter how evil Lucius appeared to be, he was still a human being. And therefore he was able to have human feelings. Voldemort was no longer a human. He was pure evil. Having Lucius as a leader was better than having Voldemort.

But her relief did not last long, because now she had something to worry about. Just thinking about it sent shivers down her body. They could not attack the Muggle World. Hermione had to do something. She had to convince Lucius to leave the Muggle World alone. But how? What could she possibly say to him to make him change his mind?

She had the whole night ahead of her to think of a plan. Her life depended on that as well. Because if something happened to her parents, Hermione would no longer want to live.

ooo

Hermione woke up the next morning very late, because Lucius was already gone. She cursed at herself for falling asleep.

_Where did he go?_

She spend a few hours thinking how to make Lucius change his mind, but she found no solution. What could she say to him? She could not threaten him with Muggle technology. Muggles and their inventions could not stand a chance against magic. Lucius would not care that innocent people were going to die. But maybe he would care about _her_. If she told him how it will affect her, then maybe….

Hermione shook her head, not believing how foolish she was. What was she thinking? Lucius would never leave the Muggles alone just because she asked him to. It would never happen. But she had to try.

ooo

He was gone the whole day. Pippy came to bring her food, but otherwise she was completely alone.

She imagined that taking over the whole Death Eater organisation required some work, but did he have to be gone the whole day? Than a thought hit her. What if he was with _her? _That other woman? It sickened her to even think about it, but she could not push it out of her mind.

When he finally came back, it was already dark outside. Hermione was waiting for him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What is it?" he asked as he noticed her looking at him.

"I-I want to talk to you," she said sceptically.

Lucius was taking off his robes, but he nodded:"Talk."

Hermione waited until he was done and only when he faced her, she spoke:"I want you to leave the Muggle World alone."

It was risky being that direct, but there was no other way to do it.

At first Lucius looked at her suspiciously. Then he let out a cold laugh and Hermione flinched, not expecting it. Only a few moments later his expression was serious again:"I thought that was a joke, Mudblood."  
"It wasn't."

"You are serious?" he asked again, not completely believing her.

Hermione did her best to keep a strong face, even though she was afraid to break down under Lucius' cold glare.

"I have never been more serious," she answered firmly.

Lucius raised his eyebrow at her, looking down at her with his superior glare.

"Why do you think I would do that? Why would I not want to extend our power and rule the rest of the world?"

Hermione felt the conversation was not going well. He was demanding a valuable reason to leave the Muggle World alone, but she could not give it to him. At least not valuable by _his _standards.

"Because I am asking you to," she finally said, looking deep into his eyes, hoping to find any kind of human emotion there. But his eyes seemed cold and distant.

"You think too highly of yourself, Mudblood," he sneered at her, "I am not going to change my plans just because of you."

"Please," Hermione tried, panicking, "I'll do anything. You can do anything with me. Just leave my world alone."

That seemed to surprise him:"_Your _world? Are you finally admitting that you do not belong into the Wizard world?"

Hermione opened her mouth, but than closed them again. Should she lie and tell him what he wanted to hear or should she tell him the truth? As Lucius waited for an answer, Hermione realized that he was smart enough to tell if she was lying.

"My family is in that world," was all she said, hoping he would understand. He had lost his family, surly there was a small part of him that understood her.

"That does not interest me," Lucius replied coldly, not breaking their eye connection.

Hermione could not believe how cold he was. At that moment she realized that his heart was dead. He was not evil like Voldemort, but he was not human. Humans have emotions, conscience. Lucius was like a ice mountain. Coldness was the only emotion he knew.

"My parents," Hermione tried again, her voice shaking, "I can't lose them as well."

"Why should I care?" he simply asked and that question pushed Hermione over the edge as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Because I expected _you _to know what it's like to lose your family!" she raised her voice, speaking through her sobs, "I was truly naive to think you would show any sympathy."

"Lower you voice and-"

"You are incapable to feel anything good. You are dead inside!" she screamed at him.

Lucius' cold eyes turned even colder and the darkest shade of grey she had ever seen. He said nothing, but the expression on his face was enough to tell her he was furious.

"And I feel sorry for you," Hermione whispered to him, then hurried into the bathroom and slammed the doors behind her. She took a shuddering breath and dropped to the ground, completely defeated. She pulled her legs to her chest, sobbing into her knees. What did she expect? That he would jeopardize his leading status just because _she _asked him to?

Even if she was right and he did feel something for her, it was not strong enough. His need for power was stronger.

_What now?_

Hermione felt as if life was slowly ending for her. Death of her friends she could handle. It was horrible, but she survived. Being captured and treated like an animal? That she could handle as well. But her parents? Her mum and dad? Two people she loved most than anything in the world and who were probably worried sick about her. She simply could not take that as well. She would truly have nothing and no one to live for if something happened to them.

Hermione spent the whole night in the bathroom. Lucius did not bother her, which surprised her. She expected him to order her to go to the bed, but he left her completely alone. He did not even use the bathroom in the morning, probably avoiding her. Why?

Hermione returned to the bedroom the next morning when she was sure Lucius had left already. She was so exhausted. She threw herself onto the bed and closed her eyes. If she could just fall asleep and rest. But too many important things were happening, making it impossible for her to sleep. All she could do was think about better times and about her parents, trying to ignore what was most likely going to happen to them.

ooo

The House elf came a few hours later with food, but Hermione completely ignored him. She was not hungry. Food was the last thing on her mind.

She simply stared through the window, a blank expression on her face. It felt as if all her energy and strength left her. The Elf soon came back an hour later, noticing that the food was untouched.

"The Master not be happy," it spoke, "The Master say you must eat."

Hermione did not even look at the small creature, barely hearing the words. She did not want to eat and she could care less if that enraged Lucius. The Elf spoke for a few minutes, trying to convince her to eat something otherwise she would get punished. Hermione ignored her pleas. Finally the Elf left and ten minutes later Lucius came into the room.

Hermione did not look at him. She _could not _look at him. He was the one who signed her parent's death sentence. How could she even look at that person without feeling sick to her stomach?

"You did not touch your food," he stated calmly, "You haven't eaten in two days. You must be starving."

Hermione remained silent, simply staring through the window. It was getting dark already. Days were becoming shorter. Was it already autumn?

"I do not appreciate being ignored," he drawled.

Finally Hermione looked at him, her eyes dead, her voice defeated:"What do you want from me?"

Lucius was silent for a few long moments, just observing her, his look intense. He was thinking hard about something, but his cold expression was keeping his thoughts a secret.

"Do not think you will achieve anything by refusing to eat, Mudblood. I will not change my mind," he said to her with venom in his voice.

"I am not doing this because of you," Hermione whispered, "I am not acting or pretending to achieve something. This is how I feel."

When he said nothing, she continued quietly:"I told you yesterday. If my parents die, I die. I will be a living corpse until you decide to get rid of me."

With that she looked away from him, staring into space. Lucius stood there, not moving for a few long moments. Hermione could hear him breathing calmly and all she wanted was to be left alone. She could not deal with him. It hurt talking to him, seeing him.

"All right," he said, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Hermione turned towards him, not quite understanding what he meant:"What?"

"I will not attack the Muggle World if that is what you wish."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise and shock. She did not believe him. He was playing with her again. If she believed him, he would only hurt her more.

"Stop it," she said to him, shaking her head.

"I am not lying, Mudblood," he replied smoothly, than took a deep breath, "The Muggle World is safe for now, but I cannot say for how long."

"Why...Are you…telling me the truth?" she asked sceptically, observing his face, looking for any signs that he was lying.

"Why would I lie to you, Mudblood?"

"Why would you care about my wishes?" she asked, "Yesterday you said you couldn't care less-"

"I does not matter what I said yesterday," he snapped, than sighed, "I give you my word that I will not attack the Muggle World. Not _yet_, that is. I still have a lot of things to organize and change in Wizarding World. "

Hermione licked her lips hesitantly:"What…what do you want me to do?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"What am I expected to do in exchange?" she was afraid of his conditions, but he could not demand more than he did that time when he almost threw her out of the Manor. And Hermione was prepared to be his whore for her parent's safety and the safety of the Muggle World.

"You are not expected to do anything," he finally said to her, looking deep into her eyes.

"But then why-"

He interrupted her:"Do not ask for reasons."

His voice was so strong and determined that Hermione closed her mouth, deciding it would be best if she obeyed him. Even though he was killing her with his unexpected decisions and strange behaviour, she did not demand answers from him. Mostly because she knew he would not give them to her and also because a small part of her already knew the answer. Or maybe it was what she was hoping for. It was much easier to live in a illusion than to face the harsh reality. Hermione wanted to believe that there was a small part of Lucius that cared for her. And even if he ignored it and did now know how to explain it to himself, Hermione knew. She was facing the same feelings, or at least similar ones.

"I do not wish to speak about this ever again," Lucius murmured in a deathly voice.

Hermione nodded.

"I will go down for dinner and when I come back, I do not wish to be disturbed. Understood?" he demanded.

"Yes."

When he left the room, Hermione allowed relief to pass through her. She smiled weakly, not actually believing what just happened. She never imagined him to listen to her and care about her wishes. He seemed so decided to attack the Muggle World last night. What made him change his mind? Maybe he really did have too many things to take care of in the Wizarding World. He was the new leader, surly there had to be a few changes made. But what if it was not that? What if he cared for-? No, that was not possible. Hermione was a fool to even dare to think about it. Lucius Malfoy would not change his plans just because of a Mudblood.

Hermione clenched her teeth together in frustration. She could feel all those strange feeling growing inside of her and she did not understand them. She was not stupid. She knew exactly what kind of feelings were expected from her when it came to Lucius Malfoy. Hate. Anger. Disgust. But Hermione was feeling something entirely different. And it was not right. As Lucius' attitude towards her changed, so did her feelings for him. Her need for him was only increasing by each passing day. She felt sorry for him for losing his family that way. Even though it was all his fault. He was the one who joined Death Eaters.

And _attraction_. Hermione could no longer ignore it. She found herself blushing as she thought of him shirtless, of his deep grey eyes, of his silky, but at the same time strong voice. What was wrong with her? Everything would much easier if he was cruel to her, if he tortured her every day. Just as it was at the beginning. Simple. But things changed. _He _changed. And so did her feelings.

But what did she feel for him?

How frustrating it was not knowing. Why was she jealous every time when he went to his lover? She should not be feeling jealous. Was she…in _love _with Lucius?

Hermione nearly laughed at that word. It sounded so strange to hear it in her mind while thinking about Lucius. _Lucius _and _love _should not even be in the same sentence. But what was it then? Maybe she was mistaking gratitude for love. It could be possible. But what if she wasn't? Was there a way to find out?

And suddenly she realized what she had to do. It was dangerous and maybe she would not be able to get through with it, but she had to try. She could no longer live in doubt and confusion. She needed to realize what her feelings were.

ooo

Hermione was becoming more and more nervous, thinking that maybe she should not do anything. Maybe her idea was not that good as she first thought. But that was just nervousness. There was no other way to understand her own feelings.

When Lucius finally returned to the room, Hermione's heart almost jumped out of her ribcage. She was shaking with anticipation and fear. Lucius did not even look at her as he undressed, preparing for bed. Hermione's first instinct was to look away, but then she forced herself to keep her eyes on him. He was fit and his body was so different than Ron's. Not that she had ever seen Ron without his clothes on, but she could imagine that his body was not that defined and…strong. When Lucius was just in his black underpants, he returned to the bed and sat down with his back turned to her. After a few long moments of silence, he sighed.

"What is it, Mudblood?" he asked, pulling Hermione out of her thoughts.

"W-What?"

He turned around to look at her:"I can feel you staring at me. What is it?"

Hermione took a shaky breath, than gathered her courage:"I…I am never going to leave this house, am I?"

His silence told her everything. But it did not shock her. She never had false hope that he would let her go.

"I want to ask you something," she spoke timidly.

Lucius raised an eyebrow in interest, waiting for her to continue. Hermione's heart was beating faster than ever and her whole body was trembling. She did not know how to say it, so she just blurted it out, prepared for the hummiliation if he rejected her.

"K-Kiss me?" her voice was so quiet that even she herself almost did not hear the words. Pure shock passed Lucius' face as he stared at her as if figuring out if she was serious.

"You want me-" he did not finish the sentence.

"I am asking you to kiss me," Hermione repeated, stronger this time.

"Why?" His grey eyes were observing her closely, a curious expression on his face.

She was not prepared for that question. Her stomach was tightening painfully, but she tried to ignore it.

"Because…I need it. Please," she hoped he would stop asking questions she could not answer.

"You need me to kiss you?" he repeated, suspicious, "After what…happened? You cannot stand my touch. Why would you want me to kiss you?"

"Because I need it," Hermione whispered, her voice shaking slightly, "Please, Lucius."

After a few long moments of tense silence, Hermione noticed hesitation on Lucius' face. He was always so controlled and confident and now he was hesitating. He moved very close to her, taking her chin into his hand and was staring deeply into her eyes, a slight smirk on his face:"You do not want this. Look at yourself. You are shaking."

"Since when do you care what I want? Just kiss me," she said with stronger voice, trying to calm down her rapid heart beat.

She could see slight anger pass his features, but than he brought his lips to hers, brushing against them slightly. Hermione closed her eyes as he parted her lips and let his tongue wander through her mouth, slowly exploring every corner of it. Hermione realized she had never done this before. She had never been kissed like that before. Well, there was that one time with Dolohov in the cell, but that was not even close to what Lucius was doing to her. Dolohov made her sick and he almost suffocated her with his tongue. Lucius was gentle, he did not rush and Hermione realized that she liked the sensation it caused in her. The feeling of _connection_, of intimacy. She closed her eyes.

At that moment she felt so safe and protected. She did not want to stop, feeling as if she could not handle it if Lucius pulled away from her now.

He eventually broke the kiss, but he did not move away from her. Hermione still had her eyes closed and her head was spinning. She needed a few moments to pull herself together. As she opened her eyes, she found Lucius staring at her, a strange expression on his face. It was as if he was trying to figure her out.

"More," Hermione whispered before she could stop herself. The kiss did not told her anything about her feelings. She needed to go further.

"You want to-"

"_Yes_," she cut him off, her lower lip trembling.

Lucius looked shocked and thoughtful for a moment, then his face hardened as he murmured:"I will not be gentle."

His words frightened her, but she kept her face strong. Before she had a chance to say anything, his lips were on hers again, this time more demanding. His hand moved to her breasts, caressing them gently through the thin material of her nightgown. Hermione tensed, memories of the last time he touched her intimately returning. He probably noticed, because he removed his hand and only concentrated on the kiss. Hermione did not know why he did that. She encircled his neck hesitantly, hoping she was not doing something wrong.

She was only concentrating on the kiss, ignoring everything else, trying to stop her mind from thinking. She wanted to _feel_. His lips wandered over her throat, gently sucking at her collarbone. She shivered slightly, goose-bumps appearing all over her skin. It was unbelievable what kind of reaction he could cause in her with just his lips.

Lucius' hand glided over the soft skin of her thigh and Hermione had to remind herself not to stiffen at his touch. Soon he removed the nightgown from her body and Hermione quickly covered herself with her hands, fully aware that the lights were on.

"Do not cover yourself," he whispered to her, his voice demanding but surprisingly soft at the same time.

He kissed her again, moving her hands away from her chest. Hermione closed her eyes, ignoring the fact that she was naked. He was shirtless as well and that made her feel a bit better.

He moved over the swell of her breast, and grasped one gently in his hand, massaging it. A moan escaped Hermione's lips, surprising herself. She groaned arching up, wanting more. Her body seemed to get a will of it's own.

"Mudblood," she heard him murmur into her ear, "This is _wrong_….sick..."

She knew that. Everything about their relationship was wrong. But at that moment it felt so right. With his body pressed against her, his skin touching hers, she felt so connected to him. She could feel him _wanting _her.

Lucius grabbed her knickers and pulled them down. Hermione tensed up, realizing that there was no stopping now. It surprised her that she was able to go that far. She never expected them to go all the way. At first she only wanted a kiss, but it was not enough.

Soon he removed his own boxers and Hermione closed her eyes in embarrassment. Everything would be much easier for her if the lights were off, but she needed to see who she was with. There would be no closing her eyes or ignoring the truth. It was Lucius Malfoy who was touching her, it was Lucius Malfoy who was kissing her and whom she was kissing back.

She opened her eyes and looked into his eyes, trying not to look at the lower part of his body. She was still not prepared for that. Hermione's hands clutched at Lucius' back, and she could feel his muscles flexing beneath her palms as he slid against her body hungrily. He felt so strong, so powerful.

"Open your legs," he murmured in a husky voice before he intensified the kiss.

Hermione did as he asked and as he settled between her shaking thighs, she felt extreme panic shoot through her._ Will it hurt?_ She still could not forget how easily he could use his body to hurt her.

"Lucius," she whispered, making him look into her eyes. She hoped he would notice the panic in her look. She almost lost herself in his deep eyes, when she felt him enter her. Immediately she stiffened, holding her breath. Lucius brought his lips to hers, kissing her again. Hermione could feel huger and desire in his kisses and it was strange knowing that she was the one who caused him to act that way. As she relaxed a bit, she felt him push all the way in. She gasped at the feeling and noticed Lucius hissed in pleasure. His eyes never left hers and Hermione had trouble keeping eye contact with him. She felt so exposed and he could simply read all her emotions in her eyes.

It surprised her that he stilled his movements, not moving for a few long moments. Hermione brought her hand to his neck as she pulled him down for another kiss. When he began moving, she broke the kiss with a gasp. She could see the sneer on Lucius' face as repeated the move, sending waves of pleasure through Hermione's body.

The feeling was indescribable. Soon Hermione could no longer keep her eyes open, the pleasure was too great. Lucius was moving slowly, but his speed was increasing. He was holding himself on his arms not to crush her and when Hermione turned her head to the right, she found herself looking at his Dark Mark. The evidence that she was with a Death Eater. She turned away from it and fixed her gaze onto Lucius' face. He seemed to touch places inside her that felt incredibly good and Hermione soon found herself shaking. Her whole body was trembling, but it wasn't because of the fear or anticipation. She was shaking with pure pleasure. Something was building inside of her and it traveled from her toes up her body. Just when she thought she could no longer take it, the feelings inside of her exploded and she cried out. Hearing Lucius pant on top of her sent her over the edge and unbelievable bliss crashed over her, a huge wave of heat and pleasure rolling through her, flinging her out of her body into some place she never knew existed.

As she felt herself drifting gently back to earth, three words escaped her lips unintentionally.

"I love you," she mumbled barely above a whisper.

As she realized what she had done, her eyes snapped open and she found herself looking into Lucius' shocked eyes. He was still moving inside of her and his look was so intense Hermione could not stand it. With a hiss he collapsed on top of her. He fought to place his weight on his elbows, dizzy and spent.

Hermione could not believe what she had said. What would he say to her? Would he be angry? Would he even believe her? Did she herself believe it? The words just flew out of her mouth. As Lucius' breathing slowly returned to normal, Hermione tried to find an explanation. Because he would sure expect and demand one. What could she say to him?

Being in love with Lucius Malfoy. It sounded so surreal. But it was now reality.

**A/N: Hello, guys! Just one more to go! I hope you are not dissapointed with this chapter. Tell me your opinion. A lot of things can change in the last chapter. I really hope you will like it. :))**


	27. It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

**Hey, guys! I just wanted to tell you that this is NOT the last chapter. As I was writing it, I realized that it would be too much for just one chapter, so I decided to split it into two parts. Hope you like it!**

Chapter 27 **It's always darkest before the dawn**

Hermione could not remember the last time she felt that safe and protected and…_loved_. Being in Lucius' arms was a strange feeling, but at the same time it felt _right_. Hermione's hand slowly traveled up his back until it landed on his neck. Lucius' breathing was becoming calmer with each passing moment, but Hermione could still feel his heart beating uncontrollably. Did she have that kind of effect on him? As her own heart calmed down, Hermione tried to keep away the dark thoughts of what had happened. And who she was holding and who was holding her back and breathing into her neck.

And what the hell was she thinking by saying those three words to him? Even if what they did was...making love. At least Hermione thought of it as making love. The tenderness, the soft caresses and the way he was looking into her eyes had to mean something. It was not just a …shag. Or _relieving the tension_ as he once said it. This time it was something more. And then she had to ruin it by saying those three words. The look of shock in his eyes told her everything. He did not like what she said.

Hermione quietly gasped as Lucius removed himself from her, rolling on his side of the bed. She covered herself with a sheet and then fear found it's way into her body. Why was he quiet? Did her confession bother him that much that he decided to ignore her? Treat her as she was nothing more than a street whore who was only good for bed pleasures and then treated like trash? After what they shared she expected him to at least look at her. But he turned his back away from her and Hermione was left speechless and with a broken heart. She could literally feel how something inside her heart broke as he turned away from her. She looked at him timidly, expecting something…_anything_. Did it really not matter to him?

She took a shaky breath and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. She could not explain how vulnerable she felt at that moment. After they shared something that intimate and personal, it was understandable that she expected him to show some consideration. It was unbelievable how he managed to hurt her without actually saying anything to her. Hermione heard him take a deep breath and then he finally turned to her, his eyes anywhere but on her face. It was as if he was avoiding her look. When their eyes finally met, Hermione noticed that he was different than he was just a few minutes ago. Lucius she was looking at now was cold and emotionless.

"Mudblood,"he started quietly, than took a deep breath again, "Explain yourself.«

He demanded an explanation. Hermione could see it in his intense look. There was no way out of that situation. She was forced to give him answers. But at the same time she could see fear in his look. It was as if he was afraid of hearing the truth.

"And for Merlin's sake, girl, think twice before say something," he warned her and Hermione knew exactly what he meant with that. He wanted her to take the words back. He practically begged her with his eyes to take them back. And how she wished she could. The last thing she wanted and needed at that moment was to fall in love with him. It was not acceptable. But it happened. And Hermione did not ask for it to happen. If anyone was to blame, it was him. Lucius was the one who caused her to develop such feelings. Why couldn't he be more like Dolohov? Hermione was convinced that if she had been chosen as Dolohov's reward, she would not have fallen in love. Dolohov would treat her as trash, nothing more. There would be no secret plans, no hidden feelings and thoughts.

But Lucius' behaviour was changing each day ever since her capture. He would torture her, then heal her wounds. He would protect her from others, he would show some tenderness towards her every once and a while. He would let her see his softer side. And those were the things that caused these irrational feelings to develop inside Hermione.

She looked away from him and bit her lip:"What do you want me to say?"

"You know well enough what I want you to say," he almost snarled at her, "Do not make things harder for us."

Hermione nodded, still not looking at him:"I know. I should say that I did not mean it, that I lied, that you heard me wrong."

"Good girl."

She turned to him and looked him in the eyes:"But I can't say that."

His gaze turned colder if that was even possible. Hermione knew that if looks could kill, she would be dead at that moment. He had such an influence on her with his stare. How he managed to make her feel like a little, insecure girl. But she would not allow that anymore. Not now.

"I may be a traitor, a coward, a whore," she spoke, her voice shaking slightly, "But I will not cover my eyes and pretend this isn't happening. I will not lie to myself."  
Lucius exhaled quietly, than asked:"And what would that lie be?"

"That I don't love you," she whispered, fearing his reaction.

He flinched as if her words burned him and slight anger showed on his face. His lips formed a thin line and Hermione realized that his silence was more horrible than if he insulted her. How she wished she could read his mind.

Long moments passed and it seemed as if Lucius was frozen. When he said nothing for a couple of minutes, Hermione decided to break the silence.

"I'm sorry," she said to him. And she meant it.

"You," he finally spoke, "You don't know what you're saying."

He moved away from her, leaving a safe distance between them. Hermione shook her head, she needed him to realize what was happening. She needed answers from him as well. What was he feeling? His feelings were still a mystery to her. But she somehow knew she would not get answers from him. At least not through words. He rarely expressed his true thoughts through words. His actions said more about him than words ever could.

"I have never been more serious, Lucius," Hermione replied.

"You are a Mudblood!"he raised his voice a bit, "You are a slave, a mere possession here!"

"I know that!"

"I am Lucius Malfoy," he continued, disbelief evident in his voice, "I am a Death Eater, a murderer."

Hermione nodded. She knew all that. She did not pretend that he was Prince Charming. But her heart had a will of it's own.

"Then how dare you even _think _about having those _feelings_ towards me?" he demanded, "You do not even know what _love_ is!"

"I do know! I'm not a child anymore!" Hermione screamed back at him, "And it is all your fault! _You _made it happen!"

Hermione did not even have the time to react as he slapped her across the face, pushing all air out of her. Her head turned with the force of it, but she showed no pain in her expression. All she could feel at that moment was hurt and disappointment. With a hand on her bruised cheek, she dared to look at Lucius.

He was looking at her with wide open eyes and it seemed as if he was having an inner battle. His breathing was rapid and Hermione could see him shaking slightly.

Horrible silence was in the room and all Hermione wanted was to turn back time and never say those words of love. Lucius had not slapped her in a long time. And what hurt the most was that he hit her after they just shared something so beautiful and gentle. The same hand that had caressed her a few minutes ago, now hit her.

Hermione pulled the blanket tighter around her body and looked down into her lap. She could feel tears in her eyes and as her lower lip started to tremble, she decided it would be better if she stayed silent. She would not burst into crying in front of him.

Lucius let out a tired sigh and then spoke with calmer voice:"Go to sleep. Everything will seem different in the morning."

It was said with such calm determination that Hermione gave in. She turned away from him, but as her head hit the pillow she could still feel his gaze on her. Why was he looking at her?

Hermione wanted to fall asleep and forget about the conversation they just had. It was a pure humiliation. A quiet sob escaped her lips, but she quickly pressed a hand on her mouth, suppressing any sound.

"You need to realize that actions have consequences and it is pointless to cry over it later," he said to her, his voice hard.

Hermione did not know what to say. He obviously thought she regretted what happened between the two of them. It would be normal for her to feel shame and regret. After all she just slept with a Death Eater, her friend's murderer, a man much older than she was, Draco's father. Hermione knew all that too well. She was aware of the fact that it was wrong and that any normal person would feel shame. But she did not. And she did not regret it. If she could turn back the time, she would do it again. She needed her answers and she got them. At least now her feelings were a bit more clear than they were before.

"I don't feel regret," she quietly admitted.

What happened between the two of them was…special. It meant so much. It revealed a lot of things and it helped Hermione to understand herself. And the connection she felt with Lucius was unbelievable. She had heard before that such an act can bring two persons together, but she had never experienced it. As she felt Lucius' heartbeat, his skin on hers, his mouth on hers, she understood everything. She needed him. She _wanted _him.

As Lucius remained silent, Hermione bit her lip, then continued with stronger voice:"I expressed my feelings. It does not mean anything about you."

"You do not love me," he finally said, his voice hard and determined.

There was no doubt in his voice, he was completely convinced in what he was saying.

"Use common sense," he said to her coldly, "It is impossible for you to feel love for me. Not in this circumstances. Not in this _life_."

He said nothing more as he whispered a spell to turn the lights off. Hermione could feel anger building slowly inside of her. But it was not anger at herself, but at Lucius. She threw away her life, her beliefs and her pride to face her feelings. She was brave enough to admit what she was feeling. But obviously Lucius was not strong enough to confront her feelings let alone his as well. The man was capable to live in a lie, denying what was happening to them, what they were starting to feel for each other. Hermione knew that the only way for him to realize what was happening was to force him to confront it, because he would not do it on his free will.

ooo

Hermione did not expect it, but she slept well. There were no nightmares to wake her up in the middle of the night or endless conversations her mind was having with itself, keeping her awake. As she opened her eyes, she noticed that the room was filled with sunlight. It had to be past noon. She rarely slept that long.

Her face blushed as she remembered last night. She was probably exhausted which caused her to sleep late. It did not surprise her that she was alone in the room. She could not remember ever waking up next to Lucius.

It was a wonderful day outside. So peaceful and sunny. Hermione found herself wishing she could go outside and feel the sun on her skin. But it was just a wish. Something that would never come true.

She yawned and then noticed that breakfast was waiting for her on the nightstand. It was not what she would expect. Usually she was given a sandwich and a glass of water. But this time there was orange juice and fried eggs. Why would he give her that?

She pushed those thoughts aside and started to enjoy the food. She could not remember the last time she had such breakfast. It was delicious and Hermione felt completely full as she finished eating. Just as she was about to go to the bathroom, a horrible noise came from downstairs. _Explosion_. That was the first thing that came to her mind. But how? And why? What was happening?

She stood frozen, listening carefully for any sound. Her blood ran cold as she heard yelling. It was not Lucius' voice. She was certain of it. Panic was taking over her as she ran towards the doors, but before she could touch the handle, they opened with such force that it nearly knocked Hermione down.

The last thing she remembered before she slipped into darkness was looking into the eyes of a dark haired stranger and hearing the words:"So this is the Mudblood?"

ooo

Hermione groaned and opened her eyes, confused. All her attention was directed towards the hard floor she was laying on. Why was she-?

Then memories hit her. The explosion, the voices, the man in the room. She did not know what was happening, but as she connected the things she realized that it could not be something good.

"Finally you're awake.«

She flinched as she heard his voice. Immediately her head turned to the man, standing a few feet away from her, leaning against the wall.

"Lucius?"she asked in a hoarse voice, "What is happening?«

She pulled herself into a sitting position, rubbing her bruised elbows. Someone probably threw her to the floor, not caring if he hurt her.

"I should have known something like this would happen,"Lucius replied.

"What _is _happening?" Hermione demanded.

"They are rebelling against me."

Once that sentence was out, Hermione understood everything. Not even a second later, worry and fear showed on her face. But she did not know what to say. What could she say in a situation like this?

"A group of them came to my house," Lucius explained in a cold tone, "I was not given a chance to defend myself. There were too many of them."

Hermione was silent, fearing her voice would betray her if she decided to speak.

"Beriff is the leader," Lucius continued, "I should have known it would not be that easy to take over."

"What are they going to do to us?" Hermione finally asked.

It was Lucius' turn to be silent as he looked away and stared into space. Hermione swallowed hard and decided to drop that question. She did not want to know the truth. She was not ready for it at that moment.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked as she noticed how tired Lucius seemed.

"Ever since they brought me here," he answered, without even looking at her.

"How long?"

Lucius took a deep breath:"A few hours."

Hermione looked around and it didn't take her long to realize they were in a dungeon. All they had was a small window, which they could not reach. And even if they could, it was too small to use it as an escape.

There were also wooden doors, but Hermione knew it would be no use trying to open them. Her eyes found the window again and she noticed it was still day outside.

"Why didn't they just kill us? Why lock us here?" she asked.

"They probably need something from us. Once they get it they will finish us off."

Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion:"What could they want from us?"

"Answers," Lucius replied, then looked at her, "Answers from me. The reasons for my actions."

Hermione nodded, fear in her eyes. She was afraid something like this would happen. Just as she had noticed that Lucius changed, the other Death Eaters probably noticed it as well. And it was just a matter of time when they would demand questions. Then she realized something:"Why….why am I here with you?"

"Ask yourself why you are not dead yet," he answered.

"Because they want something from me?"

Lucius was silent for a few long moments, then he just shook his head and let out a tired sigh.

"Perhaps…they simply want vengeance. I killed the Dark Lord and they want to do the same to me."

"But why am _I _here?"Hermione demanded, "I am simply a Mudblood, right? Why didn't they kill me?"

"They might think you are a key to my torture," he answered quietly.

Hermione shivered as she understood the situation:"They want to use me to hurt you."

When Lucius said nothing, Hermione let out a nervous laugh:"Too bad for them, because it will never work. You don't care about me."  
She observed him for any kind of reaction, but there was nothing. It was as if he did not hear her words.

Defeated, Hermione pulled her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. She could feel the fear and the anticipation inside of her, but at the same time strange feeling of calmness washed through her. Maybe it would be a good thing if it all ended. Her life. _His _life. There was no future for the two of them. Lucius did not love her. He did not even care for her. Death would be her only escape from the horrible life situation she was in. She would finally find peace.

ooo

There were times when Hermione wished she was locked in a room with Lucius, so that she could ask him everything she wanted to know and he would not be able to simply leave. But as she sat on the cold ground, looking at him across the dungeon, she realized that she did not know what to ask. She had the opportunity to tell him everything she ever wanted and he would be forced to listen.

But there was nothing to say. The situation they were in, was not appropriate for the conversation about their…relationship.

Hermione noticed it was getting more and more dark. The day was coming to an end. They had been in that dungeon for almost a day and Lucius did not move from that one spot. Hermione could see it his face that he was tired, but his mind will was remarkable. It was as if he would humiliate himself if he sat down. _Of course_, Hermione thought, he would dirty his robes.

"Why don't you sit down?"she tried, "You standing there is not helping."

Lucius barely threw a glance at her as he snorted:"Neither is you sitting there."

"It is not up to us," Hermione continued, "It doesn't matter if you sit down or stand there until they decide to-"

She did not finish the sentence, not knowing what to say. Were they going to be killed? Or questioned? Or tortured? Why were they waiting so long? Were they deciding? Or-

Hermione flinched as Lucius punched the wall, breaking the silence in the dungeon. She observed with wide open eyes as he groaned in pain and frustration. She had rarely seen him out of control and it frightened her.

"Calm down," she said to him, calmly, but barely able to control her heartbeat.

Lucius did not say anything to her. He seemed lost in the observation of his fist, covered in blood. After a long moment, his eyes turned to Hermione.

"What is it?" she asked, feeling uncomfortable with him looking at her like that.

"The blood," he simply said, still looking at her.

At that point he was starting to scare her. The way his eyes roamed over her was making her skin crawl.

"I have seen your blood many times," he said to her coldly, "And it looked exactly the same as mine."

Hermione's breath caught in her throat as she listened to him. He had never before spoke to her about such a thing. She could not believe that he was actually admitting his blood was like hers.

"Lucius," she started slowly, "I've been telling you this ever since you took me. Your blood is the same as mine. Not superior."

He looked at her and suddenly his expression changed. Hermione could see how his face went pale and anger flashed in his eyes.

"Don't you dare to say something like that again," he ordered her.

Hermione had a feeling he was fighting with himself. A part of him realized that their blood was the same, but the other part of him did not want to hear anything about it. And that part was winning. It was hard if not impossible to turn your back to something you believed in your whole life.

Hermione remained silent. The conversation was over. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall. It was strange. They were held prisoners, but she did not seem to feel great fear. Only anticipation and slight nervousness.

Lucius was the one who was anything but calm. As hours went by, he was becoming more and more impatient. Soon he was walking from one end of the dungeon to the other, his breathing angry and quick. Hermione could not stand it, because it was making her nervous as well.

"Stop it!" she raised her voice.

Lucius froze in his tracks and looked at her:"I have to find a way out of here."

"What is wrong with you?" she demanded, "Try to calm down."

He shook his head:"No. I have to leave. I-"

"You are scaring me,"Hermione admitted, noticing he was paler than usual. He let out a shaky breath, but said nothing. Hermione realized that something was seriously wrong. She carefully stood up and approached him.

"Lucius?"

"It's the same dungeon."

"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion.

Lucius replied:"This is where they took me when I wouldn't obey the Dark Lord's orders."

Hermione opened her mouth in shock. She understood everything. The last time he was in this dungeon, his wife was killed because of him. His family tragedy started right there.

"I'm…."she paused for a moment,"Sorry."

"I will make them pay when I get out of here."

It was said with such confidence that Hermione wondered if he really was that positive that they will make it out alive or if he was faking it. But then something hit her. He said when _he _gets out. He did not mention her. That realization was burning inside her mind, but she was pretending as if she did not hear it.

Minutes passed by. Hermione could feel her eyes closing as sleep threatened to take over. It was ridiculous how she was able to sleep, now knowing what was going to happen to her. But she was already used to it. Living with Lucius only made her stronger.

"It's dark," she quietly said, noticing how she was barely able to see Lucius, even though he was standing just a few feet away from her.

"Your powers of observation astound me," he drawled.

Hermione smiled weakly at that, realizing how stupid she was saying something like that. It was not possible for him to not notice that it had gotten dark.

Hermione noticed one more thing as minutes passed by. The temperature fell significantly. It was really cold and she could not help but shiver slightly. Lucius did not have the same problem. He was dressed, wearing his usual robes, but all Hermione had was a short nightgown.

She hugged herself with her arms, trying to warm up. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She was exhausted and hungry. That was the fact that worried her the most. Were they planning on giving them at least water? Hermione did not know about Lucius, but she was really thirsty already. Deciding it would be best to rest, she placed her head onto her knees and tried to think as little as possible, ignoring the fact that her body was shivering uncontrollably.

ooo

Hermione was half asleep, drifting in and out of dreams. She could feel the hard floor beneath her body, but then something surprised her. As delusional as she was, she realized that she was not as cold as before. She was covered with something. Opening her eyes lazily, she had to blink a few times, but she still could not see a thing. It was too dark. But she knew she was covered with a robe and it smelt of Lucius. It was definitely his.

A strange feeling spread inside of her as she realized that he had covered her with his robe. Why would he do that? Where was he? Too tired and sleepy to think about it, she closed her eyes and fell back into deep sleep.

ooo

"I always found it fascinating how you were able to find sleep even when in a horrible situation," Lucius' voice brought her back into consciousness.

She blinked a few times until her vision cleared, then slowly pulled herself up in a sitting position.

"What do you mean?"she asked in a hoarse voice.

"In the beginning, the first days after the war, when you knew nothing about my reasons to take you as a reward, you never had trouble sleeping,"Lucius explained, a curiosity in his voice.

Hermione noticed that she was not covered with his robe as she was when she woke up in the middle of the night. Was that only a dream? Was she imagining it? But it felt so real. Maybe he simply did not want her to know he gave a damn about her being cold.

"I realized that not sleeping would solve nothing," she said slowly, looking up at him. He was still standing across the dungeon, leaning against the wall. She found herself wondering if he allowed himself to rest while she was asleep.

With a sigh she looked towards the door, then back at Lucius:"No one came?"

He shook his head. Hermione felt desperation slowly taking over her as horrible silence filled the dungeon again. She was afraid. There was no denying that. The logical part of her was screaming at her that their deaths would be the best thing that could happen. It would free both of them. They were two lost souls who somehow found comfort in each other. Their…relationship was hard and painful and dark. But still, Hermione did not even want to think about being away from him. She needed him. She wanted him. It was sick and twisted, but she did not want it to end.

There was only one thing that could break their connection. Death. That would be the only solution. She would be with her friends again, with her family. Lucius would be with his wife and son, if there was an afterlife. But maybe they did not deserve to see their loved ones again. They both did so many horrible things in this life. Lucius took and destroyed so many lives and she betrayed her friends and herself by letting Lucius into her mind and heart. Maybe they both deserved to be punished for their actions.

"They cannot leave us here for eternity,"Lucius spoke, his voice dark.

"Maybe not,"she agreed then added, "But all we need is a few days without water and problem solved."

Lucius threw a glance at her:"I told you already, they do not want us dead."

Hermione stood up, desperation slowly turning into anger:"Then what _do _they want? Why are we here?"

"Don't you think that if I knew, I would not be in here?" he rolled his eyes at her.

Hermione made her way towards him, looking deep into his eyes, hoping to find something that would tell her was anxious as well. But there was nothing.

"How can you be so calm?" she demanded, "Stop pretending that you don't care what happens!"

Lucius leaned down until their faces were just a few inches apart:"Just because I do not act like a hysterical teenage girl, does not mean I do not care."

Hermione bit her tongue and remained silent. Lucius' lip curled up in a smirk and then he simply walked away from her.

"What are we going to do if they do decide to come here?" she asked a few moments later.

"Leave it to me."

Again Hermione felt anger rising inside of her as she turned to face him:"What do you mean by that?"

"Do not get yourself involved," Lucius ordered coldly, "Keep your mouth shut. Do not even look at them."

"If you hadn't noticed, I am here as well. You can't expect me to just do nothing to get us out of here!"

Lucius raised an eyebrow at her:"And what exactly would you do to help? Offer to annoy them to death?"

"There has to be something I can do," Hermione whispered.

"They are dangerous,"Lucius said to her in a low tone, "I do not wish to observe as they punish you for your inability to keep your mouth shut."

Hermione flinched at his words, realizing that he was serious. This time there was no smirk on his face. And was there a slight worry in his look? If it was, it disappeared as quickly as it showed.

"We must not show that there is anything other than hate between us," he said to her.

"_Is _there?"Hermione asked, but all she got from him was a cold glare.

"If you want to survive, you must remember this- you are my reward, my slave. You hate me, you are afraid of me.«

Hermione listened to him, realizing that was exactly how their relationship had been in the beginning.

"I use you sexually in order to humiliate you further-"

Hermione stopped him:"Why are you telling me this?"

"If we give them the slightest sign that there is something deeper between us, we sign our own death sentence."

Hermione nodded, realizing they needed to act if they wanted to survive. Then it hit her what he just said. Through his words he admitted that there was something deeper between the two of them. She looked at him and realized that he knew well enough what he said. There was no need to say anything. They both understood the situation completely.

Hermione flinched as suddenly the doors opened. It was the moment they were both waiting for, but at the same time Hermione wished that it never came. She froze in shock and fear, then Lucius pulled her behind him. Two men entered the dungeon. They were both in their forties, one with dark hair and the other one bald. They both looked strong and powerful, wearing dark robes.

"Lucius," the man with dark hair spoke first, "I assume you know the reason why you are here."

"Actually I do not,"Lucius answered, "Enlighten me, Howard."

The bald man sneered:"Do not play games with us. We have all been hearing rumors about you lately, but we were hoping it was just that. Rumors."

"And what proved you differently?" Lucius asked.

"Your order to postpone the attack on the Muggle world."

Hermione felt gratefulness towards Lucius as hearing that. So he was not lying to her when he said he would not attack the Muggle World. She did not completely believe him then as he never gave her a reason to trust him. But this time he was truthful and he kept his promise to her. Why? He had to know that would awaken doubts and suspicion in other Death Eaters.

"I still stand behind my decision," Lucius said in a firm voice, "I do not see the point in attacking the Muggle World if we are not united in our cause. There are conflicts between us."

"_We _are united in our cause. It is _you _who does not want to follow the rules. And as I remember, you participated in every conflict that we had," Howard drawled, "Dolohov's death, Philix's death, The Dark Lord's death."

Hermione could feel her throat close up with fear. So much had happened and it all pointed to Lucius. At that moment she could not see a way out for them. But why were they in the dungeon, talking to Lucius? If they wanted him dead, they would not be losing time speaking.

"I had a good reason for everything I did," Lucius said to them.

"Is that so?"

"Dolohov disobeyed my orders and did exactly what I told him not to which I take as a direct offence against me and my authority," Lucius spoke confidently, "Philix dared to come into my house and try to kill me."

"And what about our Master?"

Lucius took a deep breath before he spoke:"Our Master killed my family. I had every right to avenge them. And besides, our leader should be the one who holds the greatest power. Obviously, Voldemort was not the greatest."

Hermione flinched as Lucius referred to his Master by his given name. It rarely happened before. It just showed that he had no respect for him anymore.

"You have a good explanation for every action, Lucius, but you have to admit that it is strange."

"Perhaps," the bald man spoke, "the reason for everything that has happened is right..." he stepped forward and looked at Hermione, "Here."

A terrifying smile appeared on his face and Hermione hesitantly moved from her spot behind Lucius. If she had to pretend she hated him, it would seem strange if she was hiding behind him.

"Hermione Granger," Howard spoke, "Harry Potter's friend. A Mudblood."

"We've heard a lot about you. 'The brightest witch of her age' they described you," the bald man said, smirking at her.

"That is the past," Lucius added, "Now she is nothing more than a filthy Mudblood."

Hermione did not allow hurt to show on her face. He did not mean it like that. He was just pretending. He had to be.

"I do not understand why she is still alive," Howard asked, "Usually slaves do not last that long."

"I take good care of her."

"And why is that?"

Lucius' voice showed no emotion as he spoke:"She is a good shag. And she was Potter's friend. I enjoy breaking her. I simply cannot get enough of it."

"A shag? You could get that anywhere."

"I would never lower myself enough to visit a brothel," Lucius spoke with disgust, "The Mudblood was always there when I felt the need to work out some tension and I do not have to pay for it."

Hermione flinched when she heard him say that, she knew he was acting, at least she was hoping he was acting, but he sounded so sincere that it was hard for her to distinguish the lie from the reality. And what caught her attention was when Lucius said that he would never visit a whore. That meant that his lover, the woman he was visiting was not a prostitute, but probably a respected witch. She would feel better if it was simply a whore.

"If I get understood you correctly, you only use her?" Howard asked.

Hermione blushed as he and the other man looked at her. Their eyes stayed on her longer than normally. It was obvious they were searching for something.

Finally Howard spoke:"Pardon me, Lucius, but I cannot seem to find one bruise on her."

Hermione looked at Lucius and noticed his jaw twitched.

"I do not take pleasure in beatings. I see no point in acting like an animal," he finally answered, "There are other ways to break a person down."

"I agree," Howard nodded, "But still I suspect that you have lost your way, my friend. Are you not bothered by the fact that she is standing next to you as if she was your equal?"

He walked to Hermione and ordered:"Down."

Confusion showed on her face as she looked at Lucius, not knowing what to do. She did not even have the time to react as Howard slapped her, sending her to the floor. She could taste the blood in her mouth. He split her lip, the bastard. Lucius did not even look at her.

"This is where her place is," Howard said to Lucius, completely ignoring Hermione on the floor.

"We understand that living with her for such a long time, changed your attitude towards her," the bald man spoke, "And this is why we are here to help you. You are valuable to us, Lucius. We do not want to lose you."

Howard nodded:"We have a feeling you are forgetting what our goal is. Riding the world of those who are not worthy to live in it. Mudbloods and blood-traitors. They are worse than animals. They think that _our _power is _their _power."

Hermione stayed on the floor, listening to the speech and biting her tongue to prevent herself from saying something.

"They should all be taughed a lesson and then killed. No Muggle should be allowed to even look at a wand, let alone hold it."

"You are wrong," the words escaped Hermione's mouth before she could stop it.

Howard looked at her with interest and Hermione could hear Lucius let out a sigh of annoyance.

"What was that, little girl?"

Hermione could feel adrenalin pumping in her veins. She was going to die. If there was someone who had a chance of surviving, it was Lucius, not her. Why would she allow them to insult her if she was going to die anyway?

She slowly pulled herself up from the floor and raised her chin proudly:«I said that you are wrong.«

"Did your mother not tell you it was rude to interrupt when adults are having a conversation?" he asked her, raising an eyebrow at her.

Hermione clenched her fists and spoke:"My mother taught me that I should always stand up for myself."

She could feel Lucius staring at her, his gaze burning her, but she did not care.

"Well, your mother probably is not very smart, is she?" Howard asked.

Not even a second later, Hermione spat at him, rage on her face. Her chest was heaving with fear mixed with anger. Howard pulled out his wand and cleaned his face, his glare murderous:"You will pay for that."

Hermione did not move as he pointed his wand at her and suddenly she was pushed to the floor again, unable to get up.

"I see you have not taught her discipline, Lucius," the bald man said.

Howard stepped closer to her and smiled. Hermione could not look at him anymore, his presence was scaring her.

"Filth," he insulted her, then kicked her in the stomach, causing Hermione to cry out. A second later he repeated the move with more force and Hermione felt like throwing up. She could not breath. The pain was so intense that she could not prevent cries escaping from her lips.

"We will return later, Lucius. We still have to talk," Howard said, "In the meantime you can teach the Mudblood some manners."

Hermione did not even notice when they left the dungeon, she was in too much distress. Panic was taking over her as she realized she could not breath without feeling as if knife was stabbing her chest.

Lucius kneeled down to her and lifted her up, so that she was leaning against his chest.

"You stupid girl! Why did you not listen to me?" he said to her, angry.

"I-" Hermione tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Calm down," he said to her calmly, "Breath."

"Can't-"

"Take short breaths," he instructed, "It will pass in a few minutes."

Hermione nodded and did as she was told. Squeezing Lucius' arm, she breathed slowly, taking short breaths. The worst passed in a few minutes just like he told her. Eventually she was able to breath and the pain in her stomach lessened to some degree.

"Rest and try to move as little as possible," he said to her.

Hermione nodded and closed her eyes. Lucius cleared his throat and tried to move away from her, but Hermione stopped him.

"Please-" she started, but did not know what to say. She needed to be comforted and even though he was silent, just the feel of his body felt comforting.

"Stay here,"she asked quietly, burying her face into his chest, one hand on her stomach and the other one grabbing his shirt. She needed him to hold her, if only for a few minutes. To her surprise Lucius did not move away. He did not wrap his arms around her or anything like that, but he allowed her to press herself against him. Hermione realized that maybe he needed comfort as well. She relaxed against him and soon her breathing was steady and normal. The warmth of his body and the feel of his heartbeat made her sleepy and slowly she drifted off.

ooo

When she woke up, the first thing she realized was that she was not being held by Lucius anymore. As she looked up, she saw him pacing up and down the dungeon.

"How long was I asleep?" she asked.

Lucius turned to her when he heard her voice:"A few hours.«

Hermione nodded and stood up slowly. She could imagine how her stomach looked at that moment. Covered in bruises.

"How are you feeling?"Lucius asked.

"Alright, I suppose. I could be worse."

Annoyance showed in his voice:"That is right. You should be glad you only got away with a few kicks."

"I just couldn't let him say those things to me," she defended herself.

"But you have made everything worse by talking back!" Lucius raised his voice, then took a deep breath to calm himself down, "The next time they come back, I want you to bite your tongue if you have to, but stay quiet."

Hermione had to admit that he was right. She would never forgive herself if they both lost their lives simply because she was unable to stay silent. A few minutes passed in complete silence. Hermione kept throwing glances at Lucius, she wanted to talk to him, but at the same time she did not know what to say to start the conversation.

"What is it?" he finally asked, annoyed, "I can feel you staring at me."

Hermione took a deep breath, realizing that there was something she had always wanted to ask him. And now he could not simply leave the room and ignore her. This was the best chance she would get to clear things between them.

"Why did you kill Dolohov?" she asked, then quickly added, "You once said that it was because he touched your possession, but…"

Lucius met her eyes and sighed:"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what you feel towards me," she whispered, fear in her voice, "These might be our last hours of life."

"Mudblood-"

"I love you," she cut him off, "And I know that I am betraying my loved ones with that, but I can't help it."

Lucius shook his head:"Don't start with that topic again."

"Maybe it isn't love. How could I love a man who hurt me so much? Who destroyed my world? Who ripped away my dignity and my innocence?" she could feel tears in her eyes while speaking.

"You need to get a hold of yourself," he said to her in a demanding voice, "Stop talking about _love_."

"What happened the other night, before we were brought here…." Hermione whispered, "When I asked you to kiss me…you were gentle. Did it not mean anything to you? Look me in the eyes and say that it was just a shag."

Lucius remained silent for a few moments. Then he finally met her eyes.

"Mudblood…" he started quietly.

Hermione saw something different in his eyes. It was as if he was fighting with himself, but no words came from him.

"Lucius, you can end it all right now," Hermione said seriously, "Everything that has happened, everything that I feel. I will not mention it ever again. If we by some miracle survive this, we will go back to what we were in the beginning.«

Lucius was looking at her, his face pale, his lips forming a thin line.

"If you can say that I mean nothing to you and that what happened between us the other night meant nothing to you, I will never mention it again. I promise," she forced the words out, her heart beating faster than ever.

Lucius' eyes never left hers and when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet:"I cannot say that."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock. For a few moments she was just staring at him, not realizing what he just said to her.

"You…can't say it?" she repeated, "You mean-"

They both flinched as the doors opened and Howard walked in, a serious expression on his face.

"It's nice to see both of you again,"he said politely, then looked at Lucius, "We have just had a meeting. The main topic was you."

"I'm honoured," Lucius replied sarcastically.

"There is one person who thinks you are still worthy. He convinced us to give you another chance."

Hermione could hardly hear the words, all what was on her mind was what happened a minute ago. Lucius actually admitted it.

"Come with me, Lucius," Howard pointed towards the doors, "We want to talk to you in private."

Lucius looked at Hermione. What worried her was that he did not seem relieved about what Howard had told them. Why did he still seem concerned?

"She stays here," Howard explained, "Until we decide what to do with her."

That's why he was not relieved. Hermione was too naive, thinking they were saved. It was not over yet.

"If you do something to her-" Lucius threatened.

"You seem awfully protective of the Mudblood, Lucius," Howard smirked, "But you do not need to worry. Nothing will be done to her. Yet."

Lucius looked at Hermione, his eyes telling her something, but she could not understand what. As they turned and left the dungeon, Hermione stood frozen, defeated. Her throat closed up as she realized that there was a chance she would never see him again. And after what he told her…After he finally admitted there was something between the two of them. Hermione could not believe how cruel life could be. It took everything from her, then it gave something back and now it was taking it away again.

But before she had a chance to lose herself in her thoughts, the doors opened again. Her face lit up with hope.

"Luc-" she started, then closed her mouth as she recognized her former Professor.

"Snape?"she asked sceptically, "What are you-"

"We do not have much time," he spoke in his usual voice, but there was nervousness in it, "I have came to take you away from here."

"Away? Away where?" Hermione could not understand anything.

"You and Lucius are in trouble. I have managed to convince the other Death Eaters that he should be given another chance. If you value your life, you will come with me, Miss Granger."

"What? Do they know about this?"

Snape shook his head:"They have left it up to me to decide what to do with you. I will convince them that you were the one to blame for Lucius' actions and that I thought the best thing was to kill you."

"Y-You are going to kill me?«

"Of course not, you foolish child!" he barked at her, "I will make it seem as if I got rid of you. I am taking you to my house until this madness passes. Then you will be able to return to the Muggle World, find your parents and go into hiding."

Hermione felt as if everything was spinning around her. Too many things were happening. Snape was offering her an escape. A solution. A solution she wanted a few months ago, not now. Not after everything that she found out.

"Miss Granger, take my hand," he said to her and offered her his hand.

If she stayed in the dungeon, she would without doubt be killed. But if she accepted Snape's offer, she would never see Lucius again. She could not live with that. She loved him. And he loved her.

"Professor, I can't…" she said quietly.

"What are you saying?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

"I can't go…Lucius…«

When she dared to look up at him, she saw as his look went from confused to shocked as realization dawned upon him.

"Miss Granger, are you two-" he did not finish the sentence and he did not have to. Hermione knew what he wanted to say. She simply nodded.

"That is the last thing I would expect to happen between the two of you, " Snape admitted, shocked. He remained silent for a few moments and Hermione hugged herself with her arms.

When he spoke, his voice was soft and quiet:"Hermione."

She immediately looked up at him. She could not remember the last time she was called by her name. It brought back so many memories.

"You have to come with me. If you stay here, they _will _kill you. I was on the meeting, I heard their conversations."

Desperation showed on her face, tears swelling up her eyes:"But…Isn't there any other option?"

"Not for you. They might accept Lucius back, but they will never give _you _a chance."

Hermione was silent for a few moments, lost in her thoughts. Her life was destroyed once before and she managed to find the will to live again. She did not have the strength to do that again. She would rather die than live a life she did not want to live. For the last few months all the choices were taken away from her. But now she had the power to decide. And she decided.

"I am staying here,"she said in a determined voice.

"You do realize that you are signing your death sentence by refusing my offer?"

"I would rather die now, finally accepting what I feel and what I have, than spending the rest of my life hiding and thinking what I could have had."

Snape was staring into her eyes for a long moment, than finally realizing he would not convince her.

"I will not force you to come with me," he said, then sighed, "I hope you will not regret your decision later. I was offering you freedom and you chose Lucius."

Hermione said nothing to that. He could not understand, even if she tried to explain it to him. She would not be able to enjoy freedom if Lucius was not with her. Just the thought of not seeing him ever again frightened her. Of not smelling him, touching him, hearing his voice, feeling his lips on hers.

"I will do my best to try and convince them you are not the main reason for Lucius' actions, but I cannot promise anything," he explained to her and Hermione thanked him with her weak smile.

Snape nodded, then looked at her for a long moment as if he was seeing her for the last time. With a deep breath, he left the dungeon. Hermione knew she made a right decision. She could not leave after everything that had happened. She was trying for such a long time to get Lucius to admit that he felt something towards her, that she was not simply a dirty Mudblood to him. And he finally admitted it. But maybe it was too late. Maybe there was no hope for the two of them. But what frightened her, was the fact that even though she knew she was most likely to die, she did not regret the decision to stay. Dying with a reason was better than to live without one.

**A/N: I am so sorry for not updating in such a long time! But I was having a serious case of writer's block. It's gone now, I hope. I just wanted to tell you that I was thinking about writing fanfic about Ginny and Snape from this story. It would be a parallel fanfic to this one, so that you could find out more about what happens in the Snape Manor and a lot of new information about Lucius and Hermione, especially in Snape/Lucius scenes. Because this story was manly writen from Hermione's point of view, you did not get a lot about Lucius and his thoughts, Tell me what you think. :)**


	28. A Shadow

**Hi, guys! So sorry for the late update! I struggled with this chapter. I did not want to publish something I was not satisfied with.**

**So, this is the last chapter. I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and supported this story. Your reviews mean a lot to me. I know many of you won't like the ending, but it is my story and in my opinion this ending is the best. Tell me what you think.**

chapter 28 **A SHADOW**

_Was it a mistake?_

That was the question on Hermione's mind ever since Snape left the dungeon. She knew exactly what kind of danger awaited for her, yet she refused her former Professor's help. Hermione was not stupid. She did not cover her eyes and pretend she did not know what was happening around her. She was with one foot in the grave and that terrified her. It would not be that horrible if it happened a few months ago. Maybe then she would accept death easier. But not now. Not when she finally put the pieces of her life back together and found a reason to live. And not when Lucius finally admitted her felt _something _for her. She was not simply a Mudblood slave. How could she die knowing that she finally succeeded in changing his view on her and making him feel something for her?

How could she leave him and escape? Hermione knew that most people would probably judge her if they knew what she had done, but she had her reasons. Her parents were safe as long as Lucius stayed the leader of the Death Eaters. And as long as she remained with him. A small voice in her head was whispering to her that Lucius would probably not hesitate to attack the Muggle World if he found out she escaped. He was not the kind of man who would take betrayal well. Not after everything that had happened between the two of them and after everything they had shared. What kind of a life would she have if she escaped? Spend the rest of it hiding and fearing for her life? Not being able to do anything?

She rather stayed in the cell, even if that meant her death. One of them would survive and most likely it would be Lucius. Hermione only hoped he would show enough dignity to keep his word even after her death. If the Muggle world stayed safe then her sacrifice would not be pointless. Besides, there was another reason why she did not accept Snape's offer. She simply could not force herself to leave. She tried to imagine life without Lucius, waking up in a different bed, falling asleep without him beside her, not being able to hear his silky voice, feel his warmth, his _presence_. She was so used to him by now that it was almost painful to imagine a different life. Was that love?

Hermione had never before been in love. What she had with Viktor was not even worth a mention. They were just fooling around and Hermione liked the attention she was getting from him. But it was never nothing serious. What she had with Ron was something sweet and nice. Sadly, he lost his life before they had a chance to see what their relationship could grow into. He was killed by the same man she now thought she loved. Everything was messed up.

And then there was Lucius. The feelings that rushed through her every time she thought about him were not the same feelings that she had with Victor or Ron. With Lucius it was all much darker and twisted. Much more adult. But was it love? It had to be. Of course, it was not what Hermione had always imagined to be. There was no fluff, no smiles, no holding hands or gentle caressing. No soothing words or long conversations at night. But there was just _something_. Hermione did not need Lucius to talk, because she somehow knew what he felt just by looking at him. There was no need for him to hold her hand, because his emotions showed in a different way. When she caught his look every now and then and it was filled with something other than hate. Or when he kissed her with passion and she felt those strong feelings inside of him through the kiss. Everything was so different with Lucius but at the same time it was _real_. The fact that it was dark and wrong and that they depended on each other that much, made it seem much more real than what she had with Ron or Victor.

Hermione put her head on her knees and closed her eyes as all those thoughts ran through her head. There was a complete silence in the cell and there was nothing else she could do but think. With possible death so close to her, she could not help but look back at the last few months of her life. If she were given a chance to go back, would she behave differently? Would she try to prevent what happened between her and Lucius? Hermione did not have the answer to that question.

_Where is Lucius?_

She was worried about him and about what was happening to him at that moment. But at the same time she felt that nothing will happen to him. The Death Eaters thought him valuable and Lucius would know how to play his cards right to come out of this situation alive.

But she herself was a complete different story. She was not naive and she knew exactly that Snape was just trying to comfort her when he said he would try to convince the others not to kill her. The look in his eyes told her everything. He was looking at her as if he was seeing her for the last time. He did not have the power to save her. If the other Death Eaters decided that she was a threat than there was no salvation for her.

ooo

Hermione was slowly loosing her mind. The days were passing by and no one had visited her. What was taking them so long? Why was she still alive? What was happening? Where was Lucius? Dark thoughts came to her mind. What if that was their plan? Starve her to death? She was a Mudblood, not worthy of a quick death. It had to be painful and slow.

It had been four days already. Four days without food, water and contact with other human being. She was becoming weaker with each passing hour. She could barely stand up without feeling dizzy. Her throat was so sore that she could hardly talk. And there was no bathroom so she had to do her thing in the corner, as if she was an animal.

Sighing, she closed her eyes, trying to think positive. It was not working.

ooo

On the fifth day someone finally came. The moment Hermione heard the doors open, she pulled herself up, leaning against the wall for support. Everything before her eyes became black and she had to wait a few long moments to be able to see again. But when he sight cleared, a smile formed itself on her dry lips.

_Lucius._

It was him. And there were two other men with him. The same ones from a few days ago. One was Howard, but she did not know the other one's name.

Lucius seemed…alright. He was not beaten or starved. His robes were clean, his hair was in a ponytail. Hermione did not know what to think when their eyes connected. He was completely calm and she could not read anything from his eyes. He looked away from her and asked:"Have you not been giving her food?"

"We had other things on our mind than take care of_ it_," Howard answered, "Besides, she seems healthily to me. A few days without food did not do her any harm."

Lucius said nothing to that. There was a strange atmosphere in the dungeon. Hermione felt uneasy, but she was not afraid. If they came to kill her, at least it would all be over. She did not want to die, but there was nothing she could do now. She wanted to ask them why they came, but then she remembered that Howard did not like it when she spoke without permission.

"Mudblood," Lucius started and Hermione's eyes snapped towards him. She noticed he was having hard time looking at her, it seemed as if even the wall behind her was more interesting than her face. Silence followed and than the other man approached Hermione. She did not move away from the spot where she was standing, not wanting to show them she was afraid.

"It has to be done, Lucius," the man said coldly.

Lucius nodded and than cleared his throat:"I understand. Our goal is all that matters."

"I am glad you finally understand that," Howard drawled, a satisfied smile on his face.

Hermione did not look away from Lucius, she was trying to figure him out. The way he was acting was unlike him. He seemed _submissive_. And she knew more than anyone else how dominant Lucius was.

"The power is all that matters," Lucius replied, taking the wand out of his cane. Hermione's blood ran cold at that. What was he going to do?

Howard shot her a glance:"You have caused too much trouble. You can only be glad you have lasted this long."

Hermione tried to ignore the other two Death Eaters as she concentrated on Lucius. Why was he not looking at her? She needed to see him, see what was on his mind. If she was going to die, than at least she wanted to know how Lucius felt about it. She needed to know that her last months of life were not completely pointless and that she had achieved _something_. She made a cold-hearted Death Eater feel something for a _Mudblood_ he hated.

"Lucius…." she whispered as he pointed his wand at her. It was only then that he looked at her.

Hermione felt as if she could cry. He was looking at her intensely and she could swear that his lower lip was twitching. He was always like that when he could not decide about something. She knew him that well by now that she could tell when something was wrong. There was nothing either one of them could say. What could they say to each other?

Hermione waited in fear as she lost herself in Lucius' eyes. She always knew that his eyes would be the last thing she would see before death. Ever since the first day of her capture she knew she would die by his hands. But she never imagined that he would be hesitating about ending her life. Because that was what she recognized in his look. _Hesitation_.

Those seconds were the longest in Hermione's life and she already saw herself with Harry, Ron and the others that had lost their life. As she bit her lip and closed her eyes, she said goodbye to the world and prepared herself for the inevitable pain.

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

Hermione flinched and it felt as if her heart stopped. Only it did not. It was still beating and she was still breathing. Her eyes flew open and she realized she was still alive.

But Howard was not.

_"Expeliarmus!"_

"_Protego!"_

Everything was happening so fast that Hermione literally could not move for a moment. She stood frozen and watched. Lucius and the other Death Eater were sending curses onto each other. They were both very skilled wizards and Hermione could barely hear their spells and see their wand movements.

And then it happened. Lucius flew into the wall, hitting it hard and falling down to the ground, losing his wand in the process.

Hermione had never before seen him that vulnerable. His hair was messy, his eyes were defeated and his lips were forming a thin line. The Other Death Eater took a step closer to him, his wand pointed at him.

"You have gone completely insane, Lucius," he spoke with an angry voice.

_Save him._

That was the first thing on Hermione's mind when she saw Lucius being threatened. Without thinking she kneeled down to Howard's dead body and took his wand. No one was paying attention to her, she was an unworthy Mudblood after all, not capable of doing anything. Both Lucius and his former colleague were to distracted with their eye battle to notice her.

"You could have achieved so much more, but you ruined it," the Death Eater said to Lucius.

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

The words escaped Hermione's lips and before she even realized what just happened, the body fell to the ground with a loud thud. In a moment Lucius was on his feet again and in two strides he was beside her, taking the wand away from her shaking hands.

"Oh god…." she whispered to herself, not able to remove her eyes from the man she just killed.

"We have to leave."

Hermione could hear Lucius' voice, but it made no sense in her head. Too much was happening. She had been just seconds before death and now she killed a person. She needed time to calm down and process everything.

"Mudblood, we have to go," Lucius said to her again, grabbing her arm.

He pulled her out of the dungeon and to a place from where they could Apparate. Hermione was barely holding herself together. Her mind had trouble accepting everything that happened. She herself almost did not believe it. And the feeling of Apparition did not help either. By the time they reached the Malfoy Manor, Hermione felt sick to her stomach. Once they were in the bedroom, she escaped Lucius' grasp and ran to the bathroom, feeling as if she would throw up. But she had not eaten anything in the last few days so there was nothing to throw up. She leaned against the bathtub and closed her eyes, waiting for the sickness to pass.

She never even heard him come in, but when she felt his touch, she knew he was beside her. He said nothing as he pulled her up from the floor and helped her back to the bedroom.

"What will happen now?" she managed to ask.

Lucius decided to ignore her question as she crawled onto the bed. Hermione sent him a look and repeated her words:"What will happen now?"

He let out a tired sigh:" Nothing to concern your pretty little head with."

Hermione was too tired to argue with him and she knew he was not in a mood to fight. His expression told her all he wanted was to be left alone. With a flick of his wand a clean nightgown appeared on the bed. Without another word he left the room and again Hermione was alone.

Once the elf brought her food, she could not control herself and she ate everything in a couple of minutes. She especially liked how the glass with pumpkin juice kept refilling itself. Hermione did not know exactly how long she was in that cell, but it had to be at least a couple of days. A couple of days without food or water.

There was a strange feeling inside of her. Not knowing what was happening always made her nervous. Where was Lucius? And the other Death Eaters? Hermione was afraid to think how they were going to react once they found the bodies of Howard and that other man. The man she killed. Hermione did not know why it bothered her so much. He was a Death Eater and he was going to kill Lucius. She had to stop him. But did she really had to use the killing curse?

That thought was on her mind constantly. Even after she took a bath and cleaned herself she still could not get rid of a feeling that she was dirty and corrupted. She looked at herself in the mirror and did not notice any change. She looked the same as a few days ago, but she felt different. Something changed inside of her. She did not feel the same.

OOO

It was only in the middle of night when Lucius came back into the bedroom. Hermione was waiting for him, not able to find sleep. She wanted answers and she was decided to get them from him. He looked at her surprised as he walked in, but said nothing. Hermione licked her lips hesitantly, not knowing how to start. After a few long moments she simply let out a sigh which made him look at her again.

"Lucius," she said quietly.

"What is it, Mudblood?" he asked as he started to undress.

"Can we talk?"

He stopped unbuttoning his shirt and turned around to look at her. He simply raised and eyebrow at her, telling her to continue.

"I-I want to know what happened. You...I…we killed those two men."

He nodded:"Yes, I noticed that."

"Well?" Hermione demanded, "Are they not going to punish you for that? We escaped from that cell. Why are they not after us?"

Lucius was silent for a few long moments and then he finally spoke:"Do you remember what I said to Howard? About what matters in this world?"

"Yes," Hermione nodded, her mind traveling back to that conversation, "The power. You said that is all that matters."

"You learn quickly," he smirked.

"I do not agree with it. I simply repeated what you said," Hermione shot back.

"Of course you do not agree with it. I never expected you to," Lucius replied, watching her carefully, "You are still naive enough to believe in good and evil."

Hermione felt as if the conversation was heading in the wrong direction. She would gladly discuss good and evil with Lucius, but not at that moment. There were much more important things she needed to hear from him.

She took a deep breath and asked:"Do you have the power?"

His lips curled up in a satisfied smirk:"At this moment, me and Severus are the most respected and hated men in the Wizarding World."

Hermione was shocked at how relived she felt at hearing that. She should be angry, sad and anything but glad that Lucius was the one with the power. But she could not change her feelings. She could not ease the sense of safety she felt at learning that Lucius Malfoy held the greatest power. He was not good, but at least he was the lesser evil.

"I thought the other Death Eaters turned against you," she said, confusion written on her face.

He simply nodded, not a trace of worry on his face:"They did."

She waited for him to continue, but he seemed to like keeping her in the dark.

"And?"

He took a step closer to her and smirked, confidence showing through his eyes:"Not all Death Eaters were involved in the rebellion against me. Once I left the dungeon, there were only five or six of them waiting for me."

"The others didn't know anything? They didn't know you were locked up in a dungeon?" Hermione asked, surprised.

"No," he replied.

"Then what were you doing those few days when I was left alone in the cell?" she demanded, then her voice got weaker as she looked down:"I thought they were torturing you. I even thought I would never see you again."

She was afraid to look at him, not knowing what she would find in his eyes. She was not sure she could stand it if he decided to make fun out of her because of her confession.

"We simply talked," Lucius answered and Hermione was thankful that she did not sense any mockery in his voice.

He continued:"And then we came to an agreement."

Hermione nodded and then she met his eyes:"To kill me."

"They saw you responsible for everything that has happened and the only option was to get rid of you. And if I performed that task, I would prove myself worthy."

As he finished that sentence his face changed to an angry expression.

"Those fools need to learn that I do not take ultimatums from _anyone_," he spat with rage.

"So…" Hermione started, thinking about everything he just told her, "We are safe? They are not coming after us anymore?"

"They would be idiots to do that. Only few have the courage to stand against me and Severus."

Hermione still could not understand why Snape would help kill Voldemort. That man was a complete mystery to her. Were he and Lucius really such good friends? How were Death Eaters even capable to have friends when they were so corrupted and evil? When Hermione said nothing for a few moments, Lucius continued to unbutton his shirt. He turned his back to her and that was the sign that their conversation was over. But Hermione could not help but say what was on her mind.

"You are not invincible, Lucius," she said quietly, "One day you will lose."

He stopped his movements, but did not turn to look at her. Hermione knew he heard her, but he simply decided to ignore her. He probably did not take her seriously. His life was slowly crashing down and he did not care. He was losing his reputation and his friends, but it did not seem to bother him. Hermione shuddered involuntarily, realizing that he was taking her down that path with him. With a sigh she lay down onto the bed and turned away, staring blankly into space. When she felt him crawl into the bed, she looked at him again, feeling the need to ask him something.

"What was-" she started, then stopped herself.

He raised his eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I was just…wondering…what was… his name?" she finally asked, her voice weak.

"His name?" he looked at her confused.

Hermione could feel her throat close up to the point where she could barely say a word. She ran a hand through her hair and noticed she was shaking. What was she feeling? Was it guilt?

"That man…I killed," she forced out.

"Why do you ask?"

Hermione looked up at Lucius and she knew he understood everything. He could see it in her eyes. Hermione was never good at hiding feelings.

"Forget it," she quickly said and tried to turn away, but Lucius caught her arm, forcing her to look at him.

"You had no choice," he simply said, his voice cold. But then why did Hermione have a feeling as if he was trying to comfort her?

"I used an unforgivable curse," she insisted, realizing how horrible it sounded when she said it out loud. It seemed more real.

"It is not unforgivable in this world," he smirked at her, not a trace of guilt or remorse in his eyes. Hermione pulled her arm away from him as if she was burnt. There were moments when she was truly afraid of Lucius and of what he was capable.

"It _is _an unforgivable to _me_," she said to him, looking deep into his eyes and showing him she meant her words.

Lucius snorted at that:"Do not say you have not killed anyone during the War."

But when he noticed the look in Hermione's eyes, a realization downed onto his face and he sent her a look of surprise and slight shock.

"You haven't, have you?" he asked, his lip curling up in a smirk, "You haven't killed anyone."

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Hermione defended herself, "Maybe you do not know it, but it is not an everyday thing to kill a person."

His smirk turned into a satisfied smile that terrified Hermione. There was something devilish in those grey eyes and Hermione could not help but wonder what he was smiling about.

"You truly did come to me completely innocent," he said quietly, observing her, "And I took away that innocence. In all aspects," he added with a smirk.

"You took everything away," Hermione whispered, her eyes lost for a moment.

"It is done. The man is dead and it is pointless to cry over it now," Lucius drawled cruelly.

"Has it ever happened to you?" Hermione asked, her brown eyes meeting his hard grey ones, "Have you ever wondered about your victims?"

He let out a short laugh:"I do not lose my time with such things. I know what I am and what I do. I never regret my actions."

"What about me? Have you ever regretted hurting me?" she asked quietly, not knowing if she really wanted to hear it from him. She tried to control her sharp intakes of breath as she waited for him to continue. Lucius obviously did not expect her question as he leaned away from her and cleared his throat.

"Would it make you feel better knowing I am sorry for the torture I have inflicted upon you?" he demanded, "Would you feel better thinking you are not living with a complete monster with no conscience?"

"Yes," it came out as a desperate plea.

He nodded:"When I was torturing you, making you cry and scream, I felt no remorse. Only satisfaction," it was said with such casuality that it sent shivers down Hermione's body. His answer destroyed her hope in an instant, leaving her in a complete despair and disappointment.

"But _now_," he spoke again and Hermione looked up at him in surprise. His face was hard and the look in his eyes was completely dark.

"I cannot seem to stand the thought of someone hurting you. I would kill the person who dared to touch you," it was said with such possessiveness that it actually scared Hermione. But at the same time she could not believe what he actually admitted.

"What am I to you now?" she decided to ask directly.

"You know what you are," was his answer.

She shook her head, forcing herself to sound strong:"Am I a reward? A _slave_?"

His silence was her answer. She could not expect him to change over night. Changing someone's opinion was hard enough, but changing someone's ideals and beliefs was almost impossible. Hermione could not believe how much Lucius changed. How much she changed him and even though he was not ready to admit it yet, his actions spoke for themselves.

"Then what am I?" she demanded again, but she got nothing from Lucius, only his intense gaze.

"Am I a…a _mistress_?" the word sounded so dirty to her and she never wanted to say it again.

"What is the point of this, Mudblood?" this time he sounded angrier, maybe because she was getting closer to the truth.

"I want to know what I mean to you! What are we to one another? How long is it going to last?" Hermione had so much unanswered questions and now it all seemed to explode.

"I cannot give you answers."

"Why the hell not?" she demanded.

"We should not be talking about this," he dismissed her with a wave of his hand and Hermione felt as if she had just been slapped.

She closed her mouth in disappointment and nodded. "Fine."

"What if I were to tell you that he had a family?"

Hermione's eyes snapped to his in an instant. She silently prayed that he was making it up, wanting to change the subject. She said nothing as she waited for him to laugh and admit that he did not mean his words. But he was looking at her seriously.

"You are lying," she accused him, anger slowly building inside of her. Anger at herself and at him if he was making it all up.

"Would you have let him kill me if you had known he had a family?"

Hermione could not answer that question. That man was a Death Eater and he was about to kill Lucius and then her. She almost laughed at the irony. She had killed a Death Eater to save a Death Eater.

"I don't know," she responded shakily.

"You do know," Lucius said to her with confidence, "The answer to that question is deep within you and you are afraid of it. That is the difference between you and I. I embrace my dark side."

"You don't know everything about me," she shot at him angrily, feeling uneasy at how he claimed to know her.

"I know you well enough, Mudblood," his voice got colder, "And I know you would still have sent that curse. And do you wish to know why?"

Hermione forced through her teeth:" Enlighten me."

"Because you could not stand losing me."

With those words he turned away from her and distinguished the lights. Hermione was left speechless and riddled with guilt. But perhaps it was not _guilt_. Hermione could feel something eating her up inside, but it could not be guilt. That man was a Death Eater and he deserved to be killed. Then what was she feeling? Was it disgust? Disgust for herself because she killed someone? She had taken someone's life.

"He did not have a family," she heard Lucius's words cut through the silence. And this time his voice was serious and not a trace of mockery was in it. Hermione knew she could believe everything he said to her in that voice.

Such short sentence but it helped her so much. She should not care if he did or did not have a family. He was a murderer and that was all that should count. But she could not pretend she did not feel better knowing that that man did not have a family.

She did the right thing. He deserved to die.

Hermione fell asleep with those thoughts on her mind.

ooo

The next morning Hermione awoke alone. He was not in the bed and that did not surprise her. Lucius was always gone before she awoke. As she took a quick bath she could not help but wonder what her life would be like. The danger was gone. The Death Eaters would not bother her and Lucius anymore. They could stay together forever. She almost laughed at that thought. _Were _they together?

They could not have a normal conversation and besides, he was still visiting his _whore_. Hermione could still remember the day when she heard him talk to her. There was respect in his voice when he promised his love to her.

As she returned to the bedroom she threw a glance at the window, wondering if she was ever going to be allowed to go out. To simply go for a walk and feel the wind and the sun on her face. Would she ever get that independence back?

As she atE the breakfast that the Elf left for her while she was taking a bath, her thoughts traveled to Lucius again. How she hated that she knew nothing about him and how he was spending his time. What was he like as a leader? What were his plans with the rest of the Death Eaters? Hermione only hoped he was a man of his word and that he would keep his promise to her. A promise about leaving the Muggle World alone. She knew it could not be forever, but it made her feel better knowing that her parents and the rest of the people were safe for the time being.

ooo

It was already dark outside when Lucius returned. Hermione walked out of the bathroom when he noticed him sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, his face dark. Once he noticed her, his eyes snapped her, but he was not looking at her face, but her body. Hermione felt uncomfortable under his gaze and she hugged herself with her arms.

"It was hers," he muttered.

Hermione understood what he meant with that. She had known that the nightgown was his wife's. Ever since she came to the Manor, she had been wearing her nightgowns. That fact always terrified her because she could not understand why would Lucius give her his wife's clothes if he truly thought she was a filthy and unworthy Mudblood.

Hermione remained silent and she bit her lower lip, waiting for Lucius to stop staring at her. She tensed when he stood up from the bed and approached her. Something was wrong, Hermione could tell it. He was acting strangely. He walked behind her and when Hermione wanted to take a step away from him, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back to him. She could not help but tense as she froze in his arms.

"W-what do you want, Lucius?"

She felt him inhale deeply and when he spoke, his hot breath was on her neck:"You."

"M-Me?"

He kissed her neck and Hermione's knees almost gave away as goosh bumbs appeared on her skin. She could not understand why he was acting like that. He did not smell of Firewhiskey. She closed her eyes as his hands slowly moved up her body, caressing her and she found herself giving into the feeling.

But then her eyes snapped open and she pushed him away from her, turning around to face him.

"What is all of this?" she demanded, "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I am doing?" he asked, his face suddenly hard and angry.

"I won't play your game, Lucius," Hermione said to him, looking him in the eyes, "You can't ignore what is happening between us, you can't refuse to answer my questions and then expect that I…that we-"

She did not finish the sentence but he understood.

"I am not your _whore_," she threw the words at him, then added quietly, "You don't need me. You already have someone who can satisfy your needs. And she's probably much more experienced than me. I'm positive you will find greater pleasure with her."

Lucius raised his eyebrows and stared at her murderously:"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know," she barked at him, "I may be a lot of things, Lucius, but I'm not stupid."

"I seriously doubt that," he insulted her.

"I heard you. With _her_."

"Explain," he said shortly.

Hermione let out a tired sigh. She was not in a mood to be treated as an idiot. She knew that Lucius would never admit she was right. And she could as well get punished for admitting she left the room without his permission that day. But at that moment she did not care. For so long she carried that inside of her and she finally let it out.

"A few weeks ago I heard you talking with her. In a room across the hall. You were admitting your feelings to her, promising her never to betray her. And that no one will ever take her place."

Hermione watched as Lucius' expression went from confused to shocked then angry. The anger in his look actually caused her to take a few steps back.

"You were listening to my conversation. _Private _conversation," he said coldly, his voice controlled.

"It's not like I wanted to hear it! I was just-"

He cut her off:"Snooping around?"

"No! I accidentally heard it. And-and that's not the point!"

He arched an eyebrow, daring her to continue. The rage in his expression almost stopped her, but then she gathered her courage and spoke.

"I know you have … another woman. And I-I don't care about it," she lied and hoped it was convincing, "But you cannot come here and expect me to fall into your arms and let you do whatever you wish with me."

He listened to her patiently even though he had a murderous look. After Hermione finished he simply snorted.

"I do not have another woman, you foolish girl," he said to her quietly.

"Don't lie to me, I know well enough what I –"

"The room across the hall has Narcissa's portrait in it," he interrupted her and after that sentence Hermione could only stare at him, "I often go there to think and…talk to my wife."

Hermione could not think of anything smart to say. There was no chance that he was lying to her. She knew Lucius Malfoy. He would never lie to her about something such as his family.

"Oh," was all she was capable of saying.

The look of coldness and grief that he sent her was enough to make her look away from him. She could simply not stand the intensity of his eyes. And he was angry at her. He never liked to talk about his family and she had just forced him to do so.

The silence seemed to last forever and all Hermione wanted was that he would stop looking at her like that. He was torturing her with his eyes. It would be easier if he would say something, but he seemed to enjoy the silence. He probably knew how much he affected her if he simply stared at her, hiding his thoughts from her.

"And even if I did have someone else, it would be no bussiness of yours."

Hermione remained silent, realizing he was right.

Without a word he walked into the bathroom, closing the doors behind him. The moment he was not in the room anymore, Hermione could breath again. She heard him taking a shower and jumped into the bed, not wanting to be awake when he returned to the room. If she could only fall asleep and escape from everything.

ooo

But her mind turned against her as always. It kept replaying events and conversations, not allowing her to fall asleep. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut when she heard him come out of the bathroom. She had so many questions on her mind, so many things she wanted to ask him, but was afraid of his reaction. After a few minutes he joined her in the bed and turned off the lights. She heard him exhale deeply and then there was a complete silence.

Hermione was so used to his closeness at that moment that it did not bother her anymore. She even felt safer if he was beside her. Every time she was alone in the bed she felt as if something was missing.

Once she was positive that he was asleep, she turned around him and faced him, looking at his calm face. The moon illuminated the room and Hermione noticed with surprise that he looked so peaceful while sleeping. With his long blond hair he almost looked like an angel. If she hadn't known everything he did she might even have believed his innocent face.

She realized that she never took time to truly look at him. And now as she was looking at him, she found herself attracted by his aristocratic lips, his long hair. He was not wearing a shirt and Hermione at first did not want to look at his body, but after a few moments her eyes slowly traveled down. He had a few scars on his body and Hermione could not help but compere them to her own scars. Scars caused by _him_. His were much larger and it seemed as if he got them on more painful way. Hermione could feel her heart beating faster as she took a look at his chest. His muscles were defined, his shoulders and chest were broad and strong.

She felt the need to reach out and touch him. Holding her breath for a few long moments to make sure he was asleep, she slowly reached out and touched his left cheek. Before she had a chance to move, his hand suddenly grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from his face. Hermione shrieked in shock, not expecting it. She did not know what to do as she stared into the suspicious eyes of Lucius Malfoy.

"Do tell me, what you were doing?" he asked in a silky voice, though there was a warning in it.

"I-I was just…" she babbled, embarrassed that she got caught, "Nothing. Let go of me."

He released her wrist, but pulled himself up into a sitting position, his eyes still on Hermione.

"Observing me and trying to touch me is not _nothing_," he said to her, "It is rather unusual."

"Let's just go back to sleep," Hermione muttered, trying to turn away from him. Even she herself did not know why she felt the urge to touch him. Perhaps it was because he looked so peaceful while sleeping. There was no evil on his face and Hermione could not help but touch him and make sure he was real.

"No," he replied coldly, "I do not think that sleep is a good idea at the moment."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, confusion on her face. She could only hope he was not really angry at her because of her little experiment.

Even though it was dark in the room, Hermione could still see the smirk on his face and she could only guess what was on his mind. She forced herself to stay still as he leaned closer to her until she could feel his breath on her face.

"I think I know what is it that you wanted."

"Oh r-really?" Hermione could hear her heart beating and she wanted to keep her voice calm, but she failed at that. She could not understand what his presence was doing to her. Why couldn't she remain calm when he was close to her?

Lucius was leaning closer to her and before Hermione even knew what was happening, his lips were on hers and they were kissing. There were no thoughts, no words, just feelings. That was something new to Hermione because she was used to analyse everything before making decisions. But as she was kissing him back, her lips moving against his, she could not think. She was not capable of forming a thought.

She felt his hands slowly make their way around her body, his left hand stroking her back, causing goose bumbs to appear on her skin. All she knew at that moment was that she never wanted to leave his arms. Even though her mind was screaming at her that he was a murderer, that he was evil, she could not stop her feelings. She felt safe in his arms, she felt protected. Somehow she was convinced that he could make everything alright. The feeling of loneliness disappeared when she was with him.

When the kiss ended, Hermione still had her eyes closed. Her mind was spinning and she could not bring herself to think straight and form words.

"I was right," she heard him mutter in a husky voice.

"I need..." she whispered, finally opening her eyes.

He looked so angelic and at the same time so terrifying with his cold grey eyes staring at her. Hermione had a feeling as if he could see straight through her.

"What do you need?" he asked, teasing her.

"Please-"

"Say it."

After a few long and painfully silent moments, she finally forced the word out:"You."

He sneered at that, then nodded:"I do not wish to hear any silly love declarations from you. Is that understood?" he asked with his usual cold voice.

She looked up at him and bit her lip, nodding nervously. He let out a deep sigh and then slowly traced his hand up her arm and Hermione tensed up. His touch felt like fire, but in a good way. His hand was warm and that fact always seemed to surprise her. He brought her chin up, forcing her to look up at him. Hermione stared deep into his eyes and it was then that she noticed something was wrong. He was _different_. There was no mockery in his eyes, no smirk on his lips. He was looking at her as if he was seeing her for the last time. Hermione could not help but shiver at the intensity of his look.

But then he kissed her again, his lips moving commandingly against hers. He was rougher than before and Hermione had trouble keeping up with him. His tongue gently nudged her and her lips immediately parted, granting him access. He pulled the nightgown down her body and Hermione shivered as the cold air hit her skin. But then he pressed himself against her and she could feel the warmth from his body. She moaned lightly as he touched her, his hands seemed to be everywhere at once. She was not controlling her body anymore. Her hands were moving up and down his chest and then he broke the kiss, whispering something. Hermione froze as the word registered in her mind. She could not be sure, but it seemed as if he whispered her name. Not Mudblood. _Hermione_. Did she hear him right or was her mind playing tricks with her again? Her left hand reached around his neck and pulled him back to her. His tongue hungrily, almost _desperately_, dove into her mouth. Her fingers tightened in his hair as his hand covered her breast lightly.

"Lucius-" she moaned, "Please…"

She did not know what she was asking for, her mind was a complete mess, but apparently he knew what she wanted. Her hands slid across his back in the thin layer of sweat that now coated them both. Her hands did not move lower from his waist, she was still not ready to touch him that way. And thankfully he did not expect her to.

The rest of the night was a big blur to Hermione. She did not remember her thoughts, her words. All she could remember were the _feelings _that traveled through her. The feeling of connection when he was slowly moving inside of her. His eyes staring deeply into hers the whole time. She could remember the pleasure on his face, his mouth slightly parted as his tongue licked his lower lip. She could remember the moment when she lost herself completely, crying out his name as pleasure exploded within her and she held onto him as if she was afraid he might disappear.

Sleeping with the enemy. It was strange how something like that disgusted her in the past, but now gave her comfort and the feeling of safety. She was looking for comfort in the arms of a monster.

ooo

Hermione could not remember when she fell asleep. Everything was confusing and unclear. As she woke up in the middle of the night, she could not remember what happened. But then she felt something warm underneath her. She held her breath, listening carefully. Her whole body tensed up as she realized her head was resting on Lucius' chest. It was then that all the memories came flooding back to her and she blushed, remembering everything. He was asleep, that much she could tell. But why were they _together_? Why was her head on his chest? Did they fall asleep like that? Why did he not push her away? Hermione could not understand why would he want to be that lose to her after they… why would he still want to touch her? It was shocking that he would even allow them to fall asleep in that position.

There were so many unanswered questions, so many things that needed to be explained, but Hermione was too tired to think about that in the middle of the night. The logical part of her knew that the right thing would be to get away from him, from his body, from his touch. But for some unknown reason she could not bring herself to move away. She could feel his heartbeat and his chest moving up and down with each breath that he took and it made her feel safe. She had been so lost and alone for the past couple of months, with no friends, no contact with other human beings. As she thought about it, a realization hit her. Maybe what she felt with Lucius was not love. She simply _needed _him. She _needed _him to feel something. It did not matter anyway. She would never leave him. He was the face she was going to look at for the rest of her life.

With those thoughts in her mind, she closed her eyes and lost herself in a dreamless sleep.

ooo

Hermione yawned and opened her eyes. Sunlight filtered through the window, a beautiful day was outside.

Hermione felt good. For the first time she could say that she felt almost as if everything was normal. She smiled weakly and closed her eyes again, deciding to stay a bit longer in bed. But then she flinched in shock as she heard someone clear their throat. Her eyes flickered to the man in the corner. _He _was there, dressed as usual. He even had his gloves on, that meant he was either going somewhere or he just came back from somewhere.

She blushed deeply, realizing she was still naked under the sheets. But when their eyes met, her lack of clothing was the last thing on her mind. Something was wrong. Hermione could read it on his face. He was completely serious, his dark look sending shivers down her body.

"What's wrong?" she whispered the question.

"There are some matters I would like to discuss with you," his voice sounded cold.

Hermione could feel her throat close up with anticipation. She knew something was wrong, she knew he had some bad news for her.

"You should…" he started then cleared his throat again before continuing, "You should get dressed."

Hermione followed his eyes and noticed he was looking at the end of the bed. Something was there. She moved forward so she could see better and her eyes narrowed in confusion as she realized what was there. Clothes. But not a nightgown as usual. There was a shirt and a pair or jeans. Hermione needed a few moments to gather her thoughts.

When she looked up at him again, her voice was a bit shaky:"W-What is this all about?"

"We still have half an hour before Severus arrives."

"_Snape?_ Why is he coming here? What is going on?" Hermione raised her tone as she demanded an explanation.

"He will take you home, to the…Muggle world," he spoke the last two words with disgust, but other than that there was no emotion evident in his voice.

Hermione was left speechless. She could not understand what was happening. Was she dreaming? Was he playing games with her?

"He will…what?" she managed to say.

"You are…" he struggled with words, "I am letting you go. From this day on you are free."

"I don't understand," her voice was soft and a little shaky.

"What is there to understand?" he asked, "Get dressed and get ready."

"Why?" she demanded. She felt the anger rising inside of her.

"We cannot go on like this forever," he replied, looking at her coldly, "What did you expect? Something had to happen. Sooner or later."

"But why? Did the other Death Eaters-"

He cut her off:"It has nothing to do with them. This is the decision I myself have made."

Hermione wrapped the sheet around her body and got up from the bed. Her hands were shaking and she was afraid her knees would give up.

"You are sending me away?" she could not believe what she was saying. Never in her life had she imagined that it would come to this. Lucius was silent, but Hermione could read the answer in his eyes.

"You-you don't _want _me anymore?" she was ashamed of how weak her voice sounded. But she simply could not hide the shock she felt. They stared at each other for a long moment. When he spoke again, it was the same cold tone.

"You are not good for me," he simply said, "Not as a slave, not as a reward, not as a…mistress."

Hermione flinched at his words. They stung her like a slap across the face.

"Oh," was all she could say at that moment. She actually felt tears welling up in her eyes, but she would not let him see it, so she turned away from him. He was letting her go. If he had said something like that a few months ago, she would take the offer immediately, without a second thought. But why was she having doubts now? Why was there a strange feeling in her chest?

She heard footsteps. She could feel that he was close to her now.

"Mudblood," he spoke quietly, "I expected you to be glad."

"How long…" Hermione started, "How long have you known about this?"

"Does it matter?"

She turned around to face him, rage boiling inside of her. She felt her courage returning, the courage she had lost such a long time ago. "Tell me something. Was it _before _of _after _you shagged me?" the moment the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She never used such language and she did not want to start now. She noticed anger flash in his eyes and his lower lip twitched, but his voice remained controlled as he spoke:"What do you want to hear?"

"I want to know why! I want to know why I feel like a…a whore. I want to know the reason why you used me last night if you knew you will send me away anyway. I want to-" she broke off and looked down, not able to handle to pressure of his look.

"You are wrong."

It was spoken so quietly that Hermione barely heard it. She looked up at him again:"What?"

He looked at her oddly as if he wanted to say something, but did not know how. When he spoke, it was slowly and carefully:"I know you more than anyone else. Perhaps even more than you know yourself. And you are many things. You are a Mudblood, but you are not a whore. Believe me. I would not lower myself enough to having something with a whore."

Hermione was lost for words for a few moments. She could not believe what he had just told her. Of course he knew she was not a whore. He was the first and only man she had been with, but she never expected him to say that out loud. She always got only insults from him. Hearing him defend her was strange, even though he did call her a Mudblood.

"I can't leave…" she whispered.

She was afraid. Seeing her parents again seemed like something surreal. She missed them and seeing them again would be the greatest gift, but she was afraid. Afraid of leaving, afraid of the world outside.

"Mudblood," he said in a hard tone, "Do not make things difficult. I have decided."

"I've never expected it to be like this," she paused for a moment, "Since the end of the War I believed I would die here. I felt my life would be ended here and that your face would be the last face I saw. I never dared to think I would be free again."

Lucius stared at her and then took a deep breath through his nose:"It is no use to dwell on the past. You should get dressed-"

"Why don't you kill me?" she suddenly asked. She was aware of the fact that she was walking on dangerous grounds, but she did not care. She needed to hear him say it.

"Get dressed," he ignored her question.

"No!" Hermione raised her voice at him, taking a step closer, "No more games, Lucius. This ends here. Why don't you simply kill me?" she was trembling from head to toe.

He let out a cold laugh before speaking:"Why do you expect me to say? That I love you? Love does not exist."

"I know you don't love me," Hermione nodded, "But there is _something_. You can't deny it anymore. Why else would you let me go? I simply need an explaination from you. Nothing else."

He was silent, but did not look away from her. It was as if he was afraid to speak, afraid to say it out loud. It would make everything much more real with that. But his eyes and the silence told her more than words ever could.

Hermione nodded:"It was all I needed to know."

"You are a Mudblood. You are not good enough for a Pureblood. You are….nothing to me," it was said in a convinced tone, as if he needed to hear it for himself. Hermione did not believe a word that came from his mouth. Not even he himself believed it. As she accepted everything that was happening, she could feel a strange feeling of loneliness returning to her. She unconsciously tightened her hold on the sheet around her body.

"When…when did all this start? When did we stop being just a prisoner and a master?" she asked quietly.

Lucius did not say anything to her, but he knew exactly the moment that changed everything. And it was their both's fault. The memories came flooding back to him. The memories of the day when he gave her the choice to live the Manor or stay and share his bed.

_"I know you care about me. You want me. Maybe it's some kind of affection-"_

_"Affection? For you? I would rather die that feel anything for filth like you!" Lucius could not believe her. She dared to think he would feel something for filth like her!_

_"Tell me the truth for once!" she demanded._

_"You want the truth?" he asked, the rage inside him growing. The Mudblood was becoming more and more disobedient and he felt the urge to show her her place._

_"Yes!"_

_He grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her with him. He said nothing to her as he dragged her out of the room and down the stairs. Hermione struggled, but he simply tightened the grip on her arm, making her gasp in pain. She was so fragile. Lucius knew he could easily break her arm if he decided to._

_"Where are you taking me? Stop!"_

_"I will show you just how much I care for you," he mocked her as he kept dragging her down the long hallway. A plan was forming inside his mind. He did not need her, nor the troubles she was causing. When they finally reached the front door, he opened it with a flick of his wand and then he dragged her though the doors until they were outside. He roughly pushed her down and observed as she slowly realized where she was. __Confusion was written on her face as she touched the grass beneath her, trying to understand what was happening. Lucius could not help but feel pleased at her fear and confusion._

_"What is the meaning of this?" Hermione asked after a few moments, pulling herself from the ground._

_"I will show you just how much I care about you. I care about you much that I will let you leave my house," he spoke calmly. He had two options. Either he let her leave and got rid of her, or he let her stay and made her useful. All she did was stay in the room all day and the torture was beginning to get a bit boring. And Lucius was a man with needs. His wife had been dead for a few months now and he needed to release some pressure. There was a young girl in his house, a girl he could have all to himself. No man could refuse that. He would simply had to ignore the fact that she was a Mudblood. And besides seeing her in pain and embarrassment would overcome the fact that she was a Mudblood. It was a perfect punishment for her and a perfect pleasure for him._

_"Leave?" she asked with disbelief._

_"Yes. You are free. Go. Run," he said, even though was not as calm as he thought he would be. He was not sure he would actually let her leave if she decided to._

_"What are you playing?"_

_"Nothing. I am giving you back your freedom," he said innocently._

_"But-"_

_Lucius interrupted her:"Of course, how impolite of me! I should bring you back where I found you."_

_He moved towards her and pressed her against himself._

_"No!" Hermione screamed and pushed him away from her._

_"What is wrong? You don't want to go to the Battle Field? Maybe I should Apparate you to the Diagon Alley?"_

_Hermione shook her head:"No!"_

_He smiled with satisfaction. He had her exactly where he wanted her. She was completely at his mercy._

_"You forced me to do this, Mudblood. You insist I have feelings towards you and I feel the need to show you how wrong you are. There is no other way," he said smoothly and made a step towards her. When his hands touched her again, she took a step back._

_"Don't."_

_"You surprise me. I never thought you wanted to stay with me," he chuckled coldly, enjoying his dominance over her. She seemed so confidant when she accused him of having feeling towards her. Now he would show her just what his feelings truly were._

_"How can you expect me to-to go outside? There are Death Eaters everywhere," her lower lip trembled, "You know what would happen to me."_

_"I do know," he said quietly. He knew exactly what would happen to a young girl like she was if she stepped outside. His colleagues knew no mercy. And neither did he. "But it's all your fault. Now, give me your hand so I can Apparate us-"_

_"Please."_

_"I beg your pardon?"_

_"Please," she repeated stronger this time, humiliation making her blush._

_"What do you want now, Mudblood? You have wasted enough of more time already," Lucius drawled in a bored voice, knowing he had her completely. He was enjoyed playing with her, watching the fear, disbelief and shock on her face and knowing he was the once causing it._

_"You know I can't go outside."_

_"You can. You just know that it's not a very good idea, considering everything that is happening outside," he then took a deep breath, "What do you want me to do?"_

_"Let me stay here."_

_He smirked, pleased with himself. He had succeeded in humiliating her, but that was not enough. He wanted more. She needed to be punished for even thinking that he felt something other than hate for her._

_"Why would I do that, Mudblood?"_

_"Because..." she didn't finish that sentence, not knowing what to say._

_"You being here has been nothing but trouble. And I cannot stand trouble."_

_"Please," she started again, "I will...I-"_

_"Yes?" he teased her._

_"What do you want from me? I will do anything," Hermione whispered, tears in her eyes. Lucius noticed it and for a moment he almost felt remorse. He could not understand what was with that girl that made him act like that. He had never felt guilt or remorse. What was that girl doing to him? He felt anger at himself and decided to take it out on her._

_"Well, you do have some attributes that I would find...pleasurable," he said in a silky voice, his eyes traveling down Hermione's body. She did not look like a grown woman, but her body was developed enough. She was not a child. No matter how much she seemed to be. He felt the urge to possess her, to own her. His own thoughts scared him._

_"What do you mean by that?" she asked and hugged herself with her arms._

_He made a step closer to her and leaned down to her:"You are old enough to know what I mean."_

_"But you said," Hermione started, her voice shaking, "You said you would never lower yourself enough to have anything with me in that way. That I don't have to be afraid, because you wouldn't ever force yourself-"_

_"That's true. I said I was not like my colleagues and that I would never rape you."_

_He noticed that she winced at that sentence. Lucius did not lie when he told her that. He did not like forcing himself on someone like he was an animal. He was much more sophisticated for that. If Severus Snape was a Potions Master, Lucius Malfoy was the Master of manipulation. He enjoyed playing with people's minds and turning them against himself. And that was exactly what he was doing with Hermione._

_He continued:"And I always keep my word. I am not forcing you into anything. It is your decision to stay here or leave."_

_Hermione's throat started to close up, but she managed to ask:"To stay and...share your bed?"_

_"It will not be bed all the time, Mudblood," he mocked her, "I tend to experiment. Sometimes it will be on the floor or against the wall-"_

_"Stop!" Hermione swallowed hard, then took a shaky breath, "I can't...I can't take this."_

_"Decide, Mudblood."_

_"I-"_

_"I am warning you- If you choose me, you will have to show your appreciation tonight."_

_He observed her and noticed she was quite pale. Perhaps everything was too much for the Mudblood. He did not want her to faint, because then he would have to carry her. If she only knew how easy she was to read. He could see every thought on her face._

_"Well? I do not have the whole day. It's already quite late."_

_"I would like to stay here," she finally let out and her answer did not surprise him. He knew exactly what her decision would be like._

_"You do realize what comes with that, Mudblood?" he asked, serious._

_"I do."_

_After a moment of silence, he nodded:"Good. I hope you realize this was your first and last choice of leaving from here. You will not get it ever again."_

_Hermione said nothing and he noticed she was fighting back tears. Silly girl, he thought. He could not understand why she felt the need to prove herself to him. It was obvious she was at the edge of the tears and she achieved nothing with holding them back._

_"Now, I believe we have some things to do this evening," he said almost seductively and took her hand._

That was the moment everything changed. Their relationship became psychical from then on and it was never again the same. He never looked at her the same way again. And he was positive she never saw him in the same light from then on. Things would have been a lot different if she had decided to leave the Manor that day. And if he had let her leave.

Hermione tried to control her sharp intakes of breath as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked, meeting his eyes.

"Why would you wish to see me again?"

"I-" she broke off and looked down again. What could she say? There was no logical reason why would she want to see his face again. After everything he did to her, people would expect she wanted to stay as away from him as possible. But she did not.

"Do you realize that you are making a mistake by letting me go?" she asked him, her voice stronger, "You know I won't just wait with my arms crossed? I will try to find a resistance and destroy…you."

He smirked slightly, no fear evident on his face:"I never expected less."

They were a complete opposite. Like fire and ice. Slytherin and Gryffindor. Good and evil. Everything was clear at the beginning. Not anymore. All Hermione knew at that moment was that they were hurting each other. They were not good for each other. No matter how attached she was to him, how much she somehow _needed _him, it was not healthy. If she wanted to survive, she needed to get away from him. She had lost too much already. He had taken too much from her.

But one question remained inside her head. A fact that terrefied her.

_Am I too lost to be saved?_

After a long moment of silence she asked:"What about your promise?" That was now her main worry. She needed to know if he planned on attacking the Muggle World. His mouth twitched as he thought through his answer. Hermione observed him, not wanting to miss any sign that he might be lying to her.

"I have given you my word, have I not?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"You can understand that your word means very little to me," Hermione could stop herself, "After all, you are a Death Eater."

"True," he nodded, "But why would I lie about such a thing?

Hermione remained silent, simply watching his face. He seemed serious and it she could not help but believe him. But he could easily be lying to her. Everything was so confusing. How could she believe a Devil? And why would he be telling the truth to her? Lucius obviously noticed the doubt on her face, because he walked closer to her, grasping her chin and making her look up at him. Hermione hugged herself tighter and tried not to tremble before him. Once again she was left completely speechless by the intensity of his grey eyes.

"I do not see you as a threat. I would not care if you knew I was planning on attacking your world," he explained coldly, "You can trust me on this."

His voice left no room for argument. They stared at each other for a long minute and Hermione realized with surprising calmness that she believed him. It was not logical to believe a man who murdered that many people, who destroyed her life, who was evil. But she felt as if she could believe his words. She knew him enough to know when he was lying. Or at least she hoped that.

Lucius cleared his throat and backed away from her, his emotionless mask returning.

"Get dressed," he repeated.

Again, Hermione felt the shock returning. She was leaving the Manor, leaving him. It seemed like a dream.

"Can I…" she swallowed hard and then continued, "Can I take a bath?"

"Is that necessary? Severus will be here in a few minutes and I would hate to keep him waiting," he said in a distant voice.

Hermione had a feeling he wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible and it hurt her inside.

"I have to clean up after….last night," she spoke in a low voice, hoping he heard her, because she really did not want to repeat it. She did not want to speak of last night. She wanted to pretend it never happened. It was unbelievable how things could change in one night. Just a few hours ago she had hope again. Hope that things were not as dark as she thought they were. And now everything was destroyed. The new life she had built for herself was destroyed.

Lucius looked away from her and nodded:"Alright. Be quick."

Hermione grabbed the clothes he left for her and hurried into the bathroom, closing the doors behind her. She did not know how she managed to even clean herself, confused as she was. There was no shock or sadness anymore. She felt numb. Everything Lucius said to her made no sense anymore. Was he really sending her away? That was something she never imagined would happen.

As she dried herself with the towel, she took a look at her new clothes. Muggle clothes. The last time she saw jeans was a couple of months ago. It felt weird putting those clothes on. It somehow did not feel right. She was not the same Hermione Granger as she was when she wore those clothes. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she realized she did not recognize herself. She seemed the same as a few months ago, only a bit thinner and paler. Her hair was longer, she noticed. And it was not as frizzy as it was. But she felt different.

With a tired sigh she left the bathroom. She found Lucius in the same position as he was when she left. He seemed to be in a deep thought, but was pulled out of it as he noticed her.

"I'm ready," she said, stumbling over the choked words.

Lucius nodded:"Follow me. Severus is waiting for us downstairs."

He turned and left the room with Hermione following. She stopped for a moment and took one last look at the bedroom. The room where so many important things happened. Where she lost herself completely. Where she was tortured and hummiliated. Where she was caressed and kissed. The room where she left her innocence and youth. The room which she would probably never see again.

She took a deep breath and walked out of it. There were no words as they both walked through the long corridor, then down the stairs. Hermione remembered the stairs very well. It was there where she risked her life to save Lucius. She could still feel the bruises she got when Phillix pushed her down the stairs. As they reached the end, Hermione could already see him. A man in dark robes, with dark hair and even darker look. Severus Snape. She never figured him out. Snape nodded as they approached him.

"Granger," he said in a cold tone.

Hermione said nothing to that. She was too absorbed in her own thoughts. There was a long pause and an uncomfortable silence filled the hall. So many different feelings were fighting inside Hermione. Happiness and relief at the fact that she would see her parents again and fear because she was leaving. She was leaving a life she had built for herself. The only life she had known for months.

"I suppose we should go," Snape's voice cut through the silence.

Her heart sank slightly then, now that the goodbye was closer. She still could not understand what was happening. It was too much at once. Just an hour ago she was sleeping, for the first time in months actually in peace with everything that had happened. And now the world was crushing down onto her again.

"Give me your hand," Snape said, prepared to Apparate them.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To your home. I believe Lucius has already explained everything to you."

Hermione looked at the man next to her. The man whose face was the only one she was allowed to look at for the last months of her life. He was not looking at her. His cold eyes were fixed at something in the distance, his face was hard.

"Lucius…." she said quietly, not knowing what to do. She wanted to stay because she was afraid of leaving, afraid of the life outside, but at the same time she wanted more than anything to see her parents again.

Lucius took a deep breath through his nose and then looked down at her, not saying anything. But there was _something _in his eyes. Hermione could see it in his look that he was not as calm as he appeared.

"Take her, Severus," Lucius said to his friend, but still not moving his eyes away from Hermione. She had a feeling as if he was afraid to look away.

There was a thin line between love and hate. At that moment Hermione knew she was standing right in the middle of it. She did not hate Lucius anymore, but neither did she love him as she thought a few days ago. What she felt towards Lucius was a mystery to her. But there was something. A powerful emotion. Something dark and twisted, but they both needed it.

Hermione could feel Snape's hand on her arm and panic surged in her chest for a frightening moment. That was it.

No words. No goodbyes. Nothing.

The grey and cold eyes of Lucius Malfoy were the last thing Hermione saw before they Apparated.

ooo

Hermione had Apparated many times in her life, but this was the first time she actually thought she might throw up. She had to sit down, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. The sickness was not only because of the squeezing feeling of Apparition, but because of all the feelings bottled up inside of her. It seemed like an eternity before she had the courage to open her eyes again. And then she realized where she was.

Snape had Apparated them both behind her house, where they were hidden from the curious eyes of her neighbours. Everything seemed the same as it was when she was last there. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized that she was home. Her body was shaking from anticipation as she slowly got up from the ground.

"It is Sunday," Snape suddenly spoke, "Your parents are at home."

Hermione could feel her heart jump a little at that sentence. She was so close to them. So close to her mum and dad. She was barely resisting the urge to run inside and hug them after such a long time.

"But they don't remember me-"

"Their memories have been returned. They are expecting you," Snape explained.

Hermione's eyes widened in shock:"How much do they know?"

"They are aware of the fact that there was a War in the Wizarding World and that you have not returned from it for a few months. That is all."

"How long have they known?"

"They received a letter yesterday. From _you_. You were informing them about your arrival today."

Hermione nodded, slightly surprised at all the work that had been done just so she could come home. For a moment she wondered why would Lucius want to go through all the trouble. She had so many questions. But it was not time nor the place.

Turning to Snape, she asked calmly:"You know why he sent me away?"

"You know it as well."

"No, I don't. He could have killed me. It would be much easier. What will the other Death Eaters say when they find out about this?"

Snape did not seem worried by that as he slowly answered:"They do not care about you. All they want is that Lucius does not lose the sight of the mission."

"And I was distracting him?" she asked, confused.

"You are a smart girl, Granger. I am positive you have noticed Lucius has been acting strangely ever since he got you as his reward. He seemed to have forgotten what _our _main goal is."

"To take over the World and get rid of all the Muggleborns?"

Snape nodded, not saying anything.

"What…." Hermione started, then paused for a few moments, "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Live your life. Recover. Forget," Snape replied. All Hermione wished was that she would be able to forget. But it was impossible. She might recover, but she would never forget everything she had been through.

"I will be leaving now," he informed her, then added in a dark tone, "I do not think it is necessary to warn you about what you can and cannot tell your parents."

"I know what I can tell them," she answered, "And besides, I wouldn't want them to know what is happening in the Wizarding World."

"Good," Snape nodded and then opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. Hermione noticed the change in his attitude.

His voice was almost a whisper when he finally spoke:"You know many things that might endanger us. We would not want those pieces of information to come into the arms of the people who oppose us. There are still organizations that are plotting against us."

Hermione listened carefully as Snape spoke. At first she thought he was warning her to keep her mouth shut about everything, but the more he spoke the more it seemed as if he was trying to tell her something. Something he was not allowed to say directly. What shocked her was that there were still organizations against Death Eaters. She believed it was all destroyed. Lucius himself had taken care of the last resistance. But that was a few months ago. Many things could happen in that time.

"Why are you telling me all this?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"All is not as it seems. Remember that, Miss Granger."

Hermione did not understand what he meant by that but she did not have the patience or time to dwell on it. She would never understand Snape and his intentions.

"We will see each other again," he said to her, but before he could leave, Hermione stopped him.

"Wait!" she called out, "How…how is Ginny?"

The last time she had seen the redhead witch was when she tried to kill herself. Even though Lucius had given her the option to visit her, Hermione refused. She was just hurting Ginny with her own feelings and thoughts. Ginny did not need that. Her life was difficult enough without Hermione's problems.

"Ginevra is fine. She has been asking about you."

"She has?" Hermione could not hide the weak smile and hope that appeared on her face.

"You do not need to worry about her. Nothing will happen to her while she is with me," Snape reassured her and Hermione could not explain why she believed him.

Ginny was safe for the moment. As safe as she could be in the arms of a Death Eater. But what Snape could not understand that the greatest danger did not await for Ginny outside. Ginny was an enemy to herself. Just as Hermione was at the beggining. Only time could change that.

"You better go inside," Snape said to her, looking at her house.

Hermione struggled with words:"Can you…tell Lucius…"

Snape raised an eyebrow at her:"Yes?"

There were so many things she wanted to say, but at the same time she could not form a sentence.

"N-nothing," she muttered, looking down.

She took a deep breath and licked her lips hesitantly, thinking of her next words. But when she looked up again, she was alone. Snape was nowhere to be seen. How could he simply disappear? Looking around, she realized she was alone. He was gone. Everything magical was gone with him.

Hermione turned towards her house, hear heart beating uncontrollably fast. She was afraid to enter. What if they would not like her anymore? What if they noticed she was different? What if they would be disappointed of her?

Trembling violently, she forced herself to walk to the doors and then enter.

ooo

Hermione was laying in her bed and observing her room. She had been home for two days already. Her parents could not be more happy to see her and have her home again. She could not explain what she felt the moment she saw them for the first time after months. Without thinking she ran into their arms and they simply stood there, hugged, for several minutes. Hermione could not stop crying and neither could her mother. They were together again.

They did ask questions as she had expected. She told them some things, but not the whole truth. They understood when she said she did not want to talk or think about it. All that mattered was that it was over and that they were together again.

Everything was as it was before she left. Things were where she had left them. As she stroked Crookshanks who was sleeping next to her, a realization downed onto her. Everything was the same, only she was different. She had changed.

ooo

It was hard without him. There were times when she could swear she heard his voice. Sometimes when she walked into her room she could smell him as if he was there. The first few days she woke up screaming at night, but it was not Lucius who was there for her, but her parents.

A few times she even closed her eyes and pretended that she was at the Malfoy Manor, in his bedroom. She had so many memories of that place. A lot of times she caught herself looking at her scars and remembering how she got them. The scars on her wrists from the first day when he forced her to call herself a Mudblood. Then the scars on her back when he hurt her on Voldemort's commands.

Those scars were her secret and no one was allowed to see them. They were her reminder of _him_. That it was _real_. That the last months of her life were not just a dream. It truly happened. And she survived it.

She did not _miss _him. That was not the right word. She missed her friends, her loved ones. Lucius was someone she _needed_. He was like her drug. The bond that formed between the two of them could not be broken. She often wondered if he thought of her. How was he? What was he doing? Did she cross his mind every now and then? No matter how horrendous it sounded, she was his, and she even had the marks to prove it.

The nights were the hardest. She could not even count the number of times she woke up in the middle of the night because of the nightmares. She dreamt of Dolohov and Phellix and the man she killed. And everytime she woke up she expected to find Lucius next to her. But she was alone. He was not with her anymore. He was far away from her. But why could she not get rid of the feeling that he was watching her?

Two weeks after her return she once again woke up in the middle of the night. This time it was Dolohov who was chasing her in her dreams, torturing her. She did not like to think of those times. When she was in Dolohov's dungeon and when he almost succeeded in breaking her spirit. As she brushed the hair away from her face, she looked around the room and noticed it was still completely dark. But then something caught her attention. In the corner, next to her closet, something moved. Hermione pulled herself into a sitting position, her eyes fixed on that corner. Something was moving in the shadows and she had that _feeling_. She could almost feel _his _presence. With a shaky breath, she made a move to get up and check, but then she stopped herself. She did not want to know what was in the corner. She was too afraid that she would find no one in the shadows and that she was in fact alone in the room. She went back to sleep with a thought of him. With a thought that maybe at that moment he _was _in the room, watching her. He was a shadow in her life. Just the thought of his presence made her feel safer and within minutes she was asleep again.

It was not the end yet. Hermione was not planning on spending her life as a Muggle. She was a witch and she knew that the Wizarding World existed. There was magic and there was evil. Evil that had to be stopped. Death Eaters had to be stopped. Even if that meant stopping _him_. Even though it was not easy, Hermione accepted that fact. One day they would meet again. And then only one of them will walk away alive.

**A/N: The end! I was thinking of maybe doing a sequel to this story, but not just now. I need to take a break from Lucius and Hermione for a while. :) Tell me your opinion.**


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